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RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 7:35:48 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Fast Reply,

I guess I am wondering why people do not just email someone with some basic characteristics of what they maybe looking for and try to discover if the person they emailed is suitable for them. Either the submissive will not answer back, or she will and you will have an opportunity to discover whether she is suitable for you.

I guess I am thinking that a profile is not supposed to be a shortcut into the process of discovering if someone is suitable, it is merely a tool the person advertising themselves is using to find a mate or at least a date. If their advertisement is bad, pass it by and email a better advertisement.  If the advertisement is misleading, do not buy the product.

I guess I am saying that these sorts of threads tend to come down on submissives usually, and not on dominants. Dominants often have stinky stupid profiles that make subs run the other way also, but I rarely see submissives bitching about profiles dominants use to advertise to them. I wonder why this is? I rarely see submissives post a whole entire thread on profiles that are not "domly" enough. We gripe about emails sent to us, but not about the profiles we peruse. I guess it happens, but not nearly as often.

I will reiterate, if a bottom/sub/slave is having trouble getting dominant attention due to her profile I would suggest it isn't anything she wrote in it. There are plenty of tops out there that do not mind a bedroom submissive, I have received emails from many of them. They loved submission in the bedroom, but wanted a "brat" "equal" "vanilla" sort outside of it. I have a hard time believing that a submissive sort would have trouble finding someone because she was a me-me. This would lead me to believe there was something else going on with the submissives that the OP wrote about.

Most dominants local to me have emailed to at least say "Hello", it cost them nothing to email me, I cannot believe that a poorly conceived less than completely submissive profile without a laundry list of "what she can do for you" would keep doms away... Female submissives are kinda in demand in many cities. I have also noticed many locals email me to get involved in the community in my city without any question of what "service" I offer. I suppose this is just about CM and emailing women based upon a profile and not wanting to involve them in your life as just a possible friend? When I was looking it was for someone at least in my own state, and even a huge state like California doesn't have endless opportunities for dating, I would think that a dominant could take the time to get to know us even though it wasn't 100% spelled out how we planned to serve them....But these are just my thoughts on it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 8:51:21 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I will reiterate, if a bottom/sub/slave is having trouble getting dominant attention due to her profile I would suggest it isn't anything she wrote in it.


You make a good point here.  When my boy first emailed me to indicate interest, all he had in his profile was that he was a sub interested in serving a Domme.  The interactions that followed are what determined whether or not a relationship developed. 

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 9:05:33 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

I'll break it down for you:

My real point is, whining people (yes I understand it's not just subs) selfishly post about them selves with out ANY information of why they are or what they offer i.e. there not selling them selves at all..   It is very clear to me there needs to be a Dr. Phill or some other dope to show people what message they are sending and the possible reason for their frustrations.

Its kind of like the guy who gets in his boat, motors 3 miles out on the ocean to go fishing, he is there for hours and gets frustrated and finally he leans over the side of the boat and yells at the water, "WHY DON'T YOU PHUCKING IDIOT FISH BITE !?!?!?!?!?"  A little later a much small boat drifts right by the man who is fishless. The empty handed fisherman notice this guy has a boat filled with his catch and asks, “how did  you get all those fish?”  The old man’s response, “I bait my hook with something I know they like”.   So my real point is, if you are frustrated, not getting the attention you want and think you deserve, then my question to you is,  WHAT IS ON YOUR HOOK THAT YOUR FISHING WITH ?


I'd say from a sub perspective we are the fish. If we told the fisherman how to catch us then we'd be caught not by a skilled tradesman, but by a joe shmoe kind of guy. We may even be thrown into a fry pan and cooked alive once caught. Many subs who are so transparent with what they seek are deceived. Dom's pretend to be what they want till the sub's committed & then start behaving like themselves after she's emotionally vested herself in them.
In addition to that if I went and made a profile listing what I have to offer a special person I'm considering to be my one I'd probably be viewed as arrogant, over confident, vain & self oriented.
I say let people speak their minds as they see fit & not write what they think others want to hear. To me being permitted to be real and expecting the other person is being real is enough for me.
Suzanne

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 9:13:40 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yup! What Suzanne said ;->
 
i know that to be true, some Doms (the one track mind type) read your profile and if you have anything listed as to what you will "do" or how you will "serve" they jump upon you like pirahna.  The first thing they message you about is a question asking just how, when and where they can begin to receive those services.  Hec may as well become a professional and start charging! <weg>

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 9:16:52 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I guess I am wondering why people do not just email someone with some basic characteristics of what they maybe looking for and try to discover if the person they emailed is suitable for them. Either the submissive will not answer back, or she will and you will have an opportunity to discover whether she is suitable for you.


