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RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 8:54:24 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		From my myspace blog (I mostly use LJ now):

I'm often asked why I go by the title of Master rather than Mistress. I thought that it would make a good blog entry.

Some background: The Master title is fast becoming a gender/sex neutral term in the greater Leather community. Being a Master is part of my spirituality; thus, I chose that title when I became aware that it was part of my spiritual calling to do so. Some get confused as to if I'm really biologically female. Yes, I am. I also identify as female as my gender, for those of you who know that gender and physical sex are two different things.

The difference between Master and Mistress for me is subtle and describing difference is rather like describing those things that make an orange and a grapefruit distinct. Other than the size, color and flavor, the surface characteristics of being citrus, having a peel, coming in sections and containing seeds are the same. But, we know that there are some specific tiny genetic differences than makes them so different to us. This is like the difference between Master and Mistress to me, and probably only to me. They are embodiments of different roles.

One of my gurus, Master Steve Sampson defines the different roles we find in our community in a way that I feel to be succinct and easy to understand. Yes, they are simplistic definitions and don't really encompass the whole embodiment of the roles, yet definitions are crucial in relaying information. Plus, I just like them (and him). He defines roles as:

Top: the inserter/giver
bottom: the insertee/receiver
These are physical roles

Dominant: the one who controls
submissive: the one who gives up control
These are mental roles

Master: the one who leads/owns
slave: the one who surrenders to that leadership/ownership
These are spiritual roles

The title of Mistress refers to a time in my life when this was simply a physical and mental thing I did. Master, to me, refers to a spiritual part of who I am...a mastery of both myself and those who choose to serve and surrender, as I choose to serve and surrender to the guidance of the Universe. Notice that only the Top and bottom roles refer to anything in reference to sex and SM. While these can be, and often are, included in Ds and Ms relationship/dynamics, I am of the school that what we do does not necessarily define who we are. Thus, a Master may be a masochist, enjoy being the passive partner in sex and be in service from time to time. A slave may enjoy being a Sir (or Syr) and a submissive may enjoy being the inserter.

A lot of people think that titles should be bestowed. I disagree. For me, self identity was crucial in my personal development; it was a matter of realizing that I didn't need outward approval to be who I am and feel that I am worthy of not only my own acceptance, but my own love. So, I took on the title of Master and put aside the title of Mistress. This, of course, makes no statement or judgment about where I am on this journey or how well I feel I do it. I am as far along as I should be and do it as my skills allow. I am nowhere near as far along as I want to be nor are my skills as developed as I wish. These two statements will never change. I don't think, however, that titles should be insisted upon, meaning I don't think it is my place to insist you, or anyone, call me Master Fire. I use it because this is who I feel I am. When you agree, use it if you wish.

I do admit, however, that I notice when people, in particular subs and slaves, use it. To me, using another's chosen title, no matter if it's Grand Pooh-Bah of the Universe, is a sign of respect for a person. It is nothing on me to use the title; it is everything on them to live up to it. When I look for slaves, I look for those who share my views. So, I notice.

Given all this, I suppose I am a grapefruit rather than an orange having chosen Master over Mistress. That works for me.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 9:13:33 AM   
MasterWilliam55


Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		My nicname (MasterWilliam) was chosen with suggestions from others during a High Protocol event nearly 30 years ago. It didn't raize any eyebrows in the community back then, but lately the on-line community seems to be having an issue with "titles".  I can appreciate why this has become an issue for some, givin the rapid growth of interested kinksters in the last few years, but I do personally dislike being judged a fraud without anyone knowing anything about me and not bothering to ask.

Although this is my formal High Protocol nic....my local real life community refers to me a Mmikey. It started as a joke nicname when folks where joking around, but it stuck. I asked that they call me MW or William, but No, they still call me Mmikey. Such is life. I don't take myself too seriously, so what does it matter. They know who I am.

I do have a bit of an issue with Rude nicnames. But I'm slowly coming to realize those types of names send a message to others interested in cyber-sex or simply chatting. If it works for them, who am I to challange them. Certainly no-one in the real life community that I'm associated with or my High Protocol group would use such names. There are so many Masters, Mistresses, Lords, Sirs, Ladys, slaves, and subbies... that a dozen hands go up when some thoughtful service slave asks in a loud voice, "Master, can I get you a drink?".

I don't really care whether or not a submissive uses slave, submissive or any derivitive of that. Their interests will come out during a conversation. I would be nice though if those calling themselves a slave did a bit of homework or undertook a bit of training, but these things have a way of working themselves out over time. That homework and training applys to new Master and Mistresses as well. If your true to your calling, you will make the effort to learn, if not, the community has a way of sorting you out anyway.

