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RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 2:25:47 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

An after thought….even if it could be said a Dom does “service” their sub on occasion (for some reason still doesn’t sit well with me), I still feel it does not involve submitting.

I serviced my car the other day; changed the plugs, oil, wires. I did not submit to my car….did I?

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 161

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 2:42:05 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

As i mentioned all of the thank you's i obviously was not ignoring them, i was merely pointing out that one really incredibly rude and crude comment can and does supercede any other attempt at apparent politeness.

And just for the record, you took LA's comment at being rude because she was trying to point out that you didn't seem to like the answers you were getting so you just kept repeating your previous question and that it might do you well to think about the answers you were getting. There was no doubt that your comment was rude, as even you said that it was rude.

heartfelt

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 162

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 2:44:50 PM

KeirasSecret

Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline

btw....just thought I would thank you for posting an interesting topic. There are so few I feel I can contribute to in a productive manner these days.

Also, I apreciate the fact that you got back to most if not everyone who posted. It is not something that happens often.

Thank you and be well,

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 163

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 2:54:57 PM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

one really incredibly rude and crude comment can and does supercede any other attempt at apparent politeness.

You have had a great week with the exception of one crappy day. In your view,
one incredibly bad day can and does supercedes an otherwise great week?

How about focusing on something positive?

Choice is your to focus on the good days or just the one bad day.

Geesh, I'm glad I don't view the world through your eyes.

< Message edited by CreatfreeAccount -- 2/27/2007 2:55:39 PM >

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 164

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 2:59:13 PM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret

An after thought….even if it could be said a Dom does “service” their sub on occasion (for some reason still doesn’t sit well with me), I still feel it does not involve submitting.

I serviced my car the other day; changed the plugs, oil, wires. I did not submit to my car….did I?

I see your point. Servicing a sub so the sub gets what she wants is not submitting to the sub's request, it's "servicing" the sub. Thank you again Keira.

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

Post #: 165

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:01:43 PM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

And just for the record, you took LA's comment at being rude because she was trying to point out that you didn't seem to like the answers you were getting so you just kept repeating your previous question and that it might do you well to think about the answers you were getting.
heartfelt

That's a bunch of bull crap and you know it. How the hell does she know what I think of the answers. If I choose to stay in the thread and either thank the responders or ask for clarifications when an answer is indirect in my viewpoint, to hell with those that can't handle it.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 166

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:05:59 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

Good.

lol........well, that supposed enigmatic response to a question is a little dull. But hey ho.

pedanticatic, enigmatic, pragmatic, systematic, it's all the same, no,?

Absolutely, right?

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 167

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:12:01 PM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

Thumbs up this way!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 168

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:17:59 PM

LadyMyles

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

--fast reply--

I've skimmed through most of this, and it seems that a lot of the discussion is semantics.

In any relationship, whether D/s or vanilla, there is give and take between involved parties. Whether you call it service, or granting, or submitting, or caring for, or rewarding, the bottom line is that one party takes and the other gives, back and forth. In WIIWD, "submissive" has the connotation of service, submission, yielding, perhaps even being less than, while "dominant" has the connotation of power, control, decision-maker, even superior. The key thing to remember is that it is a power exchange, something that must flow between those involved, back and forth, like a feedback loop.

The submissive yields to the choices of the Dominant; the Dominant cares for and protects the submissive. As a part of that, hopefully both enjoy a wide range of activities, and are open to discovering new things.

I don't expect my submissive to be a non-thinking creature. I enjoy his input, ideas, suggestions--he's an intelligent man. He's also very creative, and often comes up with a wicked idea that I may not have considered. Quite often it will be incorporated into our play, with a great deal of mutual enjoyment. I don't consider that "submitting" to him, simply taking best advantage of my resources. If he enjoys it as much as I do, that's even better.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 169

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:18:11 PM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Well, whatever works. If they're happy, who can argue with success? I don't think it would make him any less "Domly" to go along with a request, if there is some question about that, IMO. But if they are debating it, or can't decide or something, I think it'sthe Dominant's desires that take precedence, due to the nature of the relationship.

