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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 4:45:57 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Alone is by far the best and I wouldn't have it any other way now.

Yes, I have relationships but no one is going to share my territory. I just don't want someone so close to me I have to make compromises in my life. I'm responsible to no one but me (and my daughters who don't live with me but I don't think this sort of relationship is what is meant.). The freedom to come and go as I please is so liberating. I can work all night and sleep all day, go out to lunch where and when I like and with who I like and have no need to explain why I didn't go home. It is irrelevent what someone else thinks of my behaviour. No compromises is just wonderful and I probably have more sex now than I ever did in a long term relationship. I win all round.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 5:05:39 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Life is about compromise. In terms of having SOME of what I want or being alone, I choose to have some-the prospect of being alone bothers Me because of what it implies.

Few people can have EXACTLY what they want-Tom Cruise,Harrison Ford, maybe, but most just have to live with having a bit less than what they want or think they deserve.

And before anyone looks at what I'm looking for on My profile and calls Me a hypocrite, that list is an ideal.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 7:15:00 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Given the high rate of cheating, all the complaints on True Wife Confessions and what I know of people, the number of people who are truly content and fulfilled being alone are very much in the minority.

The majority of people choose to be in relationships which do not work for them, or continue to be in relationships long after they fail to serve them for the sake of being "with someone."


Right. This is the question of "Would you sell yourself for love?" Many, many people would, especially if they equate being in a relationship with love.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 7:28:37 AM   
TreSwank


Posts: 1165
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline 		If I were rich, I wouldn't really give a shit, because I could shoot my rocks off into just about anything when the whim moved me to do so.  Being poor and alone....................now that sucks.  Girlfriends, then become an emotional necessity.

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 11/8/2006 7:32:16 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 7:33:37 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I was just sitting here thinking about a thread in the Mistress section called "Presenting a Challenge". One poster wrote a comment regarding several choices, none of which was acceptable to several. We were told we were avoiding the question.

The truth was that, no, we would choose to be alone rather than settle for any of the choices provided.

My question is this. Are we the majority or the minority? I have strong feelings on this and will share later, just curious about other's responses.



There is also an implied suggestion that alone = no BDSM partner.

Is that really being alone?

Even if I didn't have Fox or others I would not be alone.

I'd still have my husband, my friends, my family, my colleagues, my professors, my students, my neighbors, not to mention myself.

I would not be alone.

I can understand how intense the desires can be but thinking that you must have a relationship only increases the likelihood of you accepting someone who frankly is not an appropriate or good choice for you. I think the best relationships are those made by people who have rid themselves of this "must have" mentally

_____________________________

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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 8:17:20 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
but i also know intuitively that there will be a time that i will feel lonely, and then things will change.
 

In my experience, when I've felt the loneliest in life, is when I couldn't seem to meet anyone.  When lonely, my being needing company really seemed to come across to others and wasn't very attractive to potential partners.   It was like wearing some kind of "bug spray" that worked to repel people instead of bugs.

quote:

 
i am excited to meet him, i know he is going to be amazing, i base that on how every partner of mine has been amazing and better then the last, and the fact that i have been doing some incredible work on myself, i have an aw some life, and i am only attracted to partners that are also living amazing lives.

but the key for me which is different then it has ever been, is that i dont need to meet him, i am not incomplete with out him, he will be there as soon as i am ready, and not a minute sooner.
 
there is a thread on compromise right now, and ill say what i said there, again, "i wont compromise ever, if anything the higher i raise the bar for myself the higher i raise it for him too"


I too am doing continuous work on my life wherever I see the need.  I am usually attracted to people who recognize that they are not perfect and regularly spend time working on improving themselves.  I think we get better and more attractive with age, as the maturity and depth of character shows in ways that far exceed any loss of firmness that becomes apparent in the body.  To me, it is more important what I see on the inside than on the outside that matters most anyway.    Having some chemistry of some kind helps too, but that seems to be driven more by the mental and emotional connection as opposed to the physical attraction.

