Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Why would a Domme...?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Why would a Domme...? Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Why would a Domme...? - 11/13/2006 10:56:52 PM   
CaptveDesre


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'd like to begin this post by disclaiming some likely first impressions. I'm not writing to step on toes, to flame or troll, or because I am saddened by an empty inbox.

Why would a Domme take the position of a victim, who is constantly molested by a throng of submissive 'yesmen?' Males who have yet to mature to the stage of critical thought?
I should be clear here, my confusion doesn't rest in Dommes who display their distaste in these men. I feel that frustration. I feel their dead weight strapped to my ankles, preventing the repuation of a male submissive from reaching further than that of a pathetic worm (literally).
What does vex me is that this given Domme -and I refer to many that I have noticed- posts a self-promoting and mildly controversial tome of propaganda, rewarding the yes men (who jump at the chance to nod their head eagerly out of despiration) with attention and praise, only to turn around and speak sour about the type they choose to invite moments later.

Furthermore, when the rare submissive respectfully presents a differing opinion on this claim, he is pounced upon by the Domme and her... hm.. posse. Spoken to in a rude and callous tone due to his preference in actual thought rather than immediate, blind, and stupid submission.
Why is it that a submissive can not socially disagree with a Domme, in a chatroom or forum nonetheless; where tasteful and respectful ideas are intended to flow freely? Why is it one like this is frowned upon?

Is it wrong of me to consider this sort of dominant behavior and attitude silly and contradictory? Or should I shut up and nod like the rest of the sheep, next in line for her lambchop dinner rant?

I would also be interested to hear thoughts on the female submissive / male dominant dynamic as related to this subject, since I've noticed similar occurances and complaints.

Thank you sincerely for your time.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/13/2006 11:32:23 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		Personally I loathe "yes, Ma'am" types. At some point I become so irritated by it that I begin to make things up to see whether he'll continue to do so. "The sky is green" "Up is down"  "Eggplant is this season's black." OK that last one is actually correct, but you get my meaning. Being a sub/slave/bottom does not mean you can't or shouldn't grow a backbone. It isn't equivalent to being a door mat.

On the other hand I won't be argued with at every turn either. If there are dishes to be done and I point that out I don't want to hear a 20 minute discourse on why he can't do them. When I say "Please do the dishes" (Let's face it, I shouldn't even have to say that to begin with) I expect them to be done now, regardless of how the request has been made.  There is a difference between being capable of having an intellectual discussion in regards to some topic and being argued with on everything. I will freely consider input; but in the end, the final decision will be mine and it will be decided in his best interest and in O/our best interest.

While I'm not sure I answered any of your questions I want to add that I've rarely seen anyone get flamed here unless there was a history of rudeness or some form of disrespect involved. The forums here are probably some of the most polite I've encountered. Even when it is in response to some question that has been asked a dozen different ways already or can be searched easily enough.  

edited because I'm unable to spell eggplant correctly.

< Message edited by SDFemDom4cuck -- 11/13/2006 11:35:40 PM >

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to CaptveDesre)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/13/2006 11:41:51 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I think he is meaning on the boards not in real life. Also I do see what he is saying but most people won't be amazed by that and I just hope people stay on topic and not on me.

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/13/2006 11:48:34 PM   
Morrigel


Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptveDesre

Furthermore, when the rare submissive respectfully presents a differing opinion on this claim, he is pounced upon by the Domme and her... hm.. posse. Spoken to in a rude and callous tone due to his preference in actual thought rather than immediate, blind, and stupid submission.


The "rub", in my personal experience, is that some male submissives on this particular forum really do not  "respectfully present a differing opinion".  What they ACTUALLY do is post like aggrieved patriarchs who happen to prefer receiving beatings rather than dishing them out.

These men dictate their views as if those views are universal and unilaterally valid truisms.  They make sweeping statements which bash and belittle all females generally and female dominants in particular.  They adopt a tone of outraged entitlement when their lack of social skills does not net them the attention they want.  And while they sometimes recognize that their attitudes and behavior are winning them neither the love nor the nookie they crave, they seem to categorically refuse to acknowledge that the problem lies with themselves.

Instead, they become increasingly bitter and develope a greater and greater hostility not only to women, but toward the men who actually succeed with women--characterizing their social skills and positive attitude as "blind and stupid submission", for example.  

