Cynical assumptions.

Cynical assumptions. (Full Version)

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WhipTheHip -> Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 12:17:06 AM)
I saw a question asked on another thread why do some males have different profiles or seem to be seeking every type of situation. The answer many gave was they were just looking for any female with a beating heart, or just looking to get laid. So much for giving others the benefit of the doubt. When a bi-female goes to lesbian bar, she is looked down on. They tell her she needs to make up her mind, that she has to decide if she is gay or straight--as if it is impossible for a female to be attracted to both males and females. Since I was 12 years old, and even before, all my sexual fantasies invloved bdsm. I created the whole genre in my mind before I ever learned anyone else had similar tastes. Orginally, I could have been a submissve or dominant or a top or a bottom. My interest was in bdsm. The rest really didn't matter so long as the other party was a compatible female. There were certain dominant females I found attractive, and there were submissve females I found attractive. Just because I was attracted to some dominant females, and some submissive females does not mean I would have fallen in love with any female with a beating heart. Is it really impossible for a male to enjoy being submissive with certain females, and dominant with certain other females? Is it really impossible for a male to enjoy being a top with some females and a bottom with others? Or even being a switch with certain others? Isn't it possible for different females to bring out different sides of a guy? Can't dominant females bring out the submissive side of a guy, and submissive females bring out their dominant side. Is this so hard to understand? I guess it must be. By listening to so many of your comments, I would have to conclude I was a faker. What I find strange are males and females who must be dominant 24/7/365/120, and males and females who must be submissive 24/7/365/120. I believe a certain amount of balance is a good thing. I have never had a relationship with domme, but I've gotten to know a lot them real well. I've gotten to know many of well enough to know that I could not live with most dommes. There was a time, I could be submissive to the right female in a long term relationship. But that time, has long past. The fact is I have a pretty low opinion of males and females who are "real" Dommes or Doms. I may find Dommes sexually attractive, but I could never live with one. I think this is the case with most males. I think most males could enjoy being submissive to a Domme for a few days, or maybe even a month or two, but after a while, it would get to be too much. I suspect many men think they can live in submissive relationship a lot longer than they really can. Just like a lot of bottoms think they can take a lot more pain than they really can. For the record, I just wish to state, that I only have one profile here, and have never written to a domme seeking a relationship nor would I ever. I think a certain amount of flexiblity in personality is a good thing. For most people there are other concerns aside from how dominant a perspective partner is, and how submissive a perspective partner is. Most guys can be a little more dominant or a little less dominant. Does this make them posers. I think not. Michael

SusanofO -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 12:22:26 AM)
I hear you Whip the Hip. Persoanlly, I think Dommes are fine (I am hetero, and not seeking a Domme, but I have nothing against them, and many on this site I think are wonderful people, from what I know of them). But wonder about the predjudice sometimes about Switches and bi-sexuals (although it's rare, I've seen it). I do understand people becoming frustrated in their "search", and I've gotten weird e-mail, (I also identify myself as a possible Switch) and I've complained about the weird e-mail, on rare occasions (but not bitterly, or often). I've never understood caring what other people are doing or not, as far as thier "kink" (unless for some reason, it's personally damaging me, which it never has). I do think there are people who honestly just cannot intellectually wrap their mind around the concept of bi-sexuality or Switching. I don't care - but sometimes I wonder, if they don't understand it to begin with, why they'd want to debate whether it's "correct" or not. Frankly with this being a free site, and also one with hundreds of thousands of members, sometimes some can make it sound like it's almost unbearable to be invited at all to this Banquet Hall - know what I mean? Things might be a heck of a lot worse for some folks, probably, if this site wasn't here at all. On the other hand, there are poepl here, maybe, who've really been "done wrong" by a past Dom, Dome, or submissive or slave. It might take those folks some time to heal, I guess. - Susan

