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RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/15/2006 11:46:13 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

Just general reply:

First..I am somewhat lost as to what exactly is being meant by "loosing yourself"? The only way I truely see that happening is through a labotomy or brain washing..both which are not easy things to have happen. If you are a sub or a slave already (and can accept a person being that wether owned or not) and you are yourself..then what exactly is the purpose of being owned or submitting to someone..if not to loose and shed what is present to truely find the real you underneath, and be trained and guided in this new you? I can not even begin to understand the correlation of how if someone use's 3rd person speech or defers or refers everything through or by their owner once owned..how this could possibly be some sort of sign of loosing yourself. I don't think this vast change equals turning into some sort of brainless dope either. Becoming completely dependent on your owner is a very scary trip, and not one many will take but none the less some do. This does not equal to loosing yourself but to me..giving of yourself completely. Trusting completely, and knowing beforehand the risks you take in order to reach that. No it isn't some sort of boobie prize of nobility to need to go there and be there.

Having done LDR and 24/7..because I know exactly where my mind and heart were, and the seriousness I took with this..the distance did not hamper that. There were no silly little games of oh i'll just tell him I did this or that, and not really do it cause why should I..he's not here. I wanted, and they wanted, and as long as that committment is real to reach for something deeper (spiritual I guess) then anything is possible because that force is there. If it's a game for either one..it will fail wether face to face or LDR. Being serious about the committment you've chosen doesn't mean or equal no fun or laughter in your life either or that somehow you now have to always be some down trodding soul no matter what you call yourself. I do feel however that there are some certain elements that must exist to truely be a sub or slave..owned or distance however, are not part of those elements.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

< Message edited by starshineowned -- 12/15/2006 11:49:53 PM >

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to Voltare)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 12:11:08 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Hi Erin, thank you for replying.  Actually the quote I was thinking of was this one:

quote:


"Jezabel" or "Slutty Sue" can come walking into any munch or event and proclaim themself "slave", but the moment that they tell of how they "serve" their "Master" on their once monthly real time meeting....MOST people in the group, including myself, have an understanding that what is being professed is NOT slavery. So all of the declarations after that point fall upon deaf ears....very simple.

Hmmm...i guess this would seem a bit contradictory to the below passage stated in the OP of this thread:
 
Well, while it may be the way things work for you and yours in your relationship....it CAN be done a different way and still be absolutely just as valid. This lifestyle encompasses many different ways of doing things.


DG

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 12:19:02 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

First..I am somewhat lost as to what exactly is being meant by "loosing yourself"? The only way I truely see that happening is through a labotomy or brain washing..both which are not easy things to have happen.


I can tell you how it happened to me, in a non D/s situation but in my  marriage.  It happens slowly - so slowly you do not see it.  This slow erosion of spirit until you are so whittled down you do not know what you think or feel on your own.  You are not happy yet you don't know why.  You are just kind of numb, because you do not know how else to feel. 

You see with me, any opinion I expressed was challenged.  Challenged so emphatically that I, being of a quiet spirit to begin with at the time, could not argue back to state my case.  I'm not talking about opinions like "Dinner was nice tonight."  I'm talking about religious and spiritual beliefs, basic principles, what you might value in yourself, in others, in family.  There would be no letting up until I succumbed to his view and agreed with it.  By no letting up I mean all night lectures with no sleep permitted...running into the next day causing me to be late for work or to call in sick. If I were to become upset, that would also be challenged.  "Your emotions are not tied to facts," he would say.  "So they are wrong."  Over time, everything I did was wrong, even the way I cut a tomato, or loaded the dishwasher.  I could not speak on the phone without being continually interrupted and corrected - "That's not how it happened.  Say it accurately."  So I stopped speaking on the phone.  My family was annoying to him (because they did everything wrong) so I stopped seeing my family.  Friends made him jealous, so I stopped seeing my friends. 

Losing yourself is when you finally by some miracle find the strength to leave, and realize as you are standing in the grocery store on your own for the first time with tears running down your face, that you have no idea what to buy, because you don't even know what food you like. You don't know what to watch on TV.  You have forgotten how strong you are, and are afraid to be alone. You have spent so many years hearing how wrong you are that you no longer trust your instincts or your own opinions about yourself or anything else.

