RE: Why is age such a big deal?

RE: Why is age such a big deal? (Full Version)

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lovingmaster45 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/13/2005 2:34:59 PM)
I am arrogant. Sorry. It comes from dodging death so many times; "Good morning VietNam". I am actually amazed that any woman would find me attractive; the fact that both young and old do is something that always humbles me....there goes the arrogance out the window. When I walked into Woodshed, my first and only time, I was already in a bad mood because of the "flashlight and orange vest" crew. That might have been what you were picking up on. As I remember, I came with Mistress Marla (40); she later spent a year as my sub, my sub gale (56); she is now married to Master Robert my sub gail marie (45); she went on to be collared by Lord Khan of CAPEX, a new trainee (21) and 2 other couples (both in their early 40s) from the old bdsm group (Carolina Ropes of Pleasure) in Wilmington. I mention their ages here only because age has been the "hot button" in this discussion. If I walked in today, there would still be a huge age spread in the significant others in our life. Age for us is just not that big of a deal. I have dismissed people in their 40s as too immature or unstable to be involved with and I have accepted one who was only 16 when she came to me. (sub marie is now married (vanilla) and lives in Atlanta.) We were together from the time she was 16 until she was 23. She did not miss any part of life, because I did not "smother" her; I helped her develop. sub danielle is now 21. She and I have been together since her 19th birthday. She has a vanilla boyfriend (aged 23) who knows about us and accepts the relationship. Someday I hope to mentor him and watch him take a sub of his own. I remain open to new people and new relationships; but everyone knows about everyone else. My wife and my two subs help screen all new people. The latest "reject" was a 40 y/o male. He was jsut a horny boy looking for easy pussy. Did not have a clue; but we are used to that. There are a lot of different kinks in this community. I adore everyone for thiers. I do have a short fuse when I hear from "experts" that I later find out are only experts in their own mind.

pleasureforHim -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/14/2005 4:35:36 AM)
Once again, LovingMaster, i can only apologise. i wrote, as You did, from my life experiences. Yours seem to have been life-enhancing for all involved. Mine run the gamet from my own stunted growth to the many woman i assisted legally who just could not get their minds around the idea that they were entitled to a share of the marital assets as well as child supprt -- because whatever HE said, goes. So i think it would be a fair statement that You and i Sir, have been on almost the extreme ends of the spectrum of the age difference question as a part of our real life experiences. i concede not every May/December relationship is exploitive..i hope You will grant me that some such relationships certainly are. pleasureforHim

IronBear -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/14/2005 7:51:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesertRat I am 53 and my girl is 19...she has posted here...and we get along wonderfully. She sometimes seeks my advice and I'm glad to give it, but I'm not constantly "imparting my great wisdom" to her. With us, it's just a very natural thing. In all ways it's like we were meant for each other and there just happens to be this huge age differential. We're not blind to it. We've discussed it extensively. Our discussions before we got seriously involved were particularly deep, in fact. But here we are, and I am very very happy about it! I want to echo, in a way, her comments about the fitness thing. I work out regularly and have been doing that for a long time. I'm not superbuff, but I am in pretty good shape and take good care of myself. I eat healthy stuff, too. I always figured I could not expect someone as beautiful and foxy as my girl to be interested in hopping into my bed if I was overweight, poorly toned, and unkempt. Thanks, Bob G’day Bob, I have to agree with you and others who have stated that age should never be a problem. To me, age should mead experience in life not just the lifestyle. It should show maturity and understanding and perhaps even wisdom. I’m 60 in August and am happily married to a lady 30 years younger than I am. We are both dominates and Gorean to boot. Our age difference is possibly an advantage rather than a problem. Still I do know that there are a number of folks who don’t bother to reply to emails, however that too is life and we make of it the best we can at any time.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/14/2005 8:02:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear We are both dominates and Gorean to boot. Our age difference is possibly an advantage rather than a problem. Dominants. Dominate is a verb.

fourpeas -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/14/2005 1:25:51 PM)
What about the men in their 40's who were engaged/married, and had their fiancees/wives walk out on THEM for a different (sometimes younger) man? And what about the men who are getting older and genuinely do want to have children, get married, and maybe are simply afraid that they're running out of time? What about those of us who are younger who have seen a whole hell of a lot? What about the younger women who do want to settle down and have found someone who wants to settle down. I really wish people wouldn't take what happened to THEM and make it about all of US. * * * NEWSFLASH * * * Whatever you didn't experience in your 20's/30's/40's, is also your reponsibility. I think WOMEN in general do themselves a huge disservice when you state that you didn't experience what you wanted to experience because of a man. Guess what -- he may be your Dom or even your full on 24/7 Master, but he can only limit your life experiences and your interests and the things that you love IF YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO SO. You can be a healthy, happy sub/slave and still be able to go bowling once a week if you desire. ... Ya know what I mean?? I don't think that most Doms or Masters want to limit our happiness or make us less than what we are. To my knowledge, the better we are, the better we serve. There's a major difference between submissives and slaves and doormats. Age matters. But for god's sake, let's all just share our own experiences as they happened with us and not as they are for other people. isn't that what this is all about?

