RE: Adhering to hard limits

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fairerthanshe -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/11/2007 9:06:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ckmidmodom A dom myself and arrogance is nothing more than an attempt to hid the fact that you are probably out of shape, physically unclean and only have been able to lure a few fat bitches who aren't sure who they are into your web. Tis obvious you know not of whom you speak...who is this Loki Loki of whom you speak? All i said was that halibut was good enough for Loki. Are you seducing me, Master Loki? Loki, Loki, where shall i go, what shall i do? Here's lookin at you, Loki...

minnetar -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/11/2007 9:30:20 PM)
Master Loki this girl had some hard limits pushed. In some cases this girl could handle in other cases this girl learned she could not and still has much to learn in knowing others. minnetar

hisannabelle -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/11/2007 9:37:38 PM)
hi-snuggles the troll nah. we had those things called limits way back when we first got together. i think they swandove out the window with that stuff some people call sanity. :P really, though...i had things i thought i would never do that i'm now doing or getting ready to do, and i realized that being pleasing meant a lot more to me than holding on to my ideas of what i could or couldn't take. after all, i took his collar because i trusted him to make those decisions, and i no longer have a desire to hold things back. and so far, we've gotten into some pretty heavy stuff that i thought would break me (rape play, to name one), and it's really had an effect for the better...it's hard, but it's something that's brought us closer together and also made me, my sexuality, and my submission a lot more...whole. i think that the experience of being collared to him has brought enough change into both of our lives that it's hard to define limits. something we may not be ready to do now, we might be jumping at the bit to try five years from now. mainly, though, it's the fact that i found limits limiting in ways that i -didn't- want them to be - after awhile, they got to be stifling. i like this way much better. :) doesn't mean that bad stuff doesn't still happen, or that some things aren't still emotionally heavy and sometimes hard to deal with, and yes, damage does happen from time to time, but i prefer it this way, personally. annabelle.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/11/2007 9:47:04 PM)
I hate these sort of threads. I believe limits should be expected and that many who push limits should be pushed off a cliff. That said, I fucking LOVE pushing limits. Pushing however isn't the best word for it. I don't push limits I seduce them, I don't undermine them, I respect them. Its a lot like anal sex, its ALWAYS hot to talk about shoving a big cock in without lube but the reality isn't always quite as hot. However, talking about it, teasing it, showing respect AND patience often yields rewards and offers an amazing bonding experience. The trick is to not expect anything, something at times I find hard but that is where patience comes in.

tulipgoose -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/11/2007 9:47:18 PM)
Well, if it is in fact truly a hard limit it shall always stay as such. Sometimes we merely label things improperly. I for one strive to only label something a hard limit if I have no intention or desire to do a certain thing, for reasons beyond discomfort but a mixture of such as well as fear, and true dislike and disagreement of a subject. Sometimes it is because I truly believe something is wrong, others because I know it is wrong for me alone. However, until I research and ponder all these things it is not a hard limit. Without knowing the difference between a hard limit and a meer preference against something we cannot always ensure our safety which is hard enough to ensure already.

sublizzie -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/11/2007 11:00:58 PM)
While there are some things that are hard limits that will always be hard limits, I'm pretty easy to push on other things. If I haven't tried them, I'm generally willing to try at least once. Fire play is fun. Knife play is cool. Most things are fine if they are done right and safely. Will I every be okay with someone playing with UMs? No. With animals? No way. Snuff? Not my thing. There are a few more that would be on my hard limit list, but most other things I'm willing to experiment with.

