RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your Mistress cry?

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/7/2007 9:35:01 PM

orfunboi

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It bothers me to see anyone i care about crying.

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/7/2007 11:14:42 PM

SusanofO

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Thanks for responding.

- Susan

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That perches in the soul,
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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/7/2007 11:31:07 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
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From: Stockton, California
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I think what would actually bother me is her crying, and me not being able to do anything to make her happier. I know a lot of submissives keep mentioning they want to do something to keep her from crying (and I hear that a lot) but I actually believe that crying is a natural process of grieving over something that benefits from the action. Sure, I hate to see it very much, but my goal is to be there when she needs me, and eventually I figure that moment is going to come. Forcing it doesn't seem to me to be the best approach.

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/8/2007 12:21:52 AM

SquirtMistress

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Joined: 2/28/2007
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I am very emotional, and this is one of the issues between, my sub and I. Emotion is my greatest weakness.
On only our second meeting, I was talked down to by my mentor, and degraded infront of my new sub. He snuck his hand to me, as he bowed down silent for a half hour, and held my hand the whole time. (one thing that made me keep him)
It upset me terribly to cry infront of him, if he has given control up to me, and I am crying, then where is my control?
So, if I have the need I go to another room, or hold back. I dont want to break the illusion.

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/8/2007 12:43:17 AM

SusanofO

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Thanks for the thoughtful replies. Happy Easter, everyone.

littlesarbon: I think that is a nice way to look at it. No pressure to not cry.

SquirtMistress: What a nice thing for him to do. You sure seem to have a winner there.

- Susan

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 65

RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/8/2007 10:17:23 AM

MsBlackheart

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From: Memphis TN
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I see crying, or feeling those emotions that would cause me to cry, as my right. If you need me to be She-Ra Princess of Power, you're in trouble. Or wait, maybe I'm thinking of Catra. But anyway...

The people I'm most attracted to as friends, and lovers (I can't have a sub who isn't also on some level my lover, but that's another thread entirely) are genuine, honest people who don't hide who and what they are, or what they're feeling, so the understanding that I'm human too is by default. It's how I handle disappointments and mistakes that could lead to disappointments that make me someone you can respect and submit to. Or not.

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/22/2007 2:31:28 AM

Nikko1962

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Joined: 2/7/2007
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Have been reading many of the insightful posts. Have not had the desire to post until now. I have had similar situations watching someone weep. Very difficult. I wrote this little snippet after such an episode.

--
I came home from work tonight to a dark apartment. As I came into the living room, I heard something from our bedroom. You shouldn’t be home yet? I thought you had a late dinner with a potential business client?

As I opened the bedroom door, I felt your energy as I always do, but something was wrong. The room felt odd. As I gently called your name and slipped into bed to cuddle with you and run my fingers through your hair, I felt a wetness on your pillow. Your hair wasn’t wet from a shower? Tears? I was startled. What’s wrong? I had seen you cry before, many times, but typically at a movie or some sad personal event. Never at home. Never like this.

As I held you, not asking any questions, just holding you, I fell in love with you again, knowing that there were hidden doors inside. Still the mysterious woman I met last year. Still full of surprises. I had always known that the softness was there. I had seen it many times. I don’t know why I thought that a woman who knew how to use a whip couldn’t also curl up into a ball and cry. Why did I think that you were always so strong and in control. I can’t do it. I need the balance of submitting to you. What made me think that you didn’t need the balance of letting go sometimes as well?

As I held you, feeling your silent muffled sobs, knowing you were trying to be strong, I felt you relax, melting into me, understanding each other without a word. You know that when I am submitting to you that I am offering you my strength, my soul. I’m doing the same now, offering you my strength, my soul, letting you feed off of the energy. As you fell asleep in my arms, I knew that I would always love you, always be in love with you.

Nikko

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/22/2007 6:46:40 AM

KaramelGoddess

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Wow Nikko.... that was so beautiful, so profound. Thanks for sharing.

With Kind Regard,
~Kara

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/22/2007 9:08:52 AM

MsBlackheart

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From: Memphis TN
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Wow. My first response was "does he have a brother?". Then I thought about what it took to inspire those feelings in you. She's amazing, whoever she is.

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/22/2007 3:27:37 PM

theGuideGoddess

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WOW! You are truly a blessing to your One.

The Guiding Goddess

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/22/2007 7:53:20 PM

Nikko1962

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KaramelGoddess: Too bad we didn't meet when I used to live in Bermuda. 1992 thru 1994. I used to live at "On de Road" 63 South Shore Road Warwick. I loved Bermuda and the people.

For everyone else: I'm available. See my profile. This event happened in the past. Now, I'm going to cry.

_____________________________

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

If you are going to hide in the haystack from me, at least make a little noise.

http://www.myspace.com/124184605

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/23/2007 9:51:46 AM

undergroundsea

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In general crying is not a turn-off for me. I would want to help in some way. I think crying serves a purpose by delivering some emotional release. My approach is generally to provide support and yet give space to cry.

Scenarios where crying would be a turn-off is if crying suggested emotional instability (crying because, I don't know, pizza is late ;-) ) or if the crying seemed to come across as an attempt to manipulate.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/23/2007 11:23:01 AM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

In general crying is not a turn-off for me. I would want to help in some way. I think crying serves a purpose by delivering some emotional release. My approach is generally to provide support and yet give space to cry.

Scenarios where crying would be a turn-off is if crying suggested emotional instability (crying because, I don't know, pizza is late ;-) ) or if the crying seemed to come across as an attempt to manipulate.

