RE: What is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a submssive?

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RE: What is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a submssive? - 8/5/2006 8:00:46 AM

Devilslilsister

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quote:

Mentor: means counselor or teacher.

It would be unwise to use the council of anyone who might have intrest in the outcome, beyond fudiciary or pecuniary interests.

Seems pretty straightforward to me.

Ron

dur and generally when it comes to a pretty girl, what man wouldnt have an interest in the outcome?

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 8:04:53 AM

BrutalAntipathy

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I'll toss in my two pesos, mainly because I know that it will annoy people. A quick recap of everything everyone says a mentor should be, and my apologies in advance should I have overlooked someones definition.

Friend
Advisor
Guide
Big brother/sister
Source of knowledge
Confidant

Now, these people can be found everywhere, be they sub, dom. vanilla, or something/one else entirely. In fact, you could have one person to fill each specific role should you find this desirable. Think about it. Do you have just one professor in college? Unless you attended a technical school, most likely not. You had a variety of teachers, each with their own perspective. Why should this aspect of your life be any different? There are plenty of people in BDSM, each with theit own opinion, outlook, and experiences. Because of this fact, the concept of an individual mentor was outdated the very moment the first person ever assumed or had bestowed upon them the title. In our current world which includes internet access, the idea of a single mentor is as impractical and archaic as a soldier carrying a blunderbuss to war.

A mentor can give you one thing that a group cannot, a myopic outlook.

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 8:15:12 AM

thetammyjo

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I think there is a difference between having a mentor and having a teacher. Great teacher even cannot get personally invested in their students -- too many of them, too much time to spend, but you can reach out for those moments in your class.

A good mentor should have a personal investment in you and in your growth, they should be willing to go that extra mile that a teacher cannot do. For example from academia. A good teacher might write you a letter of recommendation but your mentor will look over your profilio and make a few suggestions about clothing or subject matter for your job talk. Depending on how close you are, a good mentor might even sit through a trial run of your job talk and they will certainly discuss the personal and mundane matters that your teacher will not have time for.

I have had many teachers in my life but only a few mentors.

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 8:22:12 AM

darkinshadows

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I have to disagree TammyJo

Personally, I would never get 'personally' involved with a mentor on any level. It is important to keep the distance. The only person who should invest totally in you is your significant other(s) - or it becomes too personal. Any good mentor and teacher allows that safe distance, or you begin treading on difficult ground where you may never want to heed the mentors advice, jealousy and obsession creeping in. There has to be a distance and a balance - or else you are wandering into the realms of deeper commitments and even ownership in a certain sense.

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 8:32:51 AM

Homestead

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A mentor should not presume to take the role of a Dominant.

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 8:50:11 AM

cuddleheart50

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How do you get a good reference for a good mentor?

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 9:01:19 AM

BrutalAntipathy

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Why, they should have a pedigree, of course! If it doesn't extend back to at very least the 3rd Egyptian dynasty, they obviously aren't worth the title! Check the listings at the AMBA ( American Mentor Breeders Association ) for more info.

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 9:04:36 AM

cuddleheart50

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AMBA...LOL

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 10:45:30 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

I have to disagree TammyJo

Personally, I would never get 'personally' involved with a mentor on any level. It is important to keep the distance. The only person who should invest totally in you is your significant other(s) - or it becomes too personal. Any good mentor and teacher allows that safe distance, or you begin treading on difficult ground where you may never want to heed the mentors advice, jealousy and obsession creeping in. There has to be a distance and a balance - or else you are wandering into the realms of deeper commitments and even ownership in a certain sense.

Peace and Rapture

I think you are reading in a level of involvement that is far beyond what I would expect from a mentor or a trainer. I think this "personal involvement" is turning into something romantic or sexual when frankly it isn't at all. Geesh, people, mind out of gutters please.

But if they are not personally involved with the person they are supposedly mentoring then I don't think they will be much of a mentor because they will not care if their advice is any good.

A teacher does not have to like you or see much potential in you to try and teach you -- that's a job and you will be replaced by another student in due time.

A mentor better like you and see some potential in you or their advice, guidance and listening won't be any different than what they'd give anyone else. At that point you might as well pay a professional for some services.

Even good therapists do have a personal involvement with their clients -- it helps them understand the issues and offer more useful insights and advice.

A good mentor is a good match for the person they are mentoring and that takes personal involvement.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 8/5/2006 10:46:49 AM >

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 12:01:38 PM

darkinshadows

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No TammyJo - I specifically said... on any level - personally involved - and that doesnt have to mean sexually at all. So there was no mind in the gutter - only yours for presuming it.

quote:

But if they are not personally involved with the person they are supposedly mentoring then I don't think they will be much of a mentor because they will not care if their advice is any good.

Not true. A mentor explains what they feel is correct. Whether their advice is correct or not does not matter, as each person is different... so it wont always be correct for everyone they mentor.

quote:

A teacher does not have to like you or see much potential in you to try and teach you -- that's a job and you will be replaced by another student in due time.

A mentor better like you and see some potential in you or their advice, guidance and listening won't be any different than what they'd give anyone else. At that point you might as well pay a professional for some services.

Neither does a mentor. A mentor doesn't have to agree with your thoughts nor like you. Teaching isnt just a job that stops. It is continuous. Life is a continuous journey where we learn. Mentors do not always stay in a persons life - sometimes they only pass on one lesson... just like a teacher because mentors TEACH.

quote:

Even good therapists do have a personal involvement with their clients -- it helps them understand the issues and offer more useful insights and advice.

A therapist isnt a teacher nor a mentor. They are simply there to listen and to talk through your concerns and offer thoughts - not advice. They open you to yourself, not teach you lessons. So not a good example IMO.

quote:

A good mentor is a good match for the person they are mentoring and that takes personal involvement.

A mentor doesnt have to be a perfect match. They are not a partner, nor a potential partner. They simply have the wisdom you need to hear at a specific time.

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 12:20:27 PM

Mavis

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ok. let's just shoot all the metors and be done with it.

Susan, let's just run off together, find a mentors party and play with them all, then poison them so nobody has to be shamed.

First, get a hot red sports car. Meet ya by the creek.

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RE: What exactly is a Mentor supposed to do for-with a ... - 8/5/2006 2:13:19 PM

thetammyjo

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I have say, darkinshadows, that I still very very very strongly disagree.

Every mentor I have had was personally involved with me enough to give me his or her time and energy. They helped in far more ways than any mere teacher could.

I say this as a persol who is a professional teacher and who had taught others about BDSM and who has mentored a few and trained some others. The roles are different. I could never have been a quality mentor if I was not involved with those select few. I had to care about them to invest the time and energy I felt they desired and if I wasn't willing to give that much then I had no right to claim or accept the position of mentor.

And as someone who has been in therapy I would never want a therapist who also was not invested beyond the mere money level to help me. Had a few therapists like that, they were pretty much worthless to me and a waste of my money.

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