As I said above, I agree with with what you've now said in what I've just quoted.  When I don't need to be with someone, In my experience, that's when they are the most likely to appear.  At least that has certainly been my experience! 

I haven't seen the thread on compromise, so I'm not certain of the context, but finding a partner who is able and willing to compromise is important to me.  I've been with partners who tended to look at things in terms of win-lose situations who I've tried to teach the art of compromise but have only had limited success.  Finding a partner who naturally tries to create win-win situations through effective compromises would be important to me.  There's a lot we wouldn't have to agree on if I met that kind of person.  To me, that would likely be better than finding a partner who appeared to be the "perfect match".  Its unlikely that even the perfect match and I would ever agree on everything, so unless they could artfully compromise, or I could learn to always capitulate without harboring any resentment (a great ideal, but not always realistic), I'd prefer to be with the person who could compromise and do it in a manner that we could both feel good about afterward.

- pixel


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 8:17:45 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you Tammyjo, that is what I was thinking about. 

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 8:28:10 AM   
SassySue


Posts: 54
Joined: 2/12/2006
Status: offline 		I am just learning to be alone (relationship wise) after 19 years of marriage.  It is a struggle for me, and I like me.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 9:48:45 AM   
Caitriona


Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		I would rather be alone than in a relationship that subtracts, rather than enchances, my life.  From past experience I can be content alone, although I am usually happier in relationships.  I think this is tied to my submission in the fact that I am very service oriented - when I do not have someone to serve, I feel a little restless.  In those instances where I was single for a long time, I often found myself heavily involved in groups (spirituality based, usually) in a position of leading (aka serving).  

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 10:29:46 AM   
gentlethistle


Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline 		I've spent almost as many of my adult years outside of an offline relationship as inside of one.  A month ago I had a chance to be 'alone' again.  But for some reason I declined to take it.

As for 'happy'...well, that's a completely different story.

Laura

< Message edited by gentlethistle -- 11/8/2006 10:31:43 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 10:38:52 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caitriona
From past experience I can be content alone, although I am usually happier in relationships.  I think this is tied to my submission in the fact that I am very service oriented - when I do not have someone to serve, I feel a little restless. 


I can relate to that.  Being largely service oriented myself.  There are times when I've longed for a relationship with a Mistress to regularly serve where I would rub her feet, do reflexology, and give her massages along with other things.  I found at a certain point that it had been a long time since I had given a Mistress that kind of touch, and I found myself restless to be with a Mistress where I wanted to give her that kind of attention.  It was more about wanting to give of myself than about wanting something in particular from her that was driving my feelings at the time.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Caitriona)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 11:16:10 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		i've been alone most of my life.  i've never lived around family that was a constant or even regular thing.  My parents were always busy.  Nor did i have many friends growing up.  i moved alot with my mother (who worked 12 hour days about) so i pretty much grew up alone.  Yes it gets lonely not having "people" around or even those you feel you can relate too.  Yet i can do it and do it well and not let it subtract from my life.  Losing people is a completely different topic.

As for intimate relationships, eh who needs em?  I used to get teased by a friend when i was 18 that said "everybody needs somebody"  i thought it a retarded saying.  I am perfectly happy without a relationship.  i've had boyfriends that just floated around, mostly they last 3-6 mons.  They were also few and far between. Generally i drop people before it gets to any level of intimacy. I dont consider those actual relationships because i never got personally involved. 

Yet when i DO find some one that goes to that level (its happened 3 times) i fight tooth and nail for it.  I am amazingly, in my longest r/s yet and its lasted 2 years. 

So yeah, i can be really happy alone.  So many wonderful things about it and i miss it at times.

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 11/8/2006 11:18:05 AM >

(in reply to pixelslave)
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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 11:25:42 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Not since March 1, 2003.
Happy 40th Birthday baby!


< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 11/8/2006 11:58:57 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 11:55:54 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		You two just make me smile, I am so happy for you!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 12:12:09 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear LaTigresse, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eye, individuals can be surrounded by other people and be totally 'empty and alone' inside.  And, some individuals can be totally happy alone, without anybody around.
 