damia -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/11/2007 11:38:18 PM)
The thing is...hard limits aren't -supposed- to be tested. If they were, they wouldn't be hard limits. I adhere to my hard limits: -flame play (I am afraid of fire...it will put me into a panic attack) -forced smoking (I don't mind other people smoking, but I will -not- smoke myself...I started getting asthma attacks when I smoked before) -foot worship (someone else's feet, ok; but if you touch my feet, I will probably knock the living daylights out of you) -straight jackets (I have done my time in a psych ward, in a straight jacket...you put me in one, I'm going to break down) -kneeling or standing for extended time (I have bad knees, and this will cause major pain and problems) -cutting me (Because of my past in self-injury, I will not allow any cuts to be made on my body, because it may cause me to return to SI...I'll cut others, though, without problem) As you can see, my hard limits are such because they would have a major negative effect on my physical, mental, and/or emotional well-being. They are NOT something to be pushed or tested Others are social restrictions, such as scat (nothing keeps me from doing that except the gross factor), prostitution (I work in childcare...I would no longer be able to work childcare if I had that on my record...if I weren't working a job that it mattered, I -might- consider it) and sex or genital contact with anyone except My Lord (expressly forbidden without His permission). Some call these soft limits, but I've been taught that that just confuses the line. So they're restrictions, not limits. I will never allow anything that is a hard limit. They are deal-breakers, and will always remain so. If someone tells me something is a hard limit, I have them explain why, and then we'll talk about whether it really is a hard limit (for example, I know a male who has forced homosexuality and cock worship as hard limits, because he's come so close to being abused by other males several times in the past. At the same time, he stated flame play as a hard limit, but when I discussed it with him, he said that 'maybe a little flame wouldn't be too bad...or maybe if it's not touching my skin...' so we agreed that was a social restriction, not a hard limit. I have suffered when a hard limit was tested before. My Lord is newer to the lifestyle than I am. I had told him flame play was a hard limit for me, and told him it was not something to be tested. He didn't fully understand this, so at the beginning of the relationship, He would light his lighter and stick it right up near me...I would freak out, and back off, and he thought it funny. Well, once during a scene, He lit up his lighter, heated up a chain, and showed it to me. I begged Him not to put it on me, that it was a lot hotter than He thought, but He put it on my chest anyway. I screamed in pain and fear and safeword'd before going into a panic attack. He took it off as soon as I screamed, but it was too late for that. He spent the next half an hour, hour..something like that...calming me down out of the panic attack, because I was so freaked out. I still have the scar from the chain links...four little dots on my chest...and a scar on my mind from the fear and hurt that He pushed that limit. He has never put a flame near me again, and has never even asked about pushing any of the limits I have set forth. He learned a lesson, and I was reminded why flame play is and always will be a hard limit. [Mod note: TOS violation removed]

hisannabelle -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 12:17:19 AM)
greetings damia, i think your post was awesome, and it definitely made me think. do you ever have a desire to overcome things that, say, cause anxiety attacks, though? for example, knife play has caused me to have really bad flashback episodes (due to post traumatic stress disorder), but it's something that i would eventually like to be able to do, and i want to work past the negative effects it has on me now so that i can. have you ever, or do you think you will ever, want to be able to do some of the things that are on your limits list due to negative effects that can in a lot of cases be worked through? this is just out of curiosity, if you don't mind my asking, because it surprised me some of the similarities we have (chronic pain, so standing/kneeling for long periods of time being a problem, panic attacks, etc.). anyway, thanks for your post. annabelle.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 1:41:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Pushing however isn't the best word for it. You know, this is a very good point. I don't think I have ever felt "pushed." Pushed implies a struggle, over something I didn't want to do. Instead I'll say he removed the fear. Big difference.

eyesopened -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 2:58:07 AM)
my hard limits are just that, they are firm, but i don't list my limits in terms of specific activities but rather in terms of consequences. There are many activities i thought i would hate but i tried them anyway and now love them. There are activities i thought i would love but ended up hating. But my limits are those things where death (mine or anyone else) could be a result, anything where a prison term could be the result, anything where permanent physical or emotional damage is the likely result.

swtnsparkling -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 4:17:12 AM)
quote: How many have been pushed into a hard limit and were glad they did? My hard limits are few. They are Hard because they are to never be pushed under any circumstance. Everything else fair game things like knife-fire-breath-needle etc play were Never listed as hard because I knew it was just the unknown I feared. I wanted to experience them at least once to know for sure That I am glad of because I enjoyed all

Elorin -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 4:29:27 AM)
I have hard and soft limits. Sir knows the difference. I also have my limits with Sir, and my limits with others. Things Sir can do others had better hope they don't ever even THINK of trying. The only hard limit I ever had pushed was by a sub, and that was scat play. Met a sub who was a toilet slave and he pushed and pushed and pushed. End result is that eh, ok it's gross and doesn't turn me on but I'm not completely against it anymore. Which doesn't mean that I want to do it with a bunch of people or even that I want to do it period, but said sub has been my slave for a number of years now, and he brought me to understand his fetish and be much more tolerant of it. I stick to my hard limits pretty firmly, with the understanding that I have two sets of them - hard limits with Sir (barely any) and hard limits with others (much longer list).