lovingmaster45 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/14/2005 6:18:58 PM)
quote: Whatever you didn't experience in your 20's/30's/40's, is also your reponsibility. I think WOMEN in general do themselves a huge disservice when you state that you didn't experience what you wanted to experience because of a man. Guess what -- he may be your Dom or even your full on 24/7 Master, but he can only limit your life experiences and your interests and the things that you love IF YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO SO. You can be a healthy, happy sub/slave and still be able to go bowling once a week if you desire. ... Ya know what I mean?? I don't think that most Doms or Masters want to limit our happiness or make us less than what we are. To my knowledge, the better we are, the better we serve. There's a major difference between submissives and slaves and doormats. Age matters. But for god's sake, let's all just share our own experiences as they happened with us and not as they are for other people. isn't that what this is all about? You go girl. Extremely well said. I hate the "victims" and their victim mentality. Say hello to your Master for me.

PleasurePainDom -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/14/2005 11:07:47 PM)
First of all, excellent question. I am now 44, I have had some very memorable experiences in my life with BDSM, both in and out of serious relationships. Having said that age was never a factor, ever. I currently have a slave and a sub that I play with r/t, one is 21 and the other is 24. They both adore me. I happen to whole heartedly agree with LordBennett, you should not judge a book by it's cover but if you feel you must at least be curtious and polite about it. You say hello to a younger sub and compliment them and some of you lil subbies will stereotype and size up an e-mail without even reading it, a simple 'thank you' or 'that is sweet of you to say' goes a long way and never hurt anyone. I'm sorry, to not even open a first time e-mail is just plain rude, and not very wise either, you don't know what that person has to say, you might find it helpful, learn somthing new, God forbid, or even like it, who knows, but you never will if you just reject it out of hand over someone's age, sad. We are ALL here for different particulars, but basically the same main reason, because we are into this lifestyle on one level or another, open your minds, learn from each other old, young, whatever. Even if you just say hi or good luck it makes for good vibes all around the BDSM community and might just put a smile on someone's face, but God forbid you do that too.. Now, if someone gives you some grief or gets annoying after that, whines or won't take no for an answer then sure, there is no point in being open to them any longer or even nice if the mood suits the moment and you feel a need to disconnect or want to tell them to take a hike.. One thing I am reading that I think some of you are responding here are totally missing is this lifestyle is not just about what someone looks like or how old they are, most of it is what is in your head on a spiritual or mental level, at least the deeper and more fullfilling side is. What is in your spirit? Do you keep it locked in a cage, or do you share it with O/others and help it to grow? Use your imagination a little, it helps. As far as a serious relationship I do agree on the other hand that this is where the fine line gets finer. I too define what I want in a serious relationship a bit differently than what I look for in a submissve or slave that is meant for just casual play or service. Yes believe it or not, casual play w/sex can still be done safely and healthily in this modern age. I think one of the main points lost in the orignal poster's question though is, what is wrong with some of you younger subs ligthening up a little, letting your hair down and gaining some good experience with someone older and knowledgable to train you and teach you a thing or two? do you think you have lived your whole lives already and there is nothing left you can learn in r/t from someone older? from the tone of some of the replies it would seem some think they have already learned everything they need to know. Just for the record, yes appearance does count too I agree, but certainly is not everything, and yes a big gap in age for a serious relationship can cause some issues, agree there too when choosing the main love of your life, understood, however if it works for you that is great too! to each his own, as long as you are both happy. Getting back to the original question though, the original post addresses basically the issue of 'train, experience and release' between someone older and Dominant and someone younger and submissive, judging from -some- of this group's replies, it might do some of you some good to experience an older Dominant.. I will get down off the soap box now, if you made it this far thanks for reading, I appreciate your taking the time, see that didn't hurt a bit for me to say to you :)

hardxdrive -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/14/2005 11:46:11 PM)
At 45 I had a female slave who was 18 and some other past slaves in their 20's. I guess they love older men. Great for age-play scenes.

lovingmaster45 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/15/2005 4:08:09 AM)
I must be different. My age-play scenes have nothing to do with biological age. My sub is 21 (no age play); but my "little girl" is 45 and my "nasty niece" is 40. Scene behavior for me has nothing to do with age and everything to do with roles.

