Mavis
Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
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Susan.. this is so long, but you asked... lol
i have a Dom friend i respected very much. i liked the way He handled His submissives, and i liked the way He intereacted with me in honesty and almost in a peer-to-peer fashion.
i did play with Him twice, and in so doing, "submitted" during the session, but He wouldn't have done that if W/we'd have had a formal mentoring agreement. That would have been a hard mantle for Him to wear, because as you see, there is a problem with some "Mentors" using the sub, and her thinking it's an exchange, and it's not.
He showed me the contracts He used with His subs, and sometimes discussed with me His thought processes when they were being corrected, etc. It unveiled the "secret workings" of things so i didn't feel so curious.. and probably protected me from getting so eager to see for myself, which is i think , in part, what drives the sub frenzy feelings of a rush to discover.
When i'd have a question, He'd tell how He'd handle situations with His different submissives, and i was able to see them as being two different relationship styles, and that was interesting to see.. how a wise Dom works with the personalities of His sub/s. He kind of coached me on looking at things with a subs perspective. And told me what might be appropriate responses for a slave vs a sub, for example. He didn't give me assignments other than once, a suggestion to try to use the word Sir if i was interested in someone. (LOL. hard to believe i actuallty needed to be told that, but i did!)
He watched out for me, but only as a friend/ advisor does, was there for me to talk to when i was going thru my first weeks working with Master, and eventually He stepped out of that caretaking role and as i transferred loyalties in a sense. He kept a healthy distance as i built trust in Master until eventually He was not my primary source for information and advice anymore.
i would definately say His mentoring of me helped me to find the right Master, and to be confident i knew what i was doing as i waited for the right one. i might add, i was well over 5 years looking. i only "played" 4 times in that 5 years, all exploratory sessions, but i only went to sub-space paying with Him, because of the trust i had in His care for me as a sub AND as a friend.
It didn't create a dependancy scenario, but a LOT of times, formal Mentoring that includes play does cross the barrier into attachments more appropriate for a D/s or M/s thing, at least on the subs side. .. Which is exactly why people caution against playing with mentors, or giving over authority to them in any way.
i think the key to how honorable a "Mentors" is this.. He never had to be embarrassed, ashamed or feel guilty talking to my Master once i came under Him, nothing He'd done took a role that was inappropriate, and believe me, Master took some hard looks at the relationship to make sure. It survived the scrutiny and He thanked Him for the helping hand. But the question "Was that really a Mentor, or your ex-Dom?" is a fair one to ask. i'm glad it was easy to delineate between the two. If you get working with a mentor, try to keep in mind the diffs.
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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 
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), and this is to everyone, how and/or why did you come to the conclusions of what a mentor can or cannot do? And no, you can't use, "Just because.", or, "Because I was told that.", I want to know what YOU think, not what some one TOLD you. 
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