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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 8:29:27 AM   
BeingChewsie


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Joined: 10/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Alone is by far the best and I wouldn't have it any other way now.

Yes, I have relationships but no one is going to share my territory. I just don't want someone so close to me I have to make compromises in my life. I'm responsible to no one but me (and my daughters who don't live with me but I don't think this sort of relationship is what is meant.). The freedom to come and go as I please is so liberating. I can work all night and sleep all day, go out to lunch where and when I like and with who I like and have no need to explain why I didn't go home. It is irrelevent what someone else thinks of my behaviour. No compromises is just wonderful and I probably have more sex now than I ever did in a long term relationship. I win all round.



This is one of the reasons my owner has chosen to "own". He is extremely independent and will not have anyone build fences around him or become beholden to anyone. He could have written the above, he does feel he wins all around. Thank you for the above..I have been living under his way of life for a number of years and reading this helped me understand his independence streak a little more.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 9:45:31 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySue

I am just learning to be alone (relationship wise) after 19 years of marriage. It is a struggle for me, and I like me.


I imagine it is quite difficult. Tom's grandmother lost her husband of over 60 years last fall. It is very hard to lose the one you've been married to or living with for years. If Tom should pass before I do, I know I will feel very lonely.

There are times I feel lonely now when I spend hours each day at home just doing my dissertation or prepping for classes. This feeling is by no means the same as losing a partner.

But the question of the OP wasn't so much about every type of relationship but BDSM relationships and why some folks seem to equate no BDSM partner with being alone and that alone is a very negative state to be in.

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 10:08:27 AM   
meatcleaver


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Joined: 3/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Alone is by far the best and I wouldn't have it any other way now.

Yes, I have relationships but no one is going to share my territory. I just don't want someone so close to me I have to make compromises in my life. I'm responsible to no one but me (and my daughters who don't live with me but I don't think this sort of relationship is what is meant.). The freedom to come and go as I please is so liberating. I can work all night and sleep all day, go out to lunch where and when I like and with who I like and have no need to explain why I didn't go home. It is irrelevent what someone else thinks of my behaviour. No compromises is just wonderful and I probably have more sex now than I ever did in a long term relationship. I win all round.



This is one of the reasons my owner has chosen to "own". He is extremely independent and will not have anyone build fences around him or become beholden to anyone. He could have written the above, he does feel he wins all around. Thank you for the above..I have been living under his way of life for a number of years and reading this helped me understand his independence streak a little more.


I've lived with someone for quite a few years who was quite easy going but I still felt penned in. It was nothing to do with freedom to sleep around, I can be loyal to someone as the next person but it was the need she had for me to be there for at least half the time and I just got frustrated. I can work in my studio for 24 hours a day doing my work which is my passion but when I knew she was at home alone, every now and again I would feel guilty because I knew she'd be wondering where I was. Since I moved out we have been the best of friends because the tension of my needing my freedom to work and mix, have models, meet people in my business and generally network has gone. If you can cope with that and still feel wanted, your man is very lucky man indeed.

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 10:36:45 AM   
PiercedDaz


Posts: 121
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		Can you be happy alone? Can you be happy being alone? 

I've been in very loving relationships and one marriage that have for whatever reason ended. Although I was in love and loved being in love, I was unhappy in the fact that this was not meant to be.

This is why I am now happy to be alone. I don't want to feel that pain again, I'd rather wait until fate hinted that the moment was right. However, this doesn't mean that I am happy being alone. I'm not, I miss the warm feeling of a mutual relationship.

I've read the posts here with quite an interest. I sit and wonder to myself whether these people who are so happy to be alone would secretly desire the opposite?

< Message edited by PiercedDaz -- 11/9/2006 10:38:25 AM >

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 11:32:51 AM   
meatcleaver


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Joined: 3/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PiercedDaz

I've read the posts here with quite an interest. I sit and wonder to myself whether these people who are so happy to be alone would secretly desire the opposite?


