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RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:40:06 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		This is a really complex issue for me. I know I have said this before so please ignore it if you have read it before.

Initially, yes, I can be very attracted to a photograph. On the flip side there have been people that I have become quite enamoured with and never have seen a photo. Knowing myself as I do, if I got to know someone via words prior to the photo, the photo would not matter so much at all.

I have, in the past, had a relationship with a person that, to most people, quite ugly. I never saw that because I was just so in love with the person I only saw attractive qualities in them.
I have also been madly in love with a very beautiful person. Many of you would recognise the face. Oddly enough I came to know this person thru their words long before I knew the face.
The thing is for me, I don't care how physically gorgeous a person is, if they don't interest me on all the other levels I lose interest really quickly.

I have this opinion I have stated many times. I have met some really attractive people that get ugly as soon as they start talking and I have met some not so attractive people that become more and more beautiful the better I get to know them.

Attraction is just much too intangible to be determined by a photograph.




_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:44:24 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveaurora
How many times have you talked to someone here on collarme who does not have a picture up and you find that you like them, have things in common etc., then when you see a pic of them and they are not beautiful in your eyes, does that change your perception of them?  Do you stop chatting with them?   

I don't stop chatting with them, but I alter my expectations and how I take things on the path of getting to know eachother.

quote:

On the flip side, have you ever contacted someone based on their picture, because you found them attractive, only to find out they are nothing like you hoped? 

Tons of times.

quote:

Does their appearance, or pic, make it or break it for you? 

It doesn't make it or break it, but it is a part of the process.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:48:10 AM   
TndrSdst


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		Well I have found a subject to comment on. Great twe all can voice our opinion.
My situation is a tad differant than most. I am not looking for a mate. I have a wonderful wife whom is a Domina and together we find those that interest us for our uses.
I have found for us we tend to begin with a visual of the person we may be interested in. We each have our own likes and search those out. However it all starts with a pic. Is this shallow to judge someone this way. I believe not. As much as I have the ability to work with anyone, no matter the physical form , I as well as My wife enjoy the beautiful female form. So when we search out or decide to add a new individual to our mix there needs to be a certain level of attraction for us. A picture definatly can help here.

Now that said, when an individual approaches me, then things change. Yes I still look at the physical, however this person(s) took the time to introduce themselves, ask pertanant questions, mostly just wanting clarifacation about this lifestyle etc. Should they not have a picture do I respond? Yes I will, however I shall ask my own questions to weed out the fakes. And YES there are Fakes out here!!!! So this is why to start a picture helps, however it is not the end all be all. I believe a phone call takes care of that!!
I will say in conclusion and fairness to some others, there are many reasons why someone may not have a picture up,.  sensitive jobs, they may have a very public life, etc. I have found that after some conversation, most people do wish to share a pic or two.It is true ... a picture can be worth a thousand words..... let us hope they are good words. Till Later..

Flogginly Yours,
TndrSdst

< Message edited by TndrSdst -- 11/2/2006 7:53:26 AM >

(in reply to r4l884slave)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:48:33 AM   
WindOWillow


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline 		I've never found a man, or anyone "attractive" due to physical characteristics. If his mind and spirit are not beautiful, if he's not a positive, compassionate person, he's not going to be some one I would wish  intimacy with. When a man has a beautiful soul, he is in my eyes, a handsome man no matter how the world views him physically.

Most people do unfortunately dwell too much on what the media tells us is standard, boring, no substance beauty.

(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 8:42:43 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

How many times have you talked to someone here on collarme who does not have a picture up and you find that you like them, have things in common etc., then when you see a pic of them and they are not beautiful in your eyes, does that change your perception of them?
 
My perception has always been changed by seeing what someone looks like, but the odds are good that if I found their personality that appealing their looks are not all that important. 


quote:

On the flip side, have you ever contacted someone based on their picture, because you found them attractive, only to find out they are nothing like you hoped? 

I have been contacted by many men that were superjocks athletic types that had nothing in common with me other than they are active. They read I believe in staying fit  and they would contact me thinking that I would therefore enjoy sports. I found some of these men extremely shallow.
 
quote:

Does their appearance, or pic, make it or break it for you?


 
Yes and no. I have been turned off by a photo. I do not like toupees, and I have rejected men that showed a photo where I was certain they were wearing one... it squicks me. I think if a man is going or is bald they should show it. These were not men that I knew from a forum or a chat venue or exchanging many emails

If they dress in a certain style I might be put off. But I do not reject people out of hand based on something like that.