Because all dominant women are different, the men they are looking for have many and sundry good qualities.  If there is one thing they all have in common, though, it might well be the ability to offer all women, but dominant women in particular, the love and the respect they are looking for.

Femme dommes are not unique in this regard.  Most dominants in general have a healthy ego, and neither male nor female doms are likely to accept the premise that anyone who would agree with their opinions or treat them with respect must be a spineless weakling, a yes-man hypocrite, or a fool.  Even those of us who love a submissive with a strong personality, a strong will and a lively intelligence are looking for "feisty" at worst, not "hateful".

Good luck.    Hope you find what you're looking for.

--M 

(in reply to CaptveDesre)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/13/2006 11:54:28 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel
These men dictate their views as if those views are universal and unilaterally valid truisms.  They make sweeping statements which bash and belittle all females generally and female dominants in particular.

Femme dommes are not unique in this regard.  Most dominants in general have a healthy ego

--M 

Be carful now as your making sweeping statements and trying to make your view universal and unilaterally valid truisms. Most dominants would not  have a healthy ego.  Alot have ego's that they think their greater then other people which is not healthy.

(in reply to Morrigel)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 1:18:32 AM   
Morrigel


Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Be carful now as your making sweeping statements and trying to make your view universal and unilaterally valid truisms. Most dominants would not  have a healthy ego.  Alot have ego's that they think their greater then other people which is not healthy.


Speak of the Devil, and He will appear.  

The logic you are employing--especially your definition of "unhealthy"--is the same logic that condemns all BDSM and all power exchange in the wider world.  It's the same Victorian logic that inspired books like Krafft-Ebing's Psychopathia Sexualis.

Eventually, I'm assuming that the mainstream world will probably catch up to the BDSM community and realize that power exchange relationships are as natural and "healthy" in humans as any other form of interpersonal interaction.  Until then, mundanes will continue to bleat that BDSM desires either for dominion OR submission are "sick" and that the emotional complexities that go with these desires are "unhealthy".

Like it or not, though, healthy or "unhealthy", my point remains:  dominants of either sex are not going to stop being who they are and wanting what they want from their lovers--which is, in a word, submission.

If you can't treat a person the way they want to be treated, don't act like it's some kind of astounding shock that they pass you over for someone who does.  Not sure why this is such a tough one for so many of you to grasp... 

--M

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 3:28:20 AM   
nikaa


Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline 		Something I learned long ago and strongly believe. Within life we cannot control how other perceive or receive our words, however; we can control how we present them.



< Message edited by nikaa -- 11/14/2006 3:30:05 AM >

_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika


The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.


Wakan Tankan Nici Un




(in reply to CaptveDesre)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 3:47:11 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		i have a question, if you will so indulge me. Just curious you see.

How many Femme Dommes have you actually met?


(in reply to CaptveDesre)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 3:51:36 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel


Speak of the Devil, and He will appear.  



Well I could tell by your writing style and the fact your one of the biggest people to critise my posts who it was aimed at. As much as you would hate to think it were both alike. In an earlier post your steriotyped all the dominants, a mortal sin to you and your kin...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel
The logic you are employing--especially your definition of "unhealthy"--is the same logic that condemns all BDSM and all power exchange in the wider world.  It's the same Victorian logic that inspired books like Krafft-Ebing's Psychopathia Sexualis..

Like it or not, though, healthy or "unhealthy", my point remains:  dominants of either sex are not going to stop being who they are and wanting what they want from their lovers--which is, in a word, submission.

If you can't treat a person the way they want to be treated, don't act like it's some kind of astounding shock that they pass you over for someone who does.  Not sure why this is such a tough one for so many of you to grasp... 

--M
Ah but were both employing logic which is condemming it. You are saying that a submissive should obey every domme out there which would drive people away as people want to choose who they obey.

Treat a person as if their beneath you before speaking to them and they will not want you to be above them.
Often the people who do not want you to be above them straight away are the really nice people which is why so many domme's complain about subs being this and that and they can't find decent people. Perhaps respecting the subs would gain the domme's better subs.

I hope your last line was not direct at myself as I for one never complain about not having someone..



< Message edited by imtempting -- 11/14/2006 4:28:57 AM >

(in reply to Morrigel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 6:13:36 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Perhaps I'm blind, but I don't see this sort of nonsense happening very often.  This sounds like a very specific, personal incident......

