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ORIGINAL: GoddessDee

As a Domme I have no problem showing emotion in front of MY submissive. I agree with this statement "someone who is close to me will have to deal with all sides of me, the strong and weak; the hard and vulnerable. If a sub cannot handle the complexities of me as a whole person, then he is not deep enough to keep me interested". I feel that some people think that to be a Domme means that one must never show a weak side of themselves....hey but let's face it we are human therefore we have human emotions we have days when we are not at our best and days when we are to ask that someone hides them is the same as asking them to hide who they are as a person. I personally would never change who I am because it is what defines ME as an individual good and bad I am who I am and if that isn't enough then that is their problem.

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ORIGINAL: BlindUnknown

i apologize in advance for the length of this post.

No need to appologize at all...go for it...socratic debate at it's best...I love the smell of discussion in the morning.

i belive that the distinction has to be made before any answers can be taken seriously...so...here's my spin on it...

i feel there is a difference between being reticent, and not being capable of displaying emotion.  In the reticent's case, the fact is not that emotion is absent, but merely that it is restained.  In the case of someone who cannot display emotion because they are not developed enough in that aspect of themselves, they have no business to enter a relationship period if you can only express yourself with the words "happy, mad, sad, and okay". 


Point taken..but it is a matter of perception and personal projection if one introduces emotion into dominance. Emotion is not need to be dominance...pure and simple form it is ...it needs no justification nor acceptance...it is.

Because of my appraoch to being a sub, and the thought that it can only come after love is present, i require my Domme to express her emotions. 

you choose to have emotional communication as part of your dominance related relationship...this is how you take and give what is right for you within your needs and expectations.


i wear my heart on my sleeve, and i require a person who can at least meet halfway and understand that concept.  How can someone who doesn't understand emotion deal with someone like me?  Emotion is how we communicate with those we love, both giving and receiving, and it flows like a circular river. When someone blocks that flow of energy, constantly circulating back and forth, soon, it will build, often damming at the point of returning to the more emotional one, and soon that person will feel drained, and have nothing left to give.

Expression and release of emotion is needed as human beings..just as sleep is...one might delibertly avoid the intake of food much longer without severe consequences longer than one can do without sleep in short term periods...the same can be said of emotional interactions but it is much longer in chronological and mental stability.



i do not believe that saying "I am pleased with your performance",

Can be considered a form of motivation to obtain desired results on the psych level for purely selfish means on the dominant's side


that saying "I love you", that saying "Work was Hell, and I feel weak tonight", is weakness, it is feedback. 


Communication of certain levels is desired by most submissives...be it the polite politise or the more personal of interest

You do not have to speak to express these emotions.  i am reassured that i am loved when she comes in and gives me a hug, just as a casual reminder.  i am reassured when we make love and she gives me a smile at the right moment.  The expression of emotion takes many forms. 


Body language is something that a dominant needs to be aware of in conjunction with what is attempted to being expressed verbally...sometimes the two are on different paths


i myself am a reticent person, by way of words and expressions, especially in public (i soften back home).  But i never let up, and always make sure there is no mistake she knows i am in love with her. i demand anyone who is to be my Domme, at least, have an equal way of showing it, or prove that she is trying.


Knowing one's inner self is comforting to be aware of yourself and confident in projecting it

Being reticent and 'cool' about everything is something you can do.  But if your sub feels lonely, sad, or needs reassurance, isn't it worth it to lose the facade of power, to make her feel better? Never go to sleep angry, never go to sleep sad, never go to sleep lonely, never go to sleep depressed.  Because there's never time to reconcile in the morning, and you figure you can do it when you get home.  Except when you got to work, you went to the 95th floor, and the best you can do is call home on a cell phone, and let her know you loved her.  i know it's been said before but that bears repeating.  Remember that this chance, may just be the last one you get to tell her she's the world to you.  Your last chance to tell him he's special.  And never let a stupid thing like your "image" get in the way.  If your submissive didn't think you were strong, they wouldn't have chosen you to give themselves to.  Always say "I love you" before turning off the light.

Good point and well written...I am sure you made many who wish to have emotional domination relationships very happy.

