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RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 7:47:52 AM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

I'm going to second the majority. This lifestyle is based on trust and you are obviously not a trustworthy person.

Do the decent thing and be honest with your wife. Really, the first step in being a dominant is having a backbone.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to SweetAndInnocent)

Post #: 21

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 7:50:53 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

Wow, maybe I'm going to get shouted down in flames here but I'm a little shocked at the intolerant responses!
Lets face the fact that a large percentage of people on here will be married and some of those will be dishonest with their partner.

What's so shocking about it? The fact that the ole' stereotype about lifestylers being more tolerant then the nilla world is bullshit? When I picked up my first flogger I didn't suddenly have some revelation that caused me to no longer be judgemental, or more tolerant then a saint? Married and cheating is married and cheating... period. Adding kink doesn't make it less so.

Why am I intolerant of it? Cuz I've been on the other side... I've been the wife that found out that screwing someone else was more important then being with me and our new born male his first night on this earth. Among countless other nights.

He needs to do what's right, be honest with everyone involved, that means his wife.

Jewel

Yes I have been on the other side of it too but I was on the other side of a love affair and not my husband getting the odd spanking from a happily married woman.

So what about all the guys that go to pro Mistresses. Should they tell their wifes too?

< Message edited by MariaB -- 4/8/2007 7:51:40 AM >

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 22

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 7:53:00 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

I'm going to second the majority. This lifestyle is based on trust and you are obviously not a trustworthy person.

Do the decent thing and be honest with your wife. Really, the first step in being a dominant is having a backbone.

and if its not sexual?

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 23

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 7:54:43 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

The lifestyle is not based on trust it is based on the need for a power exchange and a good sound fucking and sucking....If you don't know that you are being deceived than you are not......In fact I'm in the process of changing my "primary" profile to state that I have recently lost my wife to "the consumption" and I am in dire need of a woman's touch as well as her cunt.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 4/8/2007 7:55:19 AM >

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Post #: 24

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 7:55:32 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Sure, why not? I'm not being naive. Why wouldn't you tell your partner, the one who supposedly loves you no matter what, that you are going to a pro?

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 25

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:00:23 AM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

Now to be fair I haven't read the profile yet, but I think people need to realize that when some people start to explore this stuff they aren't committed yet to a kinky lifestyle. Try turning it around and looking at it from another angle.

A guy is married, things aren't going well lately but they've been together a long time. Their financial lives are completely entwined and there are kids involved who he loves very much. He starts to think about things that could destroy a career, not to mention end a marriage if his wife isn't open minded. For some people the kink isn't worth ending a marriage, but how can you find out if you're willing to go that far until you understand what it is you feel and how much you need it? It sounds to me like the guy is being open about being married. Despite what some of you might think it may really not be about the sex so much as trying to explore / understand his forbidden desires. It's pretty far from ideal to hide this from his wife...he'll feel pretty guilty about doing it, and he probably already feels guilty about wanting to do these things to anyone in the first place.

If he was hiding that he was married I'd say he was being a piece of scum too, but maybe he'll be able to find someone who is open to some non-committed bdsm play. Hopefully not even involving actual sex which could add more guilt into the confused mess surrounding his desires.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 26

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:01:01 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

bandit25

Sure, why not? I'm not being naive. Why wouldn't you tell your partner, the one who supposedly loves you no matter what, that you are going to a pro?

You are so naive....I don't want to spend easter alone...My wife passed away on Easter morning three years ago...All I need is just someone to hold to help me get through this saddest of days..It would also be a nice touch if you could find it in your heart to blow me, let me nail you in the can, apply handcuffs and nipple clamps, flog and whip you and then maybe it would be nice for you to leave.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 4/8/2007 8:02:23 AM >

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Post #: 27

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:04:47 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

edited

< Message edited by bandit25 -- 4/8/2007 8:07:54 AM >

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 28

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:06:44 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Lets review the facts

Something about you has made your wife decide no sex is better than bad sex
You can't inspire her to change
You can't force her to change
You put up with it
You don't have the balls to speak to her directly about this
You don't have the strength to leave if she won't change

Most women don't need an inanimate source of semen, despite certain women's seemingly insatiable desire for cum. If they wanted passivity, they could get that out of a male submissive. So, what exactly do you think you have to offer in the way Dominance?

