RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:16:53 PM)

Well, I am back from Target. I just got a new cell phone. Now I just have to figure out how it works (which I am sure won't be that difficult). I also informed my neighbors about this guy - I told both of my neighbors next door, plus the nosy lady on the corner (she is watching out her windows all the time, it seems, so she'll be a good "lookout"). My gal friend and I (the only vanilla friend I've got who knows I am into bdsm), is spending the night with me.

Tonight I have to go to that dinner group I organize once a month - even though she (my vanilla gal friend) isn't in this group, she's coming too. It will be hard to not talk about this incident at the dinner (these are all vanilla folks), but - we'll manage. Afterward, we are driving to the BDSM house together. Then, she is staying the night (finally, after years of being empty, the guest room I re-decorated if being put to good use)!

I still have to call the police, but will do that before 6pm. I have to get ready for the dinner - we're going to a new place in West Omaha - it's supposed to be good. I have to be there at 7pm.

Evil Geoff: Thanks for the kink aware professionals list. I appreciate it. Monday, I am contacting an attorney. I am also having a locksmith come over here and fix the back door lock.

Everyone (popeye, Whip the Hip, and all -everyone else): Thanks so much for all of your kind words and thoughtful and useful suggestions and reading material. It is so nice to have this kind of support. I am still scared, but much less than I was this morning. Thanks again!

- Susan



celticsub -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:23:40 PM)

Susan....

First and foremost, unless you are actually prepared to shoot any firearm to kill, DO NOT GET ONE!!!!!   Whatever you have can be used as a weapon against you....this goes for any type of knife too.  Upgrade your locks, get an alarm system...hell, even just getting the stickers may help, although  I'd get the alarm.  Get a personal alarm to carry......the car key trick works too.  Also, ladies, do not carry your car keys and house keys on the same keyring......right now, there are at least two pieces of mail and your insurance and registration with your addz on it in your vehicle.....anyone gets the car keys, they have your house keys and address......

Second, DO NOT make any attempt to contact him in any way, shape or form....this guy will take it as an advance from you!  Do not call his job, his friends, neighbors and family to tell them what he did....that puts you in jeopardy of legal action from him....why LOOK for trouble. 

Follow your gut instincts here.....women are way too much of a target and victim in these circumstances.....I'm an ex-cop, and still involved in law enforcement, and trust me, dear, you are NOT overreacting.  Contact the house, if he's a regular, someone knows him....plus in most states, you can start with a John Doe restraining order.  Keep the note, DO NOT give the original away, make copies for anyone htat needs it.  Also, stop handling it.......paper retains fingerprints.....while the cops may not take them now, they may eventually want to.  The good news is that most PD's take stalking seriously now.  If they don't keep going up higher in the chain of command until you get someone to listen to you.  (put the note in a plastic ziploc bag.)

As one who has been there and done that, persistence on your part will pay off.  Unfortunately, I've had to go as far as moving to lose one jerk.  And stop putting your lack of security on the site, please?  As easy as it is for you to find out who he is, it works both ways.  Tell your neighbors and friends about him, by all means.  Get a plate number....give it to the cops.....but, what they don't tell you is that all they need is a name to locate a plate number in their computers......I've located felony warrants in computers with nothing more than a first name. 

OK, off the soapbox, donated my two cents......above all, GO WITH YOUR GUT!  Take care......celtic



SusanofO -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:29:40 PM)

celictsub: Great advice from an ex-cop! Thank you! I don't own a gun (anymore). I used to, but it scared me, so I got rid of it. I do have mace, and a Swiss Army knife in my purse. I am going to look into an alarm system. I am also going to try to get this license plate number. Can't believe I didn't get it, but I did not. I think I really can find out his last name, though. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.

- Susan



Dauric -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:43:22 PM)

It's good to see a lot of positive advice coming out of this, it's good to know that the comunity at-large (at least on CM) is a bunch of good people.

Some of it is definately advice for future refernce, such as going to a police station whenever you feel you're being followed. With mistakes already made in that regard definately go to the police. Just as my own addendum to it all, next time you go to one of these events make sure you know where the nearest police station is so you can pull over there. If any stalker is stupid enough to follow you in to the station parking lot, don't get out; blow the car horn, set off your car alarm, whatever it takes to get the attention of someone inside.

