RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann)

RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (Full Version)

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StellaByStarlite -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 5:28:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl If I was a friend, and they were acting out of character, I might ask, Are you ok? You don't seem yourself tonight. But in a general sense, people rarely thank you for involving yourself in their problems. agirl Exactly. And furthermore.. it's also irritating when fighting people involve me. Which has happened on many occasions with me. They want your opinion, but get all pissy when you give it honestly. No thank you. Either way.. if two adults have the bad taste to take personal issues out in public, they need to figure it out between themselves. That's what adults do.. whether it's M/s, vanilla, whatever. This is just a personal pet peeve of mine.. I despise public bickering or arguing of any sort. It just shows a general lack of control. Ok, rant over.

Celeste43 -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 5:28:17 AM)
What is challenging authority to you may be playful for them. And even if not, it's not your business. Now if it's very uncomfortable for everyone else in the group then the leader needs to talk to this couple and explain that their dynamic is causing others to leave the group so they need either to conform, solve their issues or find someplace else where they would fit in better.

blushingflower -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 6:12:56 AM)
I think this really is situational. If it were my sister-sub, I obviously wouldn't be in a position to just sit back (though I wouldn't embarrass her in public). If it were a friend of mine, and she was acting out of character, I might later ask what was going on. If it's a stranger, I wouldn't have enough information. I'd probably talk about it with Daddy later, about why she might have been doing whatever she was doing, and about how he might respond if I behaved that way. But she may have been being playful, as someone else said. "Disrespectful" is sometimes in the eye of the beholder. How precisely is this hypothetical submissive challenging the Dominant's authority? The answer to that really does make all the difference. There was a thread about this in the Gor board a while back that was featured in the "recent posts", and the other slaves basically said that if you're a slave, you should be paying attention to your Master, not to anybody else, and I'm inclined to agree. If you're a sub, and you see other subs acting out, consider why you thought that behavior was unacceptable and then aim never to behave in such a way, and do your best to be a model of what you think a good submissive/slave should be and make your Dominant proud. I will say though, that if this kind of challenge is the sort that is indicative of a problem in the relationship, it is an incredibly uncomfortable thing to be around, no matter what the situation is.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 6:36:23 AM)
I'd talk to the owner, see if this behavior the slave is exhibiting is normal. If it is and he does not like it, I'd talk to him about his options on handling her. If it is and he does like it, I'd start to rethink about whether I would want to be apart of a group that allows this type of person within them and talk to the person that runs the group.

thetammyjo -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 6:44:24 AM)
Unless that person is breaking the rules of your group or drawing unnecessary attention to your private space (like at a munch) it isn't your business. The exception to this is when that behavior results in complaints from other attendees. Then you have to consider the rights and comfort of everyone. At that point, I'd talk to those who are uncomfortable and see what is making them uncomfortable. Then I'd discuss it with the people in charge. The people in charge then need to decide if they should approach said couple or not -- that will depend on the group and where they meet. Private settings are easiest to deal with -- the person who owns the space can ask anyone to leave and just not issue invitations. Public settings are more problematic unless it is compromising the privacy or comfort of others and then you just explain that everyone needs to realize that our munch is in a public restaurant and we all need to be respectful of the mundane rules of conduct. If etiquette is the issue you can first deal with this as a group wide issue -- have a workshop on behavior and give everyone a chance to speak out about what they find discomforting but insist on generals not specific examples.

onestandingstill -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 6:56:26 AM)
I'd stay out of it in the public arena at minimum. I think me stepping in, in the public eye no matter if I'm a Dom or sub is undermining the authority of the Dom that's dealing with the renegade, bratty, ill behaved, or rude sub. If I felt some burning desire to interject my opinion into their situation I'd speak with one or the other privately, or both together privately depending on the circumstance & who my personal relationship was with. An example is ...if a good Dom friend of mine does something I think was a boneheaded atrocious thing to his sub I may ask him later what his motivation or point was. If I think he let a sub get away with something I may also ask his perspective and thought process behind it. I've also asked a sub what they thought they were doing in the same respect. I've often found from the outside looking in on someone else's situation you really have no clear picture at all even if you see the actions happening clearly. Sometimes what you percieve is bad behavoir was actually ordered by the Dom. Believe me, it's happened to me before and is a very frustrating position to be put in. A sub if she's given her submission to someone has no right to save her own public face right??? In respectfully questioning someone's behavior privately I have learned a lot about relationships, others and myself. suzanne

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 6:58:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave It isnt up to anyone els to do anything aspecialy in a M/s setting I would hope no one would but in I would hope people would know better then to do anything to someone els's slave while they where right there, it is up to the Master and that Master only to correct behavior. if he isnt then it is obviouse that the behavior is exeptable and or he will deal with it at a later time when others arent around. It isnt up to others to challange that period. Magik's slave I think you are "right on." Maybe Master prefers this type of behavior and who knows what another Master finds acceptable in a slave. Same goes for Dominants and submissives. Anything other than that is like interfering with a public scene because you think a slave is being hurt, acording to your limits. No two couples are alik, and to assume this is to attest that only your way is the right way. LBO

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 7:48:54 AM)
It's not up to us to judge another's relationship or Mastery style. If we have questions, we can ask, but to lean over and say, "Are you going to take that?" is rude and uncalled for, unless they're your mentor and they've agreed to take your advice. Master Fire

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 7:49:11 AM)
What do you mean by challenging? I know some slaves and masters who think not nodding and smiling all night long would be disrespectful. If they were behaving in a way such to make the group attitude generally uncomfortable with their private relationship friction, I'd simply smile, extricate myself and move to another area.

