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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 4:38:23 AM

ONEDEMANDINGMSTR

Posts: 47
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

The lawyer(sub) comes before the judge(Dom) and requests a continuance...............the judge weighs the reasons, logic, his calendar and grants the continuance. He has not serviced the lawyer. At best, he has granted the lawyer his request.......at worst, he has acquiesced to the lawyer's needs. But in no event has he 'serviced' the lawyer. You see, the 'relationship' is the whole context under which they operate, if you remove the parameters of the relationship you can call it what you wish.

(in reply to chrissyslave)

Post #: 201

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 4:59:31 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

Thank you. So if there is something new you would just LOVE to try out, it could never become a reality for you if he did not like it or was not interested in it?

That is correct in my dynamic. If he didn't want it, regardless of how much I want it, it will never happen.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 202

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 5:18:33 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

If he "grants" your request to do you the way you desire is he yeilding or complying to your request and is that the same as submitting to your request, in your opinion. If yes, than there are times Doms comply, appease or submit to requests of subs.

No it isn't the same as submitting not even in the same ball park...because he will do something if he agrees it is the best course of action or something he would enjoy doing..it has nothing to do with me. He isn't submitting because I have absolutely no authority to make my request stick...I can't enact a consequence on him if he does not comply so no he is never submitting because he is never being dominated by me...he is always the one in the position of power..the position to say "yes" or "no"...a position I never sit in.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 2/28/2007 5:19:26 AM >

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 203

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 5:21:44 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

Do Dominants ever submit to a sub's request to do something specific to the sub that the sub likes?

In this house, if Himself doesn't like it, it's just not going to happen. For the things he does like, I can make a request and he will or will not indulge the request at his whim. I wouldn't call his indulging me 'submission' because he's not motivated to submit, he's motivated to be entertained and often times, he's very entertained when I'm pleading and crying because I asked for something then got it. Those just never work out exactly like one hopes. ::chuckles::

Welcome to the forums.

Celeste

LOL...now that is the truth!

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 204

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 5:39:12 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Sorry im late with my reply, but in answer to am I servicing a request of his?

Well no I dont think I am. I will try and explain why but I dont think that it matters what answer I put this topic seems to have gone crazy.

My boy loves me, he adores me and he wants to please me more than anything. He never asks me for anything. When he has done really well with something, when he has tried his best with a task I have given him or such like then I will ask him about anything he has been thinking about. He knows that I love to see him at his most sumbmissive in that nice little sub space he finds with that perfect look in his face. He fantasises about ways he could show me that submission. Me asking him what he has been thinking about or different scenarios he has fantasised about in which he submits to me isnt me servicing his needs at all. Its me using his ideas to get what I want.

If by doing that scene he gets his rocks off then fine it makes no difference to me at all. I love my boy to be happy I will reward him for his good behaviour, but the rewards he recieves are regarding his submitting to me, allowing him to please me and me getting the domme high I love.

So no Im not servicing his needs or requests Im using him like I do in other ways to get what I want. Just becasue im using his ideas to chieve that doesnt mean i am submitting to him at all. As far as I am concerened I am using whats mine effectively .

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 205

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 5:46:43 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Yes, dominants act in accordance with other people's requests. Including requests from submissives. Also, alas, including requests from the IRS.

Yes, doing what someone asks is a form of obedience, and obedience and submission go together.

Yes, if a submissive has persuaded a dominant to do what the submissive wants, the submissive has behaved in a somewhat dominant fashion.

I don't see why this is a problem. The third line--submissive persuading dominant--indicates that the submissive occasionally sacrifices deference for getting what he or she wants. Submissives being a species of person, this is not surprising. A given person often wants two things that conflict with one another, and he or she must set aside one (behaving submissively) to get the other (the thing requested).

It would be awfully nice if people, including submissives, fulfilled my every whim without needing or wanting anything in return. Unfortunately, that's utopian and fantastical. Some compromise is necessary to make relationships work. Thus, occasionally, I have to do something that people--including submissives--want, and that I wouldn't have done of my own accord, in order to keep them around. Relational rules, boundaries, and all that. I weigh these requests against my desire to have the relationship, and for that reason, it's often helpful for all parties to explain what they want in a relationship at the outset. Oh, it changes, to be sure, but that decreases the number of surprises down the road. Input from submissives can be a very good thing, but telling me that my actions are having a particular effect isn't the same as asking me to do something in particular.

Monica

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 206

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 6:51:41 AM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ONEDEMANDINGMSTR

The lawyer(sub) comes before the judge(Dom) and requests a continuance...............the judge weighs the reasons, logic, his calendar and grants the continuance. He has not serviced the lawyer. At best, he has granted the lawyer his request.......at worst, he has acquiesced to the lawyer's needs. But in no event has he 'serviced' the lawyer. You see, the 'relationship' is the whole context under which they operate, if you remove the parameters of the relationship you can call it what you wish.

Thank you for sharing and putting your opinion so succinctly.

Food for thought. Thanks again.

(in reply to ONEDEMANDINGMSTR)

Post #: 207

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 6:52:57 AM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

Thank you. I agree and don't see it as a problem either.

(in reply to mp072004)

Post #: 208

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 6:55:38 AM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplySubmissive

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

Could you tell me where I said or implied "a submissive should never ask for anything?or make a request"? Thank you.

I didn't say you said it. But you seem keep saying over and over again that if a Dom does what the submissive has requested then he is submitting to her.. That is your opinion, great. Is that a negative thing? that is also a matter of opinion.
I think this is an argument about what words a person uses to describe interactions..and certain words cause a rukus...maybe that was your goal.

