Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynamic ?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynamic ? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 9:56:37 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		To be a good submissive in a D/s dynamic both the sub & the Dom have to work hard at it. A sub can not follow or be in submission to her self. Without a leader she just goes no where.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 10:31:40 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Raiken, that was an interesting post. It appears you have a handle on what you want in a nonhostile way to me.

The part about words not meaning that much as far as actual communications in person may have some merit. I think it is not so much what you say, in person, but when and the way you respond to certain things. It is a subtle soothing that takes place where the exact words don't mean as much as showing the other that you got the point. Of course in writing, it is different. The study of language is complex and interesting.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 10:32:54 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I like the subs profiles that spell out what they're looking for.
What is "she" looking for in a Dom, what does "she" like to do in B&D, what does "she" expect in a relationship.
It gives me more information.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 11:02:14 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		 
I dunno...I think there are as many Dom/mes as submissives who miss the D/s dynamic.  Lots of lonely people out there...looking for any way to hook up.
 
I think there are also people out there who have an idea of BDSM and confuse it with D/s (and M/s) and look for kinky sex only; but then, I imagine there's room for them here, too...this site being for Alternate Lifestyles which surely are not ONLY those with the D/s dynamic. 
 
I also think there are some people who get the dynamic completely...but realizing this medium IS difficult, I like to give both 'experienced' and 'newbies' the benifit of the doubt and get to know them before deciding what it is they're trying to tell me.  If it turns out we don't click...we don't click; time to move on.  No biggie and nobody's wrong, either.  We're all different...it just takes some digging to find that pearl that fits in the setting you hold dear.
 
beverly

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 2:11:30 PM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordofyou

... but also, if you want to seek a Dominant, its also nice to put why you would be a great submissive to own in your profile.


I'm sure it's not what you meant....but I got a vision in my head of an automobile ad...expressing why that is the best car to own....

I'm not here to 'sell' myself.  Nor to I find it necessary to promote myself as a submissive.  If I were to write volumes in my profile about what I offer a dominant, then I'd also have to deal with the HNG's that think they are dominant.  I made my profile short and to the point, giving away very little specific information as to what I offer and what I'd like, and while this may cut down on the actual dominants that contact me, it also cuts down on the players.  If someone doesn't like my profile, or the way it is written, they are free to move on.

Now, as for the "me me me" submissives, somewhere out there are a really huge bunch of "you you you" dominants who'd love to be matched up with them.  I think it's such a great thing, the me-me's are being honest about what they want, and not pretending to be something they aren't.

indigo

(in reply to Lordofyou)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 2:19:20 PM   
gypsyssoul


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
Status: offline
:::sits confused
goes to re read the thread ...
what if i am not sure why i would be a great submissive
what if i am still not sure ...
should i put that also ??
i put all the honesty i could take in my profile
includeing the fact i am not pretty ... or perfect or really anything special
at all ...
don't know if i could break it down more ..
~blessings


_____________________________

~~"I have always sought this other side, but like a flame I dare not touch, For like forbidden fruits of wild .. just one taste would be to much"...
~~ blessed be

(in reply to indigo302)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 2:19:25 PM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kree

Why exactly should a submissive state all the various things she would do to please?  Post a submissive profile sometime and put things that you like having done for you and you will be besieged by morons claiming to be dominants who "have the exact same interests".  I discovered how many morons are out there when I had a screen name for about 2 days that was Makaira.  Makaira is Greek or Latin for Blue Marlin.  Every doofus dickweed that saw the name tried to message me with his prowess... until I told them to read the profile not the name.
Anyone who needs a submissive to spell out everything they can offer has a very limited vision of submission and is ON a mission to find an easy path to to finding a partner.  Why ask for a roadmap to be offered to the world when it is the dominant's job to ask questions, guide, influence, and bring forth the qualities that they seek?  To me, anyone who needs a roadmap to make it easy, is too lazy to be a dominant or too jaded to see the endless possibilities that await someone who puts the time and effort into revealing what is inside a submissive.


*applauds*

A very dear friend told me once:

"I never asked my submissive what her limits were, what she liked to do.  I simply told her what *I* expect.  This way, she knows I'm not simply matching my desires to hers, and she will have the information to make her decision of whether or not I am the right dominant for her"

If a submissive paints too clear of a picture, there are many dominant who will change their patterns to match her picture, simply to have her. 

indigo

(in reply to Kree)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 2:30:08 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		You don't need a roadmap-but there should at least be a sign post.

(in reply to indigo302)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 3:27:31 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		I'm interested in someone who wants to get to know me, not just how I'm willing to serve.  That's where any healty relationship starts.  So, if a Dom were to read my profile and think it was too "me" oriented and pass it by, then he more than likely wasn't right for me and it's just one less email to have to respond to and say, "Thanks, but no thanks".

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 5:25:53 PM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

You don't need a roadmap-but there should at least be a sign post.


  < is the only 'signpost' I could find on short notice....

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 6:35:02 PM   
Lordofyou


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: indigo302

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordofyou

... but also, if you want to seek a Dominant, its also nice to put why you would be a great submissive to own in your profile.


I'm sure it's not what you meant....but I got a vision in my head of an automobile ad...expressing why that is the best car to own....

