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RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 9:53:36 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		If someone can't state thier needs, I'd wonder what they got out of it.

If I feel the needs are unreasonable, it saves everyone bother.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 9:53:44 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Chain, I agree with you there! That kind of sub would be a "find."
We have to remember that this lifestyle involves two people both with their own "needs."
It takes a while to get to know a prospective sub and for her/ him to get to know a Dom/Domme.
Profiles are like a short ad for yourself, they tell who, what, where you are and (some) of the things you like to do.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 10:01:39 PM   
Sasy


Posts: 1387
Joined: 7/5/2004
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

I have reposted this (my answer) to a sub what was a little perplexed she is not getting the attention she wants. I felt this deserved a thread of its own...


It never ceases to amaze me, a submissive posts a profile that has an “ I ” problem, i.e. I like, I want, I need, ME ME ME, I , I, I.  After a while us “D’s” are shaking our head and going back to the top of the browser just to do a double check the label, “Yep she says she is a Sub” and yet NOWHERE in her profile does it even hint about her good service, what she has to offer a D or how she will service or take care of the needs of the D that rocks her world.   Am I wrong here or are some subs “MISSING” the D/s dynamic ?  



I think that in a profile one should place things that tell about them.... What they  have to offer a potential Master will only truly be found when they begin communicating,,,,, I love  needles .. I love serving  would I love cleaning up after a slob that used dicount needles ... Not likely  I like ALOT of things ... There is alot of deep  seeded service in me My favorite action is bathing the one I am with... * giggles* and  I can do it blind folded and not miss one inch ... But ... well somethings are better left discovered ... with one on one ... tho when I  read profiles I stay  clear of the ones with bondage at the tip top of their lists... And some  never will have the dynamics

< Message edited by Sasy -- 8/6/2006 10:24:34 PM >

_____________________________

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ~ Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 10:08:57 PM   
Sasy


Posts: 1387
Joined: 7/5/2004
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Well, the ones that crack me up are the challengers." Are you man enough or Dom enough to tame me"? Sorry, but life is too short to waste time on these type of subs.


I remember long ago when I was that type..... Was because I refused to admit who and what I was. Came with learning me better and understand what made me tick.... Hardest thing was admiting I was slave and I  thrived in service

_____________________________

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ~ Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 10:14:14 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Its you.
 
And i say this in a non-judgmental, super friendly way.
 
You seem to have an idea about what D/s is and is not ...and...being that you are coming off sort off "lifestyle elderish" should know better...
 
D/s is what the 2 folks make it ...and if you dont get that, i think you are the one missing the D/s dynamic.
 
 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Sasy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 10:14:29 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		I think the phrase "missing the dynamic" is too close to "true submissive," which is a translation for "what I want in a submissive."  There are lots of ways to do BDSM.  I have my (narrow, service-oriented) way of looking at it, but I'm also vaguely aware that there are lots of folks who do it differently.  That's 90% of the men who get in touch with me.  They want something else.  Sometimes that something else isn't wrong as much as different.  I went through a period recently where I was feeling very jaded and bitchy about these people.  Now I just try to say to myself "different strokes" and go on.

Yeah, there are a lot of folks who are just players or looking for spice or whatever.  It can be a little maddening.

I liked the poster who said that dominants can also be a little out of phase as well.  When I started out and was submitting, there were lots of guys with poor social skills who were looking for easy fuck and masquerading as dominants.  Delete and move on ...

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to Sasy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 10:26:09 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		Oh, boy ...

Why "first and foremost" does it matter that she is below a size 14?  Why is that more important than, oh, her submissiveness?

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 10:30:32 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		Ok a profile needs to state what *I* am looking for or I wont get what i want and need and guess what even though Im a sub I should be happy too it isnt all about the Dom the sub has to want to serve them and they need to ern that I think it almost goes back to the Dom thats first e-mail is kneel bitch

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 11:12:07 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

It never ceases to amaze me, a submissive posts a profile that has an “ I ” problem, i.e. I like, I want, I need, ME ME ME, I , I, I. After a while us “D’s” are shaking our head and going back to the top of the browser just to do a double check the label, “Yep she says she is a Sub” and yet NOWHERE in her profile does it even hint about her good service, what she has to offer a D or how she will service or take care of the needs of the D that rocks her world. Am I wrong here or are some subs “MISSING” the D/s dynamic ?



