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RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 12:26:57 PM

KnightofMists

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she isn't giving up who she is.... in fact the very opposite... she is becoming who she is.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 21

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 12:29:34 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
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yeah... ok... if everyone thinks so.. if she says so... good for her. But I still disagree.

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Post #: 22

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 12:32:59 PM

WhiteRadiance

Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
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Hello Owned. Good topic!

This may be a strange thing to say but I do not feel that anyone is entitled to anything beyond their basic needs. Everything beyond that is a blessing.

As a Mistress, I feel entitled to very few things from my slave.
I am entitled to his loyalty, his honesty, his service and his respect. I am entitled to his obedience. I expect his best.

As a Human being, I am entiteld to conduct my affairs as I see fit.

My slave is entitled to conduct himself in a way that is pleasing to me, insofar that he does not feel corrupted by doing so. He is entitled to have hobbies, opinions, friends, family, and all his needs met. He is entitled to honesty.

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Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.

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Post #: 23

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 12:50:03 PM

ownedgirlie

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I believe my words have become somewhat misinterpreted. Losing my idea of entitlement does not in any way mean I have reached my destination; it means I have let go of hurdles which impeded my growth, thus allowing me to travel further and deeper. Nor does it mean I have lost who I am; rather it means I am finally allowed to be exactly who and what I am.

Nor was my OP intended to be a boasting of any kind. It was a sharing of some very personal thoughts, and wonderings of what others feel in their relationships on the same subject.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 24

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 12:51:55 PM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

she isn't giving up who she is.... in fact the very opposite... she is becoming who she is.

Thank you, KoM, that is exactly what I was posting while you posted this :)

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 25

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 12:52:27 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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There are few things I would state my girl is 'entitled' to, the MAIN one is based on the fact that the Man she submitted to is open, honest and responcible. She is entitled to Me remaining that Man, if I should ever have a total brain fart and become closed, dishonest and irresponcible in my treatment of her THEN I would expect her to hand back my collar and walk away for I would no longer be the Man she submitted to.

Most of the other things I see her as entitled to come from that main one.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 26

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 1:07:09 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

The truth is, he owes me nothing and I owe him everything, and for the rest of my days, even if he ever chooses to dispose of me, I should and will be grateful for having had the privilege of his ownership in the first place. I realized how ungrateful I had been when expressing such sentiment. I felt ashamed for not better expressing my gratitude to him, and for instead, crying out “You should” sentiments

First off this is probably why I would never be a slave, meaning i do not believe i'd ever give 100% control of my life to anyone. This may change for no one ever knows the future. I feel in a relationship both parties owe the other. Be it respect, care, whatever. If he owes me nothing then whats to stop him from treating me like a doormat or the poop on the bottom of his shoe? I am a person as well as his submissive and therefore I am entiled to a certain degree of things.

quote:

What are you entitled to in your relationships (from both the dominant and submissive perspective)?

I am entitled a partner that cares for me, that will not cause me emotional or physical harm.
I am entitled to be cared for in the way that we agreed upon when i agreed to commit to Him.
I am entitled to have an opinion, even if that means only having a set time when i can be voiced.
I am entitled to have a say in any action or desicion that will effect my mental or physical well being or that of my child or children.
I am entitled to feel anyway that I am feeling at a any time and i should be able to communicate with Him when i feel something is wrong, even if i'm just insecure or confused.
I am entitled to be an individual even if that person is naught but His pet, I am me, and I will change behavoirs but I will not kill my peronality for anyone. Anyone that wants me will want me as the person I am. I am not and will not be anyone automoton.
I am entitled to end the relationship at any time I feel I can no longer be a part of it.

He is entitled to my respect, my love, my loyalty, my devotion, the use of my body other then any hard limits I have.
He is entitled to know my true feelings at all times.
He is entitled to expand my servitude to Him, my boundries and my ideas.
He is entitled to end our relationship at any time he feels it is no longer working.

Each and every relationship is unique. The level of trust you have for your partner will deligate how much you are willing to give up to them. IMO anyway. I'd never just blindly handed over everything to someone I just started seeing, that would be foolish, for me.