popeye1250 -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 12:51:24 AM)
Whip, no I don't think that's impossable at all. But you get some in here and elsewhere who are "purists" I call them; "there's only one way to do it" people. I'm as Dominant as they come but I've bottomed with a Domme before because she kept asking me and I finally obliged her and I kind of liked it! Let HER do all the work. lol And she beat my ass good too! She was a math teacher and tutored the children of wealthy people in Maine and went to Bates College. We knew each other for a few years. To the "there's only one way" people I wouldn't be Dominant for bottoming. I understand what you mean about the profiles.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 12:54:53 AM)
As a woman and a bisexual I have never had a problem with feeling ousted by lesbians. I have had 2 lesbian Mistresses and have been to more than a few lesbian bars and always felt welcomed. I enjoy being dominated by a man or woman as well as being with another woman just as a lover with no domination. In my 12 years in this lifestyle I find some men just really want it all and will go for anything as well as some women. Thats the great thing about this lifestyle, something for whatever you are into.

cynthiamarie -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 1:58:34 AM)
Hm, thank you Whip. It's good to hear from a man's point of view about this and it did help me see the other side. Sometimes I get too burned out and mistrust ones who have multiple profiles. Yes, I've laughed at guys who have gotten confuzzled and signed their other profile name to a letter they've sent me. I've felt had, and played, with someone approaching me under the guise of two or more people, and would prefer someone telling me that they have multiple preferences. I have friends who are bi, and understand that some things are not an either/or proposition...sometimes one can enjoy both chocolate icecream and vanilla. [:D] I don't know much about teenaged boys who feel pulled toward BDSM, nor what they go through. What burns me out more and makes me less understanding is when the BDSM is more important than the person. As a top, I'm often a BDSM version of a one night stand and I want so much more out of this than that. BDSM is starvation rations, when one craves an LTR D/s relationship feast. quote: Is it really impossible for a male to enjoy being submissive with certain females, and dominant with certain other females? Is it really impossible for a male to enjoy being a top with some females and a bottom with others? Or even being a switch with certain others? Personally, I don't have a problem with wrapping my brain around this. I know Doms who are sub with me and I don't respect them any less. I could never take care of all of their needs as I am not poly, and I feel that if I switched with someone, the power lines would be confused and we'd end up in a vanilla relationship. Maybe I'm wrong and time will enlighten me. Some people have told me that either someone is Dom/me or sub/slave. That is their belief, and it leaves switches out of the equasion. That's their choice, but each of us knows who we are and nobody else has that right to tell us who we are. I'm a switch who chooses to only explore her Domme side, just as you choose to stay in Dom mode for whatever reasons you have. I have never bottomed, and sometimes it pulls to me...but my problem is that I want to experience sensation without feeling submission. [:D] Since I can't guarantee myself that, I don't see myself going bottoms up anytime soon. quote: Isn't it possible for different females to bring out different sides of a guy? I don't see why not. A few males have made me feel sub in the past, so why shouldn't the shoe be on the other foot? Others have said they avoid switches because they themselves don't switch, they're not into sharing what belongs to them, or that they don't like the insecurity of their switch suddenly needing to leave the relationship to explore their other side with someone else. Some Dom/mes don't want to have their relationship suddenly go out of alignment when the switch tries to dominate their Dom/me. [:D] As for myself, the switches I know wouldn't be satisfied with only one partner. I guess it would be like giving up their right arm so that they could only use their left. When I find a sub, if I become attracted to a Dom I will do what I do now...avoid that Dom's company. My own personal preference, not a recommendation for anyone else. quote: I may find Dommes sexually attractive, but I could never live with one. I think this is the case with most males. I think most males could enjoy being submissive to a Domme for a few days, or maybe even a month or two, but after a while, it would get to be too much. I suspect many men think they can live in submissive relationship a lot longer than they really can. Just like a lot of bottoms think they can take a lot more pain than they really can. I think you're probably right. Of course, I'd like to understand why this type of relationship is so difficult to maintain long term. Why does the male need an out? Some stay in long term relationships as submissives, while many others seem to need only a temporary fix now and then. There is something they need that they're not getting, and I wonder if it's more than...feeling less if their friends knew they were "pussy whipped". As much as I enjoy debating things with you, I'll have to pass on this one. I can't disagree with anything you've said so far, though I puzzle over some parts choose to see things as merely stages many men go through. I'll try not to be too judgmental and call someone a poser when he is only new and trying to find his place. If I'm going through burnout, all bets are off. [:D] I will mind my mouth more in public though, and try not to add fuel to the fire. Sometimes all of us need a lesson in tolerance. I hate it that many seem to need BDSM more than a D/s expressed loving relationship, and that you seem to be right about many men preferring to bottom for a time then moving on to the next Domme. I have enough strikes against me for finding the right sub, and have enough problems with burnout...without hearing how subs don't need us except as occasional relief stations. I'd like to see some males come into this thread and remind me of why I keep searching, just to balance things out. I'd like to see males who fall into the category you mentioned, ones who need Dommes but leave after a short while. Why do you leave? What needs are not being met? When there is a problem, it's good to see some solutions offered.

