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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 1:22:26 AM   
venuscoffee


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline 		I really screwed up the chase this time around.  After 22 months of searching for a dominant, I finally found one. Gorgeous, experienced, brilliant, professional man. I was gaga over him.  He's also a workaholic without a life because of his own lack of boundaries.  Every chance to get together with him got foiled, either by my schedule or his own. So I started sending him txt msgs, emails, then voice mail was all I ever got in return. It's been a week now. I'm miserable. I totally screwed up the chase.  Sometimes I feel like giving up, that i will never find the dominant i want or one as equal in caliber to the domme i was collared to before we relocated across the country. I dont think there is anything I can do to fix this, is there?

venuscoffee

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 7:32:21 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Honestly, I am the last person you should be asking that,doll.  I have no other history but as a failure of a slave so.. you  might want to ask some people who have been successful.

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to venuscoffee)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 8:06:29 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: venuscoffee

I really screwed up the chase this time around.  After 22 months of searching for a dominant, I finally found one. Gorgeous, experienced, brilliant, professional man. I was gaga over him.  He's also a workaholic without a life because of his own lack of boundaries.  Every chance to get together with him got foiled, either by my schedule or his own. So I started sending him txt msgs, emails, then voice mail was all I ever got in return. It's been a week now. I'm miserable. I totally screwed up the chase.  Sometimes I feel like giving up, that i will never find the dominant i want or one as equal in caliber to the domme i was collared to before we relocated across the country. I dont think there is anything I can do to fix this, is there?

venuscoffee


If you never got the chance to meet him, are you sure that he is even who he says he is? Perhaps he dropped off the face of the Earth because he misrepresented himself and is running out of excuses about why he can't meet you... I have no idea if my assessment is correct on what little you have written, it is just a thought that travelled through my head.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to venuscoffee)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 8:23:51 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: venuscoffee

I really screwed up the chase this time around.  After 22 months of searching for a dominant, I finally found one. Gorgeous, experienced, brilliant, professional man. I was gaga over him.  He's also a workaholic without a life because of his own lack of boundaries.  Every chance to get together with him got foiled, either by my schedule or his own. So I started sending him txt msgs, emails, then voice mail was all I ever got in return. It's been a week now. I'm miserable. I totally screwed up the chase.  Sometimes I feel like giving up, that i will never find the dominant i want or one as equal in caliber to the domme i was collared to before we relocated across the country. I dont think there is anything I can do to fix this, is there?

venuscoffee


I read this and my question to you is what made him so great - that he was gorgeous?  That he had a profession?  Or was it that he had no life...or no boundaries....or wasn't able to see you....or couldn't be bothered to communicate other than voicemail?

Doesn't sound so perfect, is all I'm saying. 

My Master once asked a friend of mine, who was upset and not understanding why a man was not responding to her attempts at trying to get his attention - why was she throwing herself at someone who wasn't interested?  "If he was interested, don't you think you'd be hearing from him?" 

Is your case similar?

(in reply to venuscoffee)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 1:29:40 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

I think it is innate in almost any man to enjoy the deliciousness of the chase.  Not all, of course, seek only a perpetual chase, but I do believe that many really do enjoy the thrill of the chase in a woman.


I am one that has no use for the chase....

quote:


What happens to the women who are not runners?  I think there is a perception that they are ‘easy’.  That may or may not be the case.


guess it depends on ones' perspective.... sometimes the one that doesn't run is sure of what they want and when they see it... they make themself open to developing a relationship with the person.  But, sometimes the person is just easy... looking for anyone as opposed to the compatiable one.

For me the ones that run... I wave at them

For me the ones that don't run... I like to learn who they are as a person.. and well then we can go from their.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 6:42:36 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

I don't chase submissives.  I don't enjoy it.
I don't like being hunted either.  It smacks of drama, which I do my level best to avoid.
That being said, I have found myself, from time to time, mistaking the setting down of rules for drama. 
I have also recognized some passive-aggressive tendencies in myself as a result of this perceived drama.  So by extension, the chase brings out undesirable qualities in me.



OK.. So after re-reading this, I realized I was in sort of a bad mood and  probably more than a little upset with someone very important to me.

So with a clearer head, and all the other stuff aside... I actually do enjoy being chased, but by someone I want to chase me.   It strokes ones ego after all.  And whose ego couldn't use a little stroking?
If however, I am not interested, it is really annoying...


_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 8:18:46 PM   
venuscoffee


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline 		I've met him twice face to face.  He's been really burned before and I think I just scared off the best dom I've met yet.
kisses in all your special places,
vc

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 8:32:19 PM   
venuscoffee


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
I read this and my question to you is what made him so great - that he was gorgeous?  That he had a profession?  Or was it that he had no life...or no boundaries....or wasn't able to see you....or couldn't be bothered to communicate other than voicemail?