wildangel1012003 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/15/2005 7:58:12 AM)
quote: Especially the younger members who are just getting into the lifestyle. Don't they realize that an older partner is more likely to have a lot more experience and could train them better and then release them to find whomever they want. What is really rediculous is when you email someone to say good luck or congratulations and they do not even read it because you are of the wrong sex for them or you are too old for them. They miss out on positive emails that way and why? for me the age thing is not a issue unless they are much younger then i, i have a 21 year old son, someone in his twenty's is too weird for me to deal with. My best friend ( a man) is 51 and we get along great and understand each other, I have lived a lot in 38 years and seen and done things most 51 year old have not. so to me the age is not realy a big issue. i always read the mail i get, although, I do try to be polite when responding even to some one i have no interest in. and that usualy has nothing to do with age, it has to do with what we are looking for ,and that we are looking in diffrent directions. the sex of the person does matter to me. if the person is just looking for a friend to chat with , kool, one can never have to many friends, but beyound that, i have stated in my profile i am not Bi at all,and not interested in it. so those that do write looking for that, get a nice polite note thanking them and wishing them the best. I have learned in life age does not always go with wisdom. but each person has somethingto bring to the table. i always see what that is before making any decisions

ManOwner -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/16/2005 8:38:31 AM)
I didn't have time to read all five pages of this discussion, but I generally agree with the points other dominant females made. I don't feel right dominating a man that is old enough to be my father. In addition to the reasons stated earlier, I also have a psychological problem with it because older men have always been presented to me as authority figures, and it is very difficult for me to break out of that mindset. Even if I can get over the guy being an authority figure, or find some pleasure in humiliating someone like that (which doesn't work that way for me), then it still feels wrong because it's not the way I've been taught to treat my elders. Finally, I just don't find most guys over 40 to be very attractive physically. After meeting guy after submissive guy that swears his undying devotion to me online and then after a two hour coffee date hightails it because he didn't feel whatever physical or sexual "spark" he was looking for, I feel absolutely entitled to axe anyone that doesn't turn me on. Finally, let me just say about the ignoring emails thing, I get lots of mass emails/form letters from guys that I don't feel merit a response. If someone emails me about my own profile, then I almost always respond.

IronBear -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (7/16/2005 10:12:05 AM)
quote: I am arrogant. Sorry. It comes from dodging death so many times; "Good morning VietNam". Master Jerry G’day Jerry, Yep I completely understand. I share the same thing. I guess ‘Nam was a leveller for many people in a number of ways. Great post mate, I enjoyed it. quote: Dominants. Dominate is a verb. Ermmmm it sure is Emerald, thanks lass I guess I didn’t check for typos sufficiently…

stevepops -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/17/2007 2:59:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: siamsa24 quote: My second reason is that I have found that often (no, not always) people older than me seem to think that it is their duty to impart their sacred, brilliant wisdom to me. I have found that too, and it just pushes all my buttons. I may be young, but I have more life experience then some people twice my age. They expect me to follow their advice, but if I ever try to give advice it is dismissed. Yeah you're so right - getting old is mandatory, growing up optional. It's not about age, we don't even care about age. What we are care about is - can we communicate.

Griswold -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/17/2007 3:59:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordBennett Especially the younger members who are just getting into the lifestyle. Don't they realize that an older partner is more likely to have a lot more experience and could train them better and then release them to find whomever they want. What is really rediculous is when you email someone to say good luck or congratulations and they do not even read it because you are of the wrong sex for them or you are too old for them. They miss out on positive emails that way and why? Set up a website. (You'll be less frustrated).

SweetMegan20 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/17/2007 4:11:19 PM)
I'm finding alot of the older guys (not all of them) that contact me to be arrogant, big headed, and rude.

SunNMoon -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/17/2007 4:29:54 PM)
If I was looking for someone, I’d want a guy about my age. Reason why is pretty simple, I want someone that I could bring home to Mom and Dad; without getting questions about it. Also I want someone my age and not my sister’s. So that leaves me with an age range of about 5 years either way. But I do think this is personal taste. [:)]

MistressRouge -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/17/2007 4:30:10 PM)
My youngest sub is 18 yrs, and My oldest is 83 yrs, I am not ageist.

SweetMegan20 -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/17/2007 4:42:00 PM)
I don't think it is "ageist", as one rather pathetic "dom" called me, to want someone with around your level of life experience.

Griswold -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/17/2007 5:20:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetMegan20 I'm finding alot of the older guys (not all of them) that contact me to be arrogant, big headed, and rude. (That's only because we're arrogant, big headed, and rude).

m0rgan -> RE: Why is age such a big deal? (4/17/2007 5:24:48 PM)
maybe you don't think that, but maybe what you think your opinion of what you think is, has not been thought through thoroughly? something to think about, don't you think? thats what i think, anyway!!

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