Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerability


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerability Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/24/2007 6:41:42 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra
I am not an emotional person and yet I am human. So for the rare times that I do show my emotions my sub fully understands this as he knows, we are human. Dominant doesn't mean that you are unfeeling and rigid, or it shouldn't IMHO. I think a person who is afraid to show emotion has some issues that need to be dealt with.


So why are you not forthcoming more often in your emotional expressions?

I do understand the need for privacy and guarding what others might seek to manipulate.

Not everyone is derserving to your innerself nor should they expect it by simply demanding it as if they were self appointed court jusdge and jury...

We would not allow that in every day to day dealings so why do people think it is any different under the guise of BDSM?

For your contribution here is your prize: [ insert pic here]  http://www.mjtbooks.com/harlequins/h003.jpg


Ross

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/24/2007 6:45:23 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
To me the inability to manage and control emotions is a weakness...

Unfortunately.. many equate to managing and controlling emotions as not showing them.

I personally equate the inability to showing emotions as the inability to manage and control them.... therefore a weakness.

It takes strength to show emotions and control them.. rather than let them control you... be it Love.. Anger.. or Saddness etc.

So how do you manage to impart your impartiality and coolness to your submissives?

So do you equate empathy and compassion as signs of weakness within a dominant?

Is your approach more of a drill sargent at boot camp or do you just have a direct matter of fact approach to things?

Interesting comments.

For your contribution here is your prize: [insert pic here]  http://www.mjtbooks.com/harlequins/h004.jpg

Ross

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/24/2007 6:48:33 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Koukei
I enjoy a dom who shows emotion. There is no shame in crying and its a greater feeling for me knowing my arms around my master and my words help lift his tears. Plus there is no fun in an emotionless dom. I enjoy seeing the pleased look on his face, I enjoy feeling his loving warmth. And you cant have one emotion without them all. We're only human.


What if you were to enjoy the display of his pleasure in you suffering for him?

Would that be enough?

If he were to comfort you after your display and encourage you to do better would that be enough?

For your contribution here is your prize [insert pic here]  http://www.mjtbooks.com/harlequins/h013.jpg

Ross

(in reply to Koukei)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/24/2007 6:51:06 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Depends on the emotion he's showing. I'm senstitive to induced emotions, meaning his mood will influence me. So if he's very wired or angry, I want to hide because of what it does to me.


Interesting. I never play when I am angry...do others also avoid doing this?

Do submissives avoid playing when they might be overly sensitive as well?

For your contribution here is your prize: [insert pic here]  http://www.mjtbooks.com/harlequins/h035.jpg

Ross

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/24/2007 6:55:18 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
My being able to let down my walls and show my full emotional range is a sign of deep trust. Whether or not a bottom is aware of it, reactions to displays of emotions does affect the top greatly. A bottom who wants a fully functioning human being as their partner would do well to not act offended or confused when the top shows emotions.


Ok...but what if a submissive did not want the full range of emotions to develop?

What is they just wanted sessions to be like a box that they keep on the shelf in the closet and bring out when the urge is needy?

Granted there are many types of doms and subs and that makes things click butmight one need to have the abilities to be stone and cold like?

For your contribution here is your prize: [insert pic here]
http://www.mjtbooks.com/harlequins/h045.jpg

Ross

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/24/2007 6:58:27 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailboxi AGREE 100% the showing of emotion is a weakness, for male or female and it should be controled


So how do you suggest it should be controlled?

For your contribution here is your prize: [insert pic here] http://www.mjtbooks.com/harlequins/h054.jpg

Ross

(in reply to kittensmailbox)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/24/2007 7:01:17 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		I appologize...I did not mean to take over this thread or hijack it...

I actually thought it was one that I started and was responding

My appologies to all involved.

sheshhhsh...

Ross


http://www.mjtbooks.com/harlequins/h064.jpg

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/24/2007 7:12:17 AM   
MasterKalif


Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline 		I disagree to some extent....I think first of all we are all human.....showing an emotion(s) is not a sign of weakness....while I may want to withold showing certain emotions at times, it is ok to show happyness, concern, sadness, etc....the sub is there to care for your needs, not just physical but emotional....likewise the Dom is there to provide a shoulder for the sub, comfort, assure at times, and provide "aftercare" after an intense or new session.

A sign of weakness or rather stupidity would be if a Dom would break down and cry over everything, is over-emotional and does not have control of his or her wits....that could be a sign of weakness and of other issues unresolved.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/24/2007 7:12:35 AM   
DeepWaters


Posts: 118
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		Ill just go with my limited experience of women on this one ;)

They like it when a man can show a tender side to them when they are weak or distraught, but will lose respect and interest for a man who "loses it" under stress or shows signs of mental or emotional weakness---perhaps because they've been conditioned to look for males who hold up well under pressure --or because they enjoy the double standard :-p


(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/26/2007 9:47:38 PM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I am ticklist but only when I really trust someone and feel relaxed around them.


Never heard it put quite that way....

