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RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/26/2007 10:07:13 AM   
goalie62


Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I have to jump on the band wagon with everyone else here.  What works for you?  I prefer to be kinder and more of a mentor/guide/loving type with fairly firm but consistant rules.  This seems to work for me.  You need to find what style works for you and what your sub/slave/SO responds to best and go with that as long as you do not sacrifice who you are to do it.

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God, you have no idea how badly I want to put something profound here.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/26/2007 12:56:54 PM   
LatexHer


Posts: 56
Joined: 11/16/2006
Status: offline 		  Over the years we have observed many a style of domination, both physical and psychological. We have spoken to many a Master/Dom, or Mistress/Domme, with regards to their personality and style. The outcome of our observance is - If it works for you – enjoy it!
 
Being a loving and caring Master may not be ideal if you are one of the paid professionals in our field, or profess to be a sadist. For those pain may be more prominant engine. 
 
Unlike those however, we have befriended several couples who between themselves express love, kindness, and respect in their end play.
 
Domination covers a very large area, which leaves many arguing among themselves as to the proper way to dominate. The degree of dominance over another human being is also subject to the Doms own views, experience and desires, as well as that of his subject.
 
Loving Domination just as Love Bondage incorporates your feelings as well as that of your sub.  As long as you and your sub are both happy – enjoy it!
 
 Master LatexHer

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/26/2007 1:02:56 PM   
phxsub4u


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline 		Whatever works for both of you and feels right is right. Yes, I have encountered the "My way is the Only way" sorts, and they offer little more than a hot breeze on a cold night. Listen to yourselves.

< Message edited by phxsub4u -- 9/26/2007 1:03:40 PM >

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/26/2007 5:27:14 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

when Sir and i were still in the talking stage, he very firmly told me "never mistake kindness for weakness".  i dont.  i appreciate his ability to be soft and kind...then switch to hard and punishing. 

i am happy to be his.

kitten

(in reply to phxsub4u)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/26/2007 5:32:12 PM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		A Master who is kind but also disciplines strictly is the way to go for me!  I would say, count your blessings if you have both.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/26/2007 6:01:36 PM   
SexyBlackMan2


Posts: 108
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong with being a Kind Dominant. I do agree with others that you should not withold punishment. But, if you are a kind master, the punishments will be more mental than physical.

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/28/2007 4:43:36 AM   
MasterFrog


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		This is a life style, there are no absolutes unless you set them down, live your lifestyle the way you see fit, as long as it is safe sane and consentual, There shouldn't be a problem, I was both to my wife/slave and she loved it, it was the dominance that she loved, her submission was the greatest gift that anyone could have given. You have to cherish your sub/slave so I dont see why you have to be one way or the other. The two of you work together. so what works for you is just fine.

(in reply to SexyBlackMan2)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/28/2007 9:13:14 AM   
twistedkytten


Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		I have to agee with the rest of the kind people here, since it is your world, you can be anyway you want to be. Reminds me of a favorite game of Masters.. it's called Master is always right game.. I love it because the rule is simple..*grins*

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Obedience is life, girl lives to serve her Master

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RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/28/2007 11:54:06 AM   
Redandtreasure


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline 		I have never had a problem being a kind Dom I do not take any BS from a sub/slave but there are ways of being kind about it instead of mean and rude all the time. I am a firm believer in ruling with a open hand.

    Those that rule with a closed fist have more slip threw there fingers then they can see and by the time they do open there hand to see what they have created all that is left is nothing.
    Those that Rule with a open hand get the pleasure of seeing there creation take shape before there eyes as well as watch it grow and prosper. As you watch it grow you in turn grow with it binding the two of you together.  

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/28/2007 9:06:30 PM   
CatKnight


Posts: 37
Joined: 8/31/2007
Status: offline 		Just a quick note to thank everyone for their comments.  I had a very similar concern on the 'Insecure' thread and reading this one gave me a lot of comfort in planning the future.
 
I think, ideally, the answer is as everyone says.  Sit down with your sub.  Figure out what she needs and wants.  Figure out what YOU need and want.  Then make it come alive.  Don't try to be something you're not (though don't ignore the opportunity for your own growth through doing this!) 

