RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (Full Version)

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Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 12:09:50 PM)
Well yea, it's new and I'm still processing my emotions. I am admittedly all over the map right now. It's why I'm talking it out.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 12:23:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 Well yea, it's new and I'm still processing my emotions. I am admittedly all over the map right now. It's why I'm talking it out. You really need to control that green-eyed monster within you. It is eating you up and slowly destroying the dynamic. This is something that only you can deal with. No amount of chat with your daddy is going to provide a cure for it. It is your daemon to wrestle with and yours alone. If you can't beat it, you'll have to leave until you have conquored it completely. Otherwise, you'll be the one being kicked to the kerb in preference to the new girl. As I said waaay back in this thread, you might have to do some really serious soul-searching to come to terms with this monster of yours or it'll destroy this arrangement and all your other future relationships.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 12:37:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilJuly76 what exactly do you mean about she won't do a lot of the things he likes? What things are you talking about? the fact you call it playing second fiddle yes your jealousy is in the way. She won't swing, play with girls, or play in a public space like our local dungeon. She may change her mind. I think she is used to not considering the other partners of her fuck buddies. I will let Daddy take me and show me off where ever he pleases. I love other women and loved the times we switched with couples. She told me she didn't want to think about him with other girls. Talk about hypocritical. She has half a dozen married fuck buddies but she has an issue with him playing with other girls while he's with me.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 12:39:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 Well yea, it's new and I'm still processing my emotions. I am admittedly all over the map right now. It's why I'm talking it out. You really need to control that green-eyed monster within you. It is eating you up and slowly destroying the dynamic. This is something that only you can deal with. No amount of chat with your daddy is going to provide a cure for it. It is your daemon to wrestle with and yours alone. If you can't beat it, you'll have to leave until you have conquored it completely. Otherwise, you'll be the one being kicked to the kerb in preference to the new girl. As I said waaay back in this thread, you might have to do some really serious soul-searching to come to terms with this monster of yours or it'll destroy this arrangement and all your other future relationships. I am, I really am trying. This is too special to give up so easily.

LilJuly76 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 12:48:27 PM)
I'm tending to agree with freedomdwarf again. 1. what is your definition of play? 2. not everyone is into swinging 3. not every girl wants to play with girls 4. there are a lot of people that won't play in a public space because they are afraid of being found out by their job, friends, family, have you even asked her about it? There are still employers out there that will fire someone when they hear that they practice and alternative lifestyle.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 12:52:32 PM)
It may not be you doing the 'giving up', but your daddy. As I've said several times, it isn't you controlling the dynamic. As for the new girl not doing things that you do, that may well suit your dady's preference. Even more so if she has no other baggage - and that could be the crucial thing he is considering for the future; it wouldn't be unusual in this sort of arrangement. And it's not for you to comment on what she does with him - your relationship is separate and different. This is one of those situations where even the slightest bit of jealousy will have you being second fiddle or out the door. Trying isn't good enough - you have to eradicate it completely.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 12:56:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilJuly76 I'm tending to agree with freedomdwarf again. 1. what is your definition of play? 2. not everyone is into swinging 3. not every girl wants to play with girls 4. there are a lot of people that won't play in a public space because they are afraid of being found out by their job, friends, family, have you even asked her about it? There are still employers out there that will fire someone when they hear that they practice and alternative lifestyle. I understand all that. But he loves those things. I can and enjoy doing them. So I think I'm still valuable to him. That's all I'm saying. I can't be everything he wants and neither can she. But I'll still keep fufilling my role.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 12:57:29 PM)
Operation Jealousy Eradication in process.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:00:00 PM)
I want him to tie me up and make me watch him top and fuck her. The idea makes me so hot. Too weird?

LilJuly76 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:00:31 PM)
ok but what is your definition of play? I think you might be mixing terminology up which would explain a lot since you're new to all this.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:10:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 quote: ORIGINAL: LilJuly76 I'm tending to agree with freedomdwarf again. 1. what is your definition of play? 2. not everyone is into swinging 3. not every girl wants to play with girls 4. there are a lot of people that won't play in a public space because they are afraid of being found out by their job, friends, family, have you even asked her about it? There are still employers out there that will fire someone when they hear that they practice and alternative lifestyle. I understand all that. But he loves those things. I can and enjoy doing them. So I think I'm still valuable to him. That's all I'm saying. I can't be everything he wants and neither can she. But I'll still keep fufilling my role. You are only of value to him if you don't rock his boat. If he can teach her to do most of those things over time (and many girls do, just to please their dominant), with your additional baggage, you won't have any value for him at all other than to fill in the time when she isn't available. He likes those things because he has a ready-made package waiting for him like a happy dog. Can you not see how this is just like the scenario that Oside described earlier?? I'm not saying it is, but it is looking to be going down that way.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:25:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilJuly76 ok but what is your definition of play? I think you might be mixing terminology up which would explain a lot since you're new to all this. Play can be sexual or not, not sure what you are asking

