RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (Full Version)

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MzS -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 10:33:45 AM)

A good friend of mine was duped by a predator..she is also a very smart trusting woman.
She met him online many many yrs ago..He was exactly what she was looking for..she was willing to leave everything to be his slave..
Weeks before she was ready to go meet him..she stopped getting messages from him..
Then on the news there he was..charged with murdering women and putting their bodies in barrels in his back yard.
This was all over the news many yrs ago..and the news reports made sure the Master and bdsm was well known part of this case..
Consider yourself lucky!



KatyLied -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 10:37:16 AM)

Are you speaking of John Robinson?  People should read his story.  He actually kept a victim's child and gave it to family members.



MzS -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 10:41:09 AM)

That could be him..I remember talking with him on the phone..he seemed quite normal... no real red flags.. considering this lifestyle..



kyraofMists -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 11:02:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gardenbluebird

A dominant is in a position of trust, and it was abused.  It was abused not just once, but multiple times, with multiple submissives. 


A dominant is only put in a position of trust if the submissive puts him there.  Just because some person labels themselves dominant does not automatically assign them certain traits that makes them trustworthy or reliable.

Knight's kyra



crouchingtigress -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 11:04:38 AM)

John Robinson appeared as normal as they come....but barrels=bodies....yeah that was him.



Your friend was very lucky.
 
very very lucky.



gardenbluebird -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 11:21:17 AM)

Oh good heavens, that is scary!  Here is the link I found with the story
http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/john_robinson/index.html

I think I'm done here.  I did not have any intent to malign anyone's character - no names or descriptions were given.  I'm hurt yes, but the real purpose of my original posting was to get people thinking.  This kind of thing can happen.  Many have experienced it.  I thought I was smart enough to avoid this kind of trouble, I really did.  Obviously I wasn't.

I can defend my character and my choices all day long, but there really isn't much point.  I have some healing work to do.  Today I am going to plant daffodils in my garden and think of the beauty that will come with springtime.  Tomorrow is another day and I intend to live it with heart and eyes wide open.  I'm not quite sure how to get there, but I am sure I will in time.

This was simply my perspective on an experience that happened to me.  If someone learns from it, if someone takes heart from it, if it simply makes someone think a little harder and dig a little deeper for information then this discussion has served it's purpose.

It's a beautiful fall in in California.  The garden is calling me.  I'm off to go play in the dirt, and to think of flowers, butterflies, rainbows and kittens.  Perhaps that is a good start.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 11:24:47 AM)

seriously Gardenbluebird thank you, this topic opened up some very good discussion and i think everyone got something out of it...you were brave to post your pain so that other would bennifit and i am sure they have......have fun in your garden....



texancutie -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 11:40:43 AM)

Quivver....I did that too.  I checked the state and for me it is possible it is the same guy.  I know he travels to California on business.  The way the guy I met did it was that he traveled all over the country for work.  I am aware of 3 states for sure...but there are possibly more.  He was very slick, but being the total newbie I was in December, I have to admit I overlooked some red flags in hindsight.  I am very well educated as well, but so was he.  Education and intelligence have nothing to do with making mistakes.  We are all human and we flub things up sometimes.  But we learn and grow from each mistake and lesson hopefully.  Anyway, he said he has been active in the lifestyle for over 15 yrs, since the time of the old message boards and phone lines.  I even asked for and got a refererence from a woman in NC as well.  She vouched for him on the phone.  She and I talked a few times even.

So what ended up happening to me was not what I was expecting at all.  I just chalk it up to a lesson learned the hard way.  Sadly when you are new....and even when you are experienced sometimes you just make a mistake.  I had hoped he would have at least had been a human being to me when we scened.  Just not the way it worked out for me my first experience.  I am not going to vent over how horrifying it was for me.  It's in the past and should stay there.  Though I will never forget it, I won't keep feeding off the negative energy.  My life is on another more positive track now, because I learned from it.

Also on websites such as this, it is possible to have more than one profile.  You can have as many as you want in as many states as you want.  Anyway that is how he operates.  I have also noticed that he switches profiles occasionally so he can try to reel in as many fish in as possible.  Though he claimed to be a Master when I knew him, he even changes to a DaddyDom as it suits him.  That way being the horndog and harmful sadist ( there is a difference lol) that he is, he can reach more women. And then disappear on them later.  Also, when one travels so much on business, you can get a local cell phone number in each state you do business in.  A friend in the telecommunications industry told me that.  Just food for thought and something to be careful about.

Just have to learn to pick up on red flags, no matter how much they clang and you want to ignore them,  or how subtle they are.  Always remember the perfect man or woman really does not exist.  We are all just flawed human beings.   Though obviously some of us have more serious issues than others...[;)]



texancutie -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 12:02:46 PM)

Sigh....a few people on these boards just have to mince words, and show off how well they write...lol.  They rarely have anything nice or even helpful to say.  Enough said.