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to CaptveDesre)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 6:16:14 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

i have a question, if you will so indulge me. Just curious you see.

How many Femme Dommes have you actually met?


Age 20 and "dreamt of service".......I have my druthers....

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 6:29:28 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		The younger the Domme, the more they strive to feign dominance by adhering  the stereotypes.  Even more so, if it is their livelihood. It's called "playing to the audience".
 
You are probably a "debater" because you are still learning.  Such subs come across as what I call "little bante rooster subs".  Those that stop their foot in Shirley Temple indignation until  there is nothing but the crickets chirping in the silence because thy have simply become tiresome and boring. That passes with time.  You eventually find out who you are and what you are and become comfortable with it.  You align yourself with like-minded people and THEN you enjoy it all.

(in reply to CaptveDesre)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 6:35:43 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
 Such subs come across as what I call "little bante rooster subs".  Those that stop their foot in Shirley Temple indignation until  there is nothing but the crickets chirping in the silence because thy have simply become tiresome and boring. That passes with time. 

Wow, have I ever met more than a few of them LOL

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 6:38:14 AM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

The younger the Domme, the more they strive to feign dominance by adhering the stereotypes. Even more so, if it is their livelihood. It's called "playing to the audience".




That is awfully presumptuous of you, dear Lady. I wouldn't say I've often found that to be the case at all. The more INSECURE the Domme the more they tend to be stereotypical, or as I've found.

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 6:39:59 AM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline 		Jo!

I adore you dear... Always enjoy reading your posts. :)

I'll send you a note on the other side to expand upon this and more about eggplant! muhahahaha

_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 6:48:09 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I can't answer your question, CaptveDesre, because the more time I spend on this board the more I frankly don't understand how many of the posters feel about BDSM, Ds, male & female, gender, authority/power... a lot of its seems very odd to me.

I see people on both sides of the BDSM equation complaining about certain attitudes or traits in the other and then I see attitudes and reported behavior which I am certain just re-enforce those things they complain about. That makes no sense to me.

On the issue of having someone disagree or agree with something one writes, well, doesn't it feel great when folks agree with us? Doesn't it feel terrible when folks disagree with us? Add into that the fact that the written word is inferior (in my not humble opinion) to spoken and face-to-face communication. People (like me) are not perfect when we write; we aren't perfect when we speak but at least if you hear someone you can add in tone of voice and inflection; if you can see them you can check out body language.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to CaptveDesre)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 7:04:53 AM   
CaptveDesre


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

i have a question, if you will so indulge me. Just curious you see.

How many Femme Dommes have you actually met?




Enough, though I don't keep count.

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 7:06:52 AM   
CaptveDesre


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Perhaps I'm blind, but I don't see this sort of nonsense happening very often.  This sounds like a very specific, personal incident......

I suppose this could be attributed to a difference of perspective. Ive noted many occurances, and only few involving myself.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 7:10:31 AM   
CaptveDesre


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

i have a question, if you will so indulge me. Just curious you see.

How many Femme Dommes have you actually met?


Age 20 and "dreamt of service".......I have my druthers....


My age is irrelevant, MisPandora, Ive met with enough Dommes in the real realm and have enjoyed their company, as they have mine. Thats not to say I've licked each ones feet in servitude, but I digress. You're not furthering this conversation by putting me on a lower regard due to age, or picking apart choice words within my profile.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why would a Domme...? - 11/14/2006 7:15:41 AM   
CaptveDesre


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

The younger the Domme, the more they strive to feign dominance by adhering  the stereotypes.  Even more so, if it is their livelihood. It's called "playing to the audience".
 
You are probably a "debater" because you are still learning.  Such subs come across as what I call "little bante rooster subs".  Those that stop their foot in Shirley Temple indignation until  there is nothing but the crickets chirping in the silence because thy have simply become tiresome and boring. That passes with time.  You eventually find out who you are and what you are and become comfortable with it.  You align yourself with like-minded people and THEN you enjoy it all.


I would have to disagree. Reason being the situation I held most prominent in mind when writing this post resulted from the sub merely saying "Unfortunately, I can't agree." Nothing more, nothing less; before being insulted by the Domme and her friends.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Why would a Domme...? Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.453