(in reply to Redandtreasure)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 10/1/2007 1:05:03 AM   
PsychoticWolf


Posts: 91
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline 		You are as happy as you make yourself to be.

Though I was also one wondering on this question for awhile. . In truth, it's not the fact you're kind that's wrong but the people you meet who choose to be rude to your kindness.

Becareful with other people because they can really screw you over, especially the rude one's.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 10/1/2007 4:19:01 AM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		Pay close attention to what your own needs are; your own instincts.  If you're truly cut out to be a Dom, then they will tell you what's appropriate.  You will have an innate need to do the right thing.  But often, the patina of errors past can hide your best impulses in fear and caution, so it's best to have someone you trust and consult on a case-by-case basis.

Cheers



_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to PsychoticWolf)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 10/1/2007 4:37:25 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatKnight

Just a quick note to thank everyone for their comments.  I had a very similar concern on the 'Insecure' thread and reading this one gave me a lot of comfort in planning the future.
 
I think, ideally, the answer is as everyone says.  Sit down with your sub.  Figure out what she needs and wants.  Figure out what YOU need and want.  Then make it come alive.  Don't try to be something you're not (though don't ignore the opportunity for your own growth through doing this!) 


Don't confuse kindness with certain bdsm activities.  As a sub early on in the lifestyle before I had much of an idea of who I was or wanted, I was with a Dom that had a hard time inflicting even moderate pain.  And because of this misperception,  I had a need that was unfulfilled.  I don't think in that instance he was really "kind" which is what I am sure he thought he was doing.  Oddly this relationship ended due to dishonesty and unkind comments on his part.  Kindness is relative to what each person wants and/or needs.
Good luck to you though, you seem to have some insightful questions and answers.
l

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/1/2007 4:38:52 AM >

(in reply to CatKnight)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 10/1/2007 6:04:01 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?


It is true and you are not looking at it the wrong way.

Just keep in mind that there are not many advocates for this variety of M/s. You may find yourself carving out your own path through the wilderness.

But your sub/slave will love you for it.



_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 10/4/2007 7:05:15 AM   
Johnandkat


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/31/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, I couldn't enjoy a Master/slave relationship with out love and caring for my slaves, male and female.  I have absolutely no problem inflicting pain on my slaves, just as I have no problem showing them tenderness and kindness.  I never could understand why people feel that Dommes/Doms are "supposed" to be harsh, uncaring people.  We are merely dominant.  It is natural human nature, to be kind....look at the rewards!!

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 7/1/2009 3:59:27 PM   
RealGirl4One


Posts: 95
Joined: 4/9/2009
Status: offline 		Why does it matter you don't exist? No such profile.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 7/1/2009 4:01:59 PM   
RealGirl4One


Posts: 95
Joined: 4/9/2009
Status: offline 		STUPID ME, I see this is OLD, sorry.

(in reply to RealGirl4One)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 7/3/2009 5:37:33 PM   
penitentialarts


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/2/2009
Status: offline 		Be whatever type of master you want to be, and look for a submissive/slave/bottom who appreciates that style.

There are many, many different ways to be dominant.

- Jesse

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 7/3/2009 7:40:48 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?


i don't feel it is wrong at all. even those that engage in the behavior mentioned aren't that way all the time, unless other character issues are in play. it is better that you remain true to yourself and understand there are many submissive people that don't respond positively to the very things you're unable to do. remember this is a huge cornucopia filled with people from various paths. right and wrong are very subjective words and everyone will have a different interpretation of each.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 7/4/2009 10:22:25 AM   
inkSecret


Posts: 83
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline 		Yes, it's completely wrong to be a kind Master.  All Masters have to be Cruel and over 50 years old.  They have to have an entire room dedicated to BDSM with all BDSM literature.  And they're all rapists.

Stupid question gets a stupid answer.

Im making this into a signature.

"Wow.  Another person asking for direction where the only person who can answer it is themselves.
Seriously people.  There is no standard for BDSM,  people will dominate and submit as they choose.

And hopefully they'll dominate and submit in their own style and way.

You can't ask a group of people who are not you, what's right for you.  You decide your level of involvement.
It's your decision.  Make it."

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 80
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