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RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/1/2007 6:09:22 PM   
slurppuppy


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/1/2006
Status: offline 		When I find out someone lied to me, either directly or by omission, it's an instant red flag for me.  Either they have something to hide or they have an unresolved issue about something.  Either way, that's not good for me.

When it's hardest to tell the truth is exactly the time when it's most important to tell it.

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/1/2007 8:02:55 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		ok its simple does not get anymore simple then this if they lie good bye i am to that age were time is short and liing causings trust issues thats a big red flag sorry but if you can not behonest whats the point you just belew it
life is full of lessons learn them well

(in reply to slurppuppy)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/1/2007 9:10:44 PM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		FAST REPLY (to no one in particular):
 
Regarding the Ops comment that some people feel they can say “I lied” as if that were acceptable behavior…I’ll admit that when I first started messing around with sites like this one, where one fills out an online profile, I used to knock 7-8 years off my age. 
 
MY reasoning (then) was that I look younger than my age, I act and feel more youthful than my age suggests and too many men just a few years older than me act as if their whole lives have already gone by.  I wanted to attract men who have the same zest for life that I do.  I ‘thought’…then…that this was a ‘white lie’ and perfectly acceptable; because I’d tell them my real age, if they asked, when we met.
 
I wasn’t around very long at all when I realized I was way off base.  A lie is a lie is a lie; and NO way on which to base a relationship.  I like to think WIITWD is more about trust, truth and communication than about any other lifestyle…I sure wasn’t supporting THAT concept, now was I? 
 
So now I state my actual age every time.  <shrugs>  It didn’t even hurt!  LOL
 
Now, about the two profiles I keep.  Yup, I do have two.  I subscribe to exactly that which Topaz finds abhorrent.  My reasoning is that I do not switch…EVER.  Also, while Cm’s choices are Dom, sub or switch…I’m a submissive who Tops.  In my mind that’s a HUGE difference.  This Toppy profile of mine states “This side of me is more into S/m than D/s.”   I am neither lying nor being duplicitous, in my opinion…I use nearly the same nic, I sign postings with Beverly under either profile, all the information contained in each is the same; heck, I even use several of the same pictures.  Oh…and I don’t keep it a secret, either.  Still, I like having two profiles because it further makes the statement “I do NOT switch.”  At least that is my reasoning, now.
 
Thank you all for a really wonderful thread…much better stuff here than the similar one I started today! 
 
B

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/1/2007 10:11:05 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		Love the lies when someone has had numerous opportunities to come clean, yet never did. 

Love the lies all in just a first name, the point of that is?

Love the indirect lies of having the ability to communicate on the phone daily 'during the day', at night they disappear.

Love the lies of the pictures, oh that's you?

Each lie surely leads to mistrust, then in D/s or Play where do we go?  Nowhere...it ends there.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 11:35:51 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: acctonthelook

Love the lies when someone has had numerous opportunities to come clean, yet never did. 

Love the lies all in just a first name, the point of that is?

Love the indirect lies of having the ability to communicate on the phone daily 'during the day', at night they disappear.

Love the lies of the pictures, oh that's you?

Each lie surely leads to mistrust, then in D/s or Play where do we go?  Nowhere...it ends there.


Oh I do feel you and do hear you, and arent all these married men something special around here? I've watched it over and over, and know all the signs you pointed at by heart, which is pretty sad seeing as how I'm the uninvolved, unvictimized directly by any of it, never married, no kids type of man. So why would I even care? Bros before hoes right? Screw that bullshit.