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 29

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:07:04 AM

Trampler

Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

That is a very good point, CdnExplorer. However I do want to point out, that his wife might still concider it cheating because he is investing his emotional energy into what he has with a sub. Alot of women consider it cheating if a guy is cybering with someone else online, without any possibility of meeting!

Domiguy despite myself your posts make laugh. you too Troll.

(in reply to CdnExplorer)

Post #: 30

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:16:21 AM

CdnExplorer

Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

True, which is why I said it's hardly an ideal situation. Assuming that his wife isn't open minded, a pretty safe bet, no matter what he does people will get hurt.

(in reply to Trampler)

Post #: 31

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:17:07 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

My thoughts are be honest.With yourself,your wife and any submissives you may contact.
I encourage all submissives that session here to be honest.
I do however realize and know they dont always do that.

A note about being attached:
I dont see getting whipped by someone as cheating,to Me its not that big a deal if they are married or dating etc.

If they are wanting to be a slave then they cant be involved with someone else.
If I find out they are I will not session/scene again with them.

Its ironic to see this thread and some of the replys,just yesterday I told a submissive I wont session with as he belongs to another if She says to Me its okay then I'll session with him.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to princeoffire)

Post #: 32

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:35:55 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

So, what exactly do you think you have to offer in the way Dominance?

i think this is a very good point you have made Michael. When i look for a Dominant, i like to see they are the masters of their own lives before i think of giving them control of mine...

However, it appears the OP is just looking for play time in which case, he just needs a co-conspirator. i have been approached myself by married men and the story is always the same as the OP's. i am ashamed of my own involvement with married men in my recent past but it did help me see things from both sides of the fence as i was cheated on by my husband. It is always a no-win situation...no matter how you justify it in your own mind~

as a side note: yes, he is supposedly being honest and upfront here and in his search, but someone IS being lied to...
j

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It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 33

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:37:01 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

I am married but my wife is very vanilla and quite honestly seems to have lost interest in regular sex let alone anything with a bit of kink to it.

man up. yes it might take some thereapy to move though years of both people hurting eachother, and trying new things...but thereapy is very effective, and at least after a month or so youll know whether you should stay or go.

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Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 34

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:46:11 AM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

I'm going to second the majority. This lifestyle is based on trust and you are obviously not a trustworthy person.

Do the decent thing and be honest with your wife. Really, the first step in being a dominant is having a backbone.

and if its not sexual?

Doesn't matter. If I found out my dominant was flogging, spanking, doing ANYTHING BDSM related with another, I'd consider it cheating. I also consider cyber sex, phone sex, or kissing to be cheating too. INTIMATE activity is cheating to me. I don't care if she touches his dick or not...I bet his dick gets hard, making it sexual in his mind regardless of whether he gets any sexual attention or not. He said he had to hide it from his wife..if you HAVE to hide something that's a sure clue that what you're doing is WRONG.

Regardless of whether it's sexual or not, it is DISHONESTY and would hurt the wife.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 35

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:47:39 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Chloroform works well for me. When I can sneak up on them.

Here subby subby….

Dang and I thought you were just being polite when you offered me that tissue. No wonder it smelt odd!

Hey! I was a gentleman. I left you an ice pack and some motron.

Slurp!

What the heck is Motron?

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 36

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:53:09 AM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

What the heck is Motron?

Isn't he one of those Transformers guys?

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 37

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:57:41 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

Cheating, what is this,GOD put us males here to spread our seed and multiply smiles..HE didn't put you woman here as a sperm receptacle for every swing dick,A man must know that the seed planted is his...I am a very lucky man if I see a sweet dish and we click then she comes home to play with us both..THose in this lifestyle should realize the man will find a way to explore his sexual desires especially if his partner isn't giving him what he needs.IN our case she is an extrema sadist and I am a sex manic so the best of two worlds awaits the lucky girl here..bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 38

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 8:59:11 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

Motron is the Okiology term used for the pain releiver Motrin. It is sometimes found in the company of words such as "gooder" "Mucho gooder" and "Funner'n."

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I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 39

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 9:03:21 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Don't listen to these silly women as most of them are subs and the ones who lists themselves as Dommes, switches or lesbians are really just subs that simply haven't met the right guy yet.

This quote belongs on the 'what irritates you the MOST about the online BDSM community' thread...

TM

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~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 40

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