Doesn't sound so perfect, is all I'm saying. 

My Master once asked a friend of mine, who was upset and not understanding why a man was not responding to her attempts at trying to get his attention - why was she throwing herself at someone who wasn't interested?  "If he was interested, don't you think you'd be hearing from him?" 

Is your case similar?
[/quote]

We'd talk in person, on the phone, but I understand that his life revolves around work. It's safer, maybe.   I just sent him the last email. I broke one of my cardinal rules:  Never make someone a priority who doesn't consider you an option.

What set him apart from the rest? Other than he looked like a regular guy, had eighteen years with the same submissive and treated me with a lot of respect, which was more than most of the seventeen guys I met face to face in the last year. I'll be real with you girls, he's a hottie.  Quiet, centered, with a sexy smile and that delicious soft chuckle that you can imagine escaping from his mouth once he had you all bound up and in a precarious position. And best of all....he hates sci-fi! He loves baseball, he wasn't into those renaissance faires or role playing games. This guy was real...all american, my kind of guy. If ever he called me again, I know this much...I'll be quiet and he can be right.

Kisses in All Your Special Places,
venuscoffee



(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 8:45:38 PM   
venuscoffee


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

Sounds so typical of games Vanillas play! One can't take any woman and turn her into a submissive. Yes, she may agree to "bottom" now and then, but think of it a bit. LEADING a man on a chase? Fooling him? Manipulating the situation? Playing games and the deceit involved? OUCH!
Puella, please forgive my silly deep-end subbie-ness, but such a situation doesn't seem very conducive to building honest communication and absolute trust  -- which has to flow both ways. Sure, it seems all fun (maybe) to some, but I've heard Dominants talk of  'openning' a submissive, and winning her (or him) over, and getting her to fully let go and trust Him. To many Dominants this is what they live for... This  is the "chase" for them.

Can a submissive turn anyone into a Dominant? Can a Dominant turn anyone into a submissive? Personality traits are inborn -- not made, not forced. Topping and bottoming are positions or roles; and they are transcient and fleeting.

Someone may force or entice me into going through the motions, but that won't win me... "me" -- that  little "i" who I protect deep inside me. Force, trickery and lies won't get Him the Trust, Joy and Respect he seeks. I guess game playing and leading a Dominant on won't get the "game player" (can't say submissive -- because she's really not one) the returned trust, joy and love she wants either. 
Consistent, steady contact impresses me. LOL -- A Stubborn Dominant's gentle persistence.  -- It's like DV said.

But then there's the "brats" and the "topping from the bottom" thingy. People want different thngs, it's when we don't know what we want, or who we are that brings us disappointments.


Obviously, dear, you haven't a good brat yet. A good brat, as Jack Rinella has said, is like a new ferrari on an open newly tarred road. Good brats make their dominants gleeful at their smart ass comments, knowing a few extra licks with a tail, a cat or a cane would either shut her up or egg her on more. Me, I'm the latter. I love playing into the sadistic side of a dominant. It's why I'm so careful about whom I choose. I could have had a dominant months ago, but I'm picky for my own personal safety.
So what if I like a little mindf*ck with my ass whipping? If it gives the dom a charge, all the better.

A bad brat, or an inexperienced one who has no idea what she's doing and probably needs a ton of therapy to learn boundaries, will top from the bottom. A good brat will skirt the edges and get what she wants regardless. Because, in the end, dear one, its all about his pleasure, now isn't it? (Okay, we'll let Him think that) I'm a smart mouthed masochistic brat, SAM BRAT, and proud of it.  Trust me, I have never had a dom yet complain about it.  That whole ferrari open road thing...get it?

Kisses in All Your Special Places,
venuscoffee

(in reply to willowspirit)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 8:55:51 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		When I dated vanillas, I loved to be chased.  With Dominants, not so much.  I'm not sure why.  Being 'chased' makes me feel like I have some sort of leverage or control.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to venuscoffee)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 8:59:48 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Puella,

If you belonged to me, I would tie your butt down and tan your ass and then pour vinegar over the welts.  You are a fucking spectacular woman and a wonderful person.  You are NOT a failure as a slave, imperfect perhaps, but last I checked there wasn't a perfect person on CM so shut the fuck up and get with the god damn program.

Or next I take nettles to your ass! 

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/17/2007 9:06:43 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Venus,

Some real men hate baseball, love sci-fi, and avoid parties that even have a whif of sams or brats in them and if SAMs are Ferraris, then I much prefer Aston Martins.  Okay, so much for restraint.