These idiots have engendered more mistrust, overall suspicion, disunion and disharmony on this site and it's women than likely any one other thing alone, and lets face it, at cm, and almost ALL personals sites, mistrust is the norm, and rampant. They are like predators, making venturing there, were you a lady, tantamount to a dive in shark infested waters.
And I guess because they are so utterly, pathetically desperate for ass,  become disoriented, losing focus till they seem to lose touch with reality, spread their lies too thin, and can't even do THAT well. They hardly realize any woman having been here more than a week, has she half a brain, will likely be so over being jaded by it, moving into the damn sick of it, and starts to suspect all us men of their treachery. Yet they push onward as zealots, with their several profiles, and lame, overused thinly disguised bullshit lines, and form letters. I doubt I need worry of any of them coming in this forum and taking offense at my words, oh no, doubt we see em here, being outside their scope of operation, and a pointless waste of what little time they have to juggle, knowing the wife is already suspicious enough, although were you to actually get an honest response from them, she'd be saddled with the lions share of blame, for their presence here in the first place.  Why?..oh please...lol. ass ass ass. The one thing married lying, schemer/players aint gettin. I guess it is so profoundly prevalent, and/or they are so overbearingly persistent, most ladies just sorta shut down, somewhere deep inside, and become shy to respond to anyone, after but a few disappointing trys. Pobracitas all. truly.

Nonetheless, I'll not be so traitorous as to apologize for my own gender....(burp)
lol, no i jest. Screw that too, and I'm so very sorry for all the suffering they've caused ladies. They should be shot at sunrise, one and all. twice for surety. as while I may not suffer directly at their packs and gaggles of lies, I do feel I do sorely, once removed.

One complaint to the girls side, if I may, having seen its passing and result, I suppose after a while some become more tolerant to the wall of deciet, and accept the married mans advance, should he but fess up, come clean, and admit his marital status, thereby taking her in his confidence, assuring his separation, or impending divorce, and actually risking all for her. DONT fall for it girls, as youre just adding to the worlds misery, and feeding his harem building ego. How can such a scumbag be deserving of you? And when did your standards sink so thusly low? ..and why? You can do better, and you should, as is his due, hear his confessional, part with a sweet kiss, promising your bounty later, then hasten to call his wife....lol.

Only then perhaps, when it's evident their ploys are but covers blown, will the duplicitous chicanery begin to subside. we hope.

Often thought how incredibly revealing, having the "Cheaters" film crew work from here might be.  Should we?

nah, guess not...lol.

MGD


< Message edited by mgdartist -- 1/2/2007 12:11:18 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 11:56:08 AM   
TPEOwner


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

There are two types of lies, ones of omission (someone does not update their profile) and one of commision (one intends to deceive when filling out their profile). I have omitted things and forgotten to change a profile.

There are two types of people.  Those who divide things into two types, and those who don't.

There are as many types of lies as there are people who tell them.  And there are two types of people.  Those who admit they tell lies, and those who lie about it.  Not a day goes by that we don't tell lies.  Your little child comes home from school with a scribbling that looks like a monkey stuffed a crayon in its ass and sat on construction paper.  "Oh how beautiful" you say, and put it on your fridge.  A telemarker calls and you say, "I'm sorry, I don't have time to talk." when you are doing absolutely nothing. And on and on....

The fact of the matter is I don't owe anyone the truth about anything, unless I choose to.  I don't feel obligated to tell strangers things about my life, and if they force themselves on me, I'm quite willing to lie to them to deliberately misdirect them.

Now if I choose to tell people something because I want something from them, that's a whole different matter.  Then I have to decide what truths to tell them.  My profile on here has incorrect information on it.  The name on my birth certificate is not TPEowner4u.  I'm 49 now.  I don't live inside the city of Boston.  Are those lies?  I put this profile on to attract women I find compatible to talk with me, in hopes of finding a life partner.  If I deliberately put deceptive information, or withheld relavent information from my profile with the intent of getting women who wouldn't otherwise find me attractive to contact me, that's completely different from protecting my privacy by altering my name and address slightly.  Lat week I answered a profile, and the first thing she told me was that she was married.  Not putting that on her profile is in my opinion a deliberate deception, and telling me right away doesn't excuse it.  I would never have written her if it had been on her profile.  Now if on the other hand she had been separated for years, had no contact with her husband and no intention on ever changing that, and the marriage was over in every way except legally, then I have no problem with her leaving it off her profile.

What it comes down to is intent.  Are you intending to decieve for the purpose of taking advantage of someone?  That's a lie.  Everything else is just part of life.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 12:01:20 PM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline 		indeed tpe owner, and i concur heartily. You are so implicitly "spot on".  kudos and props.

