RE: Why is age such a big deal? (Full Version)

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unbrokenhouseboy -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/9/2005 7:21:11 PM)

to a small point, yes age matters to me,..but a small one it is indeed. i will give anyone a chance to be themselves and prove to me that they have the know how and skills.
after that i have a problem with it.
i talked to 'a' supposed to be domme, and S/she was young enough to be my daughter, but i gave it 'a' chance. well it didn't happen. so i let it go.
mostly, i find, a lot of dommes/mistress' ARE younger than i am,..maybe some not by much, but usually.
i look for intellect, communication, experience. some say they have it, but not many do, as to communication. if i get more than 1 email i count myself lucky. usually i get thank you for writing and that's all i get or,..i am busy and i will get back to you and never do.
there have been hundreds of reasons why..i have gotten no,..one form or another....some i take a guess due to their silence in not answering me at all.

i do not know, whom is worse off,..male slaves, female slaves, masters or mistress'.......i heard it can be tough all around.

i just try to wait it out, and hope some day i find 'a' mistress whom actually wants me...
ahhhh,,,,,,51 and single and still looking...ah well.

have a good weekend folks.
houseboy



ScooterTrash -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/9/2005 7:36:17 PM)

I do agree that simply not reading the mail because of the age is fairly narrow minded. If you are looking for a serious relationship and the age doesn't meet your criteria, then fine, they may not be exactly what you are looking for, but that certainly doesn't make them less interesting. It's like any other criteria, I don't look at age as a big deal but many do for the reasons cited. Personally, I relish the idea of meeting as many as I can in the lifestyle and read their mail from 18 to 99 (I don't think there are any 99, but just as an example..lol). Another point made however was that if you do respond as "not interested", either with regards to learning to know them or that you simply are not interested in idle chit chat with them, that also needs to be respected. I think what happns in some cases is that mail is read, a polite message sent back and then you can't shake your, new found, but unwanted friend.



Oumae -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/10/2005 3:51:08 PM)

To a point age is just a number and it is maturity I want in a man. I do have some misgivings with younger men tho' as they may want to do the having kids etc. I've been there, done that etc and am very happy with the ones I have so I'd see no point in wasting either of our times if we have different wants.

I do reply to all mail... well unless its obnoxious.... at least once as feel its only polite. I like courtesy in others so like to show it myself.

Oumae



junecleaver -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/10/2005 11:16:16 PM)

I can't speak for all submissives.....but why in the world would I let someone "train"/break/mold me to their preferences and then turn around to look for someone else to start the process over with again? There is a lot to learn from those with more experience, but the only person I want to play with is the person that I am going to be with for the long-term. But why develop that emotional intimacy in someone who is not going to be your long-term partner?

I don't get involved with older men. I want to be with someone who isn't going to die an unreasonable amount of time before me.



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/10/2005 11:54:58 PM)

I don't post anyting about age in My profile, except My own. But I admit I do pay attention. One the one hand, I get a lot of mail from those in their teens and 20's. They want to dedicate themselves to Me for the rest of their lives...hard for Me to accept. On the other hand, I get mail from those who say they are too old for Me because they are on their 50's. I don't consider that too old. I had a boy for several months who was in his early 30's. he is still trying to figure out what he wants. Some really do know, others really don't. It's an individual call. Since I also seek one or two that I will spend the rest of My days with (We can all dream, can't We? *W*), a very young boy (My definition of very young) is probably not going to be a good match.
I guess I watch for how a boy presents himself, his level of maturity, his understanding of My requirements in this lifestyle, and try to get a handle on what is really driving him.
I am older. I have bulk mail parameters set up, and they do include boys younger than a certain age. I have a hard time reconciling a boy who is still in his 20's, and never married, really being able to give up the idea of ever being a father.
Everybody comes with a certain amount of baggage, no matter how much you claim not to have any. But I guarantee you I am not going to have any more babies!



ThorsHammer -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 12:48:20 PM)

Age as a factor ...... Interesting!

OK .... I'm 63 .... I'm sure that makes me one of the real "old farts" here. It is understandable and logical that a submissive lady in her 20's or 30's would pass me by .... absolutely. Does that upset me ..... not really.

When reading a submissive lady's profile, if they state an age preferece, I respect that. In all the time I've been here only on one occassion have I violated that rule. This lady's profile seemed to be exactly what I was searching for. I put my age up front and told her why I wrote was totally based upon her profile, even though I was outside her preferences. I got a very nice reply in which she explained her reasons. I thanked her and let her know that I respected her reasons and would not "bother" in the future.

If age is one of your preferences .... I understand and do respect that. If not a "strick" need and you read my profile and it seems like we might "click" regardless of age, I appreciate it. Then it is time to begin the process to if we really might be compatable.

Each of us has preferences when looking for a partner. That is understandable. Our preferences, regardless of reason, may lead us to the person who will make our life complete.

