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You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:27:54 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		'You love me now, but you will leave me if I tell you.'

Is there something about you, about yourself, which you feel or have ever felt that way?  Whether it is something intrinsic within you, or something you have done?

Does it still loom over you?

How have you dealt with that problem?  Have you ever revealed that 'thing' to the one you love, and who loves you, but does not know?


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We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:43:36 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

'You love me now, but you will leave me if I tell you.'

Is there something about you, about yourself, which you feel or have ever felt that way?  Whether it is something intrinsic within you, or something you have done?

Does it still loom over you?

How have you dealt with that problem?  Have you ever revealed that 'thing' to the one you love, and who loves you, but does not know?



Interesting question...sort of touches on that trust barrier and the idea of whether or not we are allowed to have private boundaries and yet still claim that we are honest and open with each other.

I am fairly open book that may have some small blacked-out spots on the pages. Some are blacked-out areas of my past that I have dealt with...suffered the pain and the anguish and the scarring over and the work to make that scar flexible so it doesn't tear open easily and gotten past or they are areas that are mine...they are part of my soul's make-up and for whatever reason, I don't wish to reveal them.  If they were to become areas that interfered with the relationship...I would have to step back and honestly ask myself in what way they are affecting the relationship and why.   Is it simply because my submissive insists on knowing everything about me...or are they affecting the relationship because the D/s dynamic has found a bookmark that opens these pages up and begins to remove the blacking from the page?

(in reply to puella)
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:45:27 PM   
HopeLost


Posts: 80
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		actually those deal breaker truthes are the ones i  try to get out of the way in the beginning. why waste my time or theirs if this "thing" will just ruin it in the end.  i hope i understood the question correctly.

(in reply to puella)
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:48:20 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I am feeling rather Slim Whitmanish here---

but a great many of those things are best expelled to your loved one right up front, and are often less catastrophic than you have blown around between your ears with all the old gum and cigarette wrappers.........

Hope that vision translates.
Ron


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:49:43 PM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am feeling rather Slim Whitmanish here---

but a great many of those things are best expelled to your loved one right up front, and are often less catastrophic than you have blown around between your ears with all the old gum and cigarette wrappers.........

Hope that vision translates.
Ron



Who the hell is Slim Whitman?
<snorts and giggles>

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:52:03 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		How about just the fear of them leaving if you tell them you love them? 

(in reply to puella)
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:52:44 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I would think that counts, on many levels, BRNaughtyAngel.

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:53:06 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		The guy that yodeled Indian Love Call ---
and that opening line in puella's post was just made for a sad country song, I'm tellin' ya,  even Red Sovine would be blubbering like a fuckin' baby.

Ron


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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:53:25 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am feeling rather Slim Whitmanish here---

but a great many of those things are best expelled to your loved one right up front, and are often less catastrophic than you have blown around between your ears with all the old gum and cigarette wrappers.........

Hope that vision translates.
Ron



Who the hell is Slim Whitman?
<snorts and giggles>


You ARE kidding, right Stella? 

(in reply to StellaByStarlite)
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:55:46 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Oh yeah, I have plenty of those.

His response is that "these are the things that you need to tell me so that I can show you that I love you".  He has shown me that he loves me inspite of these things and because of them as well.

I know that I got some of the really big ones out of the way right from the start and slowly over time I have shared the others.  I am pretty much an open book with him now and there isn't much that I am worried to tell him anymore. 

Knight's kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to puella)
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:55:49 PM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

'You love me now, but you will leave me if I tell you.'

Is there something about you, about yourself, which you feel or have ever felt that way?  Whether it is something intrinsic within you, or something you have done?
Yes, in the past.
Does it still loom over you?
No, thank god
How have you dealt with that problem?  Have you ever revealed that 'thing' to the one you love, and who loves you, but does not know?
I can't go really into detail without disclosing some aspects of my past, but let's just say I lived a fucked up, rough life. All the sordid facts came out with the Mister, though, in time. He's still around.. love and acceptance intact. =)

(in reply to puella)
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:56:01 PM   
makemeDaddy


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/26/2007
Status: offline 		i have a few of those 'things' that may be deal breakers for some and may not for others.  They are things that don't define who i am, but they are a part of me and may make it easier for someone to understand me. 

For me, i don't have a problem sharing them with the one that i trust and love.  However, i need to trust and love that person before i tell them. 

So when is the right time to tell them? 

(in reply to StellaByStarlite)
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:58:08 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

'You love me now, but you will leave me if I tell you.'

Is there something about you, about yourself, which you feel or have ever felt that way?  Whether it is something intrinsic within you, or something you have done?

Does it still loom over you?

How have you dealt with that problem?  Have you ever revealed that 'thing' to the one you love, and who loves you, but does not know?


I think that's the big difference for me in this relationship that makes me realize this is what the call "true love" or "Soul mates" or "meant to be."  I've had some really intimate, very deeply loving relationships in my past but the level of intimacy - emotionally, physically and all other ways - is beyond anything.  There are no secrets, there's never a desire for "space" there is no "alone time" there is no wondering what it would be like in another turn of events. It's just me and him and I can see nothing beyond that. I've never had that level of intimacy with anyone and the thought that I ever might want to hide something from him is unthinkable. I feel blessed.

Akasha


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(in reply to puella)
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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:59:19 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Right time is right up front.  Lotsa reasons for that but, the main one is trust comes easier when you ain't harboring shit on yourself.  Skunk smells his on hole first, kinda thing.

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 5:59:36 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I admit to throwing in little tidbits here and there.  I make sure all of the major ones come out before things get too far out of hand.  It hasn't snake-bit me yet.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 6:02:07 PM   
makemeDaddy


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/26/2007
Status: offline 		So you think that it's best to bare your soul to anyone that you 'might' become involved with?

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 6:05:41 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		no, didn't say that.  
But for example let's say that you did 20 in soledad, and you decide that you trust me enough to lay that on me after the wedding----how much cake is gonna be crammed in your cakehole at that point?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 6:07:59 PM   
makemeDaddy


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/26/2007
Status: offline 		i would tell you after i loved and trusted you.  Which would be long before any proposal let alone wedding.

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 6:09:48 PM   
HopeLost


Posts: 80
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		it could be a stupid thing to bare your soul but, if you dont open yourself to pain you arent open to happiness either.

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RE: You'll leave me if I tell you... - 3/26/2007 6:11:16 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Ohhhhhhhh… what a lovely response, CD.  You amaze me with how clear and forthright you’ve become over the years!
 
I mentioned earlier that I'd know I’m ready for a relationship when his ‘drama’ doesn’t bother me.  I think I’m able to compartmentalize his stuff enough to just shut the door, so to speak, on HIS business and only concern myself with the stuff that concerns me and our relationship.  I really have little interest in the rest.  Drama is overrated and a pain in the ass, really.
 
Still, that’s a good call regarding private boundaries and still being honest and open.  For the most part, I think I’m pretty much an open book too; dang, but I’m 58 now and there are bound to be a few things I don’t spill the first couple 'o months!
 
I dunno…I really don’t think ‘history’ is much of my business.  We all grow and change, huh?  What’s up today and involves US is really all that needs concern me.
 
At least…that’s what I’m sayin now.  LOL
 
bear

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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