A most emphatic NO! Been there, done it and got the tee shirt. I wouldn't go near such a relationship again, its so claustrophobic and I was with someone who was easy going. If I ever have any doubts I'll just think of my friends who are in a happy relationships but always have to consider somebody else before they do anything or go anywhere and that will be enough for me.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 11/9/2006 11:33:29 AM >

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 12:48:17 PM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		I'm the type that can happily enjoy my own company.  And while i still have hope that the right complimenting soul will find their  way to me, i won't choose to be in a bad or unhealthy relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.  To be honest,after several months,  if i can't  picture myself being with my partner for the next 20 yrs than i really have no reason to continue the relationship.  I don't mind...and even expect to have to make a compromise or two, since neither myself nor my potential Partner are likely to be perfect.

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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 6:26:23 PM   
Level


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Status: offline 		I would definitely rather be alone than with the wrong person. I enjoy my own company, fortunately.

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 6:42:44 PM   
SolitarySoul


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/6/2005
Status: offline 		I'm so glad I found this thread. 

I've been under the impression that I'm very different from everybody else, in that I like being alone (as my name implies).  I've been single for about four years now, precisely because I am not willing to settle and I'm not driven by loneliness to make a wrong decision, but I've gotten the impression that most people just don't understand why.

I know it wasn't for me, but thanks for all the posts!

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 7:23:59 PM   
sublizzie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: PiercedDaz
I've read the posts here with quite an interest. I sit and wonder to myself whether these people who are so happy to be alone would secretly desire the opposite?


There's no secret. I'm made to give service to another. I would LOVE to be in a relationship with the right someone who could appreciate who I am and what I have to give. But I've been in a very bad relationship and I would much rather be alone and content then in a bad relationship and miserable. I have those who understand my kind of submission and give me opportunities to give it in a safe environment, which helps me deal with that need. But I am quite content and happy being with myself.

Who would want a submissive who is so needy that they *have* to be with someone to be happy?

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 8:04:35 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

Can you be happy alone?
Yes absolutely...  But not exactly, lol.   I'm happy alone because I have people I can socialize with and play with if I desire.   I am also happy alone because I know that there is nothing less pleasant than being in a house with someone you'd rather choke to death but the law doesn't allow it as much as he may deserve it, lmao....
Seriously, I would much rather be alone than partnered with the wrong person; I try not to get so disconnected and comfortable that I become incapable of connecting intimately and in a shared space with another human being.   M

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 10:48:21 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Alone is by far the best and I wouldn't have it any other way now.

Yes, I have relationships but no one is going to share my territory. I just don't want someone so close to me I have to make compromises in my life. I'm responsible to no one but me (and my daughters who don't live with me but I don't think this sort of relationship is what is meant.). The freedom to come and go as I please is so liberating. I can work all night and sleep all day, go out to lunch where and when I like and with who I like and have no need to explain why I didn't go home. It is irrelevent what someone else thinks of my behaviour. No compromises is just wonderful and I probably have more sex now than I ever did in a long term relationship. I win all round.



This is one of the reasons my owner has chosen to "own". He is extremely independent and will not have anyone build fences around him or become beholden to anyone. He could have written the above, he does feel he wins all around. Thank you for the above..I have been living under his way of life for a number of years and reading this helped me understand his independence streak a little more.


I've lived with someone for quite a few years who was quite easy going but I still felt penned in. It was nothing to do with freedom to sleep around, I can be loyal to someone as the next person but it was the need she had for me to be there for at least half the time and I just got frustrated. I can work in my studio for 24 hours a day doing my work which is my passion but when I knew she was at home alone, every now and again I would feel guilty because I knew she'd be wondering where I was. Since I moved out we have been the best of friends because the tension of my needing my freedom to work and mix, have models, meet people in my business and generally network has gone. If you can cope with that and still feel wanted, your man is very lucky man indeed.