Just my thoughts

Donn



Sweeticing -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 1:00:33 PM)

I LOVE talking with older people who have a wealth of experence. but that is about where it goes. I have tried meeting several people who were in there upper 40s to 50s and the connection just was not there. So i know from experence to stay in my age group. It's just a preference thing we all have them. As far as not reading your mail I'm guessing its because that right has been abused. Often i get mail from people I clearly dont want mail from. it starts out nice with thats a great picture to wanting to know my life history and meeting. Very annoying. This is where the usually nice person gets real nasty and refers to not reading there post even when they said they did. You will not change someones mind on what they want. If they said be in the same state and your not then dont think for some reason they are going to change that rule just for you. And yes that is what they think. So sadly many have messed it up for thoes who truly just want to chat with someone they think have a lot of the same intrest.



darkinshadows -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 4:52:27 PM)

Trained and released? Not all bottoms want or even need this. They wish to be trained in the way their Dominant wishes. Not by a man or woman who has more 'experience'. I may have been guided by gentle, informed people... but training comes from the Man who cares for me beyond the physical and who allows me to grow using guidence from others as He deems appropriate.

The wise are not who say 'What I am' - but who say 'What can I be?'.

At the age that I am now, Angel would (probably) be considered a justifiable/average age for someone doing wiitwd.

However, I (probably) have experience in wiitwd longer than some other people my age.

At 20, I was already familier with wiitwd for (about) 6 yrs.

Yet by the OPs assumption I would still not be 'experienced'.
I would probably be seen by the majority as 'immature'.

However, I would at that time, gladly hold a philosophical conversation, listen to Bach, read Chaucer and laugh at the two ronnies.(Just using a 'generalisation' on those considered 'older and more mature'[:D])

Age is not irrelevant, but it doesn't mean that the older a person is, the more mature they are. One only need follow politics for examples of old men behaving like children.

For some people (in fact most, if they sat and thought deeply about it)... age is a fetish. A person finds an older person attractive, good for them. If they do not wish to be within a relationship with anyone over 35... that's personal choice.

Age... hair... weight... eye colour... ethnic issues... religion.
They all matter, but they are not written law.

Peace and Love



LordBennett -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 6:12:36 PM)

I guess I should have said up front that if someone says they are only interested in someone under 30 or has otherwise indicated they are not interested in someone my age I will not write to them. This is what makes it harder to accept is they di nit say they will not accept email from me or if I was fixed in a differrent state and they said they could not relocate, I would not write. I believe in following through with their stated beliefs. A lot of my emails to younger subs are to say good luck or congratulations if they say they have jist found the man of their dreams and most of the time these subs write back with a polite thank you and that is all there is between us.
As for why would anyone want a training Dom or Master, it would be for someone unsure of themselves and not ready to make a commitment but just wanting to learn. Why turn your life over to someone who might want you as his own for the next 20 years if you are not sure of yourself?



SweetDommes -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 6:19:48 PM)

I guess I see it this way - I have our bulk mail filter set so that people I know that we're not going to be interested in (or that there is very little chance of us being interested in) get filtered out of our main mail box (and for the record, the parameters are not set as strict as our age range is). I may only check that once a month or so, and the last time I did, I had nearly 100 messages in there. Some were from the same people, but most were from different people. I did reply to most of them who had at least read part of the profile, but some of them, I didn't bother with because really ... 100 messages to reply to? I don't always have that much time.

I figure, if they didn't reply, it could very well be because my message got filtered and they just haven't checked it yet or they were too busy to reply - it happens.



fencerpet19 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 7:55:33 PM)

Age does factor in to some extent with me... I would rather a Dom under the age of 30 mainly because I can relate to them more on a personal level. It has to do with experience in life and not so much BDSM for me. This is because I am not only looking for a Dom, I'm looking for someone who I can potentially spend the rest of my life with. I said 30 because I don't think too many people I just randomly meet online older than that I will feel an emotional connection with. My first Master was 10 years older than me, and I deeply cared for him, but that was mainly because we met and established a friendship outside of the lifestyle first. I also think that aside from basic training, each Dom/me has his/her own style and therefore training is subjective.

I do make it a point of answering all the mail I receive (unless it is rude or something) even if I don't think a person is my type. I certainly don't mind being friends with someone much older than I am, but I just don't want them to get the wrong idea either...



GentleLady -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 8:01:17 PM)

On a personal level, maturity is much more important to Me then physical age. However, because I am older, I have less in common with someone in their 20s and I have to accept the fact that I no longer have the same level of energy and stamina. This can make a difference in the expectations of what will take place.

Two years ago I met 4 male submissives in their 20s who stated emphatically that age was not a factor in who they were looking for. I played very very lightly once with each of them. Each turned around the next day and announced that age had suddenly become a factor and changed their criteria. Now, given that I am not out-of-shape and do look younger then My age, this change of attitude on their part still has to imply that My body does NOT look like that of a 20 year old...surprise surprise....What I have learned is that age may very well be a major factor even if the person does not realize it ahead of time and so I now tend to avoid those significantly younger then Myself.