Be carefull of who you "diss" and patient and caring of those that cross your path. The friend you make today, may save your soul tomorrow.

the musings of an old Dom.....for what it's worth.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 9:14:18 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		MasterFireMa'am, have I ever outright said how much I enjoy your posts?

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 9:27:47 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

As I told beth when I met her; "The Lady of the Lake-- her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Merc, was to carry Excalibur.  THAT is why I am your king!" ...I mean Master.




Ohh Mercnbeth.. please no offense meant but this immediately popped into my head from the Holy Grail:




Dennis: Oh but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Arthur: SHUT UP!

Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Arthur: SHUT UP! WILL YOU SHUT UP! [Grabs Dennis]

Dennis: Ah! Now we see the violence inherent in the system!

Arthur: SHUT UP!

Dennis: Oh, come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!


God I love that movie!

< Message edited by puella -- 4/12/2007 9:28:38 AM >

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 9:29:16 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Thank you.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 9:36:40 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Ohh Mercnbeth.. please no offense meant but this immediately popped into my head from the Holy Grail
puella,
Offense? When you grasped what was intended? I have appreciation not offense - THANKS! The actual response I would expect from beth should I have represented myself thusly would be; "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of a relationship! Supreme power derives from a mandate of consent from the submissive, not from some... farcical aquatic ceremony!"

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 9:43:57 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Go beth!  It's ya birthday!...



_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 10:04:35 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

As I told beth when I met her; "The Lady of the Lake-- her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Merc, was to carry Excalibur.  THAT is why I am your king!" ...I mean Master.




Ohh Mercnbeth.. please no offense meant but this immediately popped into my head from the Holy Grail:





Dennis: Oh but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!



  My favorite movie!!

We don't have any brave, brave Sir Robin's on here do we?

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 10:05:09 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I started out as a submissive and got into real life a bit .  I met a really good Dom that showed me what it was like to really submit to someone and give up control.  I found though that when our time together was over, I was very down and depressed, I walked around sort of lost.  I talked to him about my feelings and after I got it all out and we went back and forth, he told introduced me to the word "slave".  I had heard it before, but never thought of myself as one, after that talk though and after a lot of thought, I realized that he was exactly right.  I want that control over my life, I want to spend my days taking care of my Master, devoted to making sure he is happy and pleased in all areas.  He wasn't able to give this to me, so with his blessing and continued council, I moved on.

Being a slave is something that feels natural to me, I feel more at home in my own skin than ever before.  I don't consider it a title, I just consider it another part of who I am.  I don't expect anyone, anyplace to treat me as such, I don't belong to them.

I only call my Master, master.  He doesn't claim a title either.  He is in control of me and my life, I wear his collar proudly and that is why I call him Master, but I also call him sweetie, babe, hun, Sir..and even asshole once in a while.

As far as the term "sir", I reserve it's use, as well as ma'am for those Doms that have earned my respect.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 10:07:59 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I found my title in a box of Cracker Jacks; very disappointed because I was hoping to find a BDSM decoder ring, and I need that more than a title.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 10:09:46 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Hey, at least you didn't find a cock ring...

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 10:12:41 AM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: LadyPact


For lack of a better term, how did you claim your title?  I have a lot of different titles in my life.
Director of Technology, Dad, Mr. perhaps and maybe someday Paster. However, I really dont view
Master as being so much a title as a description of what it is that I like, seek and do.  My sub
on ocasion calls me Master by her choice not mine. I use it in forums and communcation with
others in the lifestyle so that they understand my belifes however again it is something that the
submisive chooses.  I have never asked anyone ever to call me Master.  Its just something that
they prefer to adress me as for there own comfort.
 
 
How much experience did you have in the lifestyle before Y/you took it, or it was bestowed on Y/you?
Thats a really difficult question to answer.  I lived my life in this style before I new I was a dominant. I was
into bondage from the time I was like thirteen or fourteen so the lines are really blurred. I didnt attach any
kind of titles to myself and was not given any titles untill I started talking to people that were in the lifestyle
and relised that 90% of my behavior in a relationship matched so in tern I found a home here. So that brings
me to the question of at what point is someone considered in the 'lifestyle'?  When I hung my a girl from
her ankles and drank champaign from her pussy I just considered myself really kinky .... I didnt start
adding labels like "suspention bondage"  & "objectification" until about two years ago when I learned of those
terms and needed to communicate the things I liked to other people who wanted to be hanged by the ankels
and have champaign drunk from straws inserted in there pussies. If someone wanted a really wild party (vanilla) they they simply invited me to stir up all the girls.
 