DisirUrdsFylgja -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 4:32:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ckmidmodom A dom myself and arrogance is nothing more than an attempt to hid the fact that you are probably out of shape, physically unclean and only have been able to lure a few fat bitches who aren't sure who they are into your web. Ckmidmodom, I am telling your mom You shall have in your penis a Foley For impugning the Troll most Holy The troll is most handsome He owns all the subs Who he rents out for a kings ransom And from pics we know he packs more than a stub Calling Troll unclean Is simply just mean And some of his bitches Are also skilled witches On you we cast a curse For you bub On your dick shall nurse A 600 pound Nigerian male sub Until you have repented Or prove thou was demented You are cast into the perdition Of the above spell wrought condition

Aswad -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 5:10:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I hate these sort of threads. I believe limits should be expected and that many who push limits should be pushed off a cliff. That said, I fucking LOVE pushing limits. What I hate about these threads, is that people don't make it clear whether they're referring to the personal limits, or to the agreed-upon limits of the relationship. If someone has a personal hard limit on caning, that limit can be worked up to, and eventually crossed. As someone once said, "today's hard limit is tomorrow's fetish". However, if they've made it a condition of the relationship that they not be physically damaged, it would not be reasonable to push them into BME... quote: Its a lot like anal sex, its ALWAYS hot to talk about shoving a big cock in without lube but the reality isn't always quite as hot. Define "hot"? I've always found the reality of it to be a lot better than the talking. [sm=biggrin.gif] That may be just my sadistic side, though. [sm=evil.gif] edited: why do I always end quotes with quite lately?

Aswad -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 5:21:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hisannabelle do you ever have a desire to overcome things that, say, cause anxiety attacks, though? for example, knife play has caused me to have really bad flashback episodes (due to post traumatic stress disorder), but it's something that i would eventually like to be able to do, and i want to work past the negative effects it has on me now so that i can. have you ever, or do you think you will ever, want to be able to do some of the things that are on your limits list due to negative effects that can in a lot of cases be worked through? A lot more people try to do this than are competent to do so, which is an unneccessary risk, and IMO as someone with a lot of experience from both ends of the shrink's desk, clearly violates "safe" and "sane". I expect it sometimes violates "consensual" as well, as I've seen people that are pushy enough about this that I would not trust them to adhere to agreed-upon limits. If you're going to try to use BDSM to treat psychiatrical problems, the sensible thing to do is to make sure you're qualified. Not just as a Dom, but as a therapist. This doesn't have to mean completing an education, but at the very least, you should be very familiar with whatever conditions you try to treat, as well as being extensively familiar with those treatment methodologies that are preferred for that condition. Usually, this will mean to learn Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (am I the only one who finds the acronym funny?) and quite possibly also Dialectical Behavioural Therapy. And to stay away from those that are controversial (e.g. applied behavioural analysis) or outdated (e.g. Freudian). I have the skills to deal with certain disorders, including panic anxiety, but I am quite skeptical of people attempting this kind of thing without a similarly extensive background.

Aileen68 -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 6:28:21 AM)
I don't think I actually have a hard limit. If it's something that I've never tried then how would I know if I would like it or not. I think it's perfectly ok to touch upon things and test the waters...if it all goes well then there's every reason to go a little further. If it doesn't sit well then it's also perfectly ok to back off. Things don't have to be set in stone for me. If they were, I'd become very bored very fast knowing that I'd be taken only so far.

spankmepink11 -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 6:44:39 AM)
I've been seduced past most limits, and I enjoy the person it has allowed me to become.

littleone35 -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 7:27:12 AM)
My Hard limits are just that HARD. Master would never push me past them. For me anal sex was a soft limit and since it was soft he pushed and i gave it up. Master and i have most of the same hard limits. UM's, scat, blood. fire.knife needle play, breath play, watersports (and i am not talking watersking) blood, cutting. One thing that i really want to try is wax play have not done that yet. Matt's littleone

Mercnbeth -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 7:34:57 AM)
upon entering this relationship with Master, this slave agreed to respect and adhere to HIS hard limits---curry & brussel sprouts being the top two. this slave is happy to report that she has adhered, and not pushed His limits.[:)] this slave did not and does not limit Him, softly or hardly, so there is nothing for Him to "push".

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Adhering to hard limits (4/12/2007 7:39:57 AM)
we (Daddy and i) do because they are something we have desire and/or interest in trying. personally, i don't find watersports or face slapping sexually appealing to me knowing that it might to others. i'm glad the person i'm currently dating respects my hard limits and won't push me into trying them either.

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