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:27:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 quote: ORIGINAL: LilJuly76 I'm tending to agree with freedomdwarf again. 1. what is your definition of play? 2. not everyone is into swinging 3. not every girl wants to play with girls 4. there are a lot of people that won't play in a public space because they are afraid of being found out by their job, friends, family, have you even asked her about it? There are still employers out there that will fire someone when they hear that they practice and alternative lifestyle. I understand all that. But he loves those things. I can and enjoy doing them. So I think I'm still valuable to him. That's all I'm saying. I can't be everything he wants and neither can she. But I'll still keep fufilling my role. You are only of value to him if you don't rock his boat. If he can teach her to do most of those things over time (and many girls do, just to please their dominant), with your additional baggage, you won't have any value for him at all other than to fill in the time when she isn't available. He likes those things because he has a ready-made package waiting for him like a happy dog. Can you not see how this is just like the scenario that Oside described earlier?? I'm not saying it is, but it is looking to be going down that way. Staaaaaaap :( Of course I can see it. It's my biggest fear about the whole thing.

LilJuly76 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:34:29 PM)
well BDSM play is doing a session could be an impact session, could be a senses session, could be a roleplay session, could be a furbaby session that's why I'm asking. most newbies know play as sex and it seems to me you and the other submissive don't know too much about lifestyle BDSM, I have no idea about your Dominant he may know what a BDSM scene is or maybe he doesn't .

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:43:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LilJuly76 well BDSM play is doing a session could be an impact session, could be a senses session, could be a roleplay session, could be a furbaby session that's why I'm asking. most newbies know play as sex and it seems to me you and the other submissive don't know too much about lifestyle BDSM, I have no idea about your Dominant he may know what a BDSM scene is or maybe he doesn't . I just went to our local club last night, of which I am a member, and bottomed for two ladies who did my first wax play. I'm very aware bdsm isn't necessarily sexual. We had a knife play and whips demo before open play. I watched a guy top another guy by caning him in a rack, another girl suspended upside down and whipped while her nipples were covered in clothes pins, and two women flogging a guy tied to a post. I'm well aware of the diversity of play. My own Daddy has topped women without it getting sexual. But when Daddy and I play, it's always sexual.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:45:07 PM)
We had a group of furries too, and a few cross dressers. I'm not naive.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:49:21 PM)
I may be stuck on Daddy and doomed to lose him as you have all implied, but I do know there is more out there and I won't be lost or without options without him. But it will hurt like a bitch if I do lose him.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 1:51:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 Of course I can see it. It's my biggest fear about the whole thing. Yanno.... perhaps you would be better off taking a break and not indulging in this scenario. Get your jealousy well under control before you go seeking another role in kink. Otherwise, you WILL destroy it - and maybe sooner than you'd like. Take 2 or 3 months off - concentrate solely on your marriage and family. When you think you have nailed it, then go for another poly or V role. If you start feeling the green beast emerging, you may have to seriously think whether kink with others who are not exclusive to you is just not compatible with your temperament and personality. That's not a bad thing at all; so no need to feel inadequate about it, it's just your thing. Either that, or just stick to the kink clubs and just play scenes. As it stands at the mo, you aren't geared for anything poly. Seriously, you aren't. It might hurt like a bitch - but that's natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 2:11:58 PM)
I'm not leaving Daddy, but if it ends I've already decided I'm not jumping into another D/s relationship. It'd have to be a miracle for me to trust someone with anything other than play at the club if Daddy does me like you all have predicted. I'm worth more than that.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 2:28:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 I'm not leaving Daddy, but if it ends I've already decided I'm not jumping into another D/s relationship. It'd have to be a miracle for me to trust someone with anything other than play at the club if Daddy does me like you all have predicted. I'm worth more than that. Personally, I'd maybe have some initial discussion but get out while everything is still good. You may need to pick a different type of dynamic - not every one is the same. But to be stubborn and say you're not leaving is just typical sub frenzy denial. It can't be doing any good for anyone all the while you are thinking the way you do. It is destructive, selfish, and rather obtuse and naive. Seriously, you are poisoning this relationship with your daddy. It's not good at all and you aren't doing anyone any favours. Almost as bad as cutting your nose off to spite your face. You want to stick with it no matter what - that's definitely sub frenzy. A few of us have given you the way to bow out nicely and quietly and on good terms. You want to be booted out kicking and screaming, so it seems. Best of luck with that. And if you were my sub with that sort of defiant attitude, you'd be gone in a flash. No dominant thinks highly of subs who flounce and cling with a bratty stubborn streak. Think about it. Seriously think about what you are saying here. If you really think like that, you don't deserve him.

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