Anyway, I wish you well gardenbluebird.  You will be fine in time!  [:)]



crouchingtigress -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 12:10:41 PM)

wow texancutie, what a dreadful first time exp.....i am shocked you stayed in the life style....mind if i ask what red flags you saw and ignored...
 
the big i missed the boat on was him borrowing money out of the gate.[;)]
 



texancutie -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 12:37:51 PM)

Well my first time is one for the books....that is all I am saying.  Though am sure there are many, many worse stories and people that have actually left because of a horrible first encounter.  I did think about leaving this all behind, but I know I really can't.  It is just part of who I am.  Even though that first time was bad, it truly awakened a side to me that has always been there.  Meaning, I could no longer keep that side of myself hidden any longer.  Maybe I am stronger than I give myself credit for, but I also had the help of some good friends that I could lean on for a while.  I believe I met a sociopath, it really was all about him, he didn't care about me at all in reality.  He just wanted to beat me and get off.  So I consider myself lucky it was not worse than it was.  I shut down on him before the standard cheesy blow job, so he didn't quite get everything he wanted.  I have already hashed and rehashed all the red flags I ignored, and also my bad experience with friends.  I am pretty much over it now, though I will never forget it.  But it is not anything I like to go into detail anymore.  If there is someone out there that is hurting, new, or someone I can help by rehashing...only then am I willing to do it.  Also, thank goodness I have a very supportive and understanding Dom now.   When something comes up from the past, we both work on dealing with it.  I have recently asked him if he would help me get over my fear of canes and things cane like, as that was what was used on me my first time.  The guy I met in December wouldn't really let me get a good look at what he used on me, but I managed to see that it probably was a cheap ass dowel rod or something similar.  I am not the same person I was in December, nor in January or February for that matter.  Well I am, but you know what I mean....lol.  I had to heal myself emotionally.

Anyway, we all know there are people on sites like this one,  that claim to be someone they are not.  Just how it works is all.  But you can learn to avoid most of them.  But like I said mistakes do happen. 



Wildfleurs -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 12:48:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Great first post, yes it had been raised but i dont think that anyone could ever belabor the points of self responsibility and knowing themselves.

on your second post you yourself say that you have not read the whole thread, but if you had, you would see a pattern of behavior that is indeed predatory.


Thanks for the complement on my first post.  As a point of correction, in my *first* post on this thread I states that I've only read the first page.  By the time I got around to my second post I had in fact read the entire thread.

quote:


Also saying that a cheater is just  "someone who fucks around" is to me, society's way of casually dismissing harmful, and in the case of unwanted pregnancy's and AIDS, socially disastrous social behavior.


I hate to be technical, but a cheater is someone who fucks around covertly.  Sure there are costs, but frankly it takes two to cause a pregnancy and AIDS.  I can only speak for myself but when I was single I always had a condoms plus birth control rule.  And even now with my owner we rely only on birth control but we've talked extensively and multiple times about what we'd do if there were an accident.  To me that’s just me being responsible about my body.

quote:


lets face it, if you get in to a relationship knowing that you are already in a relationship, and tell that person you are being monogamous, and using no condoms, then there is a screw loose some where.


I don't think there is a screw loose - I think it could be just someone patently irresponsible, someone unable to be honest with themselves for their desire for multiple partners, someone who's a habitual liar.  There are tons of possible reasons, but quite honestly it would take more than ten months before I moved to no condoms even if we agreed to be monogamous.

I didn't answer your questions following that quote because I couldn't tell if they were rhetorical or literal.

C~



crouchingtigress -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 12:52:37 PM)

gosh TC i was absolutely not asking for details of the abuse....like you, i dont see how that would be helpful...but what i was asking for was red flags that were ignored...because i thought those could be...
 
i am so glad you got out of there alive, i have a good friend who has the same fear of canes for the same reasons, sadly, there are more then a handful of sociopaths in our lifestyle.



Wildfleurs -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 12:54:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

And as a man there are ways to avoid getting MULTIPLE women pregnant, if you wish to prevent it.  And yet, somehow, Mr. Fucksalot didn't see fit to do so.  He deliberately created a situation in which he had much more information than any of his partners, and thus much more power--only he knew how many people he was sleeping with.  Because he had much more power, he automatically had much more responsibility.  "Gee, I was just playin'" doesn't cut it.