AquaticSub -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 7:49:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Passion357 Greetings, All, This question was posed to me a while back and I have always wanted to know what others think about it and what they would do or not do. How would one handle a situation of a slave or submissive repeatedly challenging the authority of his/her Owner in a group setting with other M/s couples around? I understand that the Owner of said slave is the only one that should correct them, however as an unwilling observer of the action how would one handle the situation? It's just a general question, no details needed. Like "What is she doing?" Well, it does not matter :-) She is challenging authority in a public M/s setting. That's bad enough. You are the "unwilling observer". You may be a Master friend of the Master, a slave friend of the slave, or a complete stranger new to the scene. That is why I think this is perfect for this forum. The responses will be so vast, and from every different outlook. Thank you, Stephann. I should have done this long ago. Well Wishes, ~Passion~ Remember that it's none of my business. For all I know, he likes her like that.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 7:51:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69 Spent the night with her making sure she was ok and that she did not offer herself up as fresh meat to all the wannas parannas and left in the morning. Never saw her again as she had much too much baggage and had a hard time distinguishing the truth from her embellishments and fabrications to cover her activities while out of sight. Ross ©º°¨¨°º© I think that was really bad judgement. I personally would have told her to stop drinking immediately and when she didn't, would have removed her from the party. Instead you let her make a fool of herself (though of course she bares responsibility as well), let a known tough situation get worse, make yourself look like a fool and make the whole party less enjoyable for everyone. And then you dump her because she's got too much baggage. Sheesh.

domiguy -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 7:52:43 AM)
I would do the same whether it was a small child or an adult behaving badly...I would walk up to the Dom/Parent say "excuse me" and then violently shake sub/child till they stopped moving.

LadyAnnabelleLee -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 7:53:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy I would do the same whether it was a small child or an adult behaving badly...I would walk up to the Dom/Parent say "excuse me" and then violently shake sub/child till they stopped moving. Ah, shaken baby syndrome for the BDSM world. What would we do without you Domiguy? [:D]

AquaticSub -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 7:56:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 I'd talk to the owner, see if this behavior the slave is exhibiting is normal. If it is and he does not like it, I'd talk to him about his options on handling her. If it is and he does like it, I'd start to rethink about whether I would want to be apart of a group that allows this type of person within them and talk to the person that runs the group. You know, there are dominants here who enjoy playful defiance.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 7:59:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 I'd talk to the owner, see if this behavior the slave is exhibiting is normal. If it is and he does not like it, I'd talk to him about his options on handling her. If it is and he does like it, I'd start to rethink about whether I would want to be apart of a group that allows this type of person within them and talk to the person that runs the group. You know, there are dominants here who enjoy playful defiance. I'm thinking more on how hard it's going to be to find a group that has only kinky people who ascribe to exactly the sort of dynamic and behavior he decides is appropriate. Might be better for everyone if he just starts his own.

missturbation -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 7:59:40 AM)
How would one handle a situation of a slave or submissive repeatedly challenging the authority of his/her Owner in a group setting with other M/s couples around? I personally would say nothing. I know if i behaved like this in public my Sir would instantly correct my behaviour in whatever form he saw fit. I understand that the Owner of said slave is the only one that should correct them, however as an unwilling observer of the action how would one handle the situation? As i said above Sir would not allow me to behave like that, he would correct the behaviour. If he did not hear then his friends probably would. We socialise in groups that all know each other very well and know each others standards for behaviour etc so a friend of his saying something to me and then reporting it to my Sir would probably be the action taken.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 8:00:07 AM)
So whats your point? Maybe you should try re-reading my post for I think I covered that aspesct.

AquaticSub -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 8:13:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I'm thinking more on how hard it's going to be to find a group that has only kinky people who ascribe to exactly the sort of dynamic and behavior he decides is appropriate. Might be better for everyone if he just starts his own. Do you think there would be an entrance exam?

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 8:14:46 AM)
For me, it would depend on the situation. I don't care to be around anyone who displays rude or disruptive behaviors, no matter who it is directed towards. I would likely remove myself from the area, which I do in any situation that makes me uncomfortable. However, if the setting were some sort of gathering in my home and anyone were being rude or disruptive, I would ask to speak to the person and deal with it without making a scene, or speak to my Master about doing it if it were another dominant. I don't care what your position is, if you are a guest in someone elses home, you don't disrespect them or their other guests by showing your ass. [sm=m23.gif]

dawntreader -> RE: Unwilling Witness (For Stephann) (3/27/2007 8:17:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy I would do the same whether it was a small child or an adult behaving badly...I would walk up to the Dom/Parent say "excuse me" and then violently shake sub/child till they stopped moving. Ah yes! i think this would definitely fix the situation! Until the ambulance arrived! LOL

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