DelRey,

Indeed, this is an all too common affliction with may self-styled "submissives". While it is well and good for a submissive to politely illuminate the nature of her disposition and wants, it is quite another when her profile is nothing more than an obscene diatribe or litany of arrogant and unconditional demands, reading more like a satirical BDSM pre-nup.

Then of course there are the dope-slapable "Masters" who appear to be nothing more than slavishly romantic men donning the mask of dominance.

All of these things are disappointing.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 11:23:25 PM   
aleshaDreams


Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		DelRay with all due respect, it seems that logically a person would be incapable of fullfilling and satisfying the needs of their Dominant if their own needs and desires could not also be attained.  Although a submissive or slaves primary concern and source of their pleasure should stem from fullfilling the desires of the said Dominant this is not always the case.  Is it wrong, to some yes, to others no as relationships as You very well know are a 2 way exchange.  The question left to ponder is; if in fact whether reality equates to the ideal.

There is reason why the 21st century is being referred to as the "me generation", truely Your complaint mirrors this signatory.

Best regards, ad.

< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 8/6/2006 11:25:12 PM >

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/6/2006 11:59:50 PM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		Off with their yakety heads, I say!

(in reply to aleshaDreams)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 1:13:07 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think most subs understand the service dynamic.  Wouldn't you rather be with someone who can articulate her wants/needs than with a doormat?  Just because it's a D/s relationship doesn't mean that the s shouldn't be heard.  If my needs aren't being met there is no reason for me to remain in a relationship.  Maybe the subs you are meeting are a too "strong" for you and you need to adjust.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 2:53:54 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I think that most submissives dont understand the difference between needs and wants, thinking they are both the same. 

It's my understanding that needs encompass those concepts that are mandatory, such as the need to feel safe, the need to feel appreciated, the need for open communication, the need for structure, the need for guidance, etc.  In regard to wants:  I want a Dominant that enjoys bondage, I want a Dominant that is Sadistic, I want a Dominant who is patient, I want a Dominant who is looking for . . .

When I first started communication with my sub, we discussed that submissive needs should be met, but her wants are at the Dominant's pleasure and discretion.  Although, its been over a year now, I sometimes reminder her of this and at other times, I find I put myself in check.  It's one thing for a Dominant to be patient and understanding but another to cater to the wants of a submissive because they dont know the difference between them and their needs.  Nor do some Dominants. 

And that's my $0.02,
LeatherBentOne

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 3:14:16 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Apparently, you are not finding what you want to the point where these type profiles become the blame. In contrast, if I came across a submissive with a profile that bothered me in some way, I would still talk with her until we got to know each other. 
 
It could be that with time, we would laugh about her profile.  There is a time where you have to size-up each other before the confines of D/s structure kick in. It ain’t automatic and a submissive saying she wants to serve on her profile doesn’t make it so.
 
 
This comes across as, “I can’t find a date. There are no real subs out there.”

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 3:17:13 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		One of my personal favorites.... hard limits: housework.
 
???? What exactly do they think is happening here? Ok, so you wanna share house cleaning responsibilities.... more power to ya', but not doing any of it? You can't get by with that in any relationship!
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 3:33:09 AM   
nzaurelia


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/18/2006
Status: offline 		There is a D and an s in a D/s relationship.  In reality, if either thinks its all about them its doomed, no matter what type of relationship it is.

Also service and submission are two different things.  Some submissives dont want to serve at all.  On the other hand some are very service orientated.  I suspect most want to serve to at least some extent based on their RELATIONSHIP with the Dominant.

Personally I find great joy in service to my Master, but then he has never seen me as a free maid service or merely free labour to be exploited, which seems to be the MO of so many who call themselves Dominant these days.  Some of them seem to be looking for replacement Mommies.  If you're an adult man and so immature, lazy and ill disciplined you can't even get yourself a cup of coffee or put your dirty socks in the laundry hamper, you don't need to be presenting yourself as a Master.  You need to be going to boot camp. 