In terms of preventing pregnancy knowing that he was fucking around isn't information that will help prevent a pregnancy.  Either they both wanted to concieve and neither used preventative measures and now the women regret it since he was fucking around.  Or only he wanted to concieve but these women magically forgot how to take a bitth control pill or use norplant or get an IUD.

quote:


Just a reminder:  when a woman believes she is in love with a man and that they have an exclusive, committed relationship, protecting herself from possible harm (like pregnancy and disease) is not her primary concern.  This is why the man's basic dishonesty is such an enormous problem here.  A woman who is given a free choice to have casual sex or not with a man who will seek and maintain multiple partners behaves VERY differently from one who regards herself as a man's sole partner.  "One and only", for a naturally monogamous person, connotes a very different level of sexual and emotional commitment AND risk than "one of many".


I disagree.  I love my owner and have been in a sexually monogamous relationship for quite some time but the responsibility for preventing pregnancy is still mine.  I still have to take those little pills every day to make sure it doesn't happen and when I take a medication that interferes with its ability to protect me from being pregnant (which has happened with antibiotics), its my responsibility to let him know.  If not getting pregnant is something I value (and that my owner values) then its my responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen.

quote:


This is why the lies and the manipulation become a central issue.  I am not a sex negative or poly-negative person.  I am a person who regards lies and harm as negative, and when these things are done deliberately and repeatedly, I don't consider them "just fluff".


As a point of correction on what we are substantively talking about, I think what we are disagreeing on is the use of the term predatory.  I don't believe I've ever indicated that I think lying is a good thing to do or that cheating is a good thing to do.  I simply don't think that someone who fucks around is a predator.

C~



crouchingtigress -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 1:01:40 PM)

rhetorical.
 
i think we wont ever see eye to eye on this one, ...np...its all good.



texancutie -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 1:04:56 PM)

Well...I am going to work on getting over my fear of them.  Though I know they are not exactly a light kind of toy...lol.  [;)]

I was so afraid of them that even when I saw one in a local BDSM store here in Houston.  I had a reaction.  I got really quiet and was quiet for most of the afternoon.  He noticed though and we were able to find out why I reacted that way.   He also cancelled our playdate for the next day.  Which I think was very smart.  This was back in April when I was still dealing with the fallout a bit.  I met the new Dom in February and we spent a month just talking before finally scening at the end of March.  So, it was still a new relationship and he did the right thing.

Anyway,  my thinking is once I get over that last bit, I am over the whole thing.  [:)]



PoeticPrincess -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 1:09:35 PM)

Fantastic insight Morrigel. You summed up my three years' worth of excellent sex with a fucked up person precisely. It a great life lesson if you allow it to be, and as you said quite rightly, time to move on now and find the same excitement and sexual union with someone who sincerely feels the same way you do, instead of pretending.
There is love out there, real love with sweet tender men. Look into the mirror and say "I vote for ME".




sublizzie -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 1:10:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

Sure there are costs, but frankly it takes two to cause a pregnancy and AIDS.  I can only speak for myself but when I was single I always had a condoms plus birth control rule. 


So you use female condoms? Because male-only condoms do not protect against HPV (genital warts) for either party. Just an FYI.



Wildfleurs -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 1:20:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

Sure there are costs, but frankly it takes two to cause a pregnancy and AIDS.  I can only speak for myself but when I was single I always had a condoms plus birth control rule. 


So you use female condoms? Because male-only condoms do not protect against HPV (genital warts) for either party. Just an FYI.


No, I don't know if you noticed but I was speaking in the past tense in terms of being single.  When I was single in the past I used both regular condoms and female condoms.  When I was single HPV wasn't quite as common as it is nowadays.  But I've been monogamous with my owner for a while so we don't rely on condoms as our birth control method currently.

I do think its great that you mentioned that though, because HPV seems to be only nowadays verrrrry slowly getting more coverage.

C~



topcat -> RE: Why I was selected as a target for a predator (11/4/2006 1:23:36 PM)

Dear C-
quote:

  
quote:
quote:


ORIGINAL: Morrigel
Just a reminder:  when a woman believes she is in love with a man and that they have an exclusive, committed relationship, protecting herself from possible harm (like pregnancy and disease) is not her primary concern.  This is why the man's basic dishonesty is such an enormous problem here.  A woman who is given a free choice to have casual sex or not with a man who will seek and maintain multiple partners behaves VERY differently from one who regards herself as a man's sole partner.  "One and only", for a naturally monogamous person, connotes a very different level of sexual and emotional commitment AND risk than "one of many".



I disagree.  I love my owner and have been in a sexually monogamous relationship for quite some time but the responsibility for preventing pregnancy is still mine.  I still have to take those little pills every day to make sure it doesn't happen and when I take a medication that interferes with its ability to protect me from being pregnant (which has happened with antibiotics), its my responsibility to let him know.  If not getting pregnant is something I value (and that my owner values) then its my responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen.


Well, that's because you are not a REAL submissive- you are an intelligent, self aware woman who takes responsibility for your own actions.
 
Nice to see you posting again...
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence



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