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RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/28/2007 6:05:21 PM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		I've had Doms in the past who were much more sadist, mean, and cruel than my now-Dom. I kept pushing them harder and harder until I realized that they felt physical punishment was the way to discipline me. I thought I wanted someone who would really break me.

When I met my current Dom, I thought He was too sweet to be a good Dom, too gentle to really push ANY of my limits. He NEVER has punished me. I don't push Him, I don't feel a need to. I hold more respect for Him because He is kind and loving and I know that He wouldn't hurt me, that no act of His is actually sadist or malicious. I trust Him completely because I know this. More than I have trusted any Dom.

With this trust and respect, He has a better sub, and I am a better person.

(in reply to bayboundse)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/30/2007 4:01:48 AM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?


Y'know... I've wondered that in the past, myself. Aqua and I were together for a few months before we became an official d/s relationship, and because I was raised to be polite, I've almost always ended my requests with a "please". We've got a very affectionate, loving relationship for the most part... but there are times when I've got to apply a firm hand (literally or figuratively) and jerk on the figurative choke-chain.

For me, it's not a question of cruelty, but of practicality - I ask myself, "What sort of medium would best convey the lesson/message/whatever that I wish to communicate?" If that medium/vehicle is a quick cuddle or a tummy rub to praise her for something that she's done right, so be it... and if it's a stern lecture or a punishment to chastise, so be it. Different people need different things at different times, and I think that part of being a good dominant is knowing what to apply and when to apply it.

Valyraen

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(in reply to pauvis)
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RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 3/30/2007 11:34:11 AM   
daejannaO


Posts: 137
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		hello pauvis,
it is never wrong to be a kind Master.  i feel that this is what true sub/slaves are looking for.  a Master who will treat them as they should be, as they are their strong proud selves with love, kind discipline and respect.
daejanna

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 4/5/2007 2:33:54 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Compassion is crucial to both inward and outward mastery, which includes intimacy.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 4/5/2007 3:41:03 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?


It's perfectly fine.

I'm kind yet strict, and I rather enjoy it.

The sterotype one might think of at first is the "sadistic Master".  Still, it's just a sterotype.  Many sadists who aren't dominant and many Masters who aren't sadistic.  Whatever works for you, really.

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 4/6/2007 2:18:22 PM   
SirStephan55


Posts: 69
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		Every master and slave is different. I for one think I am a kind master, and my slave agrees.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 4/7/2007 8:45:21 PM   
N4SDChastity


Posts: 327
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline 		I think the only "wrong" thing would be if you tried to be something or someone you aren't.  If your nature is to be considerate, the BE considerate.  To do otherwise is to be untruthful to yourself.  To try to "act" mean, hard, or cruel, if it's not in your nature to be so means that, sooner or later, you are going to regret something you say or do.  Or, worse yet, say or do someting genuinely regrettable.  Posibly injuring someone you care for in the process.  Be tru to your nature and you can't go wrong.

(in reply to bayboundse)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 4/7/2007 8:48:27 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		If you can control that way, then it is not wrong.  Not all subs can be controlled with kindness. I am not a sadistic or nasty Mistress, but I am capable of being humiliating and forceful when its necessary.  AS long as it works for you, it isnt wrong.

DV

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VampiresLair

(in reply to N4SDChastity)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 1:15:58 PM   
SlaveOwnerDave


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Petaluma, CA
Status: offline 		What is wrong is being kind in the wrong place and time. Same for being unkind.

One poster remarked that you have to show Your slave how to do something. DUH! Well, it is duh! for Him and for Me, but some don't get it. If You demonstrate the desired behavior then You are more likely to see her do it.

I have been called "a service Top" because I am a helpful Man. As a Master, I enforce My decisions with no appeal. My slaves know this, so there are no surprises.

I have--as I bet every Master does--a graduated set of Corrective Actions. They start with showing how to perform the desired action, and go up to lectures or riding-crop strokes.

For actual punishment, though, one has to do something deliberately wrong. The worst--lying--will earn the slave a whipping or a week in her cage.