May Darkness give you comfort this day.

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ORIGINAL: desires2

I think it is important for both parties to be able to show emotion.  I am an emotional sub with different moods..my Sir understands this and nurtures each one.  He knows He can be himself with me, no matter how He is feeling, and I will be there for Him.  Personally, I could not be with  a Dom that was unable to show emotions, nor would I want to.  I respect all His feelings, just as He does mine.  *It works well!* ~smiles~

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ORIGINAL: agirl

Many people seem to have reciprocal supportive relationships. I don't have that and it's not due to lack of feeling, interest or care. He simply doesn't need it from me. If I had been seeking *warm and fuzzy* stuff, I was looking in the wrong place. That wasn't what was on offer.

What I got was someone who guides, directs and sometimes forces; a leader and an owner, not a lover or a partner. Some people have both; I don't.

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ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

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ORIGINAL: agirl

Many people seem to have reciprocal supportive relationships. I don't have that and it's not due to lack of feeling, interest or care. He simply doesn't need it from me. If I had been seeking *warm and fuzzy* stuff, I was looking in the wrong place. That wasn't what was on offer.

What I got was someone who guides, directs and sometimes forces; a leader and an owner, not a lover or a partner. Some people have both; I don't.

Good insight.  Don't get Me wrong...I do like the warm and fuzzy stuff...but it seems not everyone is worthy of it nor do they stand by thier convictions.

Still domination does not need emotion attached to be domination.

Ross

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra
I can't even begin to consider it a weakness. To me, it is his strength.

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ORIGINAL: desires2

I could not be with  a Dom that was unable to show emotions, nor would I want to. 

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ORIGINAL: BobTheMaster
Hmm this is all good to know - seems like the general concensus is that a dom doesnt have to be made of iron all the time to still command respect from his sub - good to know coz i have my moments of weakness

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ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

(much the same way we don't like to see our parents as human/flawed when we are kids.)

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ORIGINAL: nyrisa

I am all for the sharing of honest and open emotions. But I have been in situations of being in the company of an overly sensitive Dom, one who read too much meaning into every word. I felt like I had to tiptoe around his feelings, and rehearse everything I said before I said it, in order not to hurt or anger him, and it was a huge turn off. I felt that he was either not in control of his emotions, or else he was using them as a passive aggressive way of manipulating others. Either way, it did cause me to lose respect for him.

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ORIGINAL: NorthernGentYes, there is strength of character at the core of a person and underlying leadership qualities, but there will be times when even the most organised and stable of doms is not on top form.

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ORIGINAL: nyrisa

I am all for the sharing of honest and open emotions. But I have been in situations of being in the company of an overly sensitive Dom, one who read too much meaning into every word. I felt like I had to tiptoe around his feelings, and rehearse everything I said before I said it, in order not to hurt or anger him, and it was a huge turn off. I felt that he was either not in control of his emotions, or else he was using them as a passive aggressive way of manipulating others. Either way, it did cause me to lose respect for him.

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ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

I was reading through some old threads about depression and this question was sparked...

If you are a sub, how do you feel or what do you think if/when your dominant shows his/her emotions (cries, for example?) Or shows a softer, more vulnerable side?

Do you prefer a dom who has a hard exterior and never "cracks"?

If you are a dom, do you have a problem showing emotion in front of your sub?

To answer for me personally, I find myself having to be true to my emotions (spent too many years denying them) and someone who is close to me will have to deal with all sides of me, the strong and weak; the hard and vulnerable. If a sub cannot handle the complexities of me as a whole person, then he is not deep enough to keep me interested. Just my POV, but I do know that there are some out there who believe in keeping a very strict wall up between the dom and sub so that everyone believes in the infalibility and perpetual strength of the dom, which I know subs would like to believe (much the same way we don't like to see our parents as human/flawed when we are kids.)

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ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain
. Maybe we have come full circle and are all saying you have to not take yourself too seriously?

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ORIGINAL: LTRsubNWI think a Domme (or Dom) who doesn't always express themselves as dark and ominous, doesn't wear leather and have a scowl or constant mean demeanor....surely isn't a real Domme (or Dom).