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RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:15:46 AM

dznutzx69

Posts: 12
Status: offline

Well you just convinced me that you are completely wrong by saying that......"If you're unique and talkative and intelligent, you can probably think of something better than "Hi how are you?""

this is a complete waste of time! im done with this thread...not reading another word. you are wrong but you have your ways set and youll never know.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: dznutzx69

But you deny without having any idea who they are......without even giving anyone a chance......
so it is clearly done for your ego......

BS. I know from just looking at their profile whether they meet my basic criteria or not. The majority of the people who message me don't even meet my age and location requirements. I don't care "who they are" if they aren't the right age and the right location. I would estimate that less than 1 in 20 of my emails are from people age 25-35 in the DFW area. And most of those,based on the info in their profile, don't meet my requirement of being childfree, not married, and monogamous minded.

I don't care about who you are until you make it through my basic checklist..unfortunately most people don't get that far.

My ego is fine as it is, trust me. If you are going to email someone when you OBVIOUSLY don't meet their criteria, don't be suprised when you don't get a response.

How you say hello actually says quite a bit about who you are. If you're unique and talkative and intelligent, you can probably think of something better than "Hi how are you?"

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 61

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:16:01 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

please stop hijacking this thread start your own thread if you want to talk about your personal issues...as i have said eleswhere you have a lot to learn...you can either shut up and hang out with a whole group of folks that have a way of doing things that they have been doing for decades ...or you can continue to be petulant and whine about why this world does not conform to how you want it to be.

You tell him amy. Send him all back of the bus like.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 62

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:16:24 AM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: dznutzx69

The fact that you would even have a basic checklist..........

you are setting yourself up to spend the rest of your life alone... on one is going to fit your checklist

Hmmm... post number 5.

Your assessment of GG is flawed. She is quite sought after.

Thank you Handsome Troll...and....SLURP!

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 63

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:18:29 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

Thank you Handsome Troll...and....SLURP!

Right back at ya doll!

Slurp!

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 64

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:25:17 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

i feel a slurp coming on....*grin*

dznutzx69 you look like a healthy sports playing American male....i am going to guess you played football or at least have a rudimentary knowledge of the game...

imagine if you will, the team in a huddle, going to play, and a woman stepped on to the field, blew a whistle, and then gave the team instructions that the new game would be played with 4 bases just like in base ball...

you would laugh right?

well that is what you are doing...just because your game may have worked wonders in the other world...does not mean it translates over here...

some of it might, but some wont, its a big learning curve.....and you are welcome to learn, and many are happy to teach you, but only if you dont try to make everyone play by your rules...when we already have our own.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 4/8/2007 10:28:16 AM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 65

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:34:53 AM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i feel a slurp coming on....*grin*

Did you call miss cleo or was this your own spidy sense tingling?
Slurp slurp slurp!

PS> Great analogy.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 66

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:36:37 AM

slave2MasterD

Posts: 28
Joined: 3/12/2006
Status: offline

OP .. face the fact that some are rude whether in the lifestyle or not. They don't feel the need to be polite as they don't see a consequence when dealing at a distance with others. i agree that, at least at first, a simple 'no thank you' could be sent to everyone... that is, if the one initiating contact has at a minimum attempted to be considerate and forthright.

As others have mentioned, there are many who are not interested in the problems attendant with seeing someone who is involved; i.e., married ... i am one of them. i don't have a problem with a poly relationship as then all know about each other and share willingly. But i cannot be comfortable or easy knowing that i'm a 'piece on the side' to be left alone and uncommunicated with when i might need that other.

As for whether or not there are any real, sincere people here on CM .....??? Well, that works both ways. Even in RL, many i have met are players ... they have no intention of actually fulfilling promises made only in running roughshod over others in an effort to fulfill their own desires - leaving a long line of broken hearts/minds/bodies in their wake. i suppose that means we all have to take our chances or live in a cave, but some prefer to live a bit more safely than others - therefore, the upfront lists of demands, criteria and limits.

And lastly, i somewhat agree with dznutzx69 .... too many criteria on a checklist leads to none of them ever being fulfilled. i have certain triggers about others that turn me on and turn me off ... i follow my gut and heart when meeting/talking to people, but in general i'm at least willing to talk to them once or twice before telling them it won't work.

Good luck all.

s2MD

_____________________________

That which yields is not always weak.
--- Jacqueline Carey

(in reply to dznutzx69)

Post #: 67

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:38:10 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

One simple thought.....Negativity promotes negativity.....rethink your profile..or not...........Tempting

(in reply to dznutzx69)

Post #: 68

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:47:38 AM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

oo many criteria on a checklist leads to none of them ever being fulfilled

I don't agree...I think you can EVENTUALLY find someone who meets ALL your criteria. It just takes a little longer. Julia said she had 22 things on her criteria list and she got them all....Julia's a bit older than I am of course, but she did eventually find what she wanted.