Never stop somewhere that ther is no-one around. If you can't find a police station when you know you're being followed find somewhere with a lot of people.

---
                 "Jayne, how many weapons you plannin' on taking, you've only got the two arms."
                 "I just get exciteable as to choice, I like to have my options open."
                 "No grenades."

                 "Mal won't let me take any grenades."
                 "We're going to rob the place, not occupy it."
                                      ---Mal, Jayne and Zoe, "Serenity"

MistressSassy: Advice from an old Boy-Scout: Don't use a swiss-army knife as a weapon. Why? Hold the knife, then cosider what will happen if that blade closes, in a fight you don't have that much control over what directions that blade can be pushed. Instant lack of fingers. If you must have an open blade in yor purse use at minimum a locking blade, better still a hunting knife that does not fold at all with a good hard scabbard (not the cheap faux-leather ones.)

It would be -really- embarasing to hurt yourself on your personal-protection devices.

                 -"Beware the person with only one weapon,
                                    for they probably know how to use it."-

My own $0.02.

Dauric.



popeye1250 -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:44:47 PM)

Celtic, wasn't it nice getting out of that line of work?
I was a Fed (USCG).
Of course we were in a whole different part of L.E. than you guys.
When I got out there were all of a sudden a whole bunch of "rules" I didn't have to follow anymore.
I REALLY enjoy being retired!
(There's all kinds of things you can do to a stalker as long as you don't get caught.) lol



WhipTheHip -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:49:10 PM)

> I do have mace, and a Swiss Army knife in my purse.

Mace may only enrage an attacker. And I would never
use a knife with a stronger opponent, unless I was
really trained in how to use it. 
 
If you think you have the guts to shoot an attacker,
get a shotgun or a hand gun, and practice with it.
The more you practice with it, the less you will
fear using it.  You will have less fear using a low
caliber gun with a special round designed to take
down an attacker.  They sell special defensive
rounds.  
 
Consider buying a Taser Gun, if you are afraid
you might not be able to shoot an attacker. If
you have children, think that the attacker is trying
to kill their mother.  This may give you the will
to shoot.  As long as the guy is in your house,
and you don't shoot him in the back, you will
not be prosecuted.
 
If he has your phone number, get the police to
trace his calls to you.   Make a log of the times
he tries to contact you.
 
Whereas the guy may be a threat to your life,
chances are he is just a harmless, clueless
jerk, but one should never take chances or
assume so. 
 
Get an alarm company to have panic switches
placed in your bedroom, kitchen and living room.
When you press this switch, the alarm goes
off, and the alarm notifies the alarm company
and they call the police.
 
If you have an extra room in your house, rent it
out to a professional female, if you can. 
 
Have motion dectectors directed outside your
home.  Have them sound a soft alarm if they
detect a person approaching your home.  Or
have them turn on lights inside your home,
when they detect motion outside your home.
 
 



SusanofO -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:50:41 PM)

Dauric: Thank you. I didn't know I was being followed until it was too late. It never occurred to me this guy would follow me home. I do know where the police station is - as it's right across the street downtown from a club I practically lived at when I was in college. It's sort of a wild, disco-ey half gay-half straight dance party bar where the nights never seem to end (Ahhh. Sometimes I really, really do miss my party animal days. Ahem. Maybe it's also time for an AA meeting).

Anyway, I thank everyone for the kind advice and anymore you have to offer.

I will let ya'll know what happens here.

I know some people have e-mailed me from Omaha to ask where this BDSM house is located. I will e-mail you back tommorrow. I'd do it now, but don't have time.
Thanks.

- Susan  



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:51:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BillsGalSusan

Susan, I am sorry this happened to you. Years and years ago, someone tried something similar with me. I drove to the nearest police station, rather than to my home. This is a technique I was taught at a training at my job. It worked.

It wasn't really that I felt, at that point, that I needed to report him as much as it was that I knew I did not want him following me home. I called Bill, and he picked me up there. We went back for the car the next day.



This is excellent advice for any woman who feels she is being followed. You don't have to be planning to report anything, but you can bet it's likely to scare them off. Go to an hospital emergency entrance, go anywhere where there are lots of people, preferably security.

Do NOT go home. You don't want them knowing where you live.

As a matter of fact I would consider doing this just as a precaution if you ever meet anyone who gets scary in public. Go somewhere crowded and public for a while. Keep an eye out to see if they re-appear.