It is funny but that is him too. He can't stand feeling penned up or caged in. I can handle it and still feel wanted because one has nothing to do with the other. He has been this way since he was a small child. It was something I had to adapt too.The first few years were the hardest for me. I had come from relationships where you just didn't pick up and go without calling your partner kwim? I had to be re-socialized but once we got through that and he was just firm that he was not going to give in and I would be gone before he would give up his freedom to move about his life. It isn't about sleeping with other people(though he might, he doesn't discuss his comings and goings either) it is having the ability to take off for vegas on a friday and not have to *check-in* all weekend or to just decide to fly to Germany for a long weekend and not need to discuss it or decide to work late and check into a hotel closer to his office vs have to drive home and not have to answer to anyone for it.  It is drinks after work on a friday that ends up being a flight to Cabo for the weekend..that is his lifestyle. I can always reach him if I have an emergency..and have only had to do that once. Sometimes I wish he was around more but not at the expense of who he is. He calls me his oasis and I know part of the reason is because he can be who he is, free, without being beholden or tied down.The time we do spend together, the times he is home, are a joy for him not a chore.

Fences only make people look for the gate.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 11/9/2006 10:49:46 PM >

(in reply to meatcleaver)
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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/9/2006 11:05:06 PM   
Vargus


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		   For most of my life I have been a self-employed farmer and have spent huge chuncks of my life living and working on my own.Yes at times I get lonely, but most of the time I'm quite happy to be alone without anybody around. I have likely spent far too much time on my own. Being alone for me is the norm, being in a couple feels strange to me.

   I have been single for a very long time and like it. Even so I don't relish the idea of spending my whole life alone. But I will not seek a long term relationship with someone who doesn't have an interest in BDSM. If you can't share your most passionate desires with someone then what's the point?

  I don't need someone in my life to make me happy, but would never be satisfied with someone who isn't compatible.

(in reply to SolitarySoul)
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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/10/2006 11:49:06 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I was just sitting here thinking about a thread in the Mistress section called "Presenting a Challenge". One poster wrote a comment regarding several choices, none of which was acceptable to several. We were told we were avoiding the question.

The truth was that, no, we would choose to be alone rather than settle for any of the choices provided.

My question is this. Are we the majority or the minority? I have strong feelings on this and will share later, just curious about other's responses.


Good question, LaTigresse.  I know that I am the type of person who prefers being with someone to being alone.

That said...for me, that person would have to understand that I prefer a relationship dynamic of D/s.  They would have to understand that, for me, while it ebbs and flows, it never goes away.  They would have to understand that I know the play is going to go away eventually but for me, it will be later rather than sooner.  They would have to know how to love and laugh and be considerate and kind and caring.  They'd have to be able to not take themselves...or me...too seriously and yet, have the intelligence to know when seriousness is called for.  They would have to be able to carry on a conversation.  They'd have to be able to get the idea that I don't intend to be someone's intermediary step on their journey through life and don't appreciate being viewed that way.  And etc., etc., etc.

If it comes down to being in a relationship where rescue of the submissive is the primary theme versus being alone....I will choose alone.

If it comes down to being in a relationship where someone feels they can just set aside their submission because they've had a rough day and couldn't take it out on who made it rough so I am the target or set it aside because they "have a right" to "be like everyone else and say what they really feel without the constraint of manners" or being alone.......I will choose alone.

If it comes down to being with someone who is questioning her submissive state and thinks that through my love and dominance, I can help her find her way back to submission  or being alone...................... I will chose alone.

If it comes down to being with someone who thinks the D/s dynamic is only applied when doing things they like or that aren't too hard or being alone...................I will choose alone.