I'm 24yrs old...I've got a long, long time to find Mr. Right. I've probably got 20-30things on my criteria list. Some of them are "hard limits" so to speak like location. You simply have to be local or I'm not interested. Some are softer for example, I list my age range as 25-35..if you're 24 or 36, I'll still give you a chance. Things like marital status and monogamy are definate hard limits for me.

And I do think that perhaps age may play a part in it....perhaps some older people are more likely to be flexible because they realize they don't have forever to look....But then again, some older people are still just as picky as I am and perfectly content to be alone if they can't find someone who matches their criteria list.

My criteria list is put together based on preferences and experience. I already know that certain things just won't work with me, so I'm not going to waste my time or someone elses time dallying with someone who isn't right.

As for approaching people. I know that I get bored easily, therefore, I look for people approach me with an interesting first message, preferably something with a touch of humour and wit, but at the very least, something of length and interest.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to slave2MasterD)

Post #: 69

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 10:51:48 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP...I do applaud you in the fact that in your profile you are being totally up front and honest about what you seek and what your circumstances are, and also about your lack of experience. What bothers me in some ways is the fact that you may equate submissive with easy lay and hence that is why you are attracted to this site.But whatever the case may be......the odds are not in your favor....Some suggestions on my part would be ...........Seek out a BDSM club, you may get a chance for play eventually. Maybe be more pro-active in your sexual attitude with your wife, be the Dominant..sometimes wives feel overwhelmed by all they need to accomplish, and they stop thinking of themselves and maybe you have not shown her that you desire her, or that she is still a sexual being, if you do get her in bed then try to avoid the usual ho hum try something a little "dangerous or new" just see where the moment carries you..in other words "Be the MAN" for petes sake, use your imagination! or you can go to a "munch" meet like minded people in your area and seek the married sub who is in the same boat as you seem to find yourself..Tempting

(in reply to princeoffire)

Post #: 70

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 11:21:21 AM

slave2MasterD

Posts: 28
Joined: 3/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

quote:

too many criteria on a checklist leads to none of them ever being fulfilled

I don't agree...I think you can EVENTUALLY find someone who meets ALL your criteria. It just takes a little longer. Julia said she had 22 things on her criteria list and she got them all....Julia's a bit older than I am of course, but she did eventually find what she wanted.

i never said you had to agree with me nor was my post directed at you. i was simply expressing my opinion of what had been written by several. You have a way that works for you and some other people; for others, it does not and would not work.

quote:

I'm 24yrs old...

I know that I get bored easily, ...

As you say, you're young and have yet to find something that completely ignites your passion - maturity doesn't mean we're sliding into hell and require a quick fix - mostly it means that we've grown beyond the moment and are looking at the whole picture. i wouldn't suggest that anyone look down their nose at those who are older ... you're all going to arrive here one day, like it or not.

OP, as has been stated previously, approach a sub the same way you would anyone in whom you had an interest ... get to know them, woo them, convince them that you are what they are looking for and need. Take your time, investigate them as thoroughly as you will be investigated. Expect many disappointments and don't take those disappointments personally (no one is everyone's cuppa). Along the way, you'll learn more about yourself while seeking the one who is a fit for you.

As LA likes to say "seek stable partners; not a stable of partners." Good partners take TIME to find == unless, as another poster suggested, you are simply looking to get laid - in which case i would recommend AFF.com or ALT.com -- that seems to be the only purpose of those sites.

Good luck to you.

s2MD

_____________________________

That which yields is not always weak.
--- Jacqueline Carey

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 71

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 11:23:51 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Best advice I read on this thread.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 72

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 11:35:30 AM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

As you say, you're young and have yet to find something that completely ignites your passion - maturity doesn't mean we're sliding into hell and require a quick fix - mostly it means that we've grown beyond the moment and are looking at the whole picture. i wouldn't suggest that anyone look down their nose at those who are older ... you're all going to arrive here one day, like it or not.

Whoa whoa whoa! When I did I ever say ANYTHING that implied I look down my nose at those older? I have a WORLD of respect for my elders! Most of my "friends" are in their late 30s to 40s in fact with many of them being even in their 50s and 60s!

Don't add anything to what I wrote...I wasn't in ANY way implying that I was looking down at those older..just that for SOME people when they get older, they start looking harder or become more flexible overall. I also specifically said that some older people do NOT become flexible about their standards....If anything, I was looking down at myself for being young and overly stubborn at times.

I really HATE being misunderstood on that large a scale. I adore the company of older people..they have so much to teach and have so much to share!

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 73

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 11:41:21 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm curious about the idea that we're supposed to be tolerant of people who become so selfish that they feel it's fine to abandon their commitments and responsibilities and go have their fun, completely leaving the person they claim to care most about in the dark, all while simultaneously lying to themselves about how it's really better this way for everyone- again suggesting that their opinion of how the relationship works is better than the other persons.

And remember- I was a chronic cheater in my life at one point. BTDT.

I've known plenty of cheaters in the lifestyle, in fact I still do. I don't toss them to the lions, although I'm fine if someone chooses to not associate with them at all, or even me due to my past.

