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Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynamic ?


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Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynamic ? - 8/6/2006 6:37:36 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		I have reposted this (my answer) to a sub what was a little perplexed she is not getting the attention she wants. I felt this deserved a thread of its own...


It never ceases to amaze me, a submissive posts a profile that has an “ I ” problem, i.e. I like, I want, I need, ME ME ME, I , I, I.  After a while us “D’s” are shaking our head and going back to the top of the browser just to do a double check the label, “Yep she says she is a Sub” and yet NOWHERE in her profile does it even hint about her good service, what she has to offer a D or how she will service or take care of the needs of the D that rocks her world.   Am I wrong here or are some subs “MISSING” the D/s dynamic ?  
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 6:39:49 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Maybe its the ones you choose to contact.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 6:44:34 PM   
CreoleCook


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline 		blunt and to the point?  yup.  But then, wait a second... I have seen several profiles who simply state who they are, not even what they want, or what they seek.  It begs the question: what do you want?"   I can understand where you were going with this thread.  I just think some people on here go for the dream, when describing what they want in their perfect partner.  My favorite profiles to read, are the one's looking for financial security in a life partner.  Now who in their right mind is going to discuss that right off the bat, in ANY relationship?

I won't say subs are missing the dynamic... I do believe, however, they tend to miss the point of why collarme is in existence.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 6:55:26 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

Maybe its the ones you choose to contact.


Uuuuuuummmmmmmm... what ?

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:03:24 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think you are right.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to DelRey)
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RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:07:00 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Some subs aren't here to find a service dynamic.  If those profiles don't appeal to You, pass by, but you might find that contacting them and asking those questions would reveal things they just aren't comfortable putting out there like a resume.

Examples...  Some things a Dominant would easily do if working with a sub..  covering a late phone billl..  Absolutely cannot be put on a profile unless One wants to scream "walking wallet".  That doesn't mean they won't do certain things, it only means revealing them is time and relationship sensitive.  But a profile that even mentions financial care will garner almost exclusivly supplicants who NEED financial care.

subs have the same things, we have things we would easily do for One, but to broadcast might make it look as if you'd do them randomly or without thought to the recipient.  "Loves anal" "does windows"  "restores classic cars"  might get only replies from Dominants with cars in bad shape, filthy homes, and only wants to do doggie during the football game.

(not a bad program, really)


(in reply to CreoleCook)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:16:27 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		Could just be that there are a lot of people who feel like they are submissives but haven't actually been in a D/s dynamic yet.  They may not realize what is wanted or required by a Dom.
 
zuma

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:17:40 PM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		*using fast reply*

Isnt the whole point of a profile a glimpse into the "I'? Into the person that created it? What is going to attract you first the whole person? Ok sometimes it is taken over the top, but if you dont know the person you are involved with or maybe involved with, how can you generalize what your service will be?

Lee


_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:20:48 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, Del............

There is an overwhelming confluence of slap and tickle out here.

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to leakylee)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:20:52 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		A similar thread just started in the 'submissive' forum, about 'unreal' subs.  I think my reply there works well here.  For your consideration.....

It's fairly basic, when you are new and 'interested'.  You have a feel for what dominant is, what submissive is, in terms of labels.  You know something of yourself which side of the coin you fall, but you don't really see the big picture until it's shown to you.

It's unfair to criticize someone who doesn't know any better.  The other thing that often happens is that, on CollarMe and other sites, people tend to judge compatibility with others (and even within themselves) on the laundry list of 'interests' (BDSM).  Many times, it is the lack of experience, and moreso insight, as to how some of these interests can be utilized in ways they never imagined.  Plus, through exposure and opening up the mind, the interests broaden over time.  Sometimes quicker than not.

It's good that new people are interested in what we do.  Some won't stay.  But a lot of that lies in how they are approached.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:24:53 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Well, there is an "I" in SUBMISSIVE. In fact, there are two.

IMO, Doms need sophisticated people skills to efffect their position. Subs and slaves, IMO, are not plug play items.

Also, slaves and subs want something out of a relationship, and if they don't get it, why on earth should they stay in it?

Meatcleaver often laments time and again that its the subs who actually do control D/S relationships. Not that I agree with him in full, I do think he makes a valid point.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:25:20 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well, the ones that crack me up are the challengers." Are you man enough or Dom enough to tame me"? Sorry, but life is too short to waste time on these type of subs.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:31:35 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I had someone who asked me if I were man enough to tame them.  I attached a picture with my reply.

I dont mind clueless newcomers.  I like them, they dont actualy know any better yet, but its all a learning experience for them.  The ones tat bother me are the know it alls who dont have any realtime experience, who know all they need to know from reading online and who think they are fantastic subs or slaves becasue they read all about it.  Once your face to face, honey, it isnt anything like the storybooks.