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 3:49:23 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Just briefly.... your profile on collarme is about who you are, not what services you can provide, at least, I think it is for many people.  Any person can (barring some major mental or physical set back) be trained to provide what ever service you require.  I would suggest that if you are looking for just some automatic cleaning/blowjob giving machine... you really do not need to come to some place like collarme to find that.

I have always thought that this site was very much set up for people, in all their myriads of flavors.  If they do not tell you about who they are, what they like and dislike and what they need to be fulfilled and serve healthily, who will?  I suppose that question doesn't matter if you do not care about finding an actual person to share in a relationship with and are in fact, just looking for someone, anyone to do what you say and service your needs.  However, I do not think that is the best use of this system (in my opinion).

Remember as well.... You do not own a woman just because you are dominant and she is submissive.  You are not owed anything, simply because you are dominant and she is submissive. You are nothing but a virtual stranger here.  A person sets out who they are on their profile and that is an aid to help determine if there is enough commonality for you both to pursue something, some sort relationship and deep exchange which will entitle you to remove the me me me from how she describes herself.  But that only comes when you have left such an imprint upon her that she is moved and shaped and left wanting and needing to say "You, you, you!"


(in reply to nzaurelia)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 4:37:33 AM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

I have reposted this (my answer) to a sub what was a little perplexed she is not getting the attention she wants. I felt this deserved a thread of its own...


It never ceases to amaze me, a submissive posts a profile that has an “ I ” problem, i.e. I like, I want, I need, ME ME ME, I , I, I.  After a while us “D’s” are shaking our head and going back to the top of the browser just to do a double check the label, “Yep she says she is a Sub” and yet NOWHERE in her profile does it even hint about her good service, what she has to offer a D or how she will service or take care of the needs of the D that rocks her world.   Am I wrong here or are some subs “MISSING” the D/s dynamic ?  



Hmmm... I'd say you were wrong here, but had it right in your profile.

"So there you have it, I don’t know how your taking all of this but it is me. If you don’t appreciate it I can understand as I also pass on many that write to me. It’s all about what we think will work best for us. If your like me, your guard is up and so is mine but hopefully you now know a little about what makes me tick, what drives me and most importantly what is in my heart and soul."

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 5:05:04 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Its you.
 
There is no service in a Ds relationship specifically - it depends on the relationship itself.  So you desire a service submissive.  Then keep and eye out for them and discard the rest.  Not all submissives are service orientated.
 
And yes there is I in submissive... a submissive person is just that - a person.  They have needs, desires and even wants.  If you cannot handle a person stating there needs/desires/wants - I would suggest that you should take time to look more into yourself and understand why you cannot handle such an idea.
 
A profile introduces the person.  If you can be bothers, communication discovers what that person has to offer.  Meeting the person in the flesh, unwraps more of who that person is.  Those little things she says or does.  How does she 'serve' you when you are out - like someone said in a previous post, he was taken by a woman who simply offered to carry his cigarettes from one place to another.  To write that in a profile - to me - seems chirlish and irrelevant about yourself.  That is something that is discovered on the glorious journey...
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 5:16:49 AM   
bigdaninwi


Posts: 35
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline 		It never ceases to amaze me at so called Dominates who think they are God and the Submission means: you are a piece of meat and I'll beat you when I want to.

IMHO Submission is a gift that needs to be nutured.  Which means as a Dominate you CREATE and MAINTAIN an environment for the Submissive to serve you.  If your Submissive feels as though their wants, needs, and desires are not being meant then how can they serve you?  If you are getting reactions that are contary to your guidance, then maybe ta da..it's You who are the problem?

Moreover, isn't the purpose of these Community Boards to help guide newbies and to be paitent with them?  If you don't have the internal strength to guide or train.  Then find it in yourself not to act like a submissive and whining about it on the boards.  Act like a dominate: create an environment for the ones who serve you to florish.

Bigdan

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 40
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