You were used, men mostly cheat or have affairs with women less attractive than their wives or girlfriends.  The guy may have been polite but it was clear he wanted effortless sex with no strings.   The minute you got clingy, he got out.

That said, hang in there, someone will come along.

(in reply to venuscoffee)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/18/2007 12:11:35 AM   
venuscoffee


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Venus,

Some real men hate baseball, love sci-fi, and avoid parties that even have a whif of sams or brats in them and if SAMs are Ferraris, then I much prefer Aston Martins.  Okay, so much for restraint.

You were used, men mostly cheat or have affairs with women less attractive than their wives or girlfriends.  The guy may have been polite but it was clear he wanted effortless sex with no strings.   The minute you got clingy, he got out.

That said, hang in there, someone will come along.


Thanks for the insight. It said so much more about you than me and told me absolutely nothing more than I already knew. If I wanted a renaissance man who spends most of his time in front of the TV watching star trek reruns or the computer playing WOW I would have had one of those by now.  Chances are you never had a good enough brat to enjoy to have an opinion such as your own. So sad for you.

venuscoffee

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/18/2007 2:51:39 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		youch!

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/18/2007 3:43:28 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: venuscoffee

Thanks for the insight. It said so much more about you than me and told me absolutely nothing more than I already knew. If I wanted a renaissance man who spends most of his time in front of the TV watching star trek reruns or the computer playing WOW I would have had one of those by now.  Chances are you never had a good enough brat to enjoy to have an opinion such as your own. So sad for you.

venuscoffee


Hey, leave Star Trek and WoW outta this! A lot of great men and great doms are geeks!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to venuscoffee)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/18/2007 4:28:16 AM   
ShogunSensei


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have come to find in time that more time spent in pursuit of the chase means less time in pursuit of dynamics between myself and another.  When there is that mutual chemistry and something that is desired, I would simply prefer she kneel at my knee.  

(in reply to Jevousadore)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/18/2007 5:47:36 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

That is kind of something I have a struggle with.  Why does the 'wooinig' have to stop just because a woman eagerly and joyfully submits and desires to offer pleasure to a man? 

I do not see this as a D/s issue.. I think it is a human issue.

I know for my parents part, what my father told me was that what he felt for my mother was so prescious to him that taking her or what she gave him for granted was never an option.

I wonder if that isn't the crux of it... taking that which you have with such beauty and ease from the willing submissive for granted... it's there.. where's the thrill in that?, all ya have to do is sit back and receive...

But that, for me at least, is one of the few things that will make me, a non-runner, run. 


Jen, all I can say again is that I agree with you.  Being taken for granted is probably one of the few things that will make this non-runner, run as well. 

And truthfully, I think there are some men and women who have a huge ego that gives them a sense of entitlement, so appreciation for what they are so easily receiving from a submissive is a foreign concept to them. 

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/18/2007 6:09:14 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: venuscoffee

I really screwed up the chase this time around.  After 22 months of searching for a dominant, I finally found one. Gorgeous, experienced, brilliant, professional man. I was gaga over him.  He's also a workaholic without a life because of his own lack of boundaries.  Every chance to get together with him got foiled, either by my schedule or his own. So I started sending him txt msgs, emails, then voice mail was all I ever got in return. It's been a week now. I'm miserable. I totally screwed up the chase.  Sometimes I feel like giving up, that i will never find the dominant i want or one as equal in caliber to the domme i was collared to before we relocated across the country. I dont think there is anything I can do to fix this, is there?

venuscoffee


this would have been your life, you dodged a bullet, you would have always been begging at his table for what ever scraps of time and affection he cared to give....and every one would always come first...the sadness, loneliness and emptiness you feel now, will pass in few days....but it easily could have been the rest of your life.

if he can not prioritize you in his life, and he wants to, then he is lacking some fundamental skills, that would have made your life, a walking wound.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to venuscoffee)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/18/2007 6:24:40 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		although Micheal said what he said in his usual caustic, crass,  adversarial way, i think what he said is correct, the minute you got clingy he got out. i mention this because you launched in to a whole thing about being a brat and it seemed to me that you were saying that it was that folks did not understand the nature of a brat, but we do, trust me, and honestly being a brat has nothing to do with him not making time for you and keeping his commitments. you can still be a man of integrity and take on a brat.

this was him, flaws in his personality, and possibly the whiny, pouty, demanding nature of a brat did play a role, but like you said, "never make some one an priority  who does not consider you an option" ...it does not sound like you were and option after you got clingy....which is exactly what you said in the first post.....great quote BTW.




_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 4/18/2007 7:08:00 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Puella,

Why do you think someone overreacting and unable to possess clarity would hurt?

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 80
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