Its what I do. The main thing I look for in a profile is to narrow the field. See if there is anything obvious where we WON'T be compatable. In which case I don't bother mailing.

Though if there is enough in the profile to suggest we maybe compatable then I can tailor the intro mail better to focus on those compatabilitys or at least check we are looking at them in the same way. So those profiles get responded to first but something with little or no details maybe get replied to if I just get a 'gut instinct' feeling about it.




_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 9:18:17 AM   
enigmaslave


Posts: 146
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		i'd like to think that my profile is very detailed.....the responces im getting are few as well,
i think its just a matter interpersnal preferences

_____________________________

my appreciation to A/all who have read my opinion.
enigmaslave

slrn 000145067

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 9:22:26 AM   
aleshaDreams


Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		onestandingstill, you hit something on the head with your response.  This has happened on several occassions to me when I initially came forward with a profile.  There are some that feed off of what is told up front and play a sub like a fiddle, nothing less than deceit.  And then through time that in actuality those public announcements on what we can provide are no where near the Dominants desires, but given the almighty mind f*ck low and behold there are some that just waste our time. 

I am glad you brought this particular instance up.

best wishes, ad.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 9:40:05 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sharainks

What I  seek is someone who doesn't expect to find your whole life encompassed in 2 paragraphs on personal ad.  Someone who is capable of communicating well enough to begin and end whole conversations. 



While I can understand the premise of the topic at hand. Dominants are guilty of exhibiting the same behavior that has been discussed. What I found most enjoyable about sharainks post was the simplistic honesty of the words expressed. A profile is merely a snapshot, an introduction of sorts. I have no intention of placing my life story within the confines of those paragraphs, nor do I expect anyone of interest to do the same.

This is what dialogue and conversation are geared towards. Perhaps the rapidity of the virtual world is partially to blame, along with the expectation that one's orientation suggests immediate pairing. In either case it seems clear that many have forgotten the tenets of decorum and lack a sincere capacity to engage in meaningful discussions without the guarantee of future relations.

porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 8/8/2006 9:41:10 AM >

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to sharainks)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 9:41:02 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams
onestandingstill, you hit something on the head with your response.  This has happened on several occassions to me when I initially came forward with a profile.  There are some that feed off of what is told up front and play a sub like a fiddle, nothing less than deceit.  And then through time that in actuality those public announcements on what we can provide are no where near the Dominants desires, but given the almighty mind f*ck low and behold there are some that just waste our time. 

I am glad you brought this particular instance up.

best wishes, ad.


On the other hand I don't think subs are like fishies, helplessly attracted to the shiny bait.

Subs choose what they will willingly.  I'm not saying it's ok for someone to act like a jerk or misrepresent themselves or lie to people- but I don't accept that being taken in by someone has anything to do with being a submissive or whats on your profile. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to aleshaDreams)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 10:28:52 AM   
aleshaDreams


Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		LadyAlbatross, lol I learnt my lesson after 2 instances of such occurance.  Yes I was attracted to shiny bait, in admission.  Ring the tunes to the sub frenzie if I must, but we all begin somewhere and hence the learning process if we chose to explore is exactly that.  Sometimes a few knock downs is what some of us need to pick ourselves up and say we won't get slugged again with that trick.  But oh how wicked that these Ones that baffle us with bull sh*t and tear the very essense of being to sheds in the process with little to no remorse.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 10:31:02 AM   
MissTlTTYMilk


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/17/2006
Status: offline 		I guess I am overstating the obvious.....Sometimes it is not enough to believe one's profile is detailed (or whatever the profile du jour is at a given time) but our ability to perceive and portray accurately who and what we are to the people who are perceiving us...Oops! okay I somehow lost my point on that one.

