Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Bad Submissive


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Bad Submissive Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Bad Submissive - 3/26/2005 3:08:03 PM   
ardentpet


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you very much MadameBette. I know rutgers used to have a group... but unfortunetly for me they no longer exist.

(in reply to MadameBette)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Bad Submissive - 3/27/2005 5:31:22 PM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		unfortunately you are probably getting the wrath of him being lied to online with the second Dom....me as a slave , i kinda expect phone conversation within the first couple days... But i don't call them bad if they don't agree , i just wish them luck in their online search.

(in reply to ardentpet)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Bad Submissive - 3/30/2005 12:26:25 PM   
Solitarius


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		I realize that this may be again restating what everyone else has said, but you are not a bad submissive. Just like most true Doms I want to know the person that I consider before I think about have them exchange personal information let alone call me Sir or Master. I have to know if I think you would fit in to my world as well as if I fit in to yours. The ones that try to force such issues are just users and fakes, they do not know this lifestyle at all. You are a thoughtful intelegent person from what I have read. Dont let those people get to you. You will find what you want and need. Just stay your course. Also do not be afraid to be abrupt to those that push these issues. Good Luck and keep searching! ;D

(in reply to Overlord218)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Bad Submissive - 3/30/2005 1:51:34 PM   
Alexander


Posts: 159
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

The lifestyle is choked with male doms - maybe 6 or 7 for every fem/sub and that just defies logic and Nature's balance.

Actually the "lifestyle" is very short on both male and female dominants. But the internet is "choked" with people assuming the role on line.

It is easy to talk the talk; only a few days on this site should make you capable of that. What is harder is to do it in person.

When it comes down to REAL life, there are precious few dominants and even fewer well-trained ones. I believe that is the source of much of the frustration people express on this and other sites; especially new people like this sweet girl.




Heh. Yeah. Good one.

The wierd thing is it always seems the opposite to me. I always feel like there's just so many subbies and it gets down to whose really compatible with me. And sadly that does sometimes come down to "how submissive" they are. (and yes thats a huge broad paint brush waiting to be picked up) .

I can relate to ardent though about the phone. I just hate the device and can't stand when people just have to talk on the phone. As someone else said in this thread it goes both ways. One little word slip whether your dom or sub can push the buttons of someone whose looking to get their buttons pushed.

(in reply to lovingmaster45)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Bad Submissive - 3/30/2005 4:22:30 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		To Ardentpet

I wasn't there so I can only judge what happened on your comments. In the case of "Dom A" if he demanded you call him Sir, that was bad form. A lot may expect it but its poor manners to demand it from anyone you don't own / control. If it was merely him stating that was something he normally expected, that's his right to state what he expects. As for the rest of his comments, they seem rude to me. If he felt, because of various reasons you wre not being serious about being submissive, that is his opinion and like it or not he is entitled to it. However, that does not give him license to be rude in how he states his opinion. There is never an excuse for being rude.

In the case of Dom B it sounds like someone was being overly demanding and acting like a troll. I'll agree with others, you should just write that one off as a bad experience.

I do also agree with many of the points Taggard made. While no you should not give your phone number to just anyone who asks for it I really don't understand the reluctance some have to have a conversation on the phone. Like it or not, trust is difficult online because so many here are fraudulent about who and what they are. Web cams and phone conversations are two tools for helping to verify identity. Like Taggard, when someone flatly refuses to do either at any point, it makes me suspicious of them and I will not fully trust them if I continue to have anything to do with them at all. That's something I've learned over the years through my own bad experiences.

I've also seen the debate about saying Sir or Ma'am come up frequently, and to be honest it surprised me how much fuss is made about it. I'm not going to tell anyone else what you should do, but I will share with you what I do. I was raised very much, and very strictly, to be a southern gentleman. That included being taught to say yes Sir, no Sir, yes Ma'am and no Ma'am to my elders and anyone in a position of authority over me. It was simple courtesy, a show of good manners and basic respect. I still do that. I find it costs me nothing to do so, and yet it often gets me respect in return. Most people think well of me for it, especailly when I manage to maintain that self control even when someone doesn't really deserve it. I'll leave that for your consideration.

Padriag.

(in reply to Alexander)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Bad Submissive - 3/30/2005 5:21:04 PM   
controller4you


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		My advice to all is be patient. If a Dom cannot be patient with you as he is getting to know you HOW will patient he will be as your learning your role as submissive. Move on. You probably were 2 for 2 with wanabes. A true Dominant would not demand you refer to him as Sir immediately. When most call me Sir I mention to them that I have not earned that they refer to me as that. Some say they do it out of respect. I let them call me that if they want to. In time, they will know Im worthy of being called Sir by them.