I also think there are an equal number of Doms/Dommes out there that miss the dynamic as much as the subs. I had A domme (who had never actually touched a sub) tell me I wasnt dominant enough becasue I dont beat my boys.  When I explained that I prefer sensual and mental control to physical her answer was "You must be afraid of them".  Its not nice to laugh in someone's face.  The fact is, the dynamic is whatever works fr you, personally.  Trying to fit into the popular views might not work fr you, but why should it?  I am a Domme, I know what I like, i find boys who like what I like and I am happy. 

In every community there are the ones that get it, and the ones that try but never sem to figure it out.  Why should we be any different?

DV

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:34:24 PM   
sharainks


Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline 		I don't put what I would do for someone in my profile because I've found that what I'll do for someone depends a lot on the someone.  Would I cook, clean, do your laundry?  Yes but I'm not particularly interested in someone who sees a submissive as maid service.  I didn't come to WWITWD only to wash someone's socks.  I had 20 years of that in a vanilla marriage.  Would I serve you sexually, yes if the interest is there for it to happen to start with.  Would I let you test limits, expand limits, and try new things?  If you show me that I can trust you with my safety yes.

Too many folks would read, please let me take care of your house, your sexual needs, and I will let you break down any limits I might have as applicable for anyone reading it.  What I  seek is someone who doesn't expect to find your whole life encompassed in 2 paragraphs on personal ad.  Someone who is capable of communicating well enough to begin and end whole conversations. 

It seems at times that as a submissive you are darned if you do and darned if you don't.  If the ad is too sexual you are seen as a playtime slut.  If you state what your preferances are you are too aggressive and not submissive.  If your profile reads like a cyber session you draw people interested in that.  If you state you are service oriented you attract those who don't want to lift a finger to do things themselves.  I don't think there is a happy medium in all this.  I just try to state who I am and what I seek as honestly as possible.  If someone finds something of interest there fine.  If not thats fine as well.



(in reply to zumala)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:55:12 PM   
Khiaya


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		 agree with Mavis that as subs alot of the time we end up needing to leave out the things we will do because we either end up with Dom/mes that want to abuse what we listed and/or have no other intrest in a sub except to use them as free labor. As for the "Are you man enough" ones IMO some (like me) just get sick of coming across Dom/mes that think that they are masters because they read a few books and bought a cheapy flog at the local sex shop. They don't know what they are doing and as a sub there's nothing as aggrevating or tiring as Dom/mes that can't perform sufficiantly. Like cloud boy said "if they don't get it, why on earth should they stay in it? "  Why should we put up with posers when we don't have to.


_____________________________

We the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.

(in reply to sharainks)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 7:55:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

a thread of its own...


It never ceases to amaze me, a submissive posts a profile that has an “ I ” problem, i.e. I like, I want, I need, ME ME ME, I , I, I. After a while us “D’s” are shaking our head and going back to the top of the browser just to do a double check the label, “Yep she says she is a Sub” and yet NOWHERE in her profile does it even hint about her good service, what she has to offer a D or how she will service or take care of the needs of the D that rocks her world. Am I wrong here or are some subs “MISSING” the D/s dynamic ?

It's not MISSING anything to know what you want, what you need, who you are, what you like, and what you have to offer.

Submission does not mean "give up who you are" it means "this is what fulfills ME in a relationship."

I'd take a sub who knew who they are and what they wanted over a sub who didn't care or know about their true self ANY day.

And anyone who tries to make someone feel shamed for knowing who they are and communicating what they need rather than "Oh master whatever YOU want" pandering constantly is the one who REALLY misses the mark on what makes a relationship work long term.

It's about everyone being true to themselves, and working towards the fulfillment of everyone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 8:04:56 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline 		I totally agree. 

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 8:31:05 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline 		When you put it that way, it does make it sound like subs are stating from an "all about me" point of view.  Then again, if you are here searching, then it is about oneself....and what works and doesn't work for each indiidual.  No where is a submissive defined as someone who doesn't know what they need or want.....

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 8:44:21 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		If you are not wanting to get to know the person who could potentially be your submissive, then perhaps she is not the one missing the D/s dynamic.

I think, the more you know about her wants and needs... the better she will be able to serve you.  Perhaps her service record is meaningless if the Dom who finds her is more interested in other areas.  I am just happy when a submissive says anything of any length (or at all) in his profile that shows me the person behind the bdsm label.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 8:50:52 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

Am I wrong here or are some subs “MISSING” the D/s dynamic ?  


Yep, some are.  And I'll bet you ten dollars I'm one of them.  Honestly, I see what you mean.  However, consider that being a sub does not mean that you have to settle for less than you desire.  It's perfectly fine to make your wishes known from the get-go, to say what you will and will not do, and to state which limits can be pushed a bit.  I would think that a clear, concise sub would be quite a find because she/he is not wasting anyone's time.  Then again, a bit of a highlight of why a top should choose her would be a good thing as well.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 20
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