It's a risk I was terrified of when submitting to my Master.  But I am a slave at heart, and I need to be owned.  As much as I tried to turn away from submitting, it is who I am.  My owner helped me find myself again.  He helped me rebuild by teaching me how to learn about myself from ground zero. I am still learning but I am miles from where I was 2 years ago. I owe him everything for that.  

This can happen in M/s and D/s relationsihps, perhaps even more easily than in "vanilla."  Or maybe not.  I was in the hands of a domineering control freak, not a Master.  But the wrong Master can screw someone up just as easily.

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 12:33:50 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline 		Good points star.  If someone were coming on here and saying i have lost myself in my relationship and feel awful about myself, then i could see where it might be a bad thing, for them.  But there are people on here who actually throw themselves into their relationship that way and feel quite fulfilled in doing so.  So where is the harm in that?  If it's true that we all serve in different ways, then what's the difference if that is how someone feels fulfilled in their service...particularly if their partner is fulfilled by this too?
 
Sometimes it seems the 'holier than thous' are the first to complain about other 'holier than thous'....and their attempts at subtlety are often realized just for what they are.
 
DG  

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RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 12:47:32 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl

Good points star.  If someone were coming on here and saying i have lost myself in my relationship and feel awful about myself, then i could see where it might be a bad thing, for them.  But there are people on here who actually throw themselves into their relationship that way and feel quite fulfilled in doing so.  So where is the harm in that? 


Also good points.  I think there are different ways of losing oneself.  Diving in head first into a wonderful and healthy relationship that makes you happy as a clam can be an awesome thing (but in such a relationship, you would know who you are).  Being stripped of yourself in a destructive relationship is not.  I suppose then, that it is circumstance-dependent.

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 1:00:55 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline 		And what about those who actually 'find themselves' in losing themselves...or by losing themselves? 
 
Did that make any sense?  Sounded good until i tried to put it in writing....lol
 
DG

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 1:18:33 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I think when one loses the bad stuff - the baggage - ones inner light can shine. It's similar to saying "I found freedom in slavery."  Hard for some to understand, but for me it makes perfect sense.  Like in my case, my true self emerged when I shed the crap.  But I know who and what I am, and I am being true to myself by living this way.  When one stops knowing the essense of who he/she is, that's when they're lost, and I do not believe that can ever be good.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there. -- Marcus Aurelius
 
Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along with which comes the inner voice which says, 'This is the real me,' and when you have found that attitude, follow it. -- William James
 
Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength. -- Hasidic Saying


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RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 1:26:02 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

It's not a competition and the title isn't a merit badge.


Some do wear their bruises and marks like merit badges, badges of honor ;)

Ross

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RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 3:34:08 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		There is, in my opinion, a difference between losing oneself and spending time outside oneself.  To be a good servant i believe one needs to be able to focus outside oneself without a doubt.  There are a plethora of "do-me" subs out there whose focus is always upon their own needs.  On the contrary i think that to have ones focus always on the needs of ones Master is depleating.  i believe there needs to be balance.  The Master has to give something back to the slave.  Those of you who garden know that if you don't return good nutrients to the soil it can no longer produce crops. 

i think the OP was talking about people who call attention to what appears to be their martyrdom and that perhaps suffering isn't always necessary to being a good slave.  i'm sorry but some of the comments i have read here and in some yahoo groups the theme seems to be that Master can put ones life in danger because He is Master and there's nothing one can do about it.  i'm not judging anyone's dynamic and if passive suicide is their thing then who am i to say it's right or wrong.  The point i believe the OP was trying to make is the implication that the dynamic of suffering  is something to strive toward or is somehow more perfect often sounds like a passive-aggressive way of criticizing a dynamic of balance. 

The boards should be a place to express opposing views without becoming a battleground of who is right or wrong. 


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 4:16:55 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened


i think the OP was talking about people who call attention to what appears to be their martyrdom and that perhaps suffering isn't always necessary to being a good slave.  i'm sorry but some of the comments i have read here and in some yahoo groups the theme seems to be that Master can put ones life in danger because He is Master and there's nothing one can do about it.  The point i believe the OP was trying to make is the implication that the dynamic of suffering  is something to strive toward or is somehow more perfect often sounds like a passive-aggressive way of criticizing a dynamic of balance. 


By george i think you got it!


quote:

ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl

Sometimes it seems the 'holier than thous' are the first to complain about other 'holier than thous'....and their attempts at subtlety are often realized just for what they are.