bignipples2share -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 2:05:10 AM)
I only have one profile on here. I've no intention of adding another. Although I make a change on it now and then, the basic premise is the same and I don't think that's going to change, no matter who says what about it. There are many here that don't like what I am and say so often. My feelings on that are, oh well. I'm not gonna play with, or bed them either, so no worries on my part. They can just be disgruntled, and make snide remarks, but it's not going to make any difference in the way I choose to enjoy MY life, nor is it going to drive me away. They are no better, or worse than I am when it comes right down to it. We all enjoy different things and there ARE people out there that like what I'm all. I will be here for as long as I choose to be, as I don't see that I've broken any rules in order for it to be any different. - There are many many people that come here and that's all they want is wanking material, or they're looking for a one night stand and their profiles reflect that. The women on here do have to sort through tons of emails where that's all the other person does want, is something with a beating heart. You can't tell them to give the benefit of doubt when their mailboxes show it as fact. - There are men who can actually live as a sub for years and love it. I just don't think it's right to spurn me and someone else for liking the color green on our bedroom walls, just because they, who live clear across town, don't want it on their walls. By golly, I hope they keep that elitist white paint on the other isle away from my green!!! Sorry, that rant kept cropping up in there, didn't it. I did address some of what you said though <smile> Better add all those disclaimers at this point, huh. IMHO..etc.... ~Big

SusanofO -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 3:57:15 AM)
As far as unattractive parsonality traits go, I think cynicism has got to be one of the worst. For me, it's an instant turn-off. It's like the person expressing it is having a tantrum, but trying to make it seem "adult" because they (to a degree) intellectualize their complaints. Mini-rant re: Cynics: They seem devoid of hope, but some seem to be hoping some will see them as witty instead. This strikes me not only as dishonest, but it's also transparent (to me). Also - something about cynicism seems to expect other people to fix the 'problem' (whatever they think it is), instead of the cynical person realizing their attitude is within their own control. Cynics seem to expect the worst, and then seem surprised if they don't get it. They are usually mentally 'prepared' in the extreme, for things to go awry. And sometimes, this attitude isn't even "situational" - its just seems ingrained in a cynic's head, and this sour attitude runs across the board into myriad life situations and circumstances, regardless of the person's personal experience with particular situations that would have given them reason, perhaps, to be suspicious about an outcome. Maybe I am being cynical, here (but only about cynics, hehe). [:D] If their cynicism proves in some circumstance to be unfounded, my experience with cynics is that they either don't recognize that, or seem convinced whatever good does happen in the situation they are cynical about won't last, or is otherwise some kind of historical fluke. To suggest otherwise (like something good) has or might happen is to sometimes be thought of by them as "unrealistic" or "Pollyanna-like" or "delusional". I find most cynics to be predictable bores, "downers", and think theirs is not a very productive or encouraging out-look, and fails to be any kind of respectable "teaching attitude" or "tool" for me at least, to learn much from. Cynicism never strikes me as very "Domly", courageous, or grown-up, in general. I think there is a differnece between attempting realisitically assessing sitautions and people, and assuming the worst about both. - Susan