My ex thought that when I left, I only wanted to go out there and "have my perverted, degrading way" with all you "sick, wimpy submissives".  She was very surprised...and remains so...that despite having been in a couple of very good LTRs with submissives that I am not constantly with someone during the times when I have not been in a relationship.  I told her the same things I've stated above.  In addition, I stated this:  I have two unmentionables who, barring the occasional bouts where they make my hairline recede even further and deepen the vertical crease down the middle of my forehead, bring happiness to my life.  I have a good brother and a wonderful sister-in-law.  My nephews and I have a great time when we get together.  I have a good practice and I like my work.  I enjoy reading and music and my hot rods and motorcycles and long walks.  I have friends that I can engage in fun conversations and, if the sexual drive arises to the point of "if I don't whip someone and get laid, then I'm going to go bonkers", then there are ways of taking care of that. 

I guess what I am saying with all of the above is that I can be happy being alone.  I don't prefer it...I'd rather share my life with someone....but I can be. 

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/10/2006 11:56:43 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I think life is about relating, we have relationships all the time in varying aspects of our lives. As far as a life partner is concerned, yeah I would have to relate to them, or there would be no point in an imtimate relationship, so would divert my relating to other aspects of my life...I guess I would be perceived to be alone if I did that. I really don't think we are ever alone though....

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/10/2006 12:30:28 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Fast Reply:

I see a lot of posts about how people would rather be alone than with the wrong person, yet very few who would just simply rather be alone, period.

As for me, I have an inherent need to be owned and managed, and to be put to task by someone and held accountable to him.  I am unfulfilled otherwise.  I could go about my life alone, and I could be productive in it, and I'm sure I would have lots of fun and happy moments...but overall, I can not say that I would be completely happy if I were not living as I was meant to live.

This of course, does not mean I would belong to someone just for the sake of belonging to someone (although I have attempted that before, which was disasterous).  Fortunately that is no longer an issue for me, as I belong to someone who knows me intimately, provides for me what he believes I need, and who cares for my well being.

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/10/2006 12:56:04 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		If you're talking about being alone vs being in a great relationship, then hell yeah, I'm all for the great relationship! My preference though, is to be alone, if that's not going to be the case.

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Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/10/2006 1:47:58 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		dear owned girlee,
granted ;you have to go ,thru the ranks ;and stay in sometimes; so it goes ,without saying ;you have to form partnerships rather than try alone;couples wont let you in so easy anyway;if you are alone all of the time...but if you are with the wrong-person and, are working your way up; you follow custom; but ;let it be known politely; i am with the wrong person; but love the life ;so does this partner i am with; be he or she wrong or right for me;....it just means how available do you want to make yourself ,to be something ,to someone-else ,in the s and m-subculture? ;if you are, not with the person who circulates, in  the-rite circles ,and you are too "owned"(and ,you can be owned ,for show, just like you fake an orgasim)owned and not available; you defeat the purpose.
we all exchange ,with each other, in relationships
, so, if there's ,nothing in return ,that you can expect ,for all that' PAYBACK- TIME 'YOU SPEND ,WITH THE, 'NOT ,SO RITE PERSON'; there's no valuble relationship anyway ;no trust possible ,especially ,when you have to be ,with, that person.
the old "i'm ,so misunderstood" stuff ;don't work ,in s and m sophisticated circles ,so much ,as it does ,in traditional straight vanilla; monogomous; missionary ;boy/girl- ideal-circles; where :" being misunderstood" is ,probably the ,only most exciting sophisticated thing going on -vanilla time . ...

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 11/10/2006 2:07:25 PM >

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/10/2006 2:13:32 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		I was alone for 10 years after a 20 year marriage.  Not a relationship at all during those years.

What I can tell you from that experience?

It's better to be alone than wish you were!


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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/10/2006 2:40:40 PM   
NightWindWhisper


Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, I can be happy alone.  But I am happier, and more content when sharing my life with one other in whom I can trust fully, and whose goals, interests, and kink are compatible with mine.  I can be quite flexible, except regarding dishonesty, and I cannot abide meanness.  Life is about contentment.  (Well--lust too)

I looked to find the "choices" mentioned, but could not find the thread in the Mistress' column.

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RE: Can you be happy alone? - 11/10/2006 2:48:08 PM   
onlythewindknows


Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119



It's better to be alone than wish you were!



great quote!


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