Ross


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bon_D_Age/members?o=6

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/27/2007 7:39:53 AM   
Phoenix2raven


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline 		Makes me cringe to think what happens to a person who bottles up thier emotions.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/27/2007 7:51:41 AM   
jcolbert14


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/30/2006
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think that when my Domme shows her emotions, it deepens the bond between us.  We are both people who have chosen this lifestyle.  I like to see the person behind the "Domme".  The relationship grows stronger in my opinion.

_____________________________

Goddess Jadis' Sillyboy

"I am whatever you say I am, if I wasn't, why would I say I am"- Eminem.

http://www.niteflirt.com/Goddess%20Jadis

(in reply to OnlyHis)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/27/2007 8:02:29 AM   
GoddessDee


Posts: 24
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline 		As a Domme I have no problem showing emotion in front of MY submissive. I agree with this statement "someone who is close to me will have to deal with all sides of me, the strong and weak; the hard and vulnerable. If a sub cannot handle the complexities of me as a whole person, then he is not deep enough to keep me interested". I feel that some people think that to be a Domme means that one must never show a weak side of themselves....hey but let's face it we are human therefore we have human emotions we have days when we are not at our best and days when we are to ask that someone hides them is the same as asking them to hide who they are as a person. I personally would never change who I am because it is what defines ME as an individual good and bad I am who I am and if that isn't enough then that is their problem.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/27/2007 8:52:52 AM   
BlindUnknown


Posts: 66
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		i apologize in advance for the length of this post.

i belive that the distinction has to be made before any answers can be taken seriously...so...here's my spin on it...

i feel there is a difference between being reticent, and not being capable of displaying emotion.  In the reticent's case, the fact is not that emotion is absent, but merely that it is restained.  In the case of someone who cannot display emotion because they are not developed enough in that aspect of themselves, they have no business to enter a relationship period if you can only express yourself with the words "happy, mad, sad, and okay". 

Because of my appraoch to being a sub, and the thought that it can only come after love is present, i require my Domme to express her emotions.  i wear my heart on my sleeve, and i require a person who can at least meet halfway and understand that concept.  How can someone who doesn't understand emotion deal with someone like me?  Emotion is how we communicate with those we love, both giving and recieving, and it flows like a circular river. When someone blocks that flow of energy, constantly circulating back and forth, soon, it will build, often damming at the point of returning to the more emotional one, and soon that person will feel drained, and have nothing left to give.

i do not believe that saying "I am pleased with your performance", that saying "I love you", that saying "Work was Hell, and I feel weak tonight", is weakness, it is feedback.  You do not have to speak to express these emotions.  i am reassured that i am loved when she comes in and gives me a hug, just as a casual reminder.  i am reassured when we make love and she gives me a smile at the right moment.  The expression of emotion takes many forms.  i myself am a reticent person, by way of words and expressions, especially in public (i soften back home).  But i never let up, and always make sure there is no mistake she knows i am in love with her. i demand anyone who is to be my Domme, at least, have an equal way of showing it, or prove that she is trying.

Being reticent and 'cool' about everything is something you can do.  But if your sub feels lonely, sad, or needs reassurance, isn't it worth it to lose the facade of power, to make her feel better? Never go to sleep angry, never go to sleep sad, never go to sleep lonely, never go to sleep depressed.  Because there's never time to reconcile in the morning, and you figure you can do it when you get home.  Except when you got to work, you went to the 95th floor, and the best you can do is call home on a cell phone, and let her know you loved her.  i know it's been said before but that bears repeating.  Remember that this chance, may just be the last one you get to tell her she's the world to you.  Your last chance to tell him he's special.  And never let a stupid thing like your "image" get in the way.  If your submissive didn't think you were strong, they wouldn't have chosen you to give themselves to.  Always say "I love you" before turning off the light.

May Darkness give you comfort this day.

_____________________________

Remember...the Dominant has power -in- the relationship, the sub has power -over- it.
Kioku shta ka?
"If Light and Darkness are eternal, than surely Nothings must be the same!"

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/29/2007 1:58:03 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

i will agree that not everyone i meet belongs in my most trusted inner circle and no, i have never had anyone stalk me at work, however i have no idea how that relates to your previous statement about submissives only wanting a fantasy Dom who never shows any weakness and my disagreeing with that statement. To me the two thoughts have nothing to do with each other.

Thank you. Ever check your vehicle for a bomb everythime you got in it? I use to about a decade plus ago. Interesting how something like that can give you a new awareness.

I hope you never need to go thru the stalking stage.

Being how this thread is a bit old I will try to relate without backtracking.

I suppose My intention was to show why showing of the real self...the private side was actually a detriment to a Dominant to those that might not be of civil socal mind.

Glad you chose to voice your disagreement.

Thank you

Ross 

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/29/2007 2:25:54 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterKalif

I disagree to some extent....I think first of all we are all human.....showing an emotion(s) is not a sign of weakness....while I may want to withold showing certain emotions at times, it is ok to show happyness, concern, sadness, etc....the sub is there to care for your needs, not just physical but emotional....likewise the Dom is there to provide a shoulder for the sub, comfort, assure at times, and provide "aftercare" after an intense or new session.

