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How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:04:50 PM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		This is not a question of whether someone should try to help someone lose weight, but how a Dom might do that.
Let me lay it out for you. I am a submissive female, 41, very overweight... more than 100 pounds overweight. There are some health issues involved.
"I" want to lose some weight, to get a bit healthier. I'm not seeking to become skinny. I never have been, and that would be an unrealistic goal.
But I would like to lose 3 or 4 dress sizes this year.
My Dom lives about 3 hours from me and because of our work schedules, and we only see each other two or three times a month, always one day on the weekend.
He raised the fact that he's worried about my health. I was wanting to lose weight and have been trying to eat healthier since the first of the year. But it's a constant struggle.
I asked Him to help me, and He said He would, in any way He could.
I suggested we come up with a way to hold me accountable for what I ate.

What I need, is to hear from other Doms and subs where the Dom helped the sub lose weight. What worked for you? Did you set up a system where you listed all the things you (or he or she) couldn't eat, and the punishment for eating those? Did you have them journal what they ate, and suffer the consequences for not journaling?
I have no idea.. I really need some help here with ways He might help me with this battle. I've been fighting it all my life, and it would be nice to have someone helping me do this, and doing that for the right reasons, as He is.
One note: I am diabetic, I do tend to work about 50 to 60 hours a week right now. And I've thought about punishments that involve doing research papers, etc. about health issues. But I also have carpal tunnel and other nerve issues in both hands. So while I have to type for a living, I do little typing or writing outside that because it hurts too much.

In any case.. I'd appreciate any ideas, especially if it's something you have tried and found some success with. The more specific, the better.
Thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:09:06 PM   
asassylilslave


Posts: 93
Status: offline 		I mean absolutly no offense by this because I think what you are trying to accomplish is a good thing. Only that you are going about it in the wrong way. It is your body, and your health that is suffering; why should HE be holding you accountable in this area? when YOU should be the one holding yourself accountable.
 
If you rely on him in any way to lose weight other than just being there for support; you are removing the burden from yourself and placing it on him.
 
Just food for thought; and simply my own opinion.

(in reply to cravinspankin)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:10:54 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		You prolly don't want to hear this, but I don't know that punishment is going to help you lose weight.  Maybe for a short time, but in the long run, the only way to lose weight is to take in fewer calories than you expend.  So, if you cut your caloric intake by 500 calories a day, you will lose one pound a week.  Cut it by 1,000 a day and you will lose two pounds a week for a total of 100 pounds in one year.  Add in some regular exercise, both for strength training and to tighten up, and there you have it.  I would think that a series of rewards, rather than punishments would work better.  Have your eye on a particularly nice dress or something sexy?  Maybe he could offer to buy it for you after you lose a certain amount of weight.  You really don't want to associate something that should be pleasurable (eating) with something negative (punishment).  You'll end up a closet eater and still won't lose weight.

(in reply to cravinspankin)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:12:15 PM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		He asked me how He could help me with this. I suggested it.
I am to come up with a plan for what ways i think He can help me, and talk it over with Him this weekend.
Now... some ideas would be appreciated.

(in reply to asassylilslave)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:15:17 PM   
cravinspankin


Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

You prolly don't want to hear this, but I don't know that punishment is going to help you lose weight.  Maybe for a short time, but in the long run, the only way to lose weight is to take in fewer calories than you expend.  So, if you cut your caloric intake by 500 calories a day, you will lose one pound a week.  Cut it by 1,000 a day and you will lose two pounds a week for a total of 100 pounds in one year.  Add in some regular exercise, both for strength training and to tighten up, and there you have it.  I would think that a series of rewards, rather than punishments would work better.  Have your eye on a particularly nice dress or something sexy?  Maybe he could offer to buy it for you after you lose a certain amount of weight.  You really don't want to associate something that should be pleasurable (eating) with something negative (punishment).  You'll end up a closet eater and still won't lose weight.


Perhaps asking for help here was a mistake.
Listen, and look.. I'm seriousy over weight. Nothing I've done all my life has worked, not for long. Do you people really think I haven't tried to do this on my own and hold myself accountable? Do you really think I haven't tried to lose weight by rewarding myself for achieving goals? It hasn't worked.
Surely, there is someone out there who has had a Dominant help them lose weight. I'm just seeking their input. It doesn't have to be a punishment system. It can be rewards. Any methods are welcome. But I'd appreciate some helpful ideas on how to go about this.

(in reply to bandit25)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:19:29 PM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		You could keep a food journal.  Each day, write down everything you eat and email it to him.  He can review and work with you to make dietary changes over time.

You could then weigh in ever week, and email that weight to him as well.

This would make you accountable to him as well as to yourself.

He could also just tell you to join weight watchers or some other weight loss program

(in reply to cravinspankin)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:20:39 PM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asassylilslave

I mean absolutly no offense by this because I think what you are trying to accomplish is a good thing. Only that you are going about it in the wrong way. It is your body, and your health that is suffering; why should HE be holding you accountable in this area? when YOU should be the one holding yourself accountable.
 
