Is it wrong to be a kind Master?

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Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 8:06:09 AM

pauvis

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Joined: 12/14/2005
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I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?

Post #: 1

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 8:18:04 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

if it makes you happy, then it's fine. there are plenty of kind masters. there are plenty of cruel masters. there are plenty who are a mix of both. there are plenty of submissives who prefer different kinds. being kind does not make you any less dominant.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 8:27:24 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline

Personally, I do not see anything wrong with kindness. I too consider myself to be kind. However, I don't withhold discipline if necessary - but I won't deliver discipline while I am angry.

I honestly have little respect for people who are cruel at all times. I find that people who are always mean and nasty usually have unresolved emotional problems. However, some people fantasize about having cruel Dom/mes, so if it works for them, great. It just does not work for me. Also, definitions of cruel and kind vary by individuals.

You just need to be honest with yourself about your desires, find what works best for you, and then find the person who likes your methods.

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 8:29:38 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

You can be both. Try reading "The Loving Dominant" it will help.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 8:30:14 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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The question is not is it wrong it is can you personally be effective at it?
Some can be kind and effective others cannot, many if not most of us struggle to be effective and kind. (of course my operational definition of kind may not fit your mind.)

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 8:43:31 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Kind is relative. My Master is kind to me by being tough on me, because I need that and respond best to it. Someone observing us may think what a big mean man he is, and not know I am swooning inside. There are lots of ways to be kind. He sent someone over to clean my home the other day while I studied. I thought that was pretty kind!!

But if you mean a Master who is low key, gentle, affectionate, loving...yes I am sure there are submissives who are suitable for that. There are all kinds out here; it's a matter of finding a good match for you.

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 8:55:57 AM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

No most "Masters" who are more real then "on-line" are indeed just that

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 9:00:20 AM

WilliamWizer

Posts: 223
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?

no. it's not wrong.
as everybody has said there's a lot of diferent slaves. some need a true cruel master others need a kind master, others need a mix of both, ...
If you are a kind master you should find a slave that needs a kind master and be happy together.

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 9:14:22 AM

bearincuffs

Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline

Personally I don't believe there is anything wrong about a Master being kind nor wrong for a Master being less kind. Many masters are, many aren't and many masters fit somewhere between the two.
Each have their own method to exert control and there are slaves who will be drawn to this. Time and patience will bring forth a slave who will embody what you are looking for and vice versa.

Speaking as an owned slave, what drew me to my Master is his ability to be stirct when necessary yet tempered with some kindness which binds me to Him.

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 9:24:38 AM

badgirl64

Posts: 28
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

Pauvis,

I'm going to add my 2 cents to this post.

I am one of those kind Masters, Mistress in my case. There is nothing wrong with it. You just have to find a sub/slave that will respond to your brand of Domination. I have had some subs/slaves tell me I'm not cruel enough for them or that I'm not forceful enough for them. Needless to say, those relationships don't last.

The boys I have now, show me the greatest respect because I rule them out of love and respect.

Keep searching until you find the subs/slaves that are right for you.

Respectfully,

Mistress Carla

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 10:28:14 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?

If your image of a "master" is the stereotype seen in bad porn and some TV shows of this mean, angry person who is constantly verbally beating the submissive down... that's bullshit, plain and simple.

Being a master means being in control, sometimes that means you need to be tough, but there are times when it is not only appropriate to be kind, but more effective. What you can't be is spineless or overly "soft" and by that I mean, you can't let your emotions rule you. Things are not going to end well if you are letting your emotions control you and dictate your actions, whether that takes the form of being too "soft" and weak, or if it takes the form of letting your anger control you... both are bad news.

Ownedgirlie gave you a good example worth pondering. A submissive, if they're really serious about that and not just playing around or looking for a free ride, is going to want you to set boundaries and rules, they'll want you to create structure in the relationship, and they'll want you to maintain that by enforcing those rules and boundaries. If they can control you by manipulating your sympathies or kindness, you'll lose both control and the submissive.

Being dominant isn't about being mean and cruel, its about being in control. Sometimes that requires that you be tough. Its what Ownedgirlie was trying to get across to you, and its also why I chose my tag line.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 11:16:17 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?

If your image of a "master" is the stereotype seen in bad porn and some TV shows of this mean, angry person who is constantly verbally beating the submissive down... that's bullshit, plain and simple.