darkinshadows -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 4:11:24 AM)
I think the cynical assumption just shows the personality of the person posting and that way assists us in whether we want to communicate with that person or not or listen to their ideas and advice or not. I find it quite helpful in a sense... at least you can 'see' where a person is coming from and whether you want to spend precious time listening to them. Peace and Rapture

bignipples2share -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 4:12:23 AM)
Well, I did have a bit of a rant there, huh LOL and it wasn't even directed at the OP, we'd just came from away from the same thread, both of us left not as pleased as when we went there, just for different reasons. Ah well. ~Big

SusanofO -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 4:22:19 AM)
My comments weren't directed at anybody in particular (really and truly). I just wanted to comment on my opionion about cynicism, since it seemed relevant to the topic. [:)] - Susan

bignipples2share -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 4:31:30 AM)
Understood <smile> ~Big

porcelaine -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 5:04:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip The fact is I have a pretty low opinion of males and females who are "real" Dommes or Doms. I may find Dommes sexually attractive, but I could never live with one. I think this is the case with most males. I think most males could enjoy being submissive to a Domme for a few days, or maybe even a month or two, but after a while, it would get to be too much. I suspect many men think they can live in submissive relationship a lot longer than they really can. Just like a lot of bottoms think they can take a lot more pain than they really can. It would be my guess that the other parties were merely sharing their opinion, much like you're doing now. I have yet to see the things you describe in the scene and I've been in it for quite some time. What I do witness are males and female persons that are passionate about the lifestyle and eager to learn. I would gather that if your assumptions were correct, there would be a lot of dominants without subjects. I don't see the coffers emptying anytime in the near future. I am curious to learn something. If your opinion of those that choose to operate on one side of the coin is so low, how does this impact your relations with your peers? I know for a fact that I heartily enjoy speaking to other submissives. We learn a great deal for the other. Are you able to separate your opinions or have they placed you on the outside instead? porcelaine

mistoferin -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 5:19:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip Is it really impossible for a male to enjoy being submissive with certain females, and dominant with certain other females? Is it really impossible for a male to enjoy being a top with some females and a bottom with others? Or even being a switch with certain others? Nope I don't think that is impossible at all....actually I see it often. Those males are switches. It's also not impossible for males to never be interested in bottoming or being submissive to any female. Those who are of that persuasion are the ones I am most attracted to.

twicehappy -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 5:31:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bignipples2share Well, I did have a bit of a rant there, huh LOL and it wasn't even directed at the OP, we'd just came from away from the same thread, both of us left not as pleased as when we went there, just for different reasons. I think the difference in your profile listing is the sentence below. " I've been referred to as one who tops from the bottom, which is not desireable for most. I do not consider myself sub, I just enjoy some things that are considered sub. I do this for the enjoyment of and the erotic nature of " The type of profile Scooter, myself and a few others were referring to in the other thread are those that state they are looking for one thing, have three paragraphs describing how much they desire to do this one thing, that this one thing is all they live for, then go on to list every and any choice available to pick as what they are searching for. Your profile is very explicit and clear so there is no confusion to those reading it; while these types are confusing and misleading. If as some have stated they are only looking for and open minded about speaking to all of these others as some have inferred it would be easy to pick the friends option or include this info in their profiles. Not stating every body should do this, they are after all free to write their profiles as they wish, simply stating it might help those who they wished contact from have a clearer grasp of what they seek. Thereby also facilitating reaching their own goals in the process.

