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RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 8:59:22 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

i often do not "like" submitting,


Thank you for sharing this.  I agree.  There are times when submitting is the last thing I want to do.  I'm sure there are times when my Dom would like to walk away in the moment and not dom my sorry ass.  But we get through it and continue with it, because it's who we are.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to daddysprop247)
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RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 9:22:42 AM   
SaphireLynn


Posts: 145
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetpetal

Damn.. i cant find His profile... Think He's left?

No he probally just closed it and will open it when he wants...lol W/we couldn't be that lucky.
Ms. Lynn

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
~~~Anne Bronte~~~
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(in reply to velvetpetal)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 9:51:46 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darksdesire


I'm not sure how you can fail to see that it is not your ideas, but your approach that has offended so many people.
Is it possible, considering the overwhelming negative response, that your interpersonal skills could use some improvement?  Or would you prefer to to believe that it's everyone else who has the problem.  Considering the relatively consistent feedback you've been getting, this could be a great opportunity to evaluate your relational skills.  I'm guessing you hope to draw a submissive woman to you, and those interpersonal skills work wonders in achieving that.  Good luck in your personal growth.   


Oh this is what I was trying to say but put so much better than I ever could. You can tell much about a person from their posts and attitude to others in them.

(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 10:15:16 AM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		For a lot of people, "submission" is neither submission nor a gift.  As a femdom I get an endless parade of do-me boys who whine for spankings, canings, foot worship, cross dressing, etc, insist that I wear certain clothes to do it, and generally are a big enough pain in the ass that I point them in the direction of a pro domme so that they can actually have a fair transaction where both parties are getting something positive from the exchange.  They really don't have anything other than money to offer a play partner.  They just have an itch they want scratched.

For some people, their submission is real and it can indeed be offered as a gift.  Gifts come in all shapes and sizes and colors, and even though some gifts can't be used in some ways, that does not diminish the joy and wonder of recieving them.  A friend of mine once recieved the gift of a certificate for a parachute jump, and his experience was really amazing. He went so far as to call it personally life transforming. There were plenty of rules and safety restrictions on the gift, but since he was willing to respect them, the experience of recieving that gift was a fantastic one for him.

Certainly he could have gotten mad, torn the certificate up, stomped on it and said "fuck your gift" because there were safety rules and restrictions on it.  Some people are assholes that way, or are genuinely incapable of recieving something graciously, or have other emotional problems.  I'm sorry for those people.  Like my friend, I choose to recieve the gifts that I am given with joy and wonder, pleasure and appreciation.  I'm perfectly capable of recognizing "gifts that aren't", eg, selfish do-me bottoms on this site who whine because I won't accept their kind offer to give me hours of oral sex.  Dude, you're in the next state....your tongue isn't THAT long.  I hope.    But I also recognize gifts that really are gifts, and my heart is open to the joy they can bring.

You can make your own choices in life of course. But you might just find some good advice on the subject here.

< Message edited by Najakcharmer -- 12/14/2006 10:17:20 AM >

(in reply to Mstr2you)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 10:57:54 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i think i need a gift of more tomatoes... i think also need a gift of a B in biology.  I think making submission a gift is like putting it on a pedistool.  If it was also a gift - i can think of many people who would "not" be getting my gift who did get it.  I think if it was a gift - i could pick and choose who i submitted too.  I would be WAY more dominant with everyone that i choose not to just smile and say "no problem" 

Aye and i'd of never wondered "wheres my car" because some overly dominant guy in a club saw it fit to take me along for the ride to other clubs.  I probably wouldnt of "waited" right there when he said "wait right here"  I probably would of all been abit pissed off that he expected me to stay close so i didnt get lost.  One of the straaaaaaanger nights of my life.  I followed a man i didnt even know, quite happily through different clubs with his friends because he said so.  If it was a "gift" he would of never gotten it - cos i didnt even know him!!!! 

submission just is and it happens at the wierdest times - sometimes with out thought.  A gift is not about the gift - its about the thought behind it.  So for ME i would say its not a thought (as we all know i dont think often - atleast i shouldnt) its just one of the many parts of who i am. 

i dont say my "humour" is a gift.  Nor do i say my bratty behavior is gift.  Nothing about my personality is a gift.... it just is. 

now - back to my hijack about food.  Whats everyone eating today?

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 12/14/2006 11:00:49 AM >

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 11:08:24 AM   
xonemasterx


Posts: 59
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
Status: offline 		Its not what you take.  It is what you make. 

The word "gift" must bother you as giving too much power to the submissive.

Any relationship is a shared endeavor to "make" something.  It is not just taking the other's "gift." 