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(in reply to TPEOwner)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 1:25:38 PM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline 		"Lies are like bunnies , They muiltiply in the dark"

I've never heard this quote but I really like it.  Its so true! Once I told a lie  , I had to tell another ...ITS INSANE!
I was w/ someone for 10 yrs who couldnt tell the truth. Even when he was caught , He continued to lie. The next phase of that was the I was "Nuts". I felt the pain of those lies and swore I wouldnt do that to anyone again. It also made me distrust everyone. It took alot to gain my trust.

Is embellishing  the same as lieing , Yes. {IMHO}


 

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 1:46:58 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		 

People mention lying by pics that are inaccurate, bwah hah, I can't, my pic STILL hasn't been approved!  I even had to add this to my profile statement 5 minutes ago:

"My pic is still waiting for approval, but if you message me stating you'd like a CURRENT, ACCURATE PIC, I'll send one taken 14 days ago."

Then I looked at the profile for any other "lies".
 
Well, it says I'm in Alabama.  Har har.  But that's just because I have to choose a state and the only states available are American ones.  So that lie ain't MY fault.
 
Just measured/weighed myself.  height and weight are accurate (but I won't change the weight one for going up or down 2-3 lbs, that's just pedantic).
 
The single part is spot on.  Been flirting with a non site person for a while but things cooled off before a meet (oddly enough that happened after I answered - HONESTLY - a concern of hers:  am I Bi sexual? I let her know that I can't even get an erection for skinny women, much less lads, so no.  Love Partying with queerfolk and their events but Sophia Loren only please, not Priscilla Queen of the Desert).  So she's been offish after that.  Weird; most women have been worried that I am bisexual, and been reassured/more interested when I state "no".  Ah well.
 
Lives for section...  nup, all 100% candorous.  Not even hyperbole.
 
same with "Loves" section
 
Likes:  could be some things perceived as lies here because I can be a strict context nazi. For example, I listed "Hinduism (Beginner)

 Neo-Paganism (Expert)
 Wicca "
 
But that's just because they deal with folklore and mythologies I dig.  I don't practice any of them nor care to.   just love old stories.  So, what's more honest, leave that in or take it out?  Dunno.
 
and since I edited my profile, it's "pending approval".  all I did was clarify and fix typo's, and now "oops".  hah.  No good deed goes unpunished!
 

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 1:50:27 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		If my hair is not exactly as it is in either photo right now, am I a liar?
And, well, since the holidays my weight might not be dead on.........I dunno as I do not own a scales.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 2:04:29 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Well said, TPEOwner.

Over the couple months when I was actively seeking to attract e-mails, I constantly updated my profile in response to the emails I was getting.  I was way too honest and forthcoming at first and invited a lot of conversations I didn't like.  I made some mistakes: I actually said what I was interested in.  Unfortunately, that invited folks to talk to me about very personal things, something that made me uncomfortable.  I was honest about the fact that I wasn't necessarily looking for a committed long term relationship which seemed to attract folks looking for booty or married guys.  I said I was a submissive, and ended up in conversations about why I should call myself a slave.  And on and on.  It was all very overwhelming and time consuming.

So, I started thinking about my profile differently.  I gradually took out all concrete information and tried to replace it with something that would interest people and encourage them to write something interesting back.  I think of it as something like a smoke screen.  Its not entirely opaque in that it gives a reasonable portrait of the sort of person I am in a general sense, and I don't lie about anything but its not entirely transparent either. 

I also read a lot of profiles, but only one really caught my attention enough to actually want to know more.  What caught my attention about it was that it reminded me of a poem for some reason.  I don't remember noticing any of the vital stats or even thinking about them when I was moved to step up what had been a rather pro forma conversation. I was quite pushy, but, so far, its all good. :)

I guess my point is that there's different ways to think about profiles.  As vehecles for providing information, I don't find them very useful and try not to provide too much information in mine.  But, they do say something about the person writing them and can sometimes inspire a conversation.  What happens after that is up to the people involved.