Master Dave

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(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 3:42:35 PM   
EbonyPhoenix68


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Central Indiana
Status: offline 		Let's put it this way in the words of this old adage:"Different strokes for different folks". I personally believe that a Dom/Master can be loving and kind as well as being strict, which is essential in any D/s relationship. In fact, you might want to get a copy of The Loving Dominant for additional reference and advice. And remember that before we are Doms/Masters or subs/slaves, we are all human beings having a human experience.  

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(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
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RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 3:46:27 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		It's good to be kind-even better to be versatile.

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(in reply to pauvis)
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RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 7:17:15 PM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		Personally I think things are most effective in a long-term relationship if there is a balance of all aspects--kindness and cruelty.  The human experience is so vast, it would be a loss to me not to explore and enjoy a little bit of everything.

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 7:53:46 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness


Hello pauvis. I would not  use the word ''kind'' as it implies stereotypically that a dominant using humiliation would be
''unkind''.

I would not qualify a master having a ''kindness'' kink (manipulation) as being kind, no more than a sadist blissfully
torturing a masochist as being ''unkind''. There is no ''kind'' way to control (appearances), just what consensually works.

Is it wrong to be a kind master? Don't ask us, ask your submissive. RL

RL.



(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 8:36:41 PM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline 		          There is nothing wrong with kindness. Just about all have said the same things here. I agree. If that is the type of person you are, than so be it. I'm a kind person, yet I rule My little girl without question. She knows her place, and I don't have to act like a mean-spirited asshole to get her to obey. There is a time and place for everything, but be true to the type of person you are. Honesty to yourself as well as to her is very important in any relationship, BDSM or not. There are times when you may have to be more harsh with yours. That's fine. My little girl craves and enjoys harsh use. There are times when I am downright cruel to her. That works for us. It may not work for you. That's fine too. That doesn't mean I'm the stereotypical "Cruel Master" 24/7. As I've told her..."I'm a Master...Not a monster." There are times when she'll respond better to a touch kindness than to anything inflicted by a whip/crop/cane...etc. The bottom line is: Be true to yourself, but know her needs. And whatever works for the two of you...Go with it.

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"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

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(in reply to robertolapiedra)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 9:13:43 PM   
BaronSamhedi


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		I won't have any dealings with a dom who doesn't understand compassion.  They are vulgar to me.

(in reply to sweetstorm)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 10:31:12 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Absolutly not, my Dom is the exact same way almost. He's not into humiliation, rarely will he humiliate me in public, he's not into corporal punishment with me, etc. So nope, your not in the wrong. Though mine has a soft heart and good intentions, sometimes i deserve more

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 10:37:54 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Why do you care about what any one else but your sub thinks. 200 people can say yes it's wrong and 50 can say no it's not wrong, and only thing that matters at end of day is you and your sub* if you have one*

quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/25/2007 11:04:51 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		votes for balance....i am not the wifey type...if you say "would you please get me a drink?"  i'll probably say "when i am done here" or  "when i get get myself one" but on the opposite end if you say "get me a drink right now, you peon" i will most likely say "get it your self, you lazy bastard" 
however, because of the way my brain is wired, i see a need i fill it, so all that really needs to be done in a senario such as this is the need be identified..."i need something to drink" and i am up and out the door...and a simple "thanks" is all i ask when i hand it to you"

as for kind vs cruel in a play manner....is it kind or cruel to deny a masochist pain?


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(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/26/2007 4:52:16 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pauvis

I was just curious if it was wrong to be a kind Master? I am not the complete humiliating, degregating type of Master. I prefer to control with kindness. Everyone has heard the old phrase you catch more bees with honey. Is this true, or am I just looking at everything the wrong way?


Nope, nothing wrong with it at all.  Good for you.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Is it wrong to be a kind Master? - 9/26/2007 5:18:52 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		Daddy and my SO are kind, loving, gentle, romantic masters and i find nothing wrong with that.




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(in reply to pauvis)
Profile   Post #: 60
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