I have never seen Erin do the holier than thou thing. She ALWAYS respects everybodies right to practice their form of M/s or D/s the way that it makes them happiest.
 
She does have very strong beliefs as to what constitutes certain ypes of relationships and often expresses her opinions on them.
 
As another posted stated this is a forum board; all should be free to express their opinion.
 
I' ll take it one step further; we ought to be able to express our thoughts and ideas without running a three paragraph disclaimer to the effect that this is our opinion for fear of offending anyone or starting a war.
 



Disclaimer: the above is the author's personal opinion and is not the opinion or policy of her owner or of the little green men that follow her around all day all day.
 
This post may or may not cite its references or sources.
 
The facts expressed here belong to everybody, the opinions to me. The distinction is yours to draw...
 
IMPORTANT: This post is intended for the use of the individual to whom I was responding and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any whining, bitching or taking personally of this post is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social fauxpas.
 
No animals were harmed in the composition of this post, although Benji is authorized to hump your leg and piss on your carpet for taking the contents of afore mentioned post and either taking it personally or responding with any sentence containing the words " real" or " true" or any other Fuddism for that matter.
 
My opinion is neither copyrighted nor trademarked; If you like, I'll trade for one of yours.
 

 

< Message edited by twicehappy -- 12/16/2006 4:46:29 AM >

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RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 5:54:36 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		I agree. I'm missing where there have been a rash of posts from people saying they have lost themselves or given up themselves and are "suffering through their slavery"? I have not responded up until this point because I wanted to time to glance through the threads, I have fallen way behind with work. I don't see it. I have sought as near a complete reduction of self as is possible and will continue too. I don't consider that losing myself, I consider that becoming my true self, being true to who I am and what feels right to *me*.  I'm seeking and have achieved to a certain degree being negative space for him to be in the foreground. I'm fufilled, I'm happy, I don't put fences around his authority, and he hasn't put me in the blender because I don't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl

Good points star.  If someone were coming on here and saying i have lost myself in my relationship and feel awful about myself, then i could see where it might be a bad thing, for them.  But there are people on here who actually throw themselves into their relationship that way and feel quite fulfilled in doing so.  So where is the harm in that? 


Also good points.  I think there are different ways of losing oneself.  Diving in head first into a wonderful and healthy relationship that makes you happy as a clam can be an awesome thing (but in such a relationship, you would know who you are).  Being stripped of yourself in a destructive relationship is not.  I suppose then, that it is circumstance-dependent.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 6:37:31 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

darks & mists - Isn't this just a question of perception?  First off isn't a slave is a slave, whether she's with her owner or not?  In fact, isn't she a slave, even if she's not currently owned by someone?  The age old run around about the difference between a sub and slave ultimately rests in the individuals perception of what constitutes a slave (and slavery.)  Thus it's perfectly fine for one slave to be satisfied by sporadic service, while another craves 24/7, and everything in between.  It's just an old 'my kink vs your kink' debate.


I agree with you Voltare.

quote:


First..I am somewhat lost as to what exactly is being meant by "loosing yourself"? The only way I truly see that happening is through a lobotomy or brain washing..both which are not easy things to have happen.

I indeed had no option but to lose myself in my first D/s relationship.
Toward the end nothing, I repeat nothing in our house was done to bring me any joy, my feelings were not considered, I was isolated from the whole BDSM community for about two months, I was only allowed to speak to my old Sir's children if they asked me a direct question, and at work for over two weeks, and constantly I got punished because he'd hurt my feeling deeply and it made me look sad, I could go on and on but I think you get the general idea.
Losing yourself is when northing that is happening is done to bring you any sense of peace or fulfillment in your service, and when your Master never considers you, your emotional state, your well being or your feelings or in any instance where you are no longer allowed to be your own personality.