(in reply to Mstr2you)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 11:38:52 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket

Just before cut off tonight, i popped into see where everyone was...now i know..lol

Users viewing this topic: krikket, Emperor1956, HollyS, NeedToUseYou, angelic, sweetnurseBBW, darksdesire, AquaticSub, SaphireLynn, jdtallfem, NControlofU, SleeplessGypsy, susie, catize, MasterWilliam55, rascallymisty, MasterDesire, blondBBWsub, ctbbw, cjenny, maw1234, mastermiller, TemptingNviceSub

jimini


Ha, I don't think I've ever seen anyone post who is reading a thread. Glad I had my name not lit up. Missed me.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 11:42:46 AM   
jimbo747


Posts: 109
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline 		Idont think this dude lacks interpersonal skills AT ALL.  He is just calling it EXACTLY LIKE IT IS and it isnt his fault people cant handle it.  SOme people responded like snobs and thats why he in some replys came back to them as rude.    Why is it okay for some to reply in the fashion they did - which was rude (ish)- but it's not okay for him to dish it back to them?

(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 11:51:33 AM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		well, I think that when you say whatever you want, and then tell yourself if people can't handle it, then that's their problem, that indicates interpersonal problems.  However, there is certainly nothing wrong with that if one enjoys being alone. 

(in reply to jimbo747)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 11:55:55 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jimbo747

Idont think this dude lacks interpersonal skills AT ALL.  He is just calling it EXACTLY LIKE IT IS and it isnt his fault people cant handle it.  SOme people responded like snobs and thats why he in some replys came back to them as rude.    Why is it okay for some to reply in the fashion they did - which was rude (ish)- but it's not okay for him to dish it back to them?

Hi jimbo,
Being in the first few sentances he states "Fuck you and your gift." I'd say he's definately rude, crude and lacking general social skills.
Maybe being we all are different to some who are more aligned with his way of thinking it may not seem rude or insulting, but to a lot of the posters in this thread it is.
I'd guess it's a case of birds of a feather flock together.
I'll just stay with the flock that does not cuss people out in the first thing they have to say to someone they never met thanks.
suzanne

(in reply to jimbo747)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 12:40:32 PM   
jimbo747


Posts: 109
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

I'd say he's definately rude, crude and lacking general social skills.
I'd guess it's a case of birds of a feather flock together.
.
suzanne


you dont know me well enough to call me rude crude and lack social skills.   do you always judge and size someone up so quickly.  how does it feel to know everything?

his post was sarcastic and its unfortuanate you took it so personal.  lighten up.  irregardless HIS MADE A VALID POINT.  ligten up

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 12:44:00 PM   
FancySeatCover


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline 		what ever dude

(in reply to Mstr2you)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 12:46:50 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Surely it's all about personality in the end. It is extremely difficult to communicate effectively who you are.
You can live with someone for years and not really know them. Let alone form a D/s relationship overnight.
Of course some of us can enjoy playing. Just like some of us can enjoy sex with a stranger. Sometimes the need to 'play' takes over and becomes the only thing that matters to me. But when the itch has been scratched I'm back looking for the people who will share my life. I'm pretty intuitive when it comes to 'knowing' who might be 'right' for me but of course I still get it wrong sometimes. Someone can offer me the 'gift' lol of their submission or I can offer them the 'gift' of my dominant nature but in the end for it to work for a lifetime we have to be pretty compatable people. A little bit of natural caring and sexual excitement doesn't come a miss either lol. It's even harder than finding the right vanilla partner and let's face it that is difficult enough.
Trying to be humorous in this media is almost impossible I have found to my cost. Humour tends to be cultural and with such a diversity of cultures it is pretty much bound to fail unless the people actually know each other.
I understood what the poster was trying to say immediately. It's something that I have wanted to say for a long time. Some people who say that they are submissive appear not to be very understanding of how difficult it is to dominate someone you don't know without causing them harm or without appearing soft on them. It takes time to understand a person's 'needs' and to fulfil it at the same time as fulfilling your own 'needs' I use the word need as opposed to want because I think that is what it is all about for a lot of us.
Sorry if I have gone off topic and upset anyone. I often do that. When the thoughts clarify themselves I have to get them down.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 12:55:03 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jimbo747

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

I'd say he's definately rude, crude and lacking general social skills.
I'd guess it's a case of birds of a feather flock together.
.
suzanne


You don't know me well enough to call me rude, crude and lack social skills.   Do you always judge and size someone up so quickly? How does it feel to know everything?

His post was sarcastic and it's unfortunate you took it so personally.  Lighten up.  irregardless HE'S MADE A VALID POINT.  Lighten up


Suzanne actually said He's rude and crude, referring to the OP not you.

(in reply to jimbo747)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 12:58:03 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

i think i need a gift of more tomatoes... i think also need a gift of a B in biology.  I think making submission a gift is like putting it on a pedistool.  If it was also a gift - i can think of many people who would "not" be getting my gift who did get it.  I think if it was a gift - i could pick and choose who i submitted too.  I would be WAY more dominant with everyone that i choose not to just smile and say "no problem" 