About phone discussions, be VERY cautious and careful. Again, if a Dom won't be patient then move on quickly.

Good luck......

(in reply to Overlord218)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Bad Submissive - 3/31/2005 12:45:49 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		My "first" opinion.
Both of them are "wannabes"

But then I feel that most people "here" are such..
which REALLY sucks.. :-(

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to ardentpet)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/3/2005 3:00:35 AM   
slaveanwyl


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/1/2005
Status: offline 		Hello

this all sounds too familier to me , been there i think with the same |Doms, had the same conversation not once but about hundred of times..
and i am older than you and yes it upsets you. but makes me angry not upset in another way,
i am slave not sub and am polite but They still think They can Dom you its not true if you submitted to anyone you would be a bad sub, dont do it its upto you who you speak with, and for how long unitl you ar collared and then its upto your owner..

so NO carry on and mostly enjoy ...

love slave anwyl

(in reply to ardentpet)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/3/2005 3:15:04 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i think the phone thing and why many are reculant to give their phone number to somone before they know them is becouse of situations like theese.

Once when i was a teenaged girl i met a man i talked a bit whit while waiting for the bus, he asked for my phone number and i gave it, then on Christmas eve he calles and asks if we should have sex, i bearly knew the man, it was werry uncomfortabel, and on christmas eve of all things. Another time more resent i gave my number to a man i talked whit on an BDSM chat room, just to talk as he was not my type, and i told him so, he begun sending text messages like if i was his girfind and waning me to to phone sex whit him. i was lucky theese men only had to be called of once then quit, but some experience pepole like that harassing them over the phone. That is why many like to know the pepole just a bit befre they give them their phone number.

(in reply to slaveanwyl)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/3/2005 7:11:09 AM   
obeymebe


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline 		Well maybe i am alone with this opion buth i my idee you are not a bad submissive. I find your reasons very righ and i think my reaction was something in this way to even like a Dom
You are right that before you tell a lot of thinking on the foon or by mail you need to know each other better because there are a lot of fakes and other things on teh net i don't said that your two Doms are like that know not it all, buth you never know and there are already so mutch people hurt, that we can't be safe enough.
So i find you reaction on his place. Buth i know that there are Dom's how wanted accept this, like there are also submissieve how aren't happy if you dominant them directly so you see there are both sides buth i find always its best to know each other better and than to go one with other thinks.

(in reply to ardentpet)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/3/2005 9:38:48 AM   
HypatiaSwan


Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
While I think this is probably true, I think by treating "giving out your phone number" like a second virginity you are going to decrease your odds of connecting with those who do know what they (and wiitwd) are all about.

Does this make her a "bad submissive"? Of course not...though it won't help her get into the Kink Hall of Fame on her first ballot. *smile* INMSHO, it makes her a rather unserious submissive. Or perhaps a submissive with something to hide. Either way, it makes her a submissive that I wouldn't ever give a second glance.



Well out here in online land, one pretty much HAS to treat phone numbers like second virginities. There are a lot of nuts out here and it is harder than you seem to think to stop some idiot from pestering the hell out of you once he has your phone number. Not to mention the nuts who take it a step further and use the number to find out other information - so-called 'cellular privacy' notwithstanding.

The woman has the right to give out as much information as she wishes when she feels comfortable- or not. And her wish to keep information private until she is comfortable giving it out should be honored. Period. This is about consent. If you walked up to a woman on the street and had a brief conversation and wanted her phone number and she wouldn't give it, most people wouldn't think of her as "unserious about dating." Most would call her discriminating.

Caution with online nut jobs certainly requires more discretion - not less. Online, anybody can be anything he wants to be. Typically, women are inundated with mails and requests to chat from losers and posers. Erring on the side of safety could save one's life.

And if a guy can't even respect a woman's right to privacy until she is comfortable giving out personal info, how much do you think he would respect limits and other wishes in real time?

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/3/2005 11:34:22 AM   
cellogrrlMK


Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HypatiaSwan



Well out here in online land, one pretty much HAS to treat phone numbers like second virginities. There are a lot of nuts out here and it is harder than you seem to think to stop some idiot from pestering the hell out of you once he has your phone number. Not to mention the nuts who take it a step further and use the number to find out other information - so-called 'cellular privacy' notwithstanding.

The woman has the right to give out as much information as she wishes when she feels comfortable- or not. And her wish to keep information private until she is comfortable giving it out should be honored. Period. This is about consent. If you walked up to a woman on the street and had a brief conversation and wanted her phone number and she wouldn't give it, most people wouldn't think of her as "unserious about dating." Most would call her discriminating.

Caution with online nut jobs certainly requires more discretion - not less. Online, anybody can be anything he wants to be. Typically, women are inundated with mails and requests to chat from losers and posers. Erring on the side of safety could save one's life.