If you rely on him in any way to lose weight other than just being there for support; you are removing the burden from yourself and placing it on him.
 
Just food for thought; and simply my own opinion.


My opinion.

It's what dom's are for. When I think of a dom I think of a leader. Much the same way as a sergeant or officer in an army. He's (or She) is there to provide discipline and guidance to make a sub reach their full potential.

In this case there are many things that can be done depending upon your own individual dynamics.

1. Provide a regimen that will assist you to reach your goals.
2. Provide oversight to assist you in following your regimen.
3. Provide discipline to help with your will power to keep to your regimen.

Part of being submissive is WANTING to please the dom. So while he can't force you to lose weight, your desire to please him should motivate you to work on the things needed to achieve your mutual goals (in this case you losing the weight to make you more healthy).

MG

(in reply to asassylilslave)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:21:04 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe a good place to start would be a diet recommended by an MD.  A support group that could there r/t might be good too.  If it is something you have battled your whole life and it is having a detrimental effect on your health, the threat of punishment isn't real likely to help for long.  Given your screen name, I would guess CP would be no deterent at all.  Would you eat well solely to please him (no punishment involved)?  That might work as long as the relationship works.  Practiced r/t, this stuff is not a reliable substitute for medical care, counseling, etc. 

Good luck and I wish you well. 

MaryT

(in reply to cravinspankin)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:23:57 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Well if it makes you feel any better - i've been trying to lose weight for years now and my Master keeps blocking me with zany crap like "you've got to eat right"  "you've got to eat"  i took up working out and he came back with "dont over do it!" "maybe you should cut back"  Silly men eh? 

i would love to offer some help and make a good suggestion instead of come up with something completely not on topic and the complete opposite of your problem, but unfortunetly i've been managing my weight for as long as i can tell.  The only help i have ever gotten with my weight has been working towards the goal of not letting me lose too much wieght.  (see above)

i could give you tons of tips on losing weight, but i've none to dole out for some one else helping. 


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to cravinspankin)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:23:59 PM   
asassylilslave


Posts: 93
Status: offline
quote:

It's what dom's are for.

that's absolute fucking BS

(in reply to MasterGremlin)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:28:34 PM   
asassylilslave


Posts: 93
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

You prolly don't want to hear this, but I don't know that punishment is going to help you lose weight.  Maybe for a short time, but in the long run, the only way to lose weight is to take in fewer calories than you expend.  So, if you cut your caloric intake by 500 calories a day, you will lose one pound a week.  Cut it by 1,000 a day and you will lose two pounds a week for a total of 100 pounds in one year.  Add in some regular exercise, both for strength training and to tighten up, and there you have it.  I would think that a series of rewards, rather than punishments would work better.  Have your eye on a particularly nice dress or something sexy?  Maybe he could offer to buy it for you after you lose a certain amount of weight.  You really don't want to associate something that should be pleasurable (eating) with something negative (punishment).  You'll end up a closet eater and still won't lose weight.


Perhaps asking for help here was a mistake.
Listen, and look.. I'm seriousy over weight. Nothing I've done all my life has worked, not for long. Do you people really think I haven't tried to do this on my own and hold myself accountable? Do you really think I haven't tried to lose weight by rewarding myself for achieving goals? It hasn't worked.
Surely, there is someone out there who has had a Dominant help them lose weight. I'm just seeking their input. It doesn't have to be a punishment system. It can be rewards. Any methods are welcome. But I'd appreciate some helpful ideas on how to go about this.


On the contrary, I understand perfectly. I went from being more than 150lbs overweight WHILE WITH MY PARTNER ( who also tried everything in HIS power to get me to lose weight ) to losing almost 160 while on my own.
 
If you rely on someone else to do this, it will backfire because the motivation to lose weight ( being YOUR OWN concern ) becomes instead a motivation to please another.

(in reply to cravinspankin)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:28:36 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Hi:
 
I am only 5'1" but very overweight.  Health concerns are very apparent for me since there is diabetes on both sides of my family.  The reality is that I am losing weight for myself, not for anyone else.  My incentive would be to learn to perform swing and salsa dance moves.  If you can set certain goals for yourself in your attempt to lose weight, you should be successful. 
 
I used to be on the Atkins diet and lost the weight rapidly but as soon as I went off of it, I ate a lot of carbs.  Now, I still eat potatoes and spaghetti but the portions are smaller and I don't feel deprived at all.  In another area, I drank a lot of diet sodas, I only limit myself to one per day. 
 
I try to exercise about 4-5 times per week, which is hard because I am so self-conscious about my fat; however, I am trying fight against my genetics and I see others who are trying to do the same thing about their lifestyle, too. 
 
Good luck in your weight loss.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 1/23/2007 7:34:34 PM >

(in reply to bandit25)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:28:42 PM   
newsubseeking61


Posts: 33
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		I have lost 115 pounds since May of 2005. And 35 pounds since October, when I started seeking information about bdsm. I think that I would like to lose another 40 to 50 pounds---but I am in no hurry.