  Do you ever get offended when someone proclaims Themselves "Master" (etc.) without any real time experience? 
Hell no,  All of this is a fun, fake game... a very seriouse one but still its a game because anyone can walk at any
time.  If a submisive says 'hey dont do that to me' and the master continues then many people would argue that
the "Master" should be placed in jail or a mental ward. One of the things I find most annoying about all this is
that there are so manny people who think all of this is real... and it is in some ways.  If I am dripping wax on your
belly than that is very real however the 'Master' part of it is all bullshit.  My girl does what she want for me because she wants to do things for me.  I am a boyfriend who drips candle wax on my girlfriends belly.  I could really go into a lot on this subject but needless to say I have no rights of any kind of claims and my girl can leave any time or stop
the action at any time of her choosing so from that stand point if someone else calls themselves Master.  They are
Master of what.... what they know??? Just how do you determine that... they have tests for ships captains,
airline pilots and bus drivers however... although most of the woman that have been in my life have called me
an "E-ticket" somehow no one handed me a test on the subject and even if they did there are so many different
opinions on how to do shit. Pony Girls are all dressed differently and suspention bondage is all done differently.
Its the end result that defines it.  Maybe someday this will all get somewhat organised and there will an
institute for alternative lifestyle standards and definitions but I dont see it happening any time soon.  The funny thing
is that up to a couple of years ago I was doing it all (pony play, spanking, whips and suspention bondage) all
with "Vanilla" woman.  Its only been the last couple of years where I have met woman that were into submisivness.
I have also never had a woman turn me down for bondage / spanking or anything like that so I dont find that what
submisives feel and there position as being unique but rather aknowledged. Most of these Vanilla woman were
just every day woman ... as an example you would never expect a woman in her mid 30's that never held a
vibrator in her life and came from a relationship that had sex once a month to be doing it every day while bound,
getting spanked, fisted ect... but they get there within a month or so.... like I said no one has said no to me. When
I think of that I also think of at what point would I have if ever been considered a master.  If outside the lifestyle
I walked into a public dungeon... suspended a woman a dripped wax on her while she was getting fucked up
the ass by a machine but didnt know how to describe what I was doing other than I am an evil motherfucker with no experience at all in the lifestyle but yet was able to do as described where then would I be placed?
 
 What is your reaction to people who proclaim certain titles without any hands on experience?  See above

:)

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 10:12:58 AM   
Slavetrainer2007


Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline 		 Given my name has stirred conversation before on the boards, i feel  i should post on this subject. I gave myself the slavetrainer title and i have used master as well( and used them togather. ) Simply the titles i see abused to the point, where they lose their actual meaning. And while its less evident here on collarme boards. In other places, it is common for a male, any male, to claim master and start trying to order girls around( much to my amusement  if its one of my girls).

Simply your title has no effect on me title wise. However, i think titles in names tell about a persons personality, self imposed or not. My title i took because i like to train ( lets not get a debate over the meaning of training though) there is nothing more thrilling to me than helping a girl explore this lifestyle. To me its like taking your kid to walt disney world for the first time and they are like WOW! When i use "master" i only do so to identify myself as a male dom.
Am i master? i dont know...  their is no set in stone defination of a BDSM master. But it is not something i worry about either. I know what i am and who i am and thats what matters to me. Titles are only as important as  you make them out to be. I make no title out to be important.
How i define a slave and sub is  not always the same as that paticular person identifies themself. My defination is different as is everyones defination of a master.( i gave mine in another thread).

According to MasterFireMaam's  definations i am currently a Master. I still dont identify myself as one, though i use the term  in place of dom sometimes. So what title do i give myself? None. you can call me by any respectable name/title whether your sub slave dom master or neutral. I will answer to all of them. And i will show you the same respect by calling you by a respectable name.

_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 10:14:32 AM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		LOL Puella... my favorite move.

(in reply to PONYSEEKER)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 10:15:10 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		Here's how I got my title...  It's was a hot summer afternoon, I was walking down the side walk.  I was feeling totally parched..  I stopped into a the local 7-11 down the street.  I bought myself a large Mountain Dew to cool off with, while standing in line,  I noticed the display of Cracker Jacks Boxes.  I picked one up totally upon impulse.   I checked out and went back outside.   While standing outside, Slurping down my Mountain Dew and smoking a cigerette..  I opened up the cracker jacks box.. damn thing slipped from my hands... hit the ground and everything spilled out all over the sidewalk.  The next thing I knew, there was a beautiful woman saying to me, "Sir, pardon me sir, does Master wish for me to clean up this mess"..

