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RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 12:24:24 AM   
SaintAllie


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Lol, Thankyou Lady Alaria.. actually you clarify my posts really well for me.. ( you're not a long lost twin are you?)

the "antipodes" refers to where I live.. I'm in New Zealand ..

regards SaintAllie

(in reply to Lady Alaria)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 12:33:54 AM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentGoddess



A. I didn't realize it was a dead thread. Someone on this thread pointed out that there were indeed OTHER threads on this topic, so I visited them, and commented on how I agreed with one poster.

I hardly think that was out of line, much less required the urgent reprimand.


B. Telling me not to post my opinion, dead thread or not, is telling me to hush up.
Free Speech Coalition my ass.

C. I'm not trying to insult CM, I'm just trying to understand this policy. And so far all you've given me in email is "Do it because I say so." That never worked on me as a child, and it certainly doesn't now?

D. You're the insulting one matey. Get off my back, I posted some comments and questions for god's sake. I was looking for some sincere insight on a fetish I possess. Who are you to judge me?


I think what we have here, is a failure to communicate.

DG, please, calm down?
From the sound of things, the message sent was not one meant to hush you, nor so much a reprimand, as informing you of the rules/etiquette here. Possibly done in a manner that was short due to irritation. To an outside eye, it looked like you were rifling through dead threads and dredging them, simply to support your argument.

It's a netiquette thing. You don't post to truly dead threads, you're best to post new info in new threads. Dead threads are ones that have been inactive for a significant amount of time. And doing so to support some argument is especially bad. Not saying this last was your intent, but it certainly might appear that way, and obviously did to Mod 11.

As to their need to explain/debate their reasoning on a policy decision, they have no obligation to do so. Might be nice if they did(explain at least. Once), and put it someplace handy so we could point it out to new folk who asked, but they don't. They might have a good reason, or at least feel they do, for not telling us why. They don't want to, they don't have to, you can't make them. That is how it is. No amount of arguing will likely change that.

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 12:34:02 AM   
RUpainsmith


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline 		Unless CM starts getting a commission for every financial arrangement set up via the site, I think all forms of monetary slavery should be removed.  Personally, to go one step further, I don't like pro-dommes being on the site. If to you it's a business and you're doing it for money, this shouldn't be free advertising; it's a personals site, not a yellow pages. 

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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 12:41:26 AM   
SaintAllie


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		I don't agree..
as an example...everytime you read a newspaper there is advertising you ignore..(yes they paid for the advertising, that's not my point).. yes it's a personals site.. so why should you get free advertising and the pro domme shouldn't?

is this a .. "I'm entitled to more than you are because I don't charge? kind of thing?

the site advertises itself as a free site..consensual and adult...Saint Allie

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RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 12:42:23 AM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SaintAllie

Lol, Thankyou Lady Alaria.. actually you clarify my posts really well for me.. ( you're not a long lost twin are you?)

hmm...don't think so. Unless there's some funky time warp going on

quote:


the "antipodes" refers to where I live.. I'm in New Zealand ..

regards SaintAllie

Oh, those antipodes. Same word can also mean the direct opposition, or the other side of a debate. See where I misunderstood?

(in reply to SaintAllie)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 12:45:28 AM   
SaintAllie


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Yes I see where you are coming from..different outlook.. SaintAllie

(in reply to Lady Alaria)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 12:46:10 AM   
DecadentGoddess


Posts: 23
Joined: 12/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lady Alaria

I think what we have here, is a failure to communicate.

DG, please, calm down?
From the sound of things, the message sent was not one meant to hush you, nor so much a reprimand, as informing you of the rules/etiquette here. Possibly done in a manner that was short due to irritation. To an outside eye, it looked like you were rifling through dead threads and dredging them, simply to support your argument.

It's a netiquette thing. You don't post to truly dead threads, you're best to post new info in new threads. Dead threads are ones that have been inactive for a significant amount of time. And doing so to support some argument is especially bad. Not saying this last was your intent, but it certainly might appear that way, and obviously did to Mod 11.

As to their need to explain/debate their reasoning on a policy decision, they have no obligation to do so. Might be nice if they did(explain at least. Once), and put it someplace handy so we could point it out to new folk who asked, but they don't. They might have a good reason, or at least feel they do, for not telling us why. They don't want to, they don't have to, you can't make them. That is how it is. No amount of arguing will likely change that.


You're correct Lady Alaria, I'm a bit tiffed.  And it's not because I got asked to refrain from opening dead threads I wasn't aware were dead.  It's that when I replied back to Mod11's original email, I was accused of being disingenuous.  That's insulting. 

The British Navy line was rude and insulting.  That's the NETIQUETTE for a Moderator???  I guess I've been offline for too long.

And with that, I think I've gotten all the answers I require.

