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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 3:07:18 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		i have to respectfully but completely disagree with you. Not everyone wants the perpetual ideal Dom fantasy, some of us want relationships with real people that grow anddevelop over time.

heartfelt

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 3:18:30 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		*fast reply*

I have seen Master in tears of pain.....I've seen Him in the hospital throwing up after a surgery.....I've seen Him struggle to even walk some days. It makes me love and respect Him more, because He goes through so much each day to just live.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 3:36:33 PM   
Jauque


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/11/2007
From: Texas.
Status: offline 		I would imagine anyone who takes satisfaction and pleasure from the control of another to be, in a way, vulnerable.  You only want what you lack, and in the taking of control you satisfy that desire.  I do not mean to say a Dom is not in control, but the desire for that control stems from something.  I'm not quite sure how many would agree on that concept, but that's my thought. 

~J

_____________________________

The surest way to see what someone is made of is to break them apart.

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 3:41:05 PM   
maleslave07


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		I do not think it shows weakness but humanity as a whole. The only problem I could see is if I'm the one breaking down then I need the strength to hold onto to give me stability. If the Dominant party also breaks down at the same time then things are truely bad, for they are my strength. Yes the Dominant party is supposed to be the pillar, the foundation upon which things are built upon and held together, but as everybody knows foundations crack sometimes. But that does not mean the house comes falling down because of it. And even if the house comes falling down the true question becomes can they rebuild? Or does it crush them?

robert

(in reply to OnlyHis)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 3:42:34 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I don't agree Ross.  Who wants a dom who is right ALL THE TIME or can't show a gentler side?  OMG!  Now that would be torture for me.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 4:39:29 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

*fast reply*

I have seen Master in tears of pain.....I've seen Him in the hospital throwing up after a surgery.....I've seen Him struggle to even walk some days. It makes me love and respect Him more, because He goes through so much each day to just live.


That's what it was for me. I had fallen down the stairs. Twisted my ankle really bad and it knocked the wind out of me more than anything. Looking back, it was wimpy to cry, afterall, I've fallen off horses and done worse than a twisted ankle and been fine.

(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 5:05:25 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass





I run into this a lot too.   They don't seem to want me to be an actual person, but some emotionaless robot that barks orders and gives them tasks. 

These people I have to respectfully decline....I'm looking for a companion, and that means to take me worts and all....as I will them.  I am a humanbeing....or so I've been told..lol


I have definitely encountered this and it bores me to death. I am not a "barking orders" type person. I once had a boy tell me that it made him see me as less of a dom that I cried in front of him and that made me very angry. After talking it out he appologized and said that he realized he was trying to project the image of some "perfect ideal" dom onto me and that he'd much rather have me as a real person. I wish they all had the ability to think that way. I think it's interesting that the replies that support the way I feel have been from submissive women but I have yet to see a sub male say the same.


I'm that way too...I'm more of a sensual type Domina, and I'd rather control with more "looks" and very few words....

Makes you kind of wonder what kind of person would want to be with an emotionaless  person 24/7.  And as mine in the past and will in the future be my companion, they will really be useless as a partner.

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 5:07:41 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

If you are a sub, how do you feel or what do you think if/when your dominant shows his/her emotions (cries, for example?) Or shows a softer, more vulnerable side?

Do you prefer a dom who has a hard exterior and never "cracks"?


It looks like pretty much everyone agrees that absence of emotion would be unrealistic. That isn't surprising, at all... and I want my dom to be every bit as human as I.  However, what I consider important is not that they display a full range of emotions, but exactly how they display them and how they deal with them.  I've met far too many men (my personal preference for a dominant) who lack control and emotional maturity... and even some who have a bit too much control.

Edited for clarity


< Message edited by losttreasure -- 1/16/2007 5:11:24 PM >

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 5:07:47 PM   
bearincuffs


Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		Personally, i want my Master to have some emotions and express emotions. My Master has done so on the few ocassions and it had me feeling master is also Human even though i am His property.
i know that Master is Dominant and has shown this to me, so i don't believe that Master showing emotions makes Him seem "weak" or less than what He Is.
 
 
propery of Master Dave

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 5:11:03 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		One of the most favorite things for me about my Lord is his ability to show his vulnerability and his emotions.  With those that he considers family he is very warm and caring, but the depth of his devotion is given to alandra and me.  One of the biggest things that the three of us have in common is the depth of our devotion to each other and to our relationship together.

These emotions and his ability to demonstrate them in a constructive, positive way demonstrates strength of character.  They in no way detract from his authority or his sadism.  In fact, the stronger his emotions become for us the more sadistic he is and the more he holds us accountable for our behaviors.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 5:21:03 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Oh my gosh - I'd never object to that. Geez - people  are people before they are their "roles" - if someone is going through a rough time, and they need a shoulder - well, if you can't be there for them, what kind of person are you, really? Would you really even qualify as a friend, let alone a "lover"? How loving would it be to turn a cold shoulder?

-Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/16/2007 5:23:17 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 5:31:25 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

my personal opinion is that it makes a person more worthy of my respect when He can be honest and open.


Me too.  Being honest and vulnerable takes courage.  Besides, how could I hook-up emotionally to someone who shows no emotion?  If you want someone with no feelings, look for a sociopath, not a Dom/me.   

MaryT

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 6:17:44 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am not an emotional person and yet I am human. So for the rare times that I do show my emotions my sub fully understands this as he knows, we are human. Dominant doesn't mean that you are unfeeling and rigid, or it shouldn't IMHO. I think a person who is afraid to show emotion has some issues that need to be dealt with.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to OnlyHis)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 7:30:09 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyHis

I think it is a wonderful thing for Master or any man for that matter to be able to show their emotions. It shows how human they really are. I have more respect for anyone who can show their emotions then those that hide them for fear of showing " weakness".  It is no kind of weakness to show feelings.


To me the inability to manage and control emotions is a weakness...

Unfortunately.. many equate to managing and controlling emotions as not showing them.

I personally equate the inability to showing emotions as the inability to manage and control them.... therefore a weakness.

It takes strength to show emotions and control them.. rather than let them control you... be it Love.. Anger.. or Saddness etc.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to OnlyHis)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 7:37:03 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:



To me the inability to manage and control emotions is a weakness...

Unfortunately.. many equate to managing and controlling emotions as not showing them.

I personally equate the inability to showing emotions as the inability to manage and control them.... therefore a weakness.

It takes strength to show emotions and control them.. rather than let them control you... be it Love.. Anger.. or Saddness etc.


Very well said! I agree.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 7:47:33 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

If you are a sub, how do you feel or what do you think if/when your dominant shows his/her emotions (cries, for example?) Or shows a softer, more vulnerable side?

Do you prefer a dom who has a hard exterior and never "cracks"?


It looks like pretty much everyone agrees that absence of emotion would be unrealistic. That isn't surprising, at all... and I want my dom to be every bit as human as I.  However, what I consider important is not that they display a full range of emotions, but exactly how they display them and how they deal with them.  I've met far too many men (my personal preference for a dominant) who lack control and emotional maturity... and even some who have a bit too much control.

Edited for clarity

Exactly!...It is the HOW....you stated perfectly my mixed emotions on this question...Tempting

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 9:53:33 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		Anyone that we start to seriously consider is told that I suffer from depression - if they can't handle that, then at least we know and can move on.  I cannot always control and manage my emotions - but I'm aware of that and I do the best that I can when the hard times come. 

Anyone who can't handle the fact that I sometimes cry because the cat decided to walk by instead of jumping in my lap (or some other random, silly, uncontrollable thing) is not going to be happy here.  I can't help it that I suffer from depression.  I control it the best that I can through therapy (for those of you who remember my last thread about depression - yes, I'm in therapy now) and OTC meds (haven't been put on anything prescription yet) and diet and exercise.  It's not totally controlled yet, but it's improving.  When I break down, I need to be supported until I am able to move on my own again.  Sometimes, I break down when others need me to be strong, but not often - and it's not like I can control it.  Anyone who is going to live with us has to understand that.  It's one of many things that we are open and honest about.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 10:09:35 PM   
Koukei


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I enjoy a dom who shows emotion. There is no shame in crying and its a greater feeling for me knowing my arms around my master and my words help lift his tears. Plus there is no fun in an emotionless dom. I enjoy seeing the pleased look on his face, I enjoy feeling his loving warmth. And you cant have one emotion without them all. We're only human.
 
 
~Koukei MonStar~

(in reply to OnlyHis)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/17/2007 5:34:47 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Depends on the emotion he's showing. I'm senstitive to induced emotions, meaning his mood will influence me. So if he's very wired or angry, I want to hide because of what it does to me.

Sadness is something I can deal with. I can be there for him or try to help or just hold him. Depression meaning over two weeks solidly down is something that requires professional treatment unless we're talking grief. Obviously if he'd just lost a loved one, he would be sad for a long time and that's appropriate. If the grief wasn't progressing though, I would at some point suggest he find a grief counselor to help. You can get stuck at points in the grieving process.

(in reply to OnlyHis)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/17/2007 8:06:48 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

If you are a dom, do you have a problem showing emotion in front of your sub?




My being able to let down my walls and show my full emotional range is a sign of deep trust. It does not happened for months or even years depending on the person though slowly things show up.

The idea that the top has to be made of stone is very wide-spread so up until a few years ago I'd feel a bit wary when I cried or got angry in front of Fox. However he told me that he sees these moments as affirmation of my trust in him and that he wouldn't want a rock to be his owner.

Whether or not a bottom is aware of it, reactions to displays of emotions does affect the top greatly. A bottom who wants a fully functioning human being as their partner would do well to not act offended or confused when the top shows emotions.

(I'm using top and bottom here very broadly)

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 40
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