Believe me I lost me for months and months and I had no brain altering medical things done.
I did spend better than two months crying every time I was alone, and I ( a very stubborn, strong Irish woman) even started contemplating suicide I was so desperate.
I lost the mentally balanced, positive, peacefull, content,  joy seeking person I was and became this oppressed sub who was trying with all her might to stay in this emotionally abusive relationship because I was deeply in love and to be a good mentor for his children hoping he'd revert to who he'd been the first 9 months.
I didn't even see how neurotic things really were till after I left.
I say it's absolutely possible to lose yourself as it took about 3 months after I left to find the person I was as far as emotionally after I moved out.
suzanne

(in reply to Voltare)
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RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 6:54:05 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
i think the OP was talking about people who call attention to what appears to be their martyrdom and that perhaps suffering isn't always necessary to being a good slave.  i'm sorry but some of the comments i have read here and in some yahoo groups the theme seems to be that Master can put ones life in danger because He is Master and there's nothing one can do about it.  i'm not judging anyone's dynamic and if passive suicide is their thing then who am i to say it's right or wrong.  The point i believe the OP was trying to make is the implication that the dynamic of suffering  is something to strive toward or is somehow more perfect often sounds like a passive-aggressive way of criticizing a dynamic of balance. 


Thank you, I believe you fairly well summed it up.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 7:10:35 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl
Sometimes it seems the 'holier than thous' are the first to complain about other 'holier than thous'....and their attempts at subtlety are often realized just for what they are.


So was this your attempt at subtlety? You know what? I get it. You have an issue with me. It's fairly obvious as your commentary on several threads to me or about me makes it pretty clear. That's ok though. I've got enough friends. My purpose in life isn't to win you over and your opinion of me isn't going to change me. If you wish to continue to follow me from thead to thread and slam every opinion I have....go for it hun.

quote:

You use passive aggression, covert and snide little remarks (such as quoted here) and innuendo like i have never seen.  And then when someone calls you on it, you give some lame BS....trying to make it look like it is the other person who has issues...not you.
 
You're an Arien?  So am i....with a few more years experience.  Choose your battles wisely.  i've already been where you are now. 


I guess this quote you made to another poster, particularly the last paragraph, was an accurate depiction. You truly are experienced at this.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to adaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 7:14:41 AM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		I love your OP!  Well said...so often I see the same accusations or comments flying around.  I consider myself in the catagory of submissive because I cannot fathom giving up "all of me" (e.g. what I'm to wear for the day", "Master wants me to greet him at the door in the presentation stance", "Master only uses me as property when he sees fit and ignores when he has no need for me and that's ok").  I'm not a book you take down off a shelf for reference when it suits you.

For me - it's not ok.  Being a slave just doesn't work for me. I also get offended when I read that to be a good sub I MUST submit in this fashion.  If I cannot sub in this fashion, whether it be "labeling" myself "submissive but borderline slave at times" then I'm not 'considered'.  What ever happened to mutual respect for one another?? 

I feel often there's not enough studying going on, just play, in what this lifestyle really is...many people have a lot to learn from the Dom/ Domme's that have been around along time and the long time sub's/ slaves have a lot to teach also. 

There's so much reading material for people to learn about the mutual respect, style of loving, protocol, steps a relationship takes to be a good D/s relationship long term, etc.  Half the time only the people who've been around a long time know where the links are or books in print. 

You just don't connect online or at a club and Bam! you've in a D/s relationship.  You give your whole self up to this person...what ever happened to earning my submission??  What happened to really getting to know me?? What happened to the courtship??  Too often people seem to give up all these things and it seems to me that only the Master/ Dom's and sub/ slave's with long term experience within a flourishing D/s relationship even know it is... "an essential part of D/s".

I wish more often people would include links to more information when posting, so more people can learn and not just go with what others say is so or what the current OP trends are.  It leads the newer generation within D/s down a misinformed path to what D/s is really about.  I'm not giving a link because I'm not on my own computer where I can get them, but I too love when there are links to protocol, collar information, dynamic within D/s, etc. 

You are so right that being submissive DOES NOT mean you are no longer a person!  It does not mean you have no say in things whether everyday things or regarding how to relate to one another within D/s.  I'm submissive, I do have an hard and soft limits in all areas of my life, not just within D/s.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 7:33:13 AM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I indeed had no option but to lose myself in my first D/s relationship.
Toward the end nothing, I repeat nothing in our house was done to bring me any joy, my feelings were not considered

Losing yourself is when northing that is happening is done to bring you any sense of peace or fulfillment in your service, and when your Master never considers you, your emotional state, your well being or your feelings or in any instance where you are no longer allowed to be your own personality.