They hopefully have discussed things like "limits" between them, etc. before they agreed to embark on a D/s relationship to begin with. But if not, there's no time like the present, I guess.

- Susan

I don't niether -think it makes the dom any less "Domly" because she services a sub's request, nor do I think it hands the power to her just because the dom does what she requested and I don't think the sub has the control just because the dom does her like she wanted. But that's just my two cents. Thanks again, Susan.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 170

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:22:50 PM

CreatfreeAccount

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

LadyMyles, I thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Would a dominant still comply, grant or service a sub even if the dom does not necessarily enjoy it himself?

(in reply to LadyMyles)

Post #: 171

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:26:14 PM

LadyMyles

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

I can't speak for any other Dominant, but I'm generally willing to discuss my submissive's request, and possibly work it into our play with modifications in such a way that I can get enjoyment from it. If it's something that I absolutely do not enjoy, regardless of modifications to the original request, I don't grant his request.

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 172

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:29:17 PM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

People submit to many things at different times in their lives, they also provide service to different things at different times in their lives. They also honor the needs of their significant others regardless of the dynamics of their relationship. I think people get too hung up on title and forget about the inner workings. If honoring someones needs/desires makes your relationship work, who cares what other people call it. It's your relationship, its your life. If honoring your submissive's needs causes you a problem, then you probably won't have that submissive for long. Just like any other relationship, these relationships require give and take.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 173

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:35:42 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

My 2 cents, though I havent realy read much of the thread.
I occasionally do something I dont particularly enjoy for Angel. Its a treat, for extremely good behavior. If he has ben a good boy, I have found that treating the good behavior works better for me than simply orrecting bad. So, even though it might not be one of my favorite activities, I will humor him on occasion.
I dont see it as "serving" him. I see it as rewarding him for a job well done.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BBBTBW)

Post #: 174

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:48:42 PM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

i haven't read all the responses here yet but i wonder if you are thinking along the lines of a sub i once knew. She was not allowed to ask for anything....but she was allowed to express a desire. For example....she could say that she would love to go to the beach today. Her dom never responded. It could either happen or not. It could happen the next day or never. She never knew. And that went for anything and everything.

He called it a 'lesson in discipline'. She could make her desires known but she could not ask him if he would/could do anything. She said this took a long time for her to learn. But afterward....she loved it.

He said he was not there to acquiesce to her desires, but she was free to make them known. And to be honest, i don't know how much he did 'indulge' her or where it all went as i haven't talked with her in a couple of years...but she seemed quite content when we last spoke.

Edited to add: in reading back a bit....she was not allowed to make requests. That was his whole point.

Daddysgirl

< Message edited by adaddysgirl -- 2/27/2007 3:55:11 PM >

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 175

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:53:50 PM

SimplySubmissive

Posts: 216
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline

Agreeing to a request is not "submitting". It sounds to me like you have issues with saying yes.. that a submissive should never ask for anything, or make a request of a Dominant. Because if she does, and he say yes, instead of no, he is then "submitting" to her.
jmo

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 176

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:56:06 PM

asubmissiveheart

Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

At that point IMHO, she is not a Dominant, at best she is a switch.

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 177

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:57:03 PM

SimplySubmissive

Posts: 216
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

LadyMyles, I thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Would a dominant still comply, grant or service a sub even if the dom does not necessarily enjoy it himself?

There are no "rules" . A Dominant can do anything he wishes to do or not do, as agreed on in the particular relationship. The Dominant makes the decision. Some would, some would not.

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)

Post #: 178

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:57:12 PM

asubmissiveheart

Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplySubmissive

Agreeing to a request is not "submitting". It sounds to me like you have issues with saying yes.. that a submissive should never ask for anything, or make a request of a Dominant. Because if she does, and he say yes, instead of no, he is then "submitting" to her.
jmo

I often can't tell who is the real Dominant and who is the real submissive.
big wink

(in reply to SimplySubmissive)

Post #: 179

RE: Dominants submit to requests? - 2/27/2007 3:58:45 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am fond of saying when they ask me for something................

Do you want me to punch you dead in the goddamn face you cloth eared bint?

Kinda turn it around like that, see what I mean?

MasterMirror

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to asubmissiveheart)

Post #: 180

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