Being a master means being in control, sometimes that means you need to be tough, but there are times when it is not only appropriate to be kind, but more effective. What you can't be is spineless or overly "soft" and by that I mean, you can't let your emotions rule you. Things are not going to end well if you are letting your emotions control you and dictate your actions, whether that takes the form of being too "soft" and weak, or if it takes the form of letting your anger control you... both are bad news.
I agree
Ownedgirlie gave you a good example worth pondering. A submissive, if they're really serious about that and not just playing around or looking for a free ride, is going to want you to set boundaries and rules, they'll want you to create structure in the relationship, and they'll want you to maintain that by enforcing those rules and boundaries. If they can control you by manipulating your sympathies or kindness, you'll lose both control and the submissive.
Depends on how you define manipulation. To some of us, kindness following a harsh punishment shows caring and makes us want to obey more.

Being dominant isn't about being mean and cruel, its about being in control. Sometimes that requires that you be tough. Its what Ownedgirlie was trying to get across to you, and its also why I chose my tag line.

Domination is definitely about being in control as opposed to loss of control. I think a combination of both tough and caring is ideal, though I'm sure some would disagree. To each their own. It all depends on the couple and what they both seek.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 3/25/2007 11:17:16 AM >

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 11:31:27 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?

If your image of a "master" is the stereotype seen in bad porn and some TV shows of this mean, angry person who is constantly verbally beating the submissive down... that's bullshit, plain and simple.

Being a master means being in control, sometimes that means you need to be tough, but there are times when it is not only appropriate to be kind, but more effective. What you can't be is spineless or overly "soft" and by that I mean, you can't let your emotions rule you. Things are not going to end well if you are letting your emotions control you and dictate your actions, whether that takes the form of being too "soft" and weak, or if it takes the form of letting your anger control you... both are bad news.
I agree
Ownedgirlie gave you a good example worth pondering. A submissive, if they're really serious about that and not just playing around or looking for a free ride, is going to want you to set boundaries and rules, they'll want you to create structure in the relationship, and they'll want you to maintain that by enforcing those rules and boundaries. If they can control you by manipulating your sympathies or kindness, you'll lose both control and the submissive.
Depends on how you define manipulation. To some of us, kindness following a harsh punishment shows caring and makes us want to obey more.

Being dominant isn't about being mean and cruel, its about being in control. Sometimes that requires that you be tough. Its what Ownedgirlie was trying to get across to you, and its also why I chose my tag line.

Domination is definitely about being in control as opposed to loss of control. I think a combination of both tough and caring is ideal, though I'm sure some would disagree. To each their own. It all depends on the couple and what they both seek.

I agree with Padraig and Defiant...one more word to add however...BALANCE...always a good thing...Tempting

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 11:33:27 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

What do you think? Cause in the end, thats all that really matters.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 12:06:28 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

You can be any sort of Master that you desire and there is a sub out there for you. It just takes time to find them.

I am a "nice" Domme and it took my sub awhile to get used to my using manners like saying "please" and "thank you" he had been taught that a Dominant never said such things to a sub. I disagree with that as I see nothing wrong with using manners and I insist on them in my relationship.

Its your relationship, you determine who is that you are and what sort of sub that you seek.

Good Luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 12:09:50 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_856653/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#857014
too nice

http://www.collarchat.com/m_848523/mpage_2/key_gentleman/tm.htm#848969
Mr. Nice guy is not Mr. Nice Dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_825792/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#825829
Can a dom be a gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_799563/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#799760
what makes a 'real' dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_775753/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#775760
dominants who show emotions, weakness or vulnerability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_771270/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#771630
Does gentle master mean weak?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_668725/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#668733
Too polite?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668
Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966
Master...in slaves' eyes!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513
dom vs gentleman

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288
the gentleman dom with feelings

Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron?

Gentlemen vs nice guy

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 12:11:38 PM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline

Greetings

I think Master is one of the kindest men that I have ever met. The kindness and gentleness that shines from his eyes only add to his overall persona

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 12:21:19 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Simply, it's never wrong to be who you are.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

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Post #: 18

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 12:23:45 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I would say, with ease, that I am like most above (or described).

I am quite kind, mild-mannered, gentle.

Although my demeanor doesn't change much, I can also play quite rough. Some of my interests are on the edgy side.

Even so, I would have to say that I'm pretty effective at getting and keeping what I wish. I'm certain the kindness has much to speak of in that regard.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/25/2007 12:31:55 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?

My Dom is the exact same way, and i love it and he knows that i learn best with kindness and a little strictness

(in reply to pauvis)

Post #: 20

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