Believe me I lost me for months and months and I had no brain altering medical things done.
I did spend better than two months crying every time I was alone, and I ( a very stubborn, strong Irish woman) even started contemplating suicide I was so desperate.
I lost the mentally balanced, positive, peacefull, content,  joy seeking person I was and became this oppressed sub who was trying with all her might to stay in this emotionally abusive relationship because I was deeply in love
I say it's absolutely possible to lose yourself as it took about 3 months after I left to find the person I was as far as emotionally after I moved out. suzanne


I'm sorry you went through this but I'm glad you are out of it.  This is exactly what I mean by my post above.  Service and submission whether you are a submissive or a slave requires that your needs are also met.

I just ended a relationship that was just beginning because I felt his actions did not meet his words, ultimately I could see the road you traveled clear as day in front of me.  I very much still care for him but I will not be abused, especially emotionally!  Got that T-shirt already!   Master's are very good at reading people and yes it's nice when they read you so well they immediately target your vulnerable side to get what they want and forget about the part of D/s that cherishes, helps you develop the sides of ourselves that need impovement.  Some Masters forget that submission is not freely given, it is earned. 

This Master read me extremely well, more than most ever have.  I was very much into him.  I would have done anything for him.  I understand the getting pulled in feeling SO WELL.  I still feel a strong connection and attachment to him, but his life is just too complicated at the moment for me to fit into his life.  My needs are important too.  My first mentor said to always remember that I have needs too that must be met and to never give my submission without question.  I still remember his words and have never failed to give my respect to me first.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 7:43:53 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

I just ended a relationship that was just beginning because I felt his actions did not meet his words,
i think this is always the first and best clue when you are about to go into a relationship where you could potentially loose yourself
 
i think that when ones actions dont match to words you have two choices call him on it, or hope for the best, hoping for the best is very naive, and begins a long pattern of deceiving ones self....
 
it is my opinion and experience that deceiving ones self leads to loosing ones self.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to acctonthelook)
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RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 7:58:00 AM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Hi Erin, thank you for replying.  Actually the quote I was thinking of was this one:

quote:


"Jezabel" or "Slutty Sue" can come walking into any munch or event and proclaim themself "slave", but the moment that they tell of how they "serve" their "Master" on their once monthly real time meeting....MOST people in the group, including myself, have an understanding that what is being professed is NOT slavery. So all of the declarations after that point fall upon deaf ears....very simple.

Now I know that is just going to piss a whole bunch of people off....but that is simply how it IS. As I have said many times here before....if you want to be eccentric and tell everyone your dog is actually a cat...so be it. But when you don that collar and leash and take a stroll through town....most people are going to understand that you are walking a dog. And if you want to insist that your dog is a cat....MOST people are just going to think your elevator doesn't quite reach the top.


So in actuality, you do believe if you want to be a slave, you must - - see your Master more than just once a month?  Unless your views have changed since then, which they very well may have.  But in this above quoted post, you are stating this as absolute for everyone, which is why I questioned it.  I remember it striking me so odd at the time, but I chose not to respond to it then.  But because your OP here seems so much the opposite of this post, I immediately thought of this one and wanted to ask about it.  No, you did not say "pretend" but your use of quotes around the words "Master" and "slave" implied that, to me anyway.

As for not attempting to quote anyone personally, I respect that.  Coincidentally, all of your quotes was something one particular slave said on two different threads in the last couple of days, word for word, I believe.  Perhaps those words left a mark on you without realizing they were all from the same person.  That does happen to me from time to time.

Regardless, I appreciate your reply.


I kinda agree, honestly look at it from a nilla point, when my bf calls me and tells me , the newest guy warming her bed is "her true soul mate" "the man of her dreams" yadda yadda I have to roll my eyes simple cause till any of them last past 3 months it's just lust and lip service.......... no different than if I heard someone claiming to be a an experienced anything because they did "this" <insert whatever> regularly once a month. It comes down to titles and identity for some. For me, thats my disclaimer *wink*, I could talk from a bottom, masochist, sadistic switch view but I couldn't tell you a thing about being submissive cause I have never done it. Even though I am Mistress to one and beloved property to Daddy, i've only known how I dedicate my life to Our life, it is not solely thinks that make Him happy, I am going back to college by some *D* thinking that is a BIG inconvience but it is for the betterment of our life, so I am able to do this work in a manner I have NEVER been able to approach before. Last time I was working on my degree, it was the loooooooongest most miserible period in history but I didn't have the purpose than, I was going through the motions because it was something i was suppose to be doing...... no passion, no purpose, no joy in the hard work, no appriecation of my own efforts by myself..... but in "losing myself" into His vision of me, I have become a better person because he makes it so by giving me joy of purpose..........