Pretty much when I was looking, if they had no pic on profile I was usually not going to exchange emails because I did not want to be involved with someone that could possibly be married and hiding it from their wife.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 9:09:48 AM   
LongArms


Posts: 108
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		Hello aurora.  Thoughts on people and flowers.  Both are quite the same in a lot of ways.  You can see a flower from a distance and they can be attractive to the look.  Visual attraction can cause the desire to approach and discover more.  Upon closer inspection, the fragrance, the texture, and a multitude of other details determines how you "feel" about that flower. Same goes for catching that delightful fragrance of an unseen bloomer.  Upon closer examination, you find that instead of a beautiful blossom, you have encountered a common weed.

Sight is only one of the senses we use to determine the things we like.  It should not be the only sense we use.  Many are  the tales of relationships built on the visual blossoms of a person only to find in the end they were nothing but a blooming idiot. 

(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 9:13:41 AM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Now if I could just convince a HAWT babe or two to look past my picture and fall in love with my mind...............


LOL,
Ron




 

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 9:18:50 AM   
Ava82


Posts: 55
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		I have to be attracted to someone to want to have a sexual relationship with them.  Or there has to be chemistry.  I've surprised myself by having extremely sexual chemistry with men whom I didn't necessarily feel attracted to.  Another good reason to get offline and meet people in the local community-chemistry (in terms of a look, a fluidity of movement, something that makes your heart skip a beat) is hard to recognize online.

(in reply to RosaB)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 9:21:07 AM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		It depends on what I want the relationship to be. If it is nothing more than friends and chatting, I really could care less what a person looks like. If it's a purely physical relationship, then yes, looks play into it a great deal. If it is finding a ltr, looks rate somewhere in the middle. I find that if I am really in love with someone, even their physical flaws become beautiful to me.

As others have said, though, I also have a wide range of the things I find attractive. For example, if a man has a beautiful, rich, deep voice, he can look like Quasimodo and it wouldn't affect me. Its a matter of focusing on other's positives instead of their negatives.

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to LongArms)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 10:21:44 AM   
Caitriona


Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Attraction is just much too intangible to be determined by a photograph.



Very well said - perfect!


_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 10:29:28 AM   
gosportmike


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		On deciding to make a first approach looks are important and there are good biological reasons for this.  Sex is for making babies!  Will this person (male or female) produce and look after healthy and successful children ?  I am not looking for more children but that is not the point. The biology still rules.   This is, of course, why women in general find appearance more important than men.  They have to make more of a commitment.  Male of female, if you are on a website, at the pub, or at a bus stop, you are more likely to approach and talk to someone you find attractive.

However people use sex for more than making babies.  This site is a good example.  To maintain a good long term relationship more is required.  That is what the profile is for.  Who are you?  What do you want?  What can you offer?  Give me a beautiful picture and a mismatched profile and I could have a pleasant weekend ( I am a man you can tell).  Give me a (barely) acceptable picture and a well matched profile and I want to have a long talk with you.  I am interested.

A minor point.  When you log onto this, or on many other websites a profile appears.  This will be the most recent WITH A PICTURE.  You get noticed more often, and approached more often.  This has happened with me.  I have had messages from women because they have seen my profile in this way.  Given that there are 5 men to every woman on most websites (this one included) it is worth bearing in mind.

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 11:01:33 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		There was this really gorgious and sexy black guy on here I contacted once because he was hot, and his profilei nterested me, but when we got into yahoo instant messengers he proved what a clueness horndog he was by ignoreing everything important that was said and insisting on trying to turn things into something about sex when I had just previously stated that I was in a very non sexual very little mood.

On the flip side, have you ever contacted someone based on their picture, because you found them attractive, only to find out they are nothing like you hoped

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 11:24:59 AM   
slaveaurora


Posts: 157
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

I just wanted to add that I agree with many of the responses, in the fact that while appearance is important, it is not the ONLY thing, and in some cases appearance is not an issue.     Personally for me, they have to be beautiful on the inside for me to be attracted, the outside is only important in relation to being clean... I don't like scuzzy people.   

I have to tell you a story that directly relates, I think.  

I had a very dear friend that was born with Spina Bifida, he was a parapalegic and confined to a wheelchair.    I had met him on AOL several yrs ago and talked to him there and via phone for many months before I ever saw a picture of him.   I got to know him very well, ( as much as you can online anyway) and I grew to really respect him.   He eventually sent me a picture, and while he was far from attractive, it didn't matter to me at that point.  We ended up meeting in person, and spent a lot of time together.    We became best friends, and I loved him dearly.   I can remember going with him out to eat, or shopping at the mall and how people would stare, and in some cases make rude comments about him.    I used to get angry and he would always tell me to let it go, they weren't worth it.   

I eventually got to a point where when people would stare or comment negatively, I would think to myself, "if you only knew what you were missing in this person".  I used to think that people not taking the time to talk to him, and get to know him, were missing out on something wonderful.  And I was, and still am, very pleased and blessed to have known this man.    He was my rock during some very difficult times in my life, and I  would like to believe I was there for him as well. 
This man touched my life in a way no one else has since.  And I miss him. 
He passed away in 1998 at the age of 36.  