If you are interested, I can share my story (and photos) with you. There was no magic bullet.... nor was there a dominant involved.

But a big part of this change was my desire to be ready for the one that would (and will, I hope) eventually select me. And this is NOT about being less fat. I mean feeling like I have some control over what I have to offer. I find that discipline (and I DO NOT mean willpower) is a big part of my continuing success. (Discipline as in the second letter in bdsm.)

If you have a caring relationship with your Dominant, I think that your efforts-- strengthened by his encouragement--could result in a wonderful success.  I agree with others, that punishment is unlikely to motivate you to change.

best!

(in reply to cravinspankin)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:30:53 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: asassylilslave

quote:

It's what dom's are for.


that's absolute fucking BS


That struck me as odd too and rather dehumanizing ... similar to "Subs exist only to serve Doms." 

(in reply to asassylilslave)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:31:51 PM   
mymasterssub69


Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		Daddy advised me (since He's also a doctor) to cut down on my potatoe, bread, pasta, rice intake and eat more veggies, fruits, skinless chicken and fish. i admit it was tough at first however i've started walking more (mall walking sometimes if i'm able), drinking more water and eating portion-sized meals. so far i've dropped one jean size since following Daddy's advice.

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to darksdesire)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:33:30 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yup.  I think you're right.  It's great to have someone SUPPORT you while you are losing weight, but only you can do it.  I actually was trying to be helpful.  I'm sure you've tried to lose weight...who hasn't?  When I was pregnant, I gained a whopping 80 pounds and I took it off by diet and exercise...so can you.  Maybe you are different than me, but I'm with Mary...would you eat healthy solely to please him? 

(in reply to asassylilslave)
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RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:35:33 PM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		If you need to lose such a significant amount of weight, definitely consult with your doctor as well.

I do like the idea of you reporting in to your Master with your food journal and weigh ins (actually, that's very similar to Weight Watchers!), I don't like the idea of any punishments being attached to potential lack of progress, but, that's just me. There are always weeks without progress in long-term weight loss, and besides, if you are in any way masochistic, you might start slipping deliberately to be punished!

He can help you by being a strong and encouraging force for you. But you also have to do it for yourself. Best of luck!

(in reply to asassylilslave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:38:01 PM   
cbaby


Posts: 103
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline 		i've started going to the gym about 5 days/week and being more conscience about what i eat (i look at it and think *am i going to be ok with this in 4 hrs or tomorrow) it's a head game and most of the time i win, some times i don't, but i don't sweat the little slips, it's done and over and i'm not going to beat myself up over it, just smile and continue where i left off....the only person ultimately responsible for what goes into my body is me, i'm not being force fed with a slingshot or having someone over me with a gun to my head forcing me to eat what i do or what i don't.  Set realistic goal, *say if you are 250, aim for 225 and hold and then reset your goal, don't aim for a size 24 to a size 10 in 6 months, you will set yourself up to fail and nobody deserves that.
i wish you the very best in your goal to drop the pounds, just one day at a time, one pound at a time

(in reply to asassylilslave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:43:19 PM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

quote:

ORIGINAL: asassylilslave

quote:

It's what dom's are for.


that's absolute fucking BS


That struck me as odd too and rather dehumanizing ... similar to "Subs exist only to serve Doms." 



Dehumanizing?

As a dom, I find it my responsibility to be there as a source of strength to my sub when she is working on something to improve herself. I agree that she has to have a desire to improve her weight and health for herself to succeed but that should not minimize the assistance that he, as her dom, can provide.

To me a dom is there to provide the control/strength to a sub and a sub is there to provide the softer side of things to his (or her) life. A Ying to the Yang type of thing. Again, as stated this was my opinion of the dynamic that I call D/s.

MG

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How might He help me to lose weight - 1/23/2007 7:47:38 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Ok, from a person who was overweight:

You're automatically thinking he should punish you when you don't loose weight. This is probably due to the fact that you feel like a failure because you haven't been able to do it before, or, when you have, you've gained it all back. Punishment for bad behavior is a negative thing, expecially for the human psyche and you'll only make it worse if you don't meet your weight loss goal. What you need is 1) approval of who and what you are to begin with, both from yourself and him, 2) a system that rewards the weight loss and 3) a change of nutrition, NOT a "diet".

I suggest the following:
Have him make you accountable for researching several nutrition plans like Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Atkins and the like, which includes the Pros and Cons of each for you.
Discuss with him the one or ones that you like best and then choose the one you want to do.
Once you've chosen one, look at the common weight loss rate. Then, cut that rate in half. When you've passed certain points, he rewards you with something (NOT FOOD). Say, the first 5 pounds, which will come off fairly quickly, might be a new top that you really like.
He also rewards you with something whenever you exercise and what not. Perhaps a point system where one point equals, say, 10 dollars....which you can spend right away or save up to get something expensive.

Just some thoughts. Permanent weight loss is a change of lifestyle. Of course, you know that really you need to do this for your own approval, NOT for his approval.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to cravinspankin)
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