I'm not here to 'sell' myself.  Nor to I find it necessary to promote myself as a submissive.  If I were to write volumes in my profile about what I offer a dominant, then I'd also have to deal with the HNG's that think they are dominant.  I made my profile short and to the point, giving away very little specific information as to what I offer and what I'd like, and while this may cut down on the actual dominants that contact me, it also cuts down on the players.  If someone doesn't like my profile, or the way it is written, they are free to move on.

Now, as for the "me me me" submissives, somewhere out there are a really huge bunch of "you you you" dominants who'd love to be matched up with them.  I think it's such a great thing, the me-me's are being honest about what they want, and not pretending to be something they aren't.

indigo


Believe me I am not saying that there aren't so-called Doms who are just as bad... for sure there are!

(in reply to indigo302)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 6:39:11 PM   
Lordofyou


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I guess I have to write a psuedo profile for a sub to show what I mean. "Female who likes to learn a Master's needs, and longs to please him seeks a Dom who is patient, concerned for her needs, and is willing to work as a team to develop a lasting D/s relationship." Now she has not offered any specific things, but also has not included tons of I won'ts, that just really turns off real Doms.. the specifics can be negotiated later..but she hasn't turned off the one who just may be right for her.

(in reply to Kree)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 8:17:50 PM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordofyou

I guess I have to write a psuedo profile for a sub to show what I mean. "Female who likes to learn a Master's needs, and longs to please him seeks a Dom who is patient, concerned for her needs, and is willing to work as a team to develop a lasting D/s relationship." Now she has not offered any specific things, but also has not included tons of I won'ts, that just really turns off real Doms.. the specifics can be negotiated later..but she hasn't turned off the one who just may be right for her.


Can I borrow this and see how well it works?  *grins*

(in reply to Lordofyou)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 8:26:02 PM   
eternalautumn


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		i can see many different points of view, and agree with many who have shared. More then anything it does not help at all that so many people on this site have issues, need help, and are just looking for games.
In some ways yes they need to state some of there desires on some levels but they could word it better, or if they are submissive and not slave then simply state there hard limits and soft limits, and leave it at that. Noone is perfect and i can se both sides, i know for myself i got into alot of me me me I I I garbage in the begining but, i was also claiming to just be submissive at the time and in my deginition have a right to state what i want, it is up to the D's wether or not that matters. Once i changed my profile to slave a while back (and recently changed it again to kind of avoid the overflow of mail) i had not made it so like the first one and left it more open to what typew of D i hoped to find but also stating my abilities and talents as  a slave!

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/7/2006 10:12:31 PM   
KennelDeSade2


Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Well, the ones that crack me up are the challengers." Are you man enough or Dom enough to tame me"? Sorry, but life is too short to waste time on these type of subs.


I consider those type "brats" and I agree that life is far too short to bother.


_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 3:10:51 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordofyou

I guess I have to write a psuedo profile for a sub to show what I mean. "Female who likes to learn a Master's needs, and longs to please him seeks a Dom who is patient, concerned for her needs, and is willing to work as a team to develop a lasting D/s relationship." Now she has not offered any specific things, but also has not included tons of I won'ts, that just really turns off real Doms.. the specifics can be negotiated later..but she hasn't turned off the one who just may be right for her.



.......She also hasn't said anything about who she is as a person...  Why is it so wrong to be a distinct individual rather than a service machine?  Why would it be so repulsive to a "Dom" to know before hand... "I have attempted the poly dynamic before and know it is destructive to the type of person I am and will not place myself in that situation again" or... any other myriad of things which she knows she can not or will not be able to endure and BOTH serve well and be a happy and fulfilled person.. because in the end, as this is about 'consensual' slavery/surrender/what have you, she is entitled to both.  If she is entitled to both, you should consider that by pointing out both what she doesn't want, as well as how brilliantly and super-submissively she will serve, she is doing the both of you the service of half of the weeding out. 

You can not enter into a healthy relationship with someone for what they 'do for you'.  You must enter a relationship with the person herself.


(in reply to Lordofyou)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 3:14:24 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		The tendency to objectify people into ciphers here is very distressing.

It ignores the imporant issue of seeking the core to which one will eventually have to connect.

At that should be your first priority-not your last.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 3:28:21 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
I think there are also people out there who have an idea of BDSM and confuse it with D/s (and M/s) and look for kinky sex only;


Exactly. There are quite a lot of 'bottoms' out there, looking for kink and play partners. However there isn't an option for 'bottom' only for sub or slave. Therefore the 'bottoms' end up labling as subs simply because it is the closest lable available even though they are into BDSM only and have no interest in D/s or M/s. Many don't even understand there IS a diffrence and thus it isn't even reflected clearly in the profile, when they have actualy taken the time to fill it out properly.

C'est la vie, just one more thing to keep in mind and keep an eye open for signs of when you are searching for a sub or slave.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 3:34:27 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		The lists make it easy to spot bottoms.

It will all be about the play.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 3:48:18 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		The lists are pretty much pointless. There are one or two 'selections' that act as pointers, the rest.... Even if it is someone who IS sub or slave, they maybe experienced many/most things on it. They put people in neat little tickyboxes, but people don't really fit in tickyboxes.

The most useful, to me. is the two massage options. If recieving is placed more favourably than giving then 'probably' they are more focused on what they are going to get than on what they can give to a Master.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynamic ? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109