What disheartens you about the Lifestyle?

What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (Full Version)

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LotusSong -> What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:02:16 PM)
If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw? What irritates you? What defeats your spirit? I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again...

ToGiveDivine -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:08:37 PM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m.asp?m=650034&mpage=1&key= http://www.collarchat.com/m.asp?m=650008&mpage=1&key=

LaTigresse -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:11:19 PM)
Nothing about it really disheartens me. I am what I am regardless of others. My only frustrations are the limitations I have created for myself that make me feel boxed in. What irritates me the most are the arrogant argumentative people I have encountered. Fortunately I have the ability to choose how I let them affect me and how I perceive this thing called "lifestyle". I do not have to conform to anyone elses idea of a dominant. If I ever have a sig other, sub/slave, they only have to be right for me, not for any other. So, other than the two of us, I don't care if I or my submissive/slave are "real" or "true" to anyone else. The only things that even come close to defeating my spirit are things much greater than this small facet of me.

missturbation -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:12:05 PM)
Where to start lol. Yep i am definately considering leaving the lifestyle at present. I don't know whether it would be a temporary or permanent parting but i think its probably something i need to do. As anyone who knows me or has read my profile knows i have been under consideration for quite a while now. Things have gone belly up recently and at this moment i do not know whether we will continue with the relationship or not. I hasten to add that noone has done anything wrong, noone is to blame it is just things beyond mine and my Sirs control. Unfortunatley though i feel that i have failed in some way. I feel i just keep making mistakes over and over. I feel that i just cant quite find what it is im looking for. Im sick of trying to weed out all the players and find 'the one'. Im sick of having questions and no answers. I feel unable to post questions sometimes which are personal to me for the people out there who just attack you and judge you. In general i can find so many reasons to leave the lifestyle and not half as many to stay.

Kalira -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:15:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw? What irritates you? What defeats your spirit? I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again... At first it was because of grief and a feeling of betrayal. After a couple years, it was because of those who thought it was all about sex. Now aday's I just go with the flow and am thankful for what I have had in the past, and what I am working towards in the future

ToGiveDivine -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:16:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Where to start lol. Yep i am definately considering leaving the lifestyle at present. I don't know whether it would be a temporary or permanent parting but i think its probably something i need to do. As anyone who knows me or has read my profile knows i have been under consideration for quite a while now. Things have gone belly up recently and at this moment i do not know whether we will continue with the relationship or not. I hasten to add that noone has done anything wrong, noone is to blame it is just things beyond mine and my Sirs control. Unfortunatley though i feel that i have failed in some way. I feel i just keep making mistakes over and over. I feel that i just cant quite find what it is im looking for. Im sick of trying to weed out all the players and find 'the one'. Im sick of having questions and no answers. I feel unable to post questions sometimes which are personal to me for the people out there who just attack you and judge you. In general i can find so many reasons to leave the lifestyle and not half as many to stay. If you remove any words related to Lifestyle, you could replace them with relationship. Your relationship with someone has gone belly up. I don't think it's a lifestyle issue at all except that the relationship was within the lifestyle. If you break up with someone you either start dating immediately, or you back off and get your head together - I don't see your situation being any different. If you do decide to back off, then eventually you may find yourself involved in another relationship down the road and it could be lifestyle related. You have to heal your heart and your mind and how you do that can change from day to day.

wild1cfl -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:17:31 PM)
Lotus, What disheartens me the most about it is all the people who are involved in it for the wrong reasons. Mainly I am talking about the people who use this lifestyle to use people wrongly or do not care about anyone's feelings other than their own. For me it is not a matter of wanting to ever leave this behind, I cannot do that it is too much a part of me for so long. What I do leave behind are the players and people who are only out for themselves. I give as much to my submissives as they give to me if not more, it is an exchange of more than power it is an exchange of the ying and yang of life.

Chaingang -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:19:27 PM)
I am only disheartened by threads like this one. My opinion is that no one chooses this kind of sexual expression per se - it chooses you, so to speak. If you thought you could choose it, then you are most probably a poseur and don't belong within this "lifestyle" anyway. I'm not here to get "my kink on" - it is simply part of who I am.

amlonging -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:21:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong What defeats your spirit? The terribly WILLFUL way people lie and dont give a damn that they are doing it. It breaks my spirit faster than than the tears come to my eyes. If people only knew how devastatingly wounded a person can be from willful lies. edited to add..... YESS that is the word, BETRAYAL