I think there is no cause for rudeness however. I agree that saying thank you doesn't make up for the nasty comments made to others. You asked for opinions.. just accept them for what they are.. each persons opinion.. nothing personal to you.

Asking if "doms ever service subs request" is not asking if it's "right or wrong". Right or wrong is an entirely separate issue. I expressed I feel a dom who services a subs request is in fact complying or submitting to a subs request, in a certain sense, but no, I didn't say if it's wrong or right, good or bad. I also didn't say it should or shouldn't happen, or as you put it: "a submissive should never ask for anything?or make a request". You said that, not I. If you want to discuss whether it's proper or not proper, please be my guest but don't tell me I said something I clearly did not. Do you always put your own thoughts into others peoples mouth? Rude? Thanks, but Ill keep getting rude back to those who are rude to me if I so choose. Have you ever done the same? You can put that pointed finger down now. If you want to center your attention on a one nasty comment and ignore pages upon pages of helpful, insightful and pleasant exchanges, go right ahead. Its your world, not mine. Thanks for your therapy lesson but I don't need you to tell me to "just accept others opinions". Show me where I had not accepted another's opinion on the topic. This topic isn't a debate, it's a sharing of ideas. Handle it that way. It's nothing personal? Really? Thanks for telling me something I didn't already know. Your a swell person.

(in reply to SimplySubmissive)

Post #: 209

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 6:56:41 AM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

It does matter, that's is why I asked. Thank you for sharing with me and the rest.

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 210

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 6:58:39 AM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

Thank you. So if there is something new you would just LOVE to try out, it could never become a reality for you if he did not like it or was not interested in it?

That is correct in my dynamic. If he didn't want it, regardless of how much I want it, it will never happen.

Thank you Chewsie. I am gathering for some subs, the dom will even if it doesnt fancy the dom and for others, such as yourself, it will never happen. Thanks for sharing.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

Post #: 211

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 6:59:52 AM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

Thank you chrissyslave for your contribution.

(in reply to chrissyslave)

Post #: 212

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 7:01:09 AM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret

quote:

I see your point. Servicing a sub so the sub gets what she wants is not submitting to the sub's request, it's "servicing" the sub. Thank you again Keira.

Or maintenance. Yep yep yep….rewards or maintenance; that’s my final answer.

No, no …thank you.

Be well,

lol, thank you

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Post #: 213

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 8:09:48 AM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

quote:

Yes, doing what someone asks is a form of obedience, and obedience and submission go together.

I thought doing what one was asked would be considered agreeable, considerate, and perhaps even generous. Doing what one is told is being obedient.

Be well,

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to mp072004)

Post #: 214

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 8:40:08 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Requesting something one might like or something one desires is simply good negotiating.
Whether or not this is part of your BD/SM life, it certainly is a part of mine that I value, as my mind reading talents seeem to dim with age, lol.
Rewarding a submissive for doing well and pleasing me in any of many mundane and kinky ways I have found to be a good motivation to them.
If the sub does not express what they dislike and does not request what they want, I may end up punishing them with something they love, or rewarding them with something they do not like. That is NOT efficienct, nor is it an enhancement of my dominance.
Whether or not I CHOOSE to reward a submissive with something they have requested is up to me. If it is my Pleasure to do so, I may.
Since I have much experience dominanting submissives and much experience submitting to dominants, I have a clear view of what constitutes service and what does not in my life. Webster's Dictionary does not always consider the energy flow aspect of dom/sub interactions.

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Post #: 215

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 8:43:47 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Much of this thread reads like chatroom bs. Dominants serve, submit, do all sorts of things for other people including their submissive. The trick is finding someone who wants what you make them do, sometimes that connection is tenous, thus the threads on various forms of consent but it is still there on some level.

Other than kidnapping and raping someone, both sides are getting some needs met on some level, come on kiddies lets not let that scare you and instead revel in it and get back to living and creating beautiful relationships.

(in reply to vield)

Post #: 216

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 1:00:19 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

Smart Doms and Masters understand that in granting a sub's request, if said Sir or Master is not against granting this wish, is going to make for a happier sub. The dynamic has to be give and take if it is to work well, work often, and work long-term. Besides, what's it to Him to grant a request if it's something He might enjoy anyway (other than pleasurable I mean)?

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 217

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 2:19:57 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

No, if he does me like this tonight it's because he likes seeing me happy. He has no problem indulging me in the occasional request. The truth is, he would rather I ask a lot more because he isn't a mind reader and if I don't tell him things we get our communication messed up.

Now if I were demanding things every single day that would be different but I don't and I doubt any submissive goes around demanding a dozen things daily. We're more likely to ignore our own needs and wants in favor of his.

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 218

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 7:37:56 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

I am curious to how those who say Doms submit to their subs are defining the word submit.

Maybe it would be helpful if someone gave an example of this. I won’t hold my breath though.

To me it means to give in to another by doing something I wouldn’t normally, or rather not do if it weren’t for someone insisting I do it.

I personally have not, nor do I plan on insisting my Dom do anything, as I believe it would be an instant “Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.”

Be well,

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 219

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/28/2007 7:44:12 PM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

I have fulfilled the request of subs on occasion. Typically it was as a reward or because they had a really good idea and I wanted to do it as well. But, the decision was always mine, so definitely not submissive.

Heck, I've even let a sub try topping me, and while this may be seen by some as being submissive, I don't think it is, because I was in control the entire time.

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 220

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