< Message edited by DecadentGoddess -- 12/4/2006 12:48:07 AM >

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RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 12:50:40 AM   
SamKeithsslave


Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentGoddess

I find it offensively hypocritical that Collarme.com disallows financial fetishes from being referred to on a site that purports to be BDSM in nature.

They also dont allow beastiality mentioned either - damn it!

As a lifestyle Domme and Financial Sadist, with a bevy of souls whose fetish is serving me financially, I ask you, what difference is there between a whip and a checking account number?

Or a dog?

The premise may be different, but the philosophy is the same.  In my opinion, at least.

Share yours?

I guess the legality issue is what concerns the web masters of Collarme.com


_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 1:07:08 AM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RUpainsmith

Unless CM starts getting a commission for every financial arrangement set up via the site, I think all forms of monetary slavery should be removed. Personally, to go one step further, I don't like pro-dommes being on the site. If to you it's a business and you're doing it for money, this shouldn't be free advertising; it's a personals site, not a yellow pages.



Exactly how does having pros on here hurt you? If you see an ad for a pro, and don't want that, move on.

Hmm...look at it this way:

If CM banned all the pro's from the site, they would have that much less business. And considering that pro's spend a larger amount of time utilizing a site like this, on average, than non-pros, and the number of pro's, and their fans, on here, that loss in business(and profits) would be fairly substantial. I don't think they want that.

Another note: for all those male subs who whine about pros, consider: If there were no pros, there would be many more subs out there not getting their needs met. Therefor that much more competition. Not to mention that many lifestyle Domme go through a pro period at some point, during which they can devote far more time to learning their craft and have more to offer their chosen one, when they find them.

ProDomming is a job. And a difficult, sometimes stressful one at that. It's not golddigging, nor is it prostitution(not that that is really wrong either, just illegal). There is a demand, and so those who are willing and able to supply, do.

So please, let's kill the idiotic, puritanical, reactionary, holier than thou bashing of the pros, okay?


As to why a male Dom would be so stressed about it, I'm boggled. Maybe he has a case of Venus Envy.

(in reply to RUpainsmith)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 1:12:40 AM   
SaintAllie


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		.. Yay!!.. heheheh..yes.. you are a long lost twin!... SaintAllie

(in reply to Lady Alaria)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 4:38:19 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentGoddess

A.  I didn't realize it was a dead thread.  Someone on this thread pointed out that there were indeed OTHER threads on this topic, so I visited them, and commented on how I agreed with one poster.

I hardly think that was out of line, much less required the urgent reprimand.

B.  Telling me not to post my opinion, dead thread or not, is telling me to hush up.
Free Speech Coalition my ass.

C.  I'm not trying to insult CM, I'm just trying to understand this policy.  And so far all you've given me in email is "Do it because I say so."  That never worked on me as a child, and it certainly doesn't now.

D.  You're the insulting one matey.  Get off my back, I posted some comments and questions for god's sake. I was looking for some sincere insight on a fetish I possess.  Who are you to judge me?


If you don't like the rules... *points at the door*

No one is making you stay. They run the place, they get to make the rules.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DecadentGoddess)
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RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 5:38:07 AM   
NINASHARP


Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline 		fast reply,

I am not here to condemn or defend the financial aspects of domination. I will say that I don't understand it, and was never into it even when I was pro. One thing that bothered me as a pro was that I never liked the idea that I could get something out of another person, that I was not capable to get on my own. Is that how financial domination works, the Mistress would have certain informaion on the client, and then they exchange money so she doesn't use it against him? I ask this because when pro I would top other's for financial gain but I was physically getting something out of it, because I did enjoy it physically, in addition to the joy of feeling helpful that the paying sub couldn't find an outlet to their desires and I was able to fulfill them for a fee. 

Maybe I should search this a bit more, read the topic posted on the Mistress forum.. but I just wonder how it really works? When I was pro I was disclosed a lot of information about submissives who served me on a regular basis and felt that our relationship was much like a physician with their patient, which was doctor / patient confidentiality. What happens when the person who is requesting financial domination stops paying? When this kind of relationship ends, does the finacial Mistress begin to pull all stops out and break his bank, or is it just over like most relationships that end?

Nina

(in reply to SaintAllie)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 7:19:16 AM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		just curious. To control other peoples bank accounts, did you get a POA? Do you pay all their bills etc? Im not sure I understand how it is you "control" other peoples money. 

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 9:38:29 AM   
RUpainsmith


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline 		It's not a question of entitlements, it's a question of the dual interests of the site. I'm not saying anything like "I belong here and you don't because I don't believe in financial domination" however, it becomes a line between personal and professional. True, newspapers contain both want ads and commercials, and personals, however, the two are separated. I believe the same should be done here. An "Actively Seeking" "clients" should be present, or something to that extent. Money changes things. It sometimes shouldn't, but often does.

(in reply to SaintAllie)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 11:14:47 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		What if a sub had a fetish to scam Dommes by conning them into various schemes where they thought they were going to get money, but actually ended up losing money? What would be the difference since both situations are illegal and it is a fetish which some are saying makes it moral?