< Message edited by MissTlTTYMilk -- 8/8/2006 10:32:37 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 11:20:55 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

The most useful, to me. is the two massage options. If recieving is placed more favourably than giving then 'probably' they are more focused on what they are going to get than on what they can give to a Master.



The submissive in question could also have been the fortunate recipient of frequent massages from a previous partner or receives them with some regularity on their own. The disparity between the two could easily be attributed to lack of practice and opportunity.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 11:21:23 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline 		Nah you were on point, it is all about perceptions.

(in reply to MissTlTTYMilk)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 11:32:55 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

The most useful, to me. is the two massage options. If recieving is placed more favourably than giving then 'probably' they are more focused on what they are going to get than on what they can give to a Master.




Most folks on here ARE here because they ARE looking to get, gain, and receive something, else why bother?   There are those who gain by giving...but even those folks are still in it for their own gain.  It all begins and ends with a perceived need and desire for a greater fulfillment.  When a person first places a profile, it begins ONLY from what is desired from within, for they are ONLY with themselves.  As they gain experiences with others, they each begin to bring out things in the other that may not even have been thought of on the original check lists, profile, journal entries, etc. Folks grow and discover with each new experience.  One may not truly KNOW or be thinking in that mode of what to give a Master, especially if one is new to real life experience.  They only have their focused desires born out of a need and/or fantasy to go on.  Truth is, whether it sounds like a shame or not, ya have to get good at the game.
 
That is why it may be a good idea for some, to continually update and re-evaluate a profile, as they grow, learn and discover.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 12:37:07 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		Listen, we all know and most of us understand a profile is like an “ICE BERG” We read what we can see, what lurks below the water line is only divulged with willing release. ((( where does he get these nautical analogies?… lol)))   When a person writes a profile he/she is selling or presenting. In a perfect world wouldn’t there be some sort of balance in what that person is after them selves and what that person may have to offer a potential candidate ?

Just a thought that may have saved a couple of dozen pages in this thread

(in reply to raiken)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 12:58:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey
In a perfect world wouldn’t there be some sort of balance in what that person is after them selves and what that person may have to offer a potential candidate ?

A profile is about a person.  Who they are IS what they have to offer.

I think my profile falls completely under your "says nothing about what she has to offer" category...and yet I think it's the perfect profile for this sort of site.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 2:50:20 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey
In a perfect world wouldn’t there be some sort of balance in what that person is after them selves and what that person may have to offer a potential candidate ?

A profile is about a person.  Who they are IS what they have to offer.

I think my profile falls completely under your "says nothing about what she has to offer" category...and yet I think it's the perfect profile for this sort of site.


I know you are a "hyper-poster" on this board but believe me when I say not all posts are directed at you. L.A you know I love ya, but my post before this one had more to do with the INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION than it did with you or your profile.

Hugs babe,

< Message edited by DelRey -- 8/8/2006 2:51:17 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Is it me or are a lot of subs missing the D/s dynam... - 8/8/2006 3:16:41 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		To me, your question contains your answer: "D/s dynamic."
 
What exactly is that? Doesn't everyone have their own dynamic?
 
So, she (hypothetical she, which could just as easily be "he"), is a "do me" type ... wants, what she wants, what she wants. Maybe she is just saying, "Dude, I have so many hangups, if you don't wild me first, I'm just too fucking inhibited to have fun." Isn't fun supposed to be part of the dynamic? I thought so. I can think of many reasons why someone would be like that, without a single reason being selfishness.
 
And really ... someone totally committed to serving, so as to be selfless. I'm sure they exist, but I would bet that for most, that gets pretty darn boring, pretty darn fast. So, is the dynamic, finding someone that crams themselves into a mold they don't really fit in ... until they realize what they have done, and are out the door? I'm sure you can find that, but is that what you really want?
 
So, the question is really your answer. They can't miss a dynamic that is unique to them. To me, what you really meant to say was, "Is it me, of are a lot of subs missing what I think the D/s dynamic should be? Nothing wrong with that ... just saying.

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 98
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