Aye and i'd of never wondered "wheres my car" because some overly dominant guy in a club saw it fit to take me along for the ride to other clubs.  I probably wouldnt of "waited" right there when he said "wait right here"  I probably would of all been abit pissed off that he expected me to stay close so i didnt get lost.  One of the straaaaaaanger nights of my life.  I followed a man i didnt even know, quite happily through different clubs with his friends because he said so.  If it was a "gift" he would of never gotten it - cos i didnt even know him!!!! 

submission just is and it happens at the wierdest times - sometimes with out thought.  A gift is not about the gift - its about the thought behind it.  So for ME i would say its not a thought (as we all know i dont think often - atleast i shouldnt) its just one of the many parts of who i am. 

i dont say my "humour" is a gift.  Nor do i say my bratty behavior is gift.  Nothing about my personality is a gift.... it just is. 

now - back to my hijack about food.  Whats everyone eating today?


You didn't "give" him your submission, you just followed a stranger around either because you submit to all men or because it sounded like a good time.

I will fetch others a drink and sometimes do what they want and in that way I am submitting, but they do not have my submission. I feel free to say no at any time. I am a submissive but I have given my dominant my complete submission and to him I only ever say no when the task would interfer with my schoolwork (his rule) or my mental/physical health.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 1:19:54 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		going back to the whole 'gift' thing, i think of it this way. i am gifted to BE a submissive, it isn't something everyone can or wants to be. yup i am lucky to be gifted with the ability and need to submit.
that is how i consider the question of submission being a gift.

*Edited to say: please don't flame me for my opinion, it may be simplistic *as i often see things in simple terms* but it is how i feel. every post i make here i worry that i am going to offend someone & end up slammed. 

< Message edited by cjenny -- 12/14/2006 1:39:23 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 3:57:19 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		(Fast Reply)

I don't see this as a gift, I see it as a trade agreement. I submit to you because it is validating for you to be dominant, you dominate me because it is validating for me to submit to you. If either part of this is broken or missing, the trade agreement doesn't work. In this manner, both parts of the relationship (D/s) compliment each other- each bringing an equal (but different) piece of the relationship- and I mean equal in that one part is necessary to complete the other.

Just a thought...
behindmirrors.

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 4:05:09 PM   
Mstr2you


Posts: 45
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jimbo747

Idont think this dude lacks interpersonal skills AT ALL.  He is just calling it EXACTLY LIKE IT IS and it isnt his fault people cant handle it.  SOme people responded like snobs and thats why he in some replys came back to them as rude.    Why is it okay for some to reply in the fashion they did - which was rude (ish)- but it's not okay for him to dish it back to them?



Jimbo thank you for your support, I don't need it but what the hell I will take it. Clearly you are a man of great intellect and comprehension but I am sure you know that without me telling you.

There is always a core group of regular posters on a given message board who feel that it is their board and anyone with ideas that differ from their cores ideals are seen as a threat and are to be attacked and eliminated as if one could eliminate thoughts and ideas. It is an illusion of power but neverless they cling to that illusion and pat themselves on the back with each self serving snotty post that they make in response to anyone different from them sure in the conviction that they are on the side of God and only the devil could disagree with their point of view so the devil it must be.

They always get personal in their attacks and feel justified because in their minds it is they that have been attacked and they who must take a stand and defend. If personal attacks don't work or if the "evil one" dosn't run home crying than they go running to the moderator complaining that the poster is has violated board policy.  ( I want to take this opportunity to thank those of you who have been reporting my every word to the moderators, I enjoy getting their emails in the morning really its been fun no I mean it .)

It is too funny that core posters here are rewarded with paddles and lauded as being corrupted and twisted all the way up to deranged as if posting ones life away on a kink fetish board is not reward enough for anyone. ( I have got to exclude the lucky water bird cause I think shes hot and I can't figure out how she does the links thing)

They post when they sneeze and they post when the giggle and they post when their dog farts and they post to each other and they post to themselves and they post and they post and they post.

And they post

And so it goes



(in reply to jimbo747)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 4:07:28 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

You, my dear, may have found the meaning of life here.  I am awed.


<Drop kicks Douglas Adams off the planet, and curtsies prettily>
Thank-you!  

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: It Aint A Gift - 12/14/2006 4:37:58 PM   
DanceDreaming


Posts: 28
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
One doesn't give submission to another. My girls don't give me their submission.. if they did ... I would be more submissive.


This is freaking hilarious. Yep, they give you their submission, so now they have no submission at all, and you are a double super submissive, with even submissiveyness for 2! Or is it 3?

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 140
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