Can this guy find a partner? Absolutely, the reality is that, despite all the claims we want to make about consent and honest communication, a very large chunk of people really just want to get their fantasies off, even if it means lying, selfish manipulation and blinding other people left and right. So sure, this guy, if he's decent, wont' have much of a hard time finding a partner to play into what he wants at all. There are plenty of cheating wives out there also and they would make a fairly compatible match in those terms.

But really, he is just another guy trying to cheat so he can get his fun without having to face the consequences of his actions. SOmeone who thinks his pleasure is more important than honesty and allowing his partner a choice- because that would mean he might lose something he doesn't want to lose.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 74

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 11:45:34 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Even though I've never been married, I would like to think that when I ever do get married, it will be for better or worse as it is. Yes, I'm a submissive, and I need to pretty much live a submissive lifestyle (at least during intimate moments with my partner, if I had one currently), but when I do marry, she will either be the partner who partakes in this part of the lifestyle with me, or if she's special enough to cause me to want to marry her regardless, I'll give up the lifestyle and be thankful that I found the person who is more than enough that I was willing to give all of that up.

I couldn't imagine seeking something outside of the marriage because it just wouldn't be me. It would give me the feeling that I married for all the wrong reasons. If there's a problem with the marriage, I'd work on fixing the problem, not ignoring it by seeking out something to replace it while living a lie.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to princeoffire)

Post #: 75

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 12:01:58 PM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i like your posts maria, they are clever and funny, we see things differently on this issue, i wrote this post to offer you a different perspective about what to do with all the poor whiny bitches that are cut off from sex so they have to cheat...

Thanks crouchingtigress! I have taken on board what you and others have said here but wanted to ask you if we are just talking affairs or honesty in absolutely everything to do with this lifestyle?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 76

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 12:09:09 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i like your posts maria, they are clever and funny, we see things differently on this issue, i wrote this post to offer you a different perspective about what to do with all the poor whiny bitches that are cut off from sex so they have to cheat...

Thanks crouchingtigress! I have taken on board what you and others have said here but wanted to ask you if we are just talking affairs or honesty in absolutely everything to do with this lifestyle?

This wasn't directed at me, but my answer is that you should be 100% honest with your spouse/partner. End of story. If you are doing ANYTHING that you purposely hide from them (whether it's drinking, smoking, spending too much money, getting your butt flogged or sticking your penis somewhere) , then what you are doing is wrong.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 77

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 12:11:16 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

well for me, i am partial to honesty across the board....not for moral reasons though...its just easier...lying takes a lot of energy, and plus it puts me in a state of self-squickiness...which i dont dig.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 78

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 12:11:49 PM

Spar

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I am newto all of this and have been reading to try to learn the ettiquette here. I would like to knowwhat is the best and most proper way to approach a sub. I have seen ere that many do ot like a harsh approach andthat it is generaly not an accepted practice to demand things on a first meeting. I have sent messages toa few and have nly had one response and then that stopped. I updated my profile since after I read it I thought it may be a bit of a turn off. I would also like to know if there is a good way to approach the subject of marriage. I am married but my wife is very vanilla and quite honestly seems to have lost interest in regular sex let alone anything with a bit of kink to it.She also would not approve and would probably hit the roof if she knew I was here.I don't want to misrepresent myself either as I am not looking to end my marriage. I just want to be able to explore this with out being thought of as just another guy wanting to cheat on his wife.I love her but life seems to always get in the way of us getting together let alone trying to get time to bring something new into the mix.

If you have any respect for your wife and a desire to maintain an honest and loving relationship with her, you will either share with her your desires to explore this lifestyle or leave this website and not bring up the subject of a second relationship outside of your marriage again.

Any sort of relationship you have with another woman beyond friendship constitutes cheating on your wife and your responsibility to her.

Of course it's a turn off for anyone to read that you're married but looking for a second relationship. It means you're unable to commit, remain loyal, and be honest with those you love.

My advice to you is to delete your collarme profile and share your interests with your wife. You'll sleep better at night having done so than pretending to be true to your wife.

_____________________________

collarme nickname: barnone

(in reply to dznutzx69)

Post #: 79

RE: proper way to approach a sub - 4/8/2007 12:13:48 PM

KaineD

Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline

I agree with GeekyGirl to a certain extent. There is nothing wrong with having basic criteria. Everyone does. But it's definately possible to have too much criteria. And it can be very difficult to know what to say to a person to catch their attention, even if you know you meet their criteria.

I know that sending desperate messages saying "get on your knees bitch, I wanna do yadda yadda yadda to you" doesn't work, and I'm not that kind of guy anyway. I also know that your message has to be more exciting than "Hey, how are you?". I take these things into consideration when messaging girls, I pay attention to their profile, I try to ask one or two questions about their interests or something. Sometimes my messages are about a paragraph long.

99.9% of the time, I still don't get replies. So... does this mean alot of girls are big headed and don't feel they should reply to someone that doesn't match their exact expectations of a first message? Or do alot of girls simply not even read most of their messages?

Who knows?

As for the original poster. Man, you gotta stop lying to your wife.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 80

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