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 8:45:23 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i think the OP was talking about people who call attention to what appears to be their martyrdom and that perhaps suffering isn't always necessary to being a good slave. 

You see eyes, i really have not viewed what extents others go to as expressions of martyrdom and suffering.  i think that people have described their relationships....and some may seem like the slave is suffering but when she herself says that she gains fulfillment in what she does, then i do not see that as suffering on her part.  If the slave does not consider it suffering, then i don't.  And everyone has their own views on what a 'good slave' is (or even what a slave is for that matter).

i'm sorry but some of the comments i have read here and in some yahoo groups the theme seems to be that Master can put ones life in danger because He is Master and there's nothing one can do about it.  i'm not judging anyone's dynamic and if passive suicide is their thing then who am i to say it's right or wrong. 

They say there's nothing they could do about it because that is the dynamic they have chosen to get into.  i don't judge if someone chooses to be in that type of relationship....and as you, i am not judging if what they choose is 'passive suicide'...for lack of a better term anyway.

The point i believe the OP was trying to make is the implication that the dynamic of suffering  is something to strive toward or is somehow more perfect often sounds like a passive-aggressive way of criticizing a dynamic of balance. 

But isn't that up to the individual to determine how to construe those implications?  Again, as for me, i don't get the impression they are saying that suffering is something to strive for nor that it is more perfect.  i guess we all have our ways of interpreting things.  i have only viewed it as others stating how they live within their dynamic. 

The boards should be a place to express opposing views without becoming a battleground of who is right or wrong. 

And i agree. 
 
DG



(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: You don't have to lose you to be his - 12/16/2006 8:50:54 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
i think the OP was talking about people who call attention to what appears to be their martyrdom and that perhaps suffering isn't always necessary to being a good slave.  i'm sorry but some of the comments i have read here and in some yahoo groups the theme seems to be that Master can put ones life in danger because He is Master and there's nothing one can do about it.  i'm not judging anyone's dynamic and if passive suicide is their thing then who am i to say it's right or wrong.  The point i believe the OP was trying to make is the implication that the dynamic of suffering  is something to strive toward or is somehow more perfect often sounds like a passive-aggressive way of criticizing a dynamic of balance. 


But...being devil's advocate here, some consider martyrdom as part of their slavery and they are content in that.  Should they not express it, just as the OP has an expressed opinion?    Is the OP not doing the same thing by condeming martyrdom?  Personally I love to suffer for my Master.  It's part of my emotional masochism.  And he enjoys when I suffer for him.  But you see based on the OP, I would never feel comfortable stating that.  Because according to the OPs comments, I would be a holier than thou uber slave.  My question is, isn't labeling someone holier than thou also a way of being holier than thou?

quote:


The boards should be a place to express opposing views without becoming a battleground of who is right or wrong. 

Yes they should, and yet the OP goes on to distinguish right from wrong in later posts, by declaring what is a slave and what is not.  In other words, doing exactly what her OP condems - - "if you want to be a slave, you must/can't ____"

What I am trying to do here is point out how easily the intent behind opinions can be misinterpreted.  One slave stronly expressed her opinion of what a slave can and can not be (in another thread) and voila, this OP was created.  The author of the OP, however, has stated her own opinion rather strongly of what a slave can and can not be.  Hence, the inconsistency I was asking about.  I personally do not think either of them is holier than thou or trying to be an uber-slave.  I think they just have ways of expressing opinions, which can be misinterpreted.  Therefore I stand by what I say all along...do not judge a coin by one side, and do not assume you (collectively) know what is in someone's mind and heart without first conversing with them. 


Edited to add, I understand what the OP was trying to do here, in letting others know that slavery does not have to equal misery.  And I appreciate her efforts at warning others that it's not ok to feel bad about yourself or to be in the hands of an abuser.  I'm only disagreeing with the way it was done, since it seemed critical of others and could possibly prevent others from expressing themselves.  I guess it's my own pet peeve, that I tend to react poorly to name calling and criticizm (holier than thou; uber slave; etc.) when I think there are more constructive ways of making a point. 

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 12/16/2006 8:59:23 AM >

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 80
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