Cheers,

Sea

You haven't been in a long term relationship with a woman if you think crying because the pizza is late is a sign of emotional instability. There's a little thing called "PMS" which causes many women to get emotional at less-than-tragic things.

Akasha

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/23/2007 12:26:24 PM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
You haven't been in a long term relationship with a woman if you think crying because the pizza is late is a sign of emotional instability. There's a little thing called "PMS" which causes many women to get emotional at less-than-tragic things.

Hmmm. I am not sure how my post came across. I did not intend it to be offensive.

I associate with a spiritual community at which it is fine for men and women to express emotions and cry at shareback circles. I see crying has emotional release value and is human. Still, in my opinion one can cry too much (within emotional stability or without), with which I do not connect. In a long-term relationship or any relationship where there are more data points to draw upon, crying at one such event would not itself define emotional instability. And signs of emotional instability in a long-term relationship carry a different meaning and response than those in someone whom one does not know well. There are circumstances under which crying is a turn-off for me and I point to them. Generally, these circumstances are more relevant in the initial phases of knowing someone. Someone who consistently does that that is a turn-off without enough to counter the turn-off is unlikely to become a long-term partner.

Incidentally, this feeling describes a general social response I have and is not related specifically to dommes.

I am curious how you respond to a woman who cries frequently upon emotional stress? How about a man?

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 4/23/2007 12:46:39 PM >

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/23/2007 12:31:30 PM

KaramelGoddess

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikko1962

KaramelGoddess: Too bad we didn't meet when I used to live in Bermuda. 1992 thru 1994. I used to live at "On de Road" 63 South Shore Road Warwick. I loved Bermuda and the people.

For everyone else: I'm available. See my profile. This event happened in the past. Now, I'm going to cry.

Whaaaatttt???? *faints*!!!!
Erm... except I was like 18 at that point and had little to no clue about BDSM. If you ever come back email Me!!! We'll have a burger on the beach.
~Kara

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/23/2007 4:05:56 PM

trampledslave1

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hello GuidingGoddess, i'm trampled from Domina SK

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/23/2007 4:54:24 PM

AAkasha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
You haven't been in a long term relationship with a woman if you think crying because the pizza is late is a sign of emotional instability. There's a little thing called "PMS" which causes many women to get emotional at less-than-tragic things.

Hmmm. I am not sure how my post came across. I did not intend it to be offensive.

I associate with a spiritual community at which it is fine for men and women to express emotions and cry at shareback circles. I see crying has emotional release value and is human. Still, in my opinion one can cry too much (within emotional stability or without), with which I do not connect. In a long-term relationship or any relationship where there are more data points to draw upon, crying at one such event would not itself define emotional instability. And signs of emotional instability in a long-term relationship carry a different meaning and response than those in someone whom one does not know well. There are circumstances under which crying is a turn-off for me and I point to them. Generally, these circumstances are more relevant in the initial phases of knowing someone. Someone who consistently does that that is a turn-off without enough to counter the turn-off is unlikely to become a long-term partner.

Incidentally, this feeling describes a general social response I have and is not related specifically to dommes.

I am curious how you respond to a woman who cries frequently upon emotional stress? How about a man?

Cheers,

Sea

I was responding to the part about a woman that cries because the pizza is late. You didn't say "cries all the time when the pizza is late" which is a totally different concept. Sometimes women cry over very random thing - it's PMS related. If it happened once, so what. Not sure where you threw in "frequently" because that's a completely different situation.

Akasha

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/23/2007 7:46:08 PM

petdave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
I've usually had the impression that most men just don't know what to do when a woman cries. That is part of the reason I asked the question. I don't want to upset them if I did. It's nice when men try to be comforting, but I sometimes think some of them would rather you didn't do it at all

Can't help it. Story from psych class:

Young married couple. Wife has a difficult day at work. Gets reprimanded by her boss for something that wasn't her fault, gets a pen mark on her favorite blouse, talks to her brother on the phone and finds out that her mother is sick and may have to go to the hospital. Gets home and sits down on the couch, exhausted. Housecat jumps up on her lap, then takes off again, and scratches her arm in the process. That's the last straw, and she starts crying.

Turns out that the cat was disturbed by her husband coming home. He sees her sitting on the couch, crying, with a big scratch on her arm. He kisses her arm to "make it better", then kisses her on the forehead. She's touched, and collapses in his arms, too emotionally wrought to talk about her day, sobbing all the more. Confused, he holds her for a time, pets her hair, tells her it will be okay, and does his best to comfort her.

At last, when she seems to finally be calming down, he asks her:

"Do you want me to kill the cat?"

It upsets me a lot when my wife cries, but it doesn't really have anything to do with D/s... just wanting to make everything perfect for her. It's kind of a stereotypically male mindset that emotional upset represents a problem to solve.

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/23/2007 7:57:51 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I was responding to the part about a woman that cries because the pizza is late. You didn't say "cries all the time when the pizza is late" which is a totally different concept. Sometimes women cry over very random thing - it's PMS related. If it happened once, so what. Not sure where you threw in "frequently" because that's a completely different situation.

The frequently comes with my reference to emotional instability. By emotional instability I mean someone who does not have control over emotions and cries too easily due to stress. A person emotionally unstable in this manner will cry frequently. My text lists emotional instability as the main point and the late pizza was given as one example. The meaning you draw where crying has only occurred once is based on an assumption you made.

Despite whatever room there might be for assumptions and clarification, I feel the sarcastic suggestion of ignorance was unnecessary.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 4/23/2007 8:09:41 PM >

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RE: Male subs/slaves - would it bother you to see your ... - 4/23/2007 9:29:27 PM

subfever