Just a personal true story of why looks are not as important as some people believe.  


(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 11:47:10 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think most people are not so shallow that they completely make the decision on whether to be with someone or not based solely on physical looks. 

However, it is also not wrong or shallow to not want to be in a relationship with someone because they turn you off- whether it's because of looks or habits or ANYTHING.

I, too, had a very close friend who had spina bifida.  And it IS a more challenging life than someone who doesn't have it.  I remember one time we went to the movies and she accidentally cut her leg on a sharp edge of a toilet paper dispenser and we had to spend a lot of time and care in getting the bleeding to stop and make sure no problems developed from it.  Living in a wheelchair has a lot of difficulties attached to it.  I don't think someone is wrong for accepting their limitations and knowing that this isn't something they could be happy with.

People in wheelchairs is usually scary- it reminds people of their weakness and vulnerability and scares them to see someone so "different."  It's an understandable issue that usually only personal connection will overcome. 

Now my friend had a heart of gold, and a fighter spirit and found herself a dom who loved to ride bikes and built a custom rack for her wheelchair so that they could go on rides together- they went to Sturgis, NC, and all over the country together and even started the Disabled Riders of America group (http://www.disabledriders.com/). 

Again, we should be with people we find attractive- there IS such a thing as physical beauty and physical ugliness and I'm ok with someone letting me know I don't attract them and they don't really want a relationship with me because of it. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 12:24:36 PM   
charismagirrl


Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline 		i'm not here looking for anything other than friendships with other women so i don't post a pic for that reason as well as not wanting to have people from my past find me here (since they know what i enjoy in life)

That being said, i don't feel it's shallow to want to be totally and utterly physically attracted to the Man that i submit myself to, but, if my Daddy/Master hadn't also been incredibly beautiful and honorable inside as well, then the physical attraction would never have been enough on it's own.

If he had been as internally beautiful as he is but he didn't turn me on just by looking at him it wouldn't have been enough for me to submit to him completely.

i really need both, i could've made allowances for one thing or the other, the good balance is what's most important. i just got lucky to have a man that i am totally attracted to and who had all of the emotional and intellectual qualities (and more) that i need to submit and be happy.


_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to gosportmike)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 12:27:25 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		We've been over this before Love of My Life, the fights would kill people for several counties around from their intense savagery...............

But a wonderful thought, nonetheless...

XO,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to RosaB)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 12:33:04 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

We've been over this before Love of My Life, the fights would kill people for several counties around from their intense savagery...............

But a wonderful thought, nonetheless...

XO,
Ron


Would that be kinda like "going out in a blaze of glory".....I think I would like to see that match!!


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 12:51:35 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Wow no one has mentioned that pictures can be decieving. I don't know how many people i have met from the computer in person, and found their picture either didn't do them justice or totally lied about how they look.

To be upfront..i ask for pictures. The minute i see mr.super model, i delete, because that is far from what i want. If they look real and take care of themselves, then i am interested. But picture or not, i can always be swooned by a great conversation. Though there have been times that the minute i saw their picture, i became disinterested. Not to sound shallow, but it is one of the reasons i ask for it with in the first conversations. then we aren't waisting either of our time.

This all into consideration. i know that the person i see in the picture might look diffrent when i see them in person, and so never hold much weight to online stuff tell that face to face visit happens.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 12:58:39 PM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

We've been over this before Love of My Life, the fights would kill people for several counties around from their intense savagery...............

---------------------------
LOLDon't I know it. 
-------------------------Rosa

But a wonderful thought, nonetheless...

XO,
Ron


Would that be kinda like "going out in a blaze of glory".....I think I would like to see that match!!



Just for you LaTigresse

         Ron----->  


Me delusional?  LOL

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 12:59:28 PM   
pattiann


Posts: 48
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think it is shallow to want the whole package. As I explore my submissiveness, I find it difficult to bow to one that I can't look up to, whose voice doesn't send shivers up my spine or whose face isn't one I'd want to wake up to.  I have a picture on my profile and always request one as soon as possible.  I have to honestly say that I have rejected those emails that don't meet my "criteria" simply because I can't respond to everyone and have to draw a line somewhere.  I am sure that I have ignored some very nice people, and I regret that.

IMHO D/s is as much mental as physical and if one can't capture my attention in an email or after one or two conversations, I try not to waste their time, or mine by continuing the exploration. 

Have I rejected someone whose photo was attractive? Absolutely, based simply on the way his voice made me feel. 

Shallow, perhaps, but there is definately strength in the decisions.  BTW. There is a Dom on this site that I go with all of my questions and woes; whose opinion I value more than my own; and whose face I have never seen.

Pattie

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 40
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