Dysfunctional Dominants

Dysfunctional Dominants (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

WyrdRich -> Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:42:07 AM)
There is another thread running at the moment that, somewhere between the flames and arrows, is trying to talk about subs/slaves who expect the Dom to fix all their internal issues. What about the other side? What about completely useless, waste of oxygen, hauling their baggage around in a Freightliner, losers, who declare themselves Dominant and expect everyone to ignore their flaws?

Caretakr -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:44:05 AM)
I love the way you can post a totally unbiased topic Rich.[:D]

WyrdRich -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:46:09 AM)
Sometimes you just gotta call a spade a fucking shovel.

mellian -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:47:13 AM)
Apart from a few words in the OP, that perfectly describes my ex, as she criticizes others over some things yet she doesn't follow what she preach, and whenever someone dares point that out or any other flaws of hers, she goes awire basicly. Oh and she is also tries to project her own flaws upon others, like she did with myself at the end and the long year of aftermath until she finally socially shot herself and now in hiding in social limbo, out of my life finally. -mellian

WyrdRich -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:51:37 AM)
Well, it is already hot today, so my tone might be less moderate than I prefer. I've met a couple of these RT and it could explain why I'm not so awed by those who declare a hard 24/7 approach. Seems worth discussing though

MistressJaded -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:53:00 AM)
Being dominate does not equate perfection. A Dom/me is just as susceptible to life's little curve balls as any submissive might be. Because one has "baggage" does not make them any less dominate or submissive, and having issues that challenge one's life doesn't make them a "loser". It is very possible that a dominate can turn to their submissive for comfort in times of need - especially if the relationship is very intimately set, and all the beginning details have been seen to. Being dominate or submissive doesn't mean that a person is devoid of compassion and unable to accomadate another with an emotional issue.

KatyLied -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:54:18 AM)
You're gonna have to do a bit better if you want this to hit 13+ pages. We need more controversy, bitch! [8D]

SusanofO -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:58:06 AM)
Catchy thread title, WyrdRich. Having grown up in a family that was covertly, and subtly dysfunctional (as opposed to overtly dysfunctional, where things like consistent wife-beating, take place, for instance), my sisters and I have reached the same conclusion. Everyone else did, too! (ha!) She now has a t-shirt she wears frequently stating: I Put The FUN In Dysfunctional! We are fast learning to ignore whining about it (if we ever did, which we didn't do a whole lot of anyway) - and just get on with life. That having been said, there are behaviors (alcoholism, drug addiction, chronic gambling, or even someone with anger management - temper-control or "integrity" issues) that I would prefer to avoid dealing with in a partner. Having a somewhat soft heart, (and also being an AA member myself for over 20 years), I might hang in there for awhile with them, and try to get them to help themselves, but I do have a pretty healthy respect for my own non co-dependent emotional boundaries where areas like these are concerned. If they were not getting help and making a big effort to change, I'd walk. No question. Life is just too damn short. If they have "issues", hopefully, as their partner, I could be sympathetic, and even helpful. But, sometimes, people just plain need professional counselling. If they were seriously damaging our relationship with things like extreme anger, etc. - I'd expect them to get that, or I would be gone. - Susan

Level -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:58:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied You're gonna have to do a bit better if you want this to hit 13+ pages. We need more controversy, bitch! [8D] LOL Katy.

WyrdRich -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 7:58:53 AM)
It could be tough, I try to be consistent in my attitudes and I don't have an alter ego to talk to when things get slow.

lilninotchka -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 8:04:48 AM)
AND you would have to do it on more than one site. Do all the alternates you don't have have lots of time for the flipping back and forth too? lol

Caretakr -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 8:08:30 AM)
Damn straight. No decent dog and pony show will ever succeed if you don't boot the pooches a bit.[:D]

