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Wildnfreehrt2004 -> RE: being married... (1/31/2007 9:46:35 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: texancutie
Thank you Cloudboy, SusanofO and velvetears. Very compassionate and well thought out posts. I know that many people in BDSM consider themselves to have an open mind and are nonjudgemental, because they know that society as a whole usually views BDSM in a very dim light. But the truth is many who are actively participating in this do not appear to have much of an open mind at all, unless it is a view or lifestyle they personally practice or participate in. Many apparently are not able to see the big picture.
We are not in every person's house every day or night of the week to see what goes on, or what does not go on there. And if the moral police are out there on these boards, well....talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Meaning people in glass houses should not throw stones. I am sure we all have done some things we are not proud of at times in our lives, and some of us will continue to do them. We are human after all. Life is too short to be miserable, so people do what they can to lessen what is a difficult situation, whatever it is.
Values like honor, integrity, honesty, commitment are not easy values to have. They demand difficult choices. To uphold those values means doing the right thing, even at expense of yourself and your desires. The last time I checked, they were all or nothing. They are not values that lend themselves to part time use, or have different meanings for different circumstances. They are the ultimate black and white - you have them, or you don’t. Those values aren't easy - that's why they have value or are valuable. We all slip at times, no one is perfect…We are human, we are allowed to slip, and that is how we learn. It’s what you do when you slip that tells the strength of your character. Do we compromise our values for short term gratification? Or do we choose to strive to keep those values again? Do we justify and rationalize our slips, or do we take responsibility for our choice, be honest, accept the consequences and make a better choice?
Bottom line, our lives are a culmination of the choices we make. If you don’t like your life, you make different choices, you are an adult. No one can trap you or keep you from making different choices unless you permit it (or are kept chained up and not physically able to leave). If you aren’t happy in a platonic marriage, then divorce and still be friends. If you want to honor the wedding vows you took till death do you part, then honor the vows of fidelity “forsaking all others” – sexually and emotionally as well as love, honor and cherish. You vowed everything to that one partner – live up to it or change it. Don’t lie and say you are looking for happiness or understanding when all you want is sexual satisfaction and you wouldn’t choose someone who makes you happy or understands you if you found one. If you stay for financial reasons, then honor the partner who slept in your bed, shared your name and your wedding vows while the money was earned, split it up – money can always be made/earned again. IT’S ONLY MONEY! If it’s for the children – then teach your children how to be happy by example – live it, teach them they don’t have to be trapped by bad choices, they can choose another outcome. Studies prove children don’t turn out worse from parents divorced. If you want a bigger sexual menu, then be single and sample all the variety you want! If you really believe in till death us do part, hurry up and die, what are you waiting for? If your partner isn't honoring their vows, you still have the choice of being honest and open about supplementing your life with another person or leaving.
What choices can you live with? AND accept all the responsibilities and consequences of? Staying is also a choice. I've found that there are generally three solutions to any situation - leave it the way it is, change it, or get out.
I choose integrity, honor, dignity, respect, honesty etc in my life and choose to associate with others that demonstrate the same qualities. If a person who also happens to be married demonstrates those qualities (ie open and honest communication and consent with all parties involved), that's within the acceptable parameters that I have chosen, though it doesn't mean I will have a Ds or bdsm relationship with them. I'm not perfect, but I strive to be a better me. Notice, I did not say better than anyone else. I support everyone's right to make the choices that are best for them - while I support my right to choose who I want to let into my personal life.
Yeah the yardstick is a lil high - but that's a choice I can live with.
Wildy
Our lives are defined by the choices we make - what will your choice be?
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