I have felt extremely at ease and trusting of some people right away, others it took me a while before I would start to let down my guard and start to relinquish greater control of things.

If being able to give everything and expect absolutely nothing in return works for you then that is good. For you.

For me, I have expectations that need to be met by both parties, that's just the way I am. I gave up everything for someone once and ended up homeless and penniless with a 2 yr old child. I won't let that happen again. I will always have safeguards of some sort in place.

< Message edited by akisha -- 8/14/2006 1:10:17 PM >

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Post #: 27

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 1:14:02 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

I gave up everything for someone once and ended up homeless and penniless with a 2 yr old child. I won't let that happen again. I will always have safeguards of some sort in place.

I understand that, I went through this myself and it is why I chose to live alone while I was rearing my son, trust just hasn't come easy to me when it comes to my son's welfare in this world. I can ask that I give up everything, but I cannot ask the same of my child. He is almost grown, and I find this is not the issue it once was, everything changes. As my son counts on me less and less, it gets easier for me to think of counting on another.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 28

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 1:21:54 PM

akisha

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Joined: 6/25/2005
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Oh dear, lol I don't want to wait 17 years to have another relationship though hehe

I'm hoping I'll find someone that wants and loves my daughter and wants the best for her and understands that as a child she has needs that do come first.

One of the things i'm set on is that I will work outside the home and if not an equal say in the finances of the household then I have a savings account where a designated amount will go every month so that I'm never left destitute again.

And really if I can't find someone that understands that then I'm better off alone. It's just a daunting thought being along for the next 2 decades.

I can totally understand why you would do so though.

thanks julia *S*

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 29

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 1:22:30 PM

WhipTheHip

Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
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> If he owes me nothing then whats to stop him from treating me
> like a doormat or the poop on the bottom of his shoe?

His love for you, his compassion, understanding, sensitivity, empathy, kindness, his
feelings for you, his heart. If you find someone with a loving heart, they will treat
you well and give you pleasure because they get happiness from your happiness,
and get pleasure from your pleasure. The more a female gives herself to me, the
more responsible I feel for her well-being. If you find someone with a good heart,
they will never take advantage of you.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 30

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 1:27:50 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I personally do not believe I am entitled to anything. I have worked for everything I personally have, including my boy's loyalty and trust. I owe my boy nothing, yet he knows I am always looking out for his best interests. If you find the person you are meant to be with, you wil owe one another nothing. You will want and need and desire, but you wil not owe.

DV

(in reply to WhipTheHip)

Post #: 31

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 1:27:54 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

It wasn't something I intended on or made a consious effort to do, I am not Mother Theresa!...smiles. It just happened that way, I surely hope it is different for you because I didn't want it to be that way for me!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 32

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 1:28:24 PM

akisha

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Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

> If he owes me nothing then whats to stop him from treating me
> like a doormat or the poop on the bottom of his shoe?

His love for you, his compassion, understanding, sensitivity, empathy, kindness, his
feelings for you, his heart. If you find someone with a loving heart, they will treat
you well and give you pleasure because they get happiness from your happiness,
and get pleasure from your pleasure. The more a female gives herself to me, the
more responsible I feel for her well-being. If you find someone with a good heart,
they will never take advantage of you.

I agree but then would that not mean I am entitled to a Dominant that loves me and wants what is best for me? *S*

Just as he is entitled to my love and my wanting to be my best for him.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to WhipTheHip)

Post #: 33

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 1:32:57 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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You know, the only things I am 'entitled' to are the same things that every human being and, in my case, every American, every university instructor, every wife, every other "group" I'm a part of is entitled to.

Of course, to be blunt, I wouldn't use the word entitlement or entitled or its other forms.

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(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 34

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 1:49:25 PM

akisha

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Joined: 6/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I personally do not believe I am entitled to anything. I have worked for everything I personally have, including my boy's loyalty and trust. I owe my boy nothing, yet he knows I am always looking out for his best interests. If you find the person you are meant to be with, you wil owe one another nothing. You will want and need and desire, but you wil not owe.