The question is an individual one, on choices and how much compromise there must be, in order to be with someone, with a club, group, organization or such.  Most just want to be in a place in their lives to be happy and satisfied, with little or few regrets.
 
One can get use to living alone, much better than living with someone.  At first its no problem but, the little habits others have can drive some people batty.  With large families, children seemingly appreciate a more alone style.  Having to share a lot, does leave an imprint, just as much as a single child seeks more individuals.  Humans aren't satisfied no matter what is done about it.
 
In my mind's eye--if you want to be happy, be it with a group of people or just by yourself; it is a 'state of mind' issue for that moment in your life that determines when alone is not going to make it or being around one to many others, isn't going to cut it either.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 2:33:13 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Fast Reply
I guess this is the first time I've eve been 'alone' in my life. So far, that's kind of by choice, as I've not done much in going out of my way to make it any different. I thoroughly enjoyed my last long term relationship and I do miss that type of connection. We complimented each other in almost all aspects. I'd love to have another, of equal quality, to last the rest of my lifetime, yet even though I'm sure I'd look equally as nice in a shade of greyish blue, I'm not holding my breath. I'm fine if it never happens, will enjoy it if it does. The cake is very good and holds up very well on it's own. Anything more is just icing on the cake.

~Big

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/8/2006 2:45:32 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I was just sitting here thinking about a thread in the Mistress section called "Presenting a Challenge". One poster wrote a comment regarding several choices, none of which was acceptable to several. We were told we were avoiding the question.

The truth was that, no, we would choose to be alone rather than settle for any of the choices provided.

My question is this. Are we the majority or the minority? I have strong feelings on this and will share later, just curious about other's responses.



While I am not as happy being alone as I am being in a loving relationship, I have little problem with being single.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 5:28:36 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
As for intimate relationships, eh who needs em?  I used to get teased by a friend when i was 18 that said "everybody needs somebody"  i thought it a retarded saying.  I am perfectly happy without a relationship.  i've had boyfriends that just floated around, mostly they last 3-6 mons.  They were also few and far between. Generally i drop people before it gets to any level of intimacy. I dont consider those actual relationships because i never got personally involved. 

Yet when i DO find some one that goes to that level (its happened 3 times) i fight tooth and nail for it.  I am amazingly, in my longest r/s yet and its lasted 2 years. 

So yeah, i can be really happy alone.  So many wonderful things about it and i miss it at times.



I understand that completely.   I am quite happy alone - and even when in a relationship, I need a lot of "me, by myself" space.  Oddly enough, I've been in relationships where I felt far more lonely than I've ever felt when I was single.

I definately keep the boys at arm's length for the most part.  There aren't alot of people that ever get past that barrier - interesting, usually the more they try, the less likely they are to get by it.  I can count on one hand those that have gotten "in", and it's happened far less often as I get older.

With the way my life is right now - uber-involved in school, the honors society at school, work, maintaining a high GPA - I really prefer to not have to deal with the additional responsibility of a relationship.  Perhaps it's just the subs that I've been meeting lately, but many exude a "neediness" that makes me run LOL   Nice folks, but not equiped to be in a relationship with me on my terms.  It's ok to "need" me, but it's not ok when I barely know them come across like they'd attach themselves at the drop of a hat to someone - anyone - so they don't have to be alone.


< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 11/9/2006 5:30:58 AM >

_____________________________

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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 5:31:34 AM   
jimbo747


Posts: 109
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline 		When young maybe but when gents and ladies start to get old that changes.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 6:06:54 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Being alone stinks - but, being with the wrong person may be "hell on earth"
 
The last time I seriously looked for someone, I looked for 1-1/2 years... I would rather do that then to own the wrong person. That is a tragic mistake.
 
~J

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I was just sitting here thinking about a thread in the Mistress section called "Presenting a Challenge". One poster wrote a comment regarding several choices, none of which was acceptable to several. We were told we were avoiding the question.

The truth was that, no, we would choose to be alone rather than settle for any of the choices provided.

My question is this. Are we the majority or the minority? I have strong feelings on this and will share later, just curious about other's responses.



_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 80
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