Awareness
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tamaka
I read this and i started thinking... what if the whole transgender thing is actually a form of dissociation... a form of identity disorder where you no longer identify with yourself. Perhaps some type of trauma happened (could be even as simple as a bad argument or something more severe) where the person decided that they didn't want to 'be' that. Do they disassociated with their gender... perhaps spent some time in a 'fog' (not really associating with male or female) and then chose the construct of the 'Other' gender as a survival strategy. If this were true, it could be difficult to diagnose because most likely the person wouldn't remember the trigger and they might not be self- aware enough to observe that process happening in themself. Ironically, I think at least part of the issue here is that anyone who's questioning their gender identity is bombarded with positive reinforcement for expressing the idea that they might be trans.
I'd point some people to the words of the late Dani Bunten Berry who expressed significant remorse post-transition and highlighted the lack of checks and balances designed to ensure the decision to transition was actually real and not a consequence of - for example - a fetish.
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Don't do it! That's my advice. This is the most awful, most expensive, most painful, most disruptive thing you could ever do. Don't do it unless there is no other alternative. You may think your life is tough but unless it's a choice between suicide and a sex-change it will only get worse. And the costs keep coming. You lose control over most aspects of your life, become a second class citizen and all so you can wear women's clothes and feel cuter than you do now. Don't do it is all I've got to say.
That's advice I wish someone had given me. I had the sex change, I "pass" fine, my career is good but you can't imagine the number of times I've wished I could go back and see if there was another way. Despite following the rules and being as honest as I could with the medical folks at each stage, nobody stopped me and said "Are you honest to God absolutely sure this is the ONLY path for you?!" To the contrary, the voices were all cheerfully supportive of my decision. I was fortunate that the web didn't exist then - there are too damn many cheerleaders ready to reassure themselves of their own decision by parading their "successful" surgeries and encouraging others.
I can speak the transgender party line that I was a female trapped in a male body and I remember feeling this way since I was 4. But, it's never that easy if you look at it sincerely and without preconception. There's little question that a mid-life crisis, a divorce and a cancer scare were involved in at least the timing of my sex-change decision. To be completely honest at this point (3 yrs post-op) is not easy, however, I'm not sure I would do it again. I'm now concerned that much of what I took as a gender dysfunction might have been nothing more than a neurotic sexual obsession. I was a cross-dresser for all of my sexual life and had always fantasized going fem as an ultimate turn-on. Ironically, when I began hormone treatment my libido went away. However, I mistook that relief from sexual obsession for validation of my gender change. Then in the final bit of irony, after surgery my new genitals were non-orgasmic (like 80% of my TG sisters).
So, needless to say, my life as a woman is not an ultimate turn-on. And what did it all cost? Over $30,000 and the loss of most of my relationships to family and friends. And the costs don't end. Every relationship I make now and in the future has to come to terms with the sex-change. And I'm not the only one who suffers. I hate the impact this will have on my kids and their future.
Anyway, I'm making it sound awful and it's not. There are some perks but the important things like being comfortable with myself and having a true love in my life don't seem like they were contingent on the change. Being my "real self" could have included having a penis and including more femininity in whatever forms made sense. I didn't know that until too late and now I have to make the best of the life I've stumbled into. I just wish I would have tried more options before I jumped off the precipice. I miss my easy access to my kids (unlike many TS's I didn't completely lose access to them though), I miss my family and old friends (I know they "shouldn't" have abandoned me but lots of folks aren't as open minded as they "should" be ... I still miss them) and finally, I hate the disconnect with my past (there's just no way to integrate the two unrelated lives). There's any number of ways to express your gender and sexuality and the only one I tried was the big one. I'll never know if I could have found a compromise that might have worked a lot better than the "one size fits all" sex-change. Please, check it out yourself before you do likewise."
And Dani Berry is not the only trans-woman to express significant regret. Of course, these days any teenager afflicted with hormones can find a read horde of genderfuck cunts on Tumblr who will teach them that they're genderqueer and lecture them on the importance of pronouns.
Basically, there's a lot of stupid people running around inflicting their own personal psychoses on impressionable teenagers. Calling yourself trans is another way of becoming part of the identity politics rainbow parade. It's stupid and dangerous.
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If this were true, it would suggest a type of treatment to help the person identify any resentment (for lack of a better word) against their birth biological sex and construct a healthy view of it. But perhaps by this point the brain would be 'too far gone' in it's assimilation/accomodation self- identify reconstruction as would be observed in a strong refusal/denial to try to reassociate with their birth- sex gender attributes.
People are often at the mercy of their beliefs but deep change work is possible. The problem is that most trans-identifying people will never submit themselves to any kind of therapeutic intervention designed to address their mind because there's a ready army of what the literature refers to as "fucking morons" who will instinctively cheer-lead any non-white, non-male, non cis or non-heterosexual development in an otherwise nominal individual's life.
I don't give a fuck if someone is queer, I really don't. However there are a lot of very stupid people who are more invested in validating their own status than they are in the happiness of the lives of others. And those stupid people will assert fucking nonsense in their quest to fill up the world with reflections of themselves.
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Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.
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