venuscoffee
Posts: 13
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TigerNINTails
puella,
quote:
ORIGINAL: venuscoffee
Part of my picky plan is finding the Top that totally gets my limits, gets what and how I can stretch and how to totally work over my brain in a scene to get exactly what he/she wants--that sweet sadistic satisfaction that goes deeper than any orgasm could reach. When I find the one(s) I'm looking for, it will make the 22 months of waiting worth it.
Personally, I find this to be somewhat ignorant of the reality of it all. Tops are not just going to "get" what your limits are... Nor are they going to just "get" what you call "stretch" or "flex" or "boundary" or anything else, unless you do negotiate these things before hand.
True, it's boring to know what to expect, but there are certain things that you need to know, and deserve, as a human being to know before you jump willynilly head first into a situation.
No one "just gets it"... Even psychics have an issue with that. For example, My slave has limits I wouldn't have just gotten, had she not told me, though they might match my own. But discussion is there, because this allows us to touch base on what's important, and what's not important, what are the limits, and where those limits can be stretched.
Plain and simple, that's dangerous thinking. Especially for a self-proclaimed "sambrat"
Just my humble opinion.
Peace.
Tora
Tora, dear, you mistake me for a newbie.
I am an experienced girl who has at least five meetings with a dom before I step anywhere close to a scene.
First one, I get to know the Top. Now let me tell you, most of the doms i've met from collarme do not make it to the second meeting. These are the jerks that insist for panties, one hit me, another wouldn't let me leave a starbucks unless it was in his car... some of them are complete gentlemen as well, but most of them have been too immature for my taste.
A couple of doms have gotten to meeting number two. There I hand out my experiences and limits list and see just how candidly the top is willing to discuss it. If he is too inexperienced or afraid of the rest of the world finding out he is 'kinky' then he'll shrug it off.
After 18 interviews, I've had two conversations that were actually candid enough to discuss scening (one was last night). With my last domme, we had meetings three and four, both of which what her expectations of me were, and then what was my expectations of her. {Expectations are Pre-Meditated Resentments}
Oh, and by then, we had already done the whole reference check, std result sharing, all of it. This is where negotiations come into play. We discussed play space, time, scheduling, phone calls, cancellations, etc. By the time the Top meets me for the fifth time, they know enough to scene. Nothing heavy, nothing permanent, no strings, just a nice scene with a safe call included in the mix. And you wonder why its taken me 22 months to find a Top? I'm careful. Maybe to an extreme, but I'm more careful than you think.
Maybe it was foolish of me to say what I did for all the newer submissives out there. For that I apologize. Remember that your experiences are your own, and you should make your own benchmarks of safety set by your standards and by the guidelines set out in SSC. I think every new submissive needs experienced ones to mentor him/her, hence why I think these forums are invaluable for educational purposes.
kisses, and thank you for your concern,
it was sweet of you to think of me and my safety,
venuscoffee
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RE: The deliciousness of the chase. - 
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