And if a guy can't even respect a woman's right to privacy until she is comfortable giving out personal info, how much do you think he would respect limits and other wishes in real time?



HypatiaSwan, you just said what I couldn't get my thoughts together at the moment to say myself! Thank you!

cello

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/3/2005 12:22:29 PM   
Youtalkingtome


Posts: 112
Joined: 12/8/2004
Status: offline 		Calling cards are the answer.The way I see it is if I give a sub/slave my phone number and tell/ask her to call me with a calling card or give her the numbers from a calling card that I have so she doesn't have to spend a penny and she doesn't call me then she is a fake.Maybe a guy pretending to be a woman.
This way you get around the excuse of her not giving out her phone number for safety.

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/3/2005 1:46:57 PM   
ardentpet


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline 		although I can understand how some people feel about phones and such, and buying calling cards or pre-paid cell phones or using *69 (or whatever that call block thing is) I personally don't have the money for that. The little money I have is being saved up for insurance money (I'm in NJ.... high insurance costs for someone my age means I need to have aver 4k just for that alone...) I don't have the money to buy a pre paid calling card or a pre-paid cell. I see having a car as being more important. (not having one kinda limits when are where I can actually meet someone) And as far as blocking my number goes, if I block my number... I have to pay for that call, 90% of the guys who contact me are miles away.. I don't have the kind of money to make that call. Now hey... if someone like youtalkingto me offered me a calling card number so I could call him, I most certainly would.

I just don't have the kind of money to spend on something that can easily be worked around with patience.

(in reply to Youtalkingtome)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/3/2005 4:01:05 PM   
submissivesilk


Posts: 154
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		ardent, as a fellow student, I know all about the money issue. I have had Doms demand that I purchase a web cam, as they "are only about $20." Well $20 is gas in my car, or half of my home gas bill.

I just think that if they are really interested in me, they will take a bit of time to get to know me and to allow me to know them. I have given my number to a few and called a few myself, so far with no bad results. But it was only after some serious online talk.

silk


(in reply to ardentpet)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/7/2005 4:15:53 AM   
lil1v


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSilvie

I have no idea how some submissives stay polite when confronted with idiot dominants on the internet.


*laughs* Believe me its hard. I actually have some archives of some really humourous conversations with idiot-doms. One day I'm going to make it into a book.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSilvie
Quite honestly, I'd toss it back in their face. "You are a really bad dom, I can't see anyone submitting to you. I know I sure don't find you dominant at all. Why are you trolling the net for subs if you are such a good dominant anyway?"

Of course, I frequently tell folks I would be the sub from HELL too. "What's that sound? Why, it's the sound of dominant egos going down in flames..."


*laughs* No.. I like replying.. "I'm so sorry that your ego can't handle not being called 'Sir'.. Thats surely going to be a problem for you in the future. Maybe you should work on that." (Dom/mes like that, really appreciate being told what to do I've found. jk)

As for Dom/mes calling subs rude or fakes or wannabes just because that sub/slave doesn't live up to their idea of what a sub/slave should be... maybe those Dom/mes need to re-educate themselves on humanity and individuals.

None of us sub/slaves are cookie cutter editions of each other. We are all different with different needs and desires. Just as all Dom/mes have different needs and desires.



_____________________________

V



(in reply to MsSilvie)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/7/2005 5:15:54 AM   
marylouise


Posts: 2
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		What an awesome post. I am an old lady and a novice, and happily marrried. I liked what you said.

(in reply to wetrope)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/9/2005 3:24:16 PM   
MasterLexitus


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I ask you.... am I a bad submissive?


Yes, you are a bad submissive. Phone me immediately. Call me Sir. I will arrange for a spanking.

(in reply to ardentpet)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/17/2005 1:34:35 PM   
BBWinOhio


Posts: 7
Joined: 2/26/2005
Status: offline 		She's 18 years old. She's admitted to being submissive. Rude men are contacting her via the internet.

Now... Imagine she's your daughter. What would you want her to do?

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Bad Submissive - 4/18/2005 7:52:31 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BBWinOhio

Now... Imagine she's your daughter. What would you want her to do?


Hmm...interesting question. If she were my daughter, I'd want her to quite jerking around on the internet and join a group like Black Rose's or TES's TNG. If she couldn't, I would want her to get a pre-paid cell phone and search for a good local top in her area. Get references and play in public first.

My usual saftey spiel...which is a lot less then most safety nuts would want...but I really don't think the BDSM world, be it online or offline is all that dangerous...at least in comparisson to the vanilla world, espcially for submissive women. In the BDSM world, people are always on the lookout for abusers...not so in the nilla world.

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to BBWinOhio)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Bad Submissive Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078