RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (Full Version)

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Sinergy -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/14/2007 7:50:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Since everyone seems to be giving everyone else a reach around I will continue in that vein...

Sinergy,

I really like this sentiment:
quote:

  I indicate what I want them to do, I will even assist them in doing it (provided they dont demand I make it happen) if they ask me nicely. 


Partly because I have worked hard to overcome this one and still at times find myself falling victim to it:

quote:

   if I have to spend too much of my life trying to make the person I am with take care of things in her life, I start to question how suited we are for each other. 




Thank you, Michael. 

I also have my own dragons of this ilk to slay.

Sinergy



MsPleasure -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/14/2007 9:49:54 AM)

In my limited experience.  The bdsm world is just like any other......it takes all kinds.  There are definitely some sick Doms and sick subs as well.  The key is to have those two matched up.  

I LOVE to dominate but  have limits...some subs WANT you to take things to the extreme.  I weed them out in my first conversation. 

For all of the subs that are new ......as well as new Femdoms like myself.   We have to communicate.  Ask key questions that concern you and allow  your gut to lead you.   Match conversation with actions.  We are all potential prey.   Misrepresentation is alive and well so we all need to proceed with caution.   I guess thats why some one thought of the saying "Safe, Sane and Consentual".



SusanofO -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/14/2007 10:21:00 AM)

Thank you for your comments, MsPleasure.

- Susan



MasterMagnus321 -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/14/2007 2:13:18 PM)

In my experience, I find that the most desirous changes are those that the sub doesn't think are possible; the best variety of these changes are those that WhiplashSmile alludes to, those that are a positive, enriching experience through which the sub grows, and becomes more that she thought she could by overcoming or greatly gaining control over "really bad habits or self defeating behaviors, as WhiplashSmile states.  However, this phenomena requires a great deal of committed vision on the part of a Dom, a thorough understanding of TPE, and doesn't always work; BE CAREFUL.



SusanofO -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/14/2007 2:16:57 PM)

Thanks for the encouraging reply.

- Susan



SirDominic -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/15/2007 9:33:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Thanks for the replies. I guess I am asking:

1. I've personally observed people in relationships, though, who, because they really care for someone, or have become uber-dependent on them, can be convinced that just about anything is going to be considered "in their own best interest" whether or not, that is actually likely to be the case.

2. And since dominating someone involves (to a degree) not questioning the motives of one's Dominant, I am hoping for some detailed discussion, and possibly personal examples, re: Where people decide to cooperate with, or expect requests to be adhered to - along this line.

3. And I don't necessarily think some of those situations always come attached with big "red flags". So I guess I am kind of wondering how one decides "what's okay" to expect, or ask, someone to do - and just what's not (and ditto for cooperating w/those demands or requests).

- Susan


Greetings Susan,
In reply to these questions

1. This submissive mindset is troubling for me. It seems like a sort of brainwashing, where the sub no longer can think for themselves. I'm sure their are Masters who enjoy this, and there are subs who delight in it. For me, I want a thinking person under me. One of the rules of my slave is that she is required to tell me what she is thinking, whether she thinks I will like hearing it or not. She trusts me so completely because she knows I am always willing to listen, even if in the end my decision is not what she would have preferred. And that I will never chastize her for having an opinion, whatever it may be.

2. In this situation, it really isn't where the line is drawn, as far as not questioning the Dominant's motives. For a successful relationship, what is important is that both parties draw that line, more or less, in the same place. My slave does not question my motives, because I have made it clear to her that I respect her boundaries and hard limits. Because of this trust, she feels comfortable complying with my demands (they are not requests).

3. How one decides what is okay to accept comes down to that prerequisite of all prerequisites, communication. Again, it really isn't so much what the demands are; more that the two both agree the demands are reasonable within the parameters of their relationship.

Hope that helps.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



masterdstar -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/16/2007 12:44:42 PM)

TOTAL change; now what that means is not the “death” of the core you, that one deep inside but rather the other “yous” that have been the masks, the costumes for others and especially yourself but then one has to get beyond vanilla-think, the thing most are afraid to do
The ONLY way to honor surrender (I have no interest in subs, only slaves) is with Domination NOT control. Control is merely an illusion required by controllers. It is the allowing, directing, guiding to the deepest inner level of submission, the most true self,  which then can be turned into surrender. This is why the head fuck is the most important one. And no it's not about the "doormat" blah blah blah; it is pure freedom to recognize you in the mirror.
So yes, Absolutely, Total change TO ones deepest self NOT away from it.

Tricky stuff, the real stuff.

Enjoy your wonder-filled day



SusanofO -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/16/2007 12:54:44 PM)

Sir Dominic, I really appreicated your answer, thank you.

masterdstar, I appreciate your reply as well.

- Susan



Stranger1 -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/16/2007 1:02:06 PM)

We all change each other in relating.

I am rather dubious of one who would want me to take her on as a "project."

Been there, done that-and I don't care to be fed upon in that manner. At the very least-someone would have to be able to envision a template for themselves to rebuild what they felt to be lacking. But it really isn't for an outside force to try to enable that-communication of that depth and intimacy also requires a high degree of empathy and self effacement to accomplish............

You really need to be able to put aside your own ego for a time to get there-and few Tops seem to have the dedication and needful spiritual accomplishments to achieve such goals.



popeye1250 -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/16/2007 2:11:46 PM)

Susan, I think I'd be in the "Just Dominate" school of thought myself.
I mean if I liked someone why would I want to "change" her?



SusanofO -> RE: Do you want to "just" dominate, or to totally change your sub? (4/16/2007 3:02:42 PM)

I appreciate your reply, popeye!

-Susan



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