A sign of weakness or rather stupidity would be if a Dom would break down and cry over everything, is over-emotional and does not have control of his or her wits....that could be a sign of weakness and of other issues unresolved.

A submissive does not need a dominant that is capable of human foibles.

To show weakness is to show the underbelly of the beast and allow a means for topping from the bottom or manipulation.

True dominantion carries no emotion but simple structure within the heirachy and the submissive's need to follow orders, not to take responsibility of one's actions as a higher authority is responsible, to do things that are taboo, to participate in self loathing thru discipline and sexual usage.

The emotional is for a relationship.

A relationship of emotion is not needed for one to be dominated.

To be dominated is rather quite mechanical in there is a set of means and ways of performance in which a submissive is responsible for and held accountable for infractions or deviance of what the dominant proquires.

The difference is what makes dominance different from dating relationships with kinky perks.

For some they seek a relationship in which they are needy and use the BDSM as a means of fore-play...a vehicle to get what they can not find in vanilla relationships.

They use the BDSM to find acceptance with peers for there actions and thoughts that would not be acceptable in mainstream society.

Under the guise of BDSM many gather like a wild clusterfuck where is is like a buffet of hedonistic pleasures and constant search for the emotional trauma resolution that they have not found in therapy, social venues, and strings of personal relationships both failed and floundering.

The resulting is a means of interactions time and time again as an inept attempt to resolve/avoid inner turmoil that is carried about like emotional baggage going from station to station in seek of the key to happiness.

Seeking acceptance in what they want through submission... the seeming control by of said dominant... when the truth is the dominant is the one that they wish to control thru means of final consent via topping from the bottom.

Bottom line is there is not true 24/7 relationship, dominant or submissive but only the perception of one...and the contant search for happiness though  D/s i one that was always possible with communication but the BDSM just allows the lowering of emotional inabilities the way one might lower social interactions with use of alcohol.

Submission and dominance is mental realm incarnate. BDSM is the firedance on the path of communication.

The real struggle for some is not the acceptance of others or opposing viewpoints but acceptance of themselves.

The real fear is not of the known but the unknown.

To venture alone into that unknown is where real submission and dominance is challenged...not by others...but by oneself.

Then again everything I know could be wrong.

Respectfully submitted for your consideration and avoidance.

Ross 

(in reply to MasterKalif)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/29/2007 2:40:07 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeepWaters

Ill just go with my limited experience of women on this one ;)

They like it when a man can show a tender side to them when they are weak or distraught, but will lose respect and interest for a man who "loses it" under stress or shows signs of mental or emotional weakness---perhaps because they've been conditioned to look for males who hold up well under pressure --or because they enjoy the double standard :-p



I do not think that it just dependant of women...I believe you might extend that to anyone.

While many wish for the warm and fuzzies of relationships it is the unyielding force that they crave.

Many women seek to move on from relationship to relationship til they find the one that they can relate to and control to some extent the outcome....be it interaction...talking to..someone that listens ect.

Many women move from man to man finding the weaensses in search of the strong father figure that they lacked in growing up.

Finding it never happens but results in a series of relationships in which eotional empathy is sought but when it is it is considered a fault of weakness.

Make no mistake there are more than just double standards at work here...the complexities are as numerous as the blades of grass.

Situations are not unique to mandkind but to individuals they are unique as their perceptions are limited and will always be limited as human beings.

Humans find a means to deal with this inadiquacies social groups, religious sects, cliques ect.

Humans always need to belong to something bigger than they are. The hive mentality. It gives them a sense of purpose and inner wholeness in accomplishing the daily interactions.

To spur the hive mentality is a means of protectiong the emotional rejection one suffered some point in life.

No man is an island...he is a pinisula.

Then again everything I know could be wrong.


Respectfully submitted for consideration and rejection,

Ross

(in reply to DeepWaters)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/29/2007 2:43:50 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix2raven

Makes me cringe to think what happens to a person who bottles up their emotions.

It happens everyday in different ways.

Some resort to alcohol, some drugs, some food, some violence ect.

People will always have some part of them that shut off certain sides of their personalities or inner self for protection.

Not everyone who thinks they have a right to see that do.

Simply put they do not nor should they.

Sometimes the ones that complain the most are the most unhappiest with them selves.


Ross

(in reply to Phoenix2raven)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/29/2007 2:45:16 AM   
desires2


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/26/2007
Status: offline 		I think it is important for both parties to be able to show emotion.  I am an emotional sub with different moods..my Sir understands this and nurtures each one.  He knows He can be himself with me, no matter how He is feeling, and I will be there for Him.  Personally, I could not be with  a Dom that was unable to show emotions, nor would I want to.  I respect all His feelings, just as He does mine.  *It works well!* ~smiles~

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/29/2007 2:45:32 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jcolbert14
I think that when my Domme shows her emotions, it deepens the bond between us.  We are both people who have chosen this lifestyle.  I like to see the person behind the "Domme".  The relationship grows stronger in my opinion.

Yes you hit the relationship right on the head.

Relationship...not dominantion.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Ross

(in reply to jcolbert14)
Profile   Post #: 120
Page:   <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerability Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125