While this might be a smart ass story, the truth be known.  It was a submissive that started calling me Sir and Master first.  I had not demanded nor selected a titled.  It just happened. 

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 4/12/2007 10:18:26 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 11:42:31 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
I was hoping to find a BDSM decoder ring


I've got them all. I'll give you one, but you have to promise to do the "Wonder Twin Powers, Activate!" thing with me.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 11:54:02 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Ok, a lot of threads have been dancing around this particular subject of late, but haven't quite hit the nail on the head.  I may not be the only One thinking along this line, but some of the threads have come very close without getting the actual point.   I would have posted this to a more specialized board, but if I had picked just one catagory, there would have been certain related specifics left out.

For lack of a better term, how did you claim your title?  By title, I mean any of the specific names that you use, meaning Master, Mistress, slave, etc.?  How much experience did you have in the lifestyle before Y/you took it, or it was bestowed on Y/you?  Do you ever get offended when someone proclaims Themselves "Master" (etc.) without any real time experience?  What is your reaction to people who proclaim certain titles without any hands on experience?  I have certain opinions on this, but I would like to hear from a variety of viewpoints.



I claim no title other than dominant.  There are submissives who address me as "Sir", there've been a couple who called me "Master"and one who called me "my Sir".   Though I am no longer their Master, they still call me "Sir".   I've never been called "Lord" or "my Liege" or anything along those lines....well, except one submissive friend likes to call me "Sir Daddy" (she finds it amusing because I blush) and, to be honest, would feel a bit strange in that world of address. 

I hope to be addressed as "my Sir" someday and eventually "Master" but have never used the title to refer to myself in any sort of club setting or munch or anything else.  If pressed to come up with a scene name at these functions, I go with the name I have here...it fits.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 12:19:11 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
I was hoping to find a BDSM decoder ring


I've got them all. I'll give you one, but you have to promise to do the "Wonder Twin Powers, Activate!" thing with me.


Sounds like a great deal to me! I'm in!

< Message edited by happypervert -- 4/12/2007 12:20:10 PM >

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 12:23:16 PM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		I started out thinking submissive. I have been that way pretty much my whole life. Albeit a hard head somedays, but still all about wanting to take care of everybody at day's end. 

Before I actually got to step realtime, I happened to meet a chat buddy that went on and on about all these slave tendacies I poosesed. My reaction was somewhere along of "What in all hells you thinkin?". So alot of reading and talking opened my brain to the maybe of that possiblity.

Going real time (God bless that woman) I was submissive. Didnt try the slave, but was all kinds of fuzzy and happy in my little space. The slave title came with the brain warp of ownership a year or so into my toe dippage. He showed me just how far down I willingly, eagerly jump. How much I will give. Kicking and screaming a few steps.

Now I suppose I linger somewhere in the middle ground between sub and slave. Not sure what that makes a person or if there is a title for it. It works though.

love and light
lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How did you claim your title? - 4/12/2007 12:49:09 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
For lack of a better term, how did you claim your title? By title, I mean any of the specific names that you use, meaning Master, Mistress, slave, etc.? How much experience did you have in the lifestyle before Y/you took it, or it was bestowed on Y/you? Do you ever get offended when someone proclaims Themselves "Master" (etc.) without any real time experience? What is your reaction to people who proclaim certain titles without any hands on experience? I have certain opinions on this, but I would like to hear from a variety of viewpoints.


I claim the title of "Master" outside the BDSM definition, though it happens to also be true here. Here, I would argue that I own human property, being the distinction from a "Dom", who would control, yet not own, human property.

No, I do not find offense. Anyone may claim such a title. There is no honor in the title, nor in the position; it is not overly difficult to acquire human property.

Many would be offended for one they find in ill regards, despite being an older male, to call himself a "man". To them, it is an honorific title bestowed upon those of the appropriate age, gender, and level of accomplishment/morality. I would argue that they mean something else other than "man"- this other word may be spelled the same, sound the same, and, outside of the specific of the definition, used the same. However, it is not the same word, or, rather, it is a different definition.

So, yes, I am a Master. Other respectable fellows use this title, while some wretches do as well. While it is only human to appreciate the kinship of those one finds admirable, and find disgust with such a kinship in those one would find deplorable, or even merely falling short of grace, I must acknowledge that, despite my opinion of another, their age, experience, social standing, race, gender, ethnicity, intellectual acuity, or any other factor, if they own human property, they are a Master.

My slave smiles to see me, not a "Master".  My honor is not in my title; it is in my name.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 40
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