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to DecadentGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 12:27:26 PM   
RUpainsmith


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/13/2006
Status: offline 		Awfully touchy, Alaria.  It's more like I get tired of having a hidden list in the hundreds of pros, and would rather have a simple non-pro search feature. Idiotic; hardly, I established and argument and back it up.  Puritanical, reactionary, holier than thou?

This seems like a typical response to someone unused to or unwilling to accept civil critique and an opinion presented in a public forum.  I did not discredit the occupation, nor even make a reference at all to prostitution.

Not everyone's needs on this site are physical; I don't know many submissives on here simply looking for an hour of beating and then a vanishing dom.

I simply stated that collarme, self-designated as a "free BDSM personals and chat site" is not pretending to be a yellow pages.
 
There are plenty of places that have prodomme lists, and if someone is looking for that, fine.  I'd be like going on a dating site and finding escorts everywhere; it may Look like dating, but it isn't.  For pros there are things like http://www.domme-list.com/ for example.

I wish you well, and good luck with your business.

< Message edited by RUpainsmith -- 12/4/2006 12:32:11 PM >

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RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 1:23:17 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentGoddess
I just think it's funny that on the bottom of this site is states:

Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition.

Perhaps you'd want to educate yourself as to what the FSC is before you go making snide little comments about it. 

They are *not* a BDSM-exclusive organization.  They're one of a few organizations involved in a challenge against the 2257 legislation (concerning censorship of internet sites containing obscene materials like photos and thoughts and words) and it's effect on adult sites.  They are not taking on cases of individual professional practitioners, rather, representing a class.  To be included in on the class action that was being taken, adult-oriented businesses had to become partner members by a certain date.

Taken right from their site: http://www.freespeechcoalition.com
Free Speech Coalition is the trade organization of the adult entertainment industry. Its mission is to safeguard the industry from oppressive governmental regulation and to promote good business practices within the industry.
 
What is interesting to me is that as an organization, FSC has drafted an ethics and best practices document.  Perhaps dominas who do these sorts of things professionally and feel a sense of entitlement should come together and do the same to increase the integrity of their practices.  (There's already a group headed by Sabrina Belladonna with it's own advisory board called Prodomination that could probably begin this sort of thing.  They've got a legal defense fund and website in place.)

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to DecadentGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 1:42:08 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		lets try it again. can anyone here explain to me how you control someones back account? Do they sign over their entire life savings of gift you with it? Is there a contract as to how you can use the money? Are you talking about recieving a twenty dollar bill tops?
The only thing I know about managing someones else finances is that its one whole helluva lot of work. Or is this about dipping into to someones account and using the funds for your own bills. Can anyone enlighten me here?

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 1:45:15 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Send me a big fat check and I'll show you how it works, hon---

I ain't the fuckin' red cross out here, you know.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Why are financial fetishes not accepted here? - 12/4/2006 1:51:12 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		For me, the problem is a little different. Personally, if people want to pay money as a type of domination, that's great for them. I really don't care. But let me kind of explain how it's been happening here, at least from my perspective.

Many, and I mean MANY times, a woman has written me out of the blue, saying she was quite interested in something I wrote either in my profile or on the message boards here. I get a lot of that, so that's always a cool thing. Every now and then, a woman will indicate a personal interest in me during initial conversations. And that sounds great.

Then, after back and forths that go on for a week or so, I start to get the "I'm into financial domination, so we need to establish a payment schedule before we can continue" vibe. In some cases, it happens after the first back and forth communication. Other times, it happens as the FIRST communication she sends me. But the times that bother me more than anything are the ones where we actually appear to be establishing a real bond between us through mutal back and forth communication. Then, it turns into the "financial fetish."

To me, this is where the line blurs and the rationalization for the original condemnation seems to be obvious. Yes, we can talk about how people in the best case scenario should know better, and that no one is making anyone pay anything, but what actually ends up happening in these circumstances is that people take advantage of submissives who are trying so hard to make a real world connection, that once they break down their guard, they go forth and do what would have normally been caught in the initial guard (before she wore him down by making him feel there was something real and special there).

I get these contacts ALL THE TIME, and I'll let you in on a little secret: Even though I've been around the block and few times, and even though I have a massive amount of knowledge about how this sort of thing works, almost every time I find myself thinking to myself: "Might this really be worth it?" This is right before my common sense kicks in and I regretably delete all such contacts from that person. But that's what they're playing on. They're breaking us down to the point of where we are vulnerable enough to make such a stupid move, and they're very good at it, because they showcase themselves as EXACTLY what we've always been searching for.

This is why I think the owners of this site made the decisions they did about this. And I don't have a problem with it a bit because what the OP is using as an argument is that ONE person is being honest, which allows the MANY people who are not to benefit from lack of any controls whatsoever.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to DecadentGoddess)
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