RavenMuse -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 5:37:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip Is it really impossible for a male to enjoy being submissive with certain females, and dominant with certain other females? Is it really impossible for a male to enjoy being a top with some females and a bottom with others? Or even being a switch with certain others? Not impossible... they are called switches. quote: Isn't it possible for different females to bring out different sides of a guy? Can't dominant females bring out the submissive side of a guy, and submissive females bring out their dominant side. Is this so hard to understand? I guess it must be. Only if it is there to BE brought out. YOU seem to think that people have problems with switches... I put it to you that YOU seem to have a problem with those who DON'T switch. Are you so insecure about your switch nature that you have to take such a negative attitude to non-switches? Rhetorical question of course because I don't actualy care what you think of Me in either case [:D] quote: By listening to so many of your comments, I would have to conclude I was a faker. Reading some of your posts I've wondered about that myself. No 'conclusions' yet though[;)] quote: What I find strange are males and females who must be dominant Must? Must implies a choise.... just the way some of us are wired! quote: I believe a certain amount of balance is a good thing. Woop-de-do but only if YOU are defining what needs to be balanced and the manner of it being so, right. There is balance in My relationship. Ying and yang. I bring what she needs and visa-versa. THAT sunshine is ALSO balance! quote: The fact is I have a pretty low opinion of males and females who are "real" Dommes or Doms. Do you mind. I got called a TWUE Domly. That outranks 'mear' "real" Domlys. It says so right on page 51 of the Domly handbook. But that isn't what you are implying here. You are doing a. 'anything that doesn't subscribe to MY OTW is FAKE and your OTW is 'everyone should switch'. 1) none of us CARE what you think about us 2) it isn't any better than any other OTW attitude.

juliaoceania -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 5:58:09 AM)
quote: Isn't it possible for different females to bring out different sides of a guy? Can't dominant females bring out the submissive side of a guy, and submissive females bring out their dominant side. Is this so hard to understand? I guess it must be. By listening to so many of your comments, I would have to conclude I was a faker. Yes, we call this being a switch. There are a couple of submissive type men that I find appealing personality wise on this board myself...If I was looking it might be tempting to consider switching for some that are like these, but alas, I do not think it would work for me. I haven't seen anyone calling switches "fakes".

FirmhandKY -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 6:20:47 AM)
Maybe I should just stop posting anything, because RavenMuse always seems to be reading my mind and posting for me. [:D] Kudos. FHky

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 6:52:30 AM)
There's the saying that it ain't bragging if it's true. It's not cynical if it's true either- it's just reality. The responses in that other thread had NOTHING disparaging to say about switches or people who can be involved in a variety of relationships. The thread was about males who say they are looking for ANY and EVERY type of relationship out there with no distinction of self. Years of personal experience online have shown me that those are almost always men who don't know anything about what they want and are just throwing things up to try and make a connection to anyone.

Homestead -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 7:11:01 AM)
Smiles, I made a comment about horndogs looking for nookie. Men like that abound just about anywhere. Why is it, when you make a reality statement that isn't all covered over in flowers and candy.......you get labeled a cynic? Is the truth so hard to take that you have to dismiss the bearer?

GddssBella -> RE: Cynical assumptions. (8/30/2006 7:14:42 AM)
G'morning all: quote: ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip So much for giving others the benefit of the doubt. I think most males could enjoy being submissive to a Domme for a few days, or maybe even a month or two, but after a while, it would get to be too much. I suspect many men think they can live in submissive relationship a lot longer than they really can. Just like a lot of bottoms think they can take a lot more pain than they really can. Apparently, you don't take your own advice. I know many successful domme/male sub relationship that last for years or even, for life. To imply that men can't be submissives in their heart all the time though is just silly. Just because it didn't work for you, doesn't mean that others can't or don't make their submissive intentions work. Personally, I don't believe anyone can be in "mode" 24/7, but this isn't the point you're making. Everyone needs down time, a chance to live life and accomplish things outside of the bdsm lifestyle. It's impractical in practice, for anyone, simply because reality must intrude. Susan, as to cynicism itself, the definition is as follows; based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest. (See Webster's) I don't see how that makes anyone devoid of hope, having a tantrum, having a sour attitude, a bore, a downer, or any other such label as you see fit to slap on them. Perhaps they just have a more realistic outlook on the world. They may also come by their opinion due to observation and experience. There are myriad reasons why some people adopt this approach to the world. Not everyone can be dancing in the tulips all the time. Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others... [:D] Bella

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