Gentle Lady



squirrelly -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 9:36:28 PM)

yeah, i'm one of the young people you speak of...
but to me it's simple.
i simply can't imagine being romantically or sexually inclined toward someone who is my nearing my parent's age or even past that.
i'm old enough that i'm close with my parents and i hang out quite frequently with them and their friends.
i can't find anyone of that age attractive. (with the exception of a few gorgeous movie stars that just ooze sex appeal)
they just remind me too much of my parents and their friends... and i would have to be one crazy sick bitch to find them attractive.

i completely understand your arguments that someone older has more experience and can be so much more pleasurable... i'll agree with that.
BUT at the same time, those older people have to understand that it's life experiences that make you more pleasurable. as a young and stupid kid, i don't want to be held back from experiencing life for myself. i don't want to be forced to act like i'm 50 when i'm half of that. i don't want you* or anyone else stealing time from me... which is what you're asking of me when you*, being roughly twice my age, ask me to be with you.

*disclaimer: when i say 'you' i mean that as a comprehensive term, not specifically to one poster or another.

[/rant] go ahead... lay into me for it.




siamsa24 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 9:38:15 PM)

quote:

and i would have to be one crazy sick bitch to find them attractive.


Then I guess I am one crazy sick bitch [:D]



GentleLady -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 10:36:26 PM)

quote:

BUT at the same time, those older people have to understand that it's life experiences that make you more pleasurable. as a young and stupid kid, i don't want to be held back from experiencing life for myself. i don't want to be forced to act like i'm 50 when i'm half of that. i don't want you* or anyone else stealing time from me... which is what you're asking of me when you*, being roughly twice my age, ask me to be with you.
Very good point squirrelly....and one I had completely forgotten about. I had exactly that kind of feedback from My first husband and it used to end up in huge arguments. he would want to do something that he had never done before and I would refuse to because I HAD tried and and did not like it. he said that it was not fair that he did not have the freedom to experience the things and find out for himself. he felt cheated in some way that I had had more experiences then he had had. I might point out, however, that he was 2 weeks younger then Me in age. It was not the actual difference in ages but the huge difference in experiences and life that caused the problems.

Gentle Lady



buttafly -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 11:15:33 PM)

Age has never mattered to me. It's attitude that matters.. I had a lover for 5 years that was half my age, and I was his first. He told me that I was just as sexy as any of the 20 year old girls. But still, he didn't really like to admit to his friends, that we were "together". I guess for a guy, it's a bit embarrasing, which is irksome, because a younger woman wouldn't necessarily find herself embarrassed to be seen with an older man. I also find men in their 60s to be quite sexy, if they have the playful attitude, and the equipment fully functioning. There is something very comforting being with an older man. It feels protective, and it's nice to feel "young".
Then, just tonight, I was told by a man of age 44 that I was too old for him. I'm 48. That was the first time that has happened to me.. eeeeks. It sucked. Little does he know what he is missing.. lol



MasterFuture -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/11/2005 11:55:50 PM)

There are many reasons why age plays a dominant factor in this lifestyle and there have been a fair share of individuals who expressed legit reasons why they consider it important. In my experience I have come to understand the stereotypes that are branded in the minds of my older counterparts concerning DOMs/Masters of my age. Some would say that it is a double standard that female/male subs/slaves are sought out by older dominant for the reason that they are most likely new and inexperienced. On the other hand, dominants in the same age range are usually the ones labeled as the players, trolls, oppurtunist, ect. I myself have leaned towards older women for the fact that I can learn while I teach. While still at a young age I have been on a intense path to clear these steroetypes simpoly because it affect me in a negative way but I can say that it helps me in the sense that I have a more mandatory oppurtunity to prove that I am as capable a Master as a well older man. Age dosent determine your level of maturity in all cases. Nor should it ever play the only factor when deciding on whether or not that potential should be giving a chance



darkinshadows -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/12/2005 6:50:04 AM)

There is a difference between being advised in what the best restraining method may be for safety, or how to correctly use a whip or flogger... or what are correct lotions and potions to use, which candle wax to apply etc... than being 'trained'.

Training involves self exploration and individual needs and desires. Whilst people may use it whilst 'not ready to make a commitment but just wanting to learn', it would be ill advised to recommend to a bottom/sub/slave/kajira that the training that you give them can be used elsewhere later on, especially if they are new to wiitwd.

Some Dominants may train that at a click of a finger, their bottom/sub/slave/kajira will immediatly kneel at their feet. To another Dominant, that click could be for silence and immediate attention.

Each is individual & unique.
This should never be forgotten.
Uniformity should never be expected.

There is a huge difference in being 'trained' and advised in the arts and safety, to helping someone experimenting with self exploration and discovery. It isn't 'training' to assist someone in realising their potential...

I believe I understand the point you are trying to make. But in a written world which new people peruse to find possible answers, it would be dangerous to believe that to find out who and what one is, one MUST be trained by an individual then 'released'. That's how people enter the Lifestyle of wiitwd and encounter abuse and players.

Peace and Love



squirrelly -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/12/2005 2:41:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

quote:

and i would have to be one crazy sick bitch to find them attractive.


Then I guess I am one crazy sick bitch [:D]


i was referring to finding my parents and their friends attractive. cause that's sick.



siamsa24 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/12/2005 2:57:02 PM)

Well, I don't find my parents attractive in that way, but their friends are another story.......



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