Lashra -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:21:40 PM)
The lifestyle doesn't dishearten me but some of the people in it do. But that is in any aspect of life, shit happens, you learn from it and move on. I had a slave for 8 years and it was the most draining experience of my life. He needed this, he needed that, why couldn't I control his life totally? Because I had my own to control in a nutshell. So I got tired of it and found out he was cheating so I let him go. I thought I'd never try that path again, but of course I did only I took a sub and found that suited my needs and his. Life has bumps and so does the lifestyle you just have to ride them out, take a break now and again. Then keep on truckin' ~Lashra

Kalira -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:24:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chaingang I am only disheartened by threads like this one. My opinion is that no one chooses this kind of sexual expression per se - it chooses you, so to speak. If you thought you could choose it, then you are most probably a poseur and don't belong within this "lifestyle" anyway. I'm not here to get "my kink on" - it is simply part of who I am. Hmm, now see, I disagree with this. I never even considered this as part of my life until after almost 2 years with my late husband. And then it was only because of something that he said and on did once that made me look into it. I started as one who only liked the kink, then moved into the submissive part, and ended up liking being a slave. Each step that I took was a chosen step, a decision on my own to go deeper. Not because I was born this way, or because it's natural to me; but because I made the choice to do so. Just my own xp though.

missturbation -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:27:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Where to start lol. Yep i am definately considering leaving the lifestyle at present. I don't know whether it would be a temporary or permanent parting but i think its probably something i need to do. As anyone who knows me or has read my profile knows i have been under consideration for quite a while now. Things have gone belly up recently and at this moment i do not know whether we will continue with the relationship or not. I hasten to add that noone has done anything wrong, noone is to blame it is just things beyond mine and my Sirs control. Unfortunatley though i feel that i have failed in some way. I feel i just keep making mistakes over and over. I feel that i just cant quite find what it is im looking for. Im sick of trying to weed out all the players and find 'the one'. Im sick of having questions and no answers. I feel unable to post questions sometimes which are personal to me for the people out there who just attack you and judge you. In general i can find so many reasons to leave the lifestyle and not half as many to stay. If you remove any words related to Lifestyle, you could replace them with relationship. Your relationship with someone has gone belly up. I don't think it's a lifestyle issue at all except that the relationship was within the lifestyle. If you break up with someone you either start dating immediately, or you back off and get your head together - I don't see your situation being any different. If you do decide to back off, then eventually you may find yourself involved in another relationship down the road and it could be lifestyle related. You have to heal your heart and your mind and how you do that can change from day to day. You know what you are completely right - my situation is relationship related rather than in particular lifestyle related. However i would not be happy in any other kind of relationship so my choice to back off for a while / for good is lifestyle related in that.

ToGiveDivine -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:30:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Where to start lol. Yep i am definately considering leaving the lifestyle at present. I don't know whether it would be a temporary or permanent parting but i think its probably something i need to do. As anyone who knows me or has read my profile knows i have been under consideration for quite a while now. Things have gone belly up recently and at this moment i do not know whether we will continue with the relationship or not. I hasten to add that noone has done anything wrong, noone is to blame it is just things beyond mine and my Sirs control. Unfortunatley though i feel that i have failed in some way. I feel i just keep making mistakes over and over. I feel that i just cant quite find what it is im looking for. Im sick of trying to weed out all the players and find 'the one'. Im sick of having questions and no answers. I feel unable to post questions sometimes which are personal to me for the people out there who just attack you and judge you. In general i can find so many reasons to leave the lifestyle and not half as many to stay. If you remove any words related to Lifestyle, you could replace them with relationship. Your relationship with someone has gone belly up. I don't think it's a lifestyle issue at all except that the relationship was within the lifestyle. If you break up with someone you either start dating immediately, or you back off and get your head together - I don't see your situation being any different. If you do decide to back off, then eventually you may find yourself involved in another relationship down the road and it could be lifestyle related. You have to heal your heart and your mind and how you do that can change from day to day. You know what you are completely right - my situation is relationship related rather than in particular lifestyle related. However i would not be happy in any other kind of relationship so my choice to back off for a while / for good is lifestyle related in that. Oh my, I am never COMPLETELY right - LOL Anyone want to chime in on the error in judgement on that particular topic? ROFL

toservez -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:33:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine If you remove any words related to Lifestyle, you could replace them with relationship. Your relationship with someone has gone belly up. I don't think it's a lifestyle issue at all except that the relationship was within the lifestyle. If you break up with someone you either start dating immediately, or you back off and get your head together - I don't see your situation being any different. If you do decide to back off, then eventually you may find yourself involved in another relationship down the road and it could be lifestyle related. You have to heal your heart and your mind and how you do that can change from day to day. This has been my experience with my thought preference. Everytime the thought about not living this way pops into my head I eventually realize that the real reasons that are causing my frustration have nothing to do with the life but more to do with what everyone deals with in a relationship. For me currently it is that I have a job that has non standard hours and days off and several prospective Masters I was talking to had a big problem with that, but then I go into work and here the same complaints from my co-workers about their spouses and significant others complaining about it I realize it is not about the life I want, but the life I have no matter what.