Whenever possible, call a male friend to meet up with you, where-ever you are. (Thank god for cell-phones.)

Stalkers pick up on weakness, and yes, as has been stated before politeness can be read as weakness. We nice gals need to learn to turn on the bitch factor in these situations. If you don't appear rather vulnerable and helpless then they'll likely move on quickly to easier prey.

There are great community centre programs, even good videos you can rent that show you how to talk to someone who crosses your boundaries.

Susan of O, I'm sorry this happened to you; most of us have been there. It's terrifying. It's important to be sharing this and letting out the fear. Thank you for bringing this topic up.

{{{HUGS}}




swtnsparkling -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:54:55 PM)

quote:

Sweet n sparkling: I appreciate your comments also, very much. Maybe I did give too much personal safety info, but someone did ask me about it-  

asked- answer- yes one word
quote:

I have a Beagle, "Oscar", (who is fat and pretty worthless as a guard-attack dog, but he does bark, so is an okay watch dog). My Lab mix, "Rufus", I think, would actually bite anyone who tried to hurt me - maybe my Beagle would,  

Now I know about your lock on the mudd room door -  your fat worthless guard dog. A new cell phone you do not know how to work.The New resturant in West Ohama  your going too at 7- that you carry mace, and a Swiss Army knife in your purse.
Really Susan answering a question asked is one thing but you go into specific details. I am not trying to be a pain in the ass- just if you  really are  so afraid then stop and think before you type. This is a public forum after all. All these tidbits of information can actually help some one if they were determined enough.
My best to you



SusanofO -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 2:57:16 PM)

sweetandsparkling: Okay. You have a point. Thanks for the reminder.

- Susan



sharainks -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 3:12:32 PM)

Susan I happen to know that there are a couple of munch/learning type groups up in that area as well.  Try to hook up with one of them.  If you need info let me know on the other side.  I still belong to a list from that area and I know they could give you the info you would need.  There are others from the Omaha area on the list I belong to.  I know for a fact some of them are safe cause I've hung out with them.  As a matter of fact the list owners (husband and wife) would probably be most happy to take you under their wings. 



popeye1250 -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 3:18:44 PM)

Susan, yup! Time for a meeting!
(I went last night with my sponser.)



Evanesce -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 4:01:12 PM)

You've gotten a lot of excellent advice on this thread, to which I'm going to say ditto, ditto and ditto. 
 
If you ever find yourself in a situation where someone is following you... NEVER drive to your home.  Go to the nearest police station and blow your horn as long as it takes to get someone's attention.  It's better to have a possible false alarm at the police station and suffer a little embarrassment than to have someone with bad intent learn where you live.



MistressSassy66 -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 5:52:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dauric

It's good to see a lot of positive advice coming out of this, it's good to know that the comunity at-large (at least on CM) is a bunch of good people.

Some of it is definately advice for future refernce, such as going to a police station whenever you feel you're being followed. With mistakes already made in that regard definately go to the police. Just as my own addendum to it all, next time you go to one of these events make sure you know where the nearest police station is so you can pull over there. If any stalker is stupid enough to follow you in to the station parking lot, don't get out; blow the car horn, set off your car alarm, whatever it takes to get the attention of someone inside.

Never stop somewhere that ther is no-one around. If you can't find a police station when you know you're being followed find somewhere with a lot of people.

---
               "Jayne, how many weapons you plannin' on taking, you've only got the two arms."
               "I just get exciteable as to choice, I like to have my options open."
               "No grenades."

               "Mal won't let me take any grenades."
               "We're going to rob the place, not occupy it."
                                    ---Mal, Jayne and Zoe, "Serenity"

MistressSassy: Advice from an old Boy-Scout: Don't use a swiss-army knife as a weapon. Why? Hold the knife, then cosider what will happen if that blade closes, in a fight you don't have that much control over what directions that blade can be pushed. Instant lack of fingers. If you must have an open blade in yor purse use at minimum a locking blade, better still a hunting knife that does not fold at all with a good hard scabbard (not the cheap faux-leather ones.)

It would be -really- embarasing to hurt yourself on your personal-protection devices.

               -"Beware the person with only one weapon,
                                  for they probably know how to use it."-

My own $0.02.

Dauric.