DV

I agree that you don't owe each other in that sense as everything will be done out of a desire to please the other. He does not owe me his love, but he does owe me the respect of telling me if he doesn't love me any longer

I believe a couple owes it to each other and themselves to do the best they can for one another.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 35

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 2:22:51 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Fast Reply:

Wow, what an absolutely delightful thread! I see, like KoM, that owned is ‘becoming’…not giving up anything. I have had a taste of this…the feeling of commitment to another that is so deep, so strong that as I removed small obstacles, I found myself going deeper and deeper into my submission to Him.

Still…I believe just how deep one goes is an individual thing. I wonder if I would EVER be able to sign my checkbook to another…or my home, for example. However, I doubt it would ever be a problem, because while the ones to whom I’m attracted may ‘suggest’ or ‘direct’ me regarding my own property or money…they have no interest whatsoever in making it theirs. For that reason this has not been an obstacle. I’m really bad with money…while I support myself just fine and own my own home, my vehicle is paid for and I pay for my medical insurance…guidance regarding budgeting and money management would be a good thing, actually.

So, by my way of thinking…a submissive or slave who gives of herself in ways that feel deeper and deeper to her are not necessarily also ways that she looses more and more of herself. She is just becoming…recognizing and realizing and developing into what it is she feels is her.

Thank you all for some really wonderful thoughts...

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 36

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 3:01:03 PM

ownedgirlie

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Bearlee: I was just telling someone today I was thinking of starting another thread of, "How Deep would you go?" And here you made reference to just that. So I will ponder that a bit.

You also see what I see - becoming, rather than losing. What I have lost are my inhibitions, my baggage, my walls, my fears. I see that as good!!

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 37

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 3:10:51 PM

WhipTheHip

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Joined: 7/31/2006
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Hi Akisha,

> I agree but then would that not mean I am entitled to a Dominant
> that loves me and wants what is best for me? *S* Just as he is
> entitled to my love and my wanting to be my best for him.

I don't know if any of us are "entitled" to a soul-mate that loves us.
I mean it would sure be nice if they automatically handed them out
when we reached a certain age. In my personal estimation, seeing
this does not automatically happen, it should be our objective to
find such a person.

With love, lashes, and endless hugs,
Michael.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 38

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 3:17:33 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

I do see that as good, owned; growth is always good!

I wonder about 'How Deep'... but I think I know what it feels like. Ever just bare your neck to your lover? ...KNOW that what He does is out of love and caring, protection of your soul; a desire to let you fly? I want that again...

I am not afraid of being taken advantage of. It has happened before...mostly while still vanilla. Life does that sometimes...but I'm far pickier about who I spend my time with and certainly more selective regarding who I might actually submit to; however deeply. I think one of the most important things I've learned these last three years is...negotiation. Communication and negotiation. And that actions speak louder than words. I'm in no hurry...

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 39

RE: Entitlement - 8/14/2006 3:26:20 PM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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In my relationship, there are a few things that I am entitled to. One is that I am entitled to be free from harm. In fact, the rule with the highest priority is to protect his property from harm, even if it is against him. I am entitled to have my needs met; this includes physical, mental and emotional needs. He will just determine how and when they will be met. Finally, I am entitled to expect my Lord to continue being who he is. I chose to submit to him based on who he is and if he stops being the things that earned my devotion and loyalty then the foundation of our relationship changes.

The biggest challenge I have had with entitlement is the fact that my Lord is very consistent in his interactions with me. He will do something the same way every single time and the repetitiveness creates an expectation that it will happen again the next time. Stopping myself from feeling entitled to these interactions is what I struggle with. The biggest thing that helps me is him being consistent with correcting me when I overstep my bounds. Typically, it just takes a simple reminder from him and other times it requires a deeper discussion. Lately, I have been able to recognize my own thoughts and keep them from going in the wrong direction. Mostly, I remind my self of what I am entitled to and if it doesn’t fall under that, I try to let it go.

I do not have the expectation that I will get rid of feeling entitled and never have to worry about it again. I think it is something that will constantly be a work in progress. It has become easier to deal with over the past 22 months and I suspect that it will get even easier as the relationship continues to develop.

He asked me the other day, “What do you think I am entitled to?” and I said “Whatever you want.” Some would perceive it as an imbalance or negative aspect of the relationship, but for me I am quite content with the structure.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 40

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