JessieMe -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 8:13:30 AM)
I was with one of those dysfunctional dominants.. he was the first I ever served real time in a relationship.."READ: total freaking newbie"... During the nine month period I served in these capacities: submissive, girlfriend, submissive, domme-in-training, dominant couple, submissive, slave, roommate. Now understand this is consecutive, not concurrent and all in nine months. It took me half that time to figure out he was a total idiot (with 12 yrs experience in the lifestyle no less and the owner of "the one true way") and the other half to figure out how the hell to get out of this relationship when he was using all of my income each month to pay bills with. Its amazing that to this day I still even want to continue serving in any capacity at all.

mellian -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 8:20:44 AM)
In some ways, I think it is better to have such dominant as your first Dom/Domme, the sub becomes way less naive afterwards and know way better in what to look for in the next Dom/Domme. My ex was my first, and despite how it went and ended, I learn quite alot from it and alot of it from myself too. The pexerience also helps me with my friendships too as I could better see the difference between losers/bad friends to the really good ones whom I really like to hang out with, despite their outward impressions they give to those who don;t know. :p -mellian

Caretakr -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 8:24:17 AM)
I started with a Domme who was a man hater. (surprise Rich,I used to be a switch too!) Real interesting experience, especially when she managed to erase my sex drive. I never forgot that. I have to relate to people now-not objects. So at least she did that much good for me. Dysfunction is just dysfunction. Different roles only express it in different ways. And anyone can abuse anyone else. There are just as many Dominant victims out there as submissive ones. Difference being, the tops aren't allowed to cry about it.

JessieMe -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 8:24:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mellian In some ways, I think it is better to have such dominant as your first Dom/Domme, the sub becomes way less naive afterwards and know way better in what to look for in the next Dom/Domme. -mellian Personally, I think there should be some test that these people have to pass or be taken out and shot with lots of electricity in a way of aversion therapy till they get it right LOL.. (ok.. I am not REALLY bitter about this experience..hehehe)

WyrdRich -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 8:30:23 AM)
I was fortunate enough to spot what I was dealing with before becoming deeply involved with a Domme who fit my OP description perfectly. That was back when I thought I was a sub. It's the sort of thing that one can learn from and why, at this point, I maintain my status as a non-24/7 Switch. Sometimes we just need to work stuff out on equal footing.

Caretakr -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 8:35:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyrdRich I was fortunate enough to spot what I was dealing with before becoming deeply involved with a Domme who fit my OP description perfectly. That was back when I thought I was a sub. It's the sort of thing that one can learn from and why, at this point, I maintain my status as a non-24/7 Switch. Sometimes we just need to work stuff out on equal footing. I always start on a friends basis, and work in from there Rich. Cuz damn, you invest way too much into someone in this to risk it going sour. I've undergone a lot of pain from looking at a fantasy before I saw a person. A dick really doesn't have a lot of brains in it. I do know exactly where you are coming from, switches have to really open up to make this work. And the LAST thing you want to do, it let a viper into the nest.

Cloudz -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 9:13:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyrdRich There is another thread running at the moment that, somewhere between the flames and arrows, is trying to talk about subs/slaves who expect the Dom to fix all their internal issues. What about the other side? What about completely useless, waste of oxygen, hauling their baggage around in a Freightliner, losers, who declare themselves Dominant and expect everyone to ignore their flaws? Rich, I have often thought it must be written in some new Dom's book of fairy tales somewhere... Dominance, cheaper than therapy and you can smack em around if they call you on your shit

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dysfunctional Dominants (7/23/2006 9:55:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyrdRich There is another thread running at the moment that, somewhere between the flames and arrows, is trying to talk about subs/slaves who expect the Dom to fix all their internal issues. What about the other side? What about completely useless, waste of oxygen, hauling their baggage around in a Freightliner, losers, who declare themselves Dominant and expect everyone to ignore their flaws? shrug They exist. Doms are just like everyone else- some doms are assholes, some are useless, some are weak...on and on. Same for subs. The good/bad news is that almost each of those doms can easily find a sub who will be happy to get into a relationship with them. I certainly won't interfere with their consent.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875