quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Well, isn't this just the most pleasant of ways to handle things!!!

Reasons why, from my point of view, your post was disrespectful:

1) Using his behavior - regardless if you feel it was disrespectful or not - is no justification for inappropriate behavior on your part. What you engaged in was revenge - pure and simple.

2) Saying "oh, I just said that to let my friends know I was ok" is so much ... well, I need waders!  If you hadn't already aired your dirty laundry; if you hadn't already gone out there and discussed the problems you were having with so many people that it required posting the information on a profile for god's sake, that you'd issued an ultimatum and he caved to let "everyone" know you're ok, you wouldn't have had this question of your disrespect come up in the first place.

2) In point of fact, in general, friends don't really look up friends' profiles over and over again, so it appears more like you were making damn sure the rest of the world knew you had your dominant fully in hand. I would never have read your profile as a statement of happiness that you two had worked things out. I'd have read it as a gloat over the successful enforcement of your demands.

3) This thread is a continuation of your gloat - and a warning to everyone else who might be interested in you. "Do something I don't like and I'll make YOUR business public too!"

4) You were never looking for answers to the question of whether you were disrespectful or not. You were looking for accolades, approval  and acceptance for how you "handled" that dominant. If you wanted us to only answer in ways that are suitable to your frame of mind, why even ask the question in the first place? At each and every turn, you've continued to justify and make excuses for your behavior. This on it's own is pretty indicative of a lot of things - none of them real good.

5) And regarding the profile itself: You're issuing an apology for an APPARENTLY disrespectful comment? What's APPARENT is that you don't see the need beyond he said to do it, for issuing the apology. And that little process significantly diminishes the apology to just being "what you should say" rather than something you actually believe you did. An apology issued with no real intent is no apology whatsoever. 

I'm sure you'll disagree with everything I've said here, but that's all right. You certainly have that right. In the end, it really doesn't matter what *I* think. The person you were with evidently thought that you were being disrespectful and really, that's all that matters.

juliet

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow

I won't go into details as to the why or blame or anything like that.
But putting aise the terms of  D\s  vanilla  etc,  there were periods of time where my partner(Sir) would just disappear for weeks at a time, and as it was a long distance relationship, i had no way of knowing what was happening. He would not answer my calls, not come online, not ring me,  anything. Anyway we got together and i told him that if he wanted this relationship to continue that he needed to show me the respect of getting in contact with me.If he didnt want to talk to me that was fine,  but  to send me a text every day or two letting me know he was fine etc. To which he agreed.
So after we had made up and were back together again, and had ( so i thought ) everything sorted i put this information on my profile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedwillow

As some may know, my relationship with my Sir is\was rocky.
I won't go into details as to the why or blame or anything like that.
But putting aise the terms of  D\s  vanilla  etc,  there were periods of time where my partner(Sir) would just disappear for weeks at a time, and as it was a long distance relationship, i had no way of knowing what was happening. He would not answer my calls, not come online, not ring me,  anything. Anyway we got together and i told him that if he wanted this relationship to continue that he needed to show me the respect of getting in contact with me.If he didnt want to talk to me that was fine,  but  to send me a text every day or two letting me know he was fine etc. To which he agreed.
So after we had made up and were back together again, and had ( so i thought ) everything sorted i put this information on my profile.

This is a new profile for me, my old one was 'nomansdoormat' . My Sir and i have talked and it looks like everything is and will be good, we sorted out a lot of things and i put my very unsubbish foot down about certain things.

Thankyou to everyone who has sent messages of support, it was a very rough time for me.
But i believe my Sir realise how fabulous i am ( blatant self promotion here ) and that he won't do anything to risk losing me again.

Sir's (very happy) dea
 
 
 

Since then he has apparently had many comments from both Doms and subs, about my lack of respect for him, and how i make him look like the submissive one.
For my part i simply don't see it,  it was slightly tounge in cheek, because i was so happy, but i certainly didn't mean to disrespect him. 
Was it disrespectuful?
Is he being over sensitive?

Sorry for the rambling post.
would love some imput on this.

twistedwillow
edited for obvious typos, etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I wonder how those who sent the snide emails would feel if their partners rarely contacted them. I'll bet they would have a different attitude. Sounds to me like the dom was disrespectful to neglect the sub.

quote:

As i said earlier my mistake in posting this was to make it personal not generic, allowing people such as yourself the opportunity to attack. As for everyone else, thankyou for your input, weather you agree or disagree.. i've appreciated it.

He has read this, and we are talking. To whoever it was , apologies i cant remember who, who said that if it had been a vanilla relationship it would have been ok but as a D\s it isnt. I am new to D\s and still attempting to transition from vanilla, meaning i know i have a lot to learn, and im sure i will make many mistakes in the process... in a way i still struggle with the giving up of my self. So i particularly appreciated your view on it

Anyway again, thanks to those who actually answered the question of was it disrespectful.

twistedwillow

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


My mom told me something that is really good advice. She told me to never tell her when I had a fight with my significant other unless I want her to remember that information long after the problem has been resolved because it could do nothing but color her feelings for the person. I applied that to all people, unless I want something thrown back in my face I tend to keep it under my hat.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I don't think it is disrespectful for a sub to expect contact from her dom or for a dom to expect contact from his sub. Without communication, no relationship exists. You did nothing wrong, he did. I wonder how those who sent the snide emails would feel if their partners rarely contacted them. I'll bet they would have a different attitude. Sounds to me like the dom was disrespectful to neglect the sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT


If he is taking the opinions of online strangers so seriously, I would question his judgment in general.  Unless what you are talking about is a cyber-only relationship (which isn't a relationship at all) ... in which case: 
You can do waaay better than that. 


Again this.....if it is a cyber-only relationship it isn't a real one. i don't know, but statements like that always makes me think "us rt SM'ers are so much better than the rest of you".

i have had several  - not many - vt relationships - and i have kept them as friends also later on. To have Someone to talk to, share thoughts, dreams and fears in the virtual world should be just as real as to have a rt penpal or even a journal to write in. To test your limits in a virtual world - to see what it does to your mind and even body is a safe way of exploring before eventually - for those who can - taking it rt.
Ok - it might not for all be a hands on relationship - but it sure may have just the deep connection between those two - than if they were rt. And let's face it - so many does not have the possibility to take things into the real world...

so in my humble opinion - a vt relationship can for many be just as real as in the real world...s..

~bad~

quote:

ORIGINAL: badlilthang

If he is taking the opinions of online strangers so seriously, I would question his judgment in general.  Unless what you are talking about is a cyber-only relationship (which isn't a relationship at all) ... in which case: 
You can do waaay better than that. 


Again this.....if it is a cyber-only relationship it isn't a real one. i don't know, but statements like that always makes me think "us rt SM'ers are so much better than the rest of you".