ToGiveDivine -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:37:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toservez quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine If you remove any words related to Lifestyle, you could replace them with relationship. Your relationship with someone has gone belly up. I don't think it's a lifestyle issue at all except that the relationship was within the lifestyle. If you break up with someone you either start dating immediately, or you back off and get your head together - I don't see your situation being any different. If you do decide to back off, then eventually you may find yourself involved in another relationship down the road and it could be lifestyle related. You have to heal your heart and your mind and how you do that can change from day to day. This has been my experience with my thought preference. Everytime the thought about not living this way pops into my head I eventually realize that the real reasons that are causing my frustration have nothing to do with the life but more to do with what everyone deals with in a relationship. For me currently it is that I have a job that has non standard hours and days off and several prospective Masters I was talking to had a big problem with that, but then I go into work and here the same complaints from my co-workers about their spouses and significant others complaining about it I realize it is not about the life I want, but the life I have no matter what. When you (and by you, I mean everyone) meet the person you are intended to be with - all will work out. Even if you have to go through dozens of disappointments or have odd work schedules or they aren't exactly what you want, but pretty damn close. The best advice is don't settle on just anyone but don't limit yourself from everyone.

eyesopened -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:42:14 PM)
The only times i feel disheartened is when people go through the modicum of effort to contact me but in a mean-spirited or dishonest intent. i fail to see how cruelty, evasiveness or dishonesty serves anyone. i feel disheartened that there are so many, even in real life who treat D/s and BDSM as an adult version of Dungeons and Dragons but with a whole lot less storyline. i am ENCOURAGED by how the "lifestyle" has helped me be a better version of myself. i may not be able to serve a Master but i find myself finding positive outlets in vanilla service to job, family and community. i've become a better time-manager and more tolerant in my daily life.

Kalira -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:43:28 PM)
quote: When you (and by you, I mean everyone) meet the person you are intended to be with - all will work out. Even if you have to go through dozens of disappointments or have odd work schedules or they aren't exactly what you want, but pretty damn close. The best advice is don't settle on just anyone but don't limit yourself from everyone I will second this. After my husband passed away, it was almost 4 years before I met another; that only lasted a short time because of family obligations...it took another 3 years before I met the one that I am currently seeing. I refused to settle for less than anything than what I wanted and needed; a decision that came from knowing what COULD be.

windchymes -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:48:22 PM)
What discourages me about 'the lifestyle' is how some people seem to lose their ability to think rationally, simply because it's "B-e-e-e!!! D-e-e-e!!! S-s-s-s!!! M-m-m-m!!!" (wish I could add a loud, echoing reverb, lol) Examples, "This guy said he was a Dom, I don't understand why he is acting like a jerk!" and "I'm a slave, so that means I have to put up with everything and let people walk all over me", and "I'm under consideration of Master Wonderdom and some other Dom actually had the nerve to email me!", and the like.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 1:59:01 PM)
In my own life, the lifestyle is my life in that it is about a relationship between me and he who would be mine. If I'm not in a relationship, than the lifestyle is something I think about and occasionally associate with other like minded folks over. I can't ever leave it per se, because I can't ever stop being me, and certainly am not about to start acting like the traditional, submissive woman for any longer than it would turn my stomach (1-2 hours tops, lol). So, many things annoy and dishearten me about wiitwd, but leaving what I am behind is not an option. M

marieToo -> RE: What disheartens you about the Lifestyle? (10/24/2006 2:05:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong If you are thinking about leaving the lifestyle..what was the last straw? What irritates you? What defeats your spirit? I TRY to leave it all, for various reasons, but find myself drawn back again and again... Well, I dont really think about leaving the lifestyle, because I don't view it as a lifestyle or something to leave or go to in that sense. I have however, thought about pursuing a vanilla relationship as opposed to one based on a power exchange because sometimes I just wish I could be like everyone else you see around. Life seems simpler to me that way. But I know better, and I know an ordinary existance keeps me feeling empty, so the thought always passes. I wouldn't describe myself as disheartened about anything. I'm cursed and I'm blessed, but I wouldn't really change a thing, 'cause I like a little pain mixed with my pleasure. Nothing ever defeats me. Though the constant pissing contests among bdsmers do irritate me.

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