(in reply to TPEOwner)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 5:31:04 PM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		As the thread develops further, I'm interested to see those who say "I lied and this is why it's ok".   It does help identify a persons's mode of thinking when they explain their rationalization.

On the other side are those who say " a lie is a bad thing, period".  No shades of grey (or gray!) allowed, at all.  Another interesting insight into those people's thought processes.

Lies of Omission have received a lot of play too.  I forgot about those.  I think I figured "caveat emptor" there, as it's all a lie of omission until you ask... 

It's the overt lies, followed by the droll explanation that "of course I had to lie, darling, I'm really much, much older and fatter than that..." I was referring to.

Didn't even occur to me (typical male that I am) that there would be a flood of posts on penile hyperbole, married men swearing they're single (or really, really almost separated this time) and so forth.

All very enlightening and enjoyable.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 5:49:47 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		To weigh in (at 240 lbs of pure muscle, and that's only the left testicle), I would like to say that we all lie.  At the bar we get asked by a creep where we work, we tell them the office of your nemesis.  When the cops pull you over for speeding, we say we're late for the police ball. 

As to the intent of the lie, I don't see how that factors in, as the actual intent can never be known when the person can speak well.

The only gauge for me is in persistance and frequency.  If someone writes in their profile that they're 20, and in the first e-mail, unprompted, they admit they are 106, I can forgive them, provided God does.  Especially because if they're 106, I would think they'd break they're hip in the confessional.

If someone, however, tells me the day before the first meeting that they're actually a man named Rico who prefers them younger and less manly than me, well, I might take issue. 

Ya get it?

Yours,


benji

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(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 5:58:23 PM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		It's the "everyone lies" theory that I don't buy.  Not everyone does.

Even if everyone did, so what?  History is riddled with stupid or wrong things that "everyone did".

My question, I suppose would be better expressed as:  "Why would anyone believe an admitted liar"?  Of course...  that question could get political fast...

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"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 6:06:59 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		For the same reason that we don't give "convicted" speeders a ticket automatically every time they get in their car.

Yours,


benji

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Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 6:09:15 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		(thread Hijack)

Benji's back! Yay!!

(/thread Hijack)

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A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 6:32:00 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I have something similiar,they said it wasnt a lie it was an exggeration
of the truth...not really any better.

I dont lie and I expect others to not lie.
If caught in a lie they are dismissed from My life.
I have made exceptions if a person was truely sorry and really goes above and beyond to gain My trust again.

After being lied to so many times I always look for the lie.
It takes a long time before I stop looking.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 6:43:43 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

After being lied to so many times I always look for the lie.
It takes a long time before I stop looking.


While I can entirely understand this attitude, it shows unresolved issues and a negative attitude, to me at least.

If I go into a relationship expecting someone to lie, I will probably find just that.

"It's a fine line between stickler and psycho, but an entertaining one to draw." - benji, 2007

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 7:11:02 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

After being lied to so many times I always look for the lie.
It takes a long time before I stop looking.


While I can entirely understand this attitude, it shows unresolved issues and a negative attitude, to me at least.

If I go into a relationship expecting someone to lie, I will probably find just that.

"It's a fine line between stickler and psycho, but an entertaining one to draw." - benji, 2007

Yours,


benji



I knew I should have worded that different...LOL
I definitely dont have a negative attitude,unresolved issues...well maybe one or two,I'm sure others out there have some also.

I dont think its bad thing to be cautious when first meeting someone.
I dont think its negative to look for a lie.
There is a reason I'm looking...something in My gut tells Me when things dont add up.Until I know for sure I can trust you,I'm gonna keep you at arms length.

< Message edited by MistressSassy66 -- 1/2/2007 7:18:00 PM >

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Admitting You Lied - 1/2/2007 7:17:45 PM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I'm reminded of an essay by Sam Clemens (Mark Twain) on the various ways to lie.

The most artistic way to lie is to tell the truth, the whole truth, but tell it in such a way as to convince the listener that you are lying.

Stefan

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 80
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