The swiss ones are last resort because of that,but...the wine cork thing works well held in the hand with a closed fist around it...screw his eye ball out.
I like the knife (its normally worn on your boot,double edge blade)I have in the truck...it has a good fit to My hand,has the guard part so My hand wont slip down it..The Marines in My family showed Me how to use it.Not only that but how to get out of holds and how to put others in holds.

I think everyone should know some self defense moves...its worth it.
After being attacked once....If it ever happens again...I think I would kill them without even thinking about it.


editted because I can not spell



MistressTexas -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 5:58:43 PM)

And now a reccomendation from a martial arts fanatic. Brazillian ju-jitsu is fucking wonderful!!!!!!! It's a very brutal art, which mostly teaches you how to fight dirty... really really dirty. For women though, its fantastic, because it teaches you not only to defend attacks when you're standing, but it teaches you to fight from your back as well. And I'm sure we can all see why thats important. It also gives you self defense skills other than "kick the guy in the nuts"... because we all know that no guy attacking a woman would think to protect the family jewels *rolls eyes.*

Me being paranoid as well as fairly sadistic and pessimistic, I say familiarize yourself with the body's vulnerable points. For instance, as stupid as it looks, getting kicked in the shins bloody well hurts. Or how about the knees, kidneys, eyes, throat, blah blah blah. God forbid you ever have to make use of the knowledge, but better safe than sorry.

As per the cell phone, pay a techling $20 to program your phone so that if you just hold down a certain key for x-amount of time, it will automatically dial 911.

I forget where I heard this.. It may actually have been from my insane sensai... Women do better with heavy objects than with knives. I very much belive in female equality blah blah... but men are naturally predisposed to stronger upper bodies. Get over it, thats just the way it is. So perhaps a sap, or blackjack. Even a 2lb weight hurts like hell when it's being slammed into your face... or kidneys, or whatever.



WhipTheHip -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 6:02:44 PM)

Medico makes the best locks.  I would only use Medico locks.
 
With a shotgun you don't have to shoot to kill.  You can
fire at the guy's legs.  A shot in an attacker's general
direction from a shotgun is likely to entice any attacker
to flee.  Most criminals are not as brazen as they appear
on television.  You can have your shotgun shells filled with
salt. A shot to the stomach with salt is not likely to kill
anyone but will in all liklihood stop any attacker.  But if
an attacker forces his way into your home, you should
shoot to kill..  



sharainks -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 6:04:28 PM)

A bit of prison wisdom.  A couple of padlocks in a sock are pretty effective.  Even a couple of bars of soap in a sock.  Lordy the things one learns when you work in a prison.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 6:04:50 PM)

As a karate instructor, I would suggest carrying your keys in your fist, one key poking out between each finger so you have a sort of claw.  If you ever, heaven forbid, had to use that, aim for the face. Its a very effective self defense tactic I taught a womens defense class, that you never have to worry about not having with you. And MistressTexas is right, a kick to the shin is one of the best (and most painful) defenses.  While they recouperate, you run like hell. They do sell emergency cell phones that have buttons programmed for 911 and home only.  theya re mainly for parents to give to children when they are worried about them, but whos to say you couldnt carry one?

DV



Skier -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 6:11:35 PM)

Susan,

Please keep us advised.  In the munches and the dungeon to which I go, behavior like that wouldn't be tolerated. The advise given seems pretty good. Pepper spray, a whistle, cell phone, perhaps a small camera  and situational awareness are all important. Getting his name is important. I'm assuming you saved the menacing note.

Take care please.

Skier



MistressSassy66 -> RE: Please advise me. I'm scared I am being stalked (8/12/2006 6:12:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

As a karate instructor, I would suggest carrying your keys in your fist, one key poking out between each finger so you have a sort of claw.  If you ever, heaven forbid, had to use that, aim for the face. Its a very effective self defense tactic I taught a womens defense class, that you never have to worry about not having with you. And MistressTexas is right, a kick to the shin is one of the best (and most painful) defenses.  While they recouperate, you run like hell. They do sell emergency cell phones that have buttons programmed for 911 and home only.  theya re mainly for parents to give to children when they are worried about them, but whos to say you couldnt carry one?

DV



I do exactly that with My keys when walking..Whether it be down the street or in the parking lot.
I think of SING from Miss Congeniality...poor ole Benjiman Bratt



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