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Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:05:11 AM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress.  He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her.  I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs?  Thank you all in advance.
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:11:16 AM   
hammernhoney


Posts: 268
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline 		HUMMM I think not,most men expect sex from those that serve even if for an hour  day or week..of course that just the opinion of this ol" master

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(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:15:38 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress.  He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her.  I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs?  Thank you all in advance.


As has been stated on here before...it depends.  For many...myself included...BDSM play brings on sexual arousal.  Is that arousal always brought to its peak and dealt with by having sex with the submissive you just did the BDSM play with?  No.  Oftentimes, the play was with a play partner with whom no sexual relations ever occur.  Many times, the arousal is carried over until we are with "our" partner...the arousal of the play with another results in heated sexual relations with him/her. 
A lot depends on the circumstances of the respective partners and their outlook on what BDSM play does for them.  If you have someone who gets highly aroused by not only the play but by the partner doing the play...and who maybe would not play with anyone unless they felt that initial physical/mental/whatever attraction...and they play with someone who really gets into the play but not for the sexual aspects, you are going to have some clashing.
If what you truly seek is a dominant who does not expect sex from the submissive(s) he plays with, you need to be upfront about it.  I do think that the field is much narrower than the field of dominants who will play as long as sex is eventually involved.

(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:15:40 AM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I think the man you were talking with was mistaken.

While many--possibly most--dominant men I know enjoy incorporating sex into BDSM scenes, many of them play without sex. Even if they do prefer scenes including sex in general, they often don't have genital contact with a given person until after they have played once or twice--sometimes more.

I'm a dominant woman, and I don't ask to be paid to do BDSM play. I know many other dominant women (and women who dominate occasionally) who don't ask for money. There are dominant women who practice their craft professionally, yes, but among all the women who are willing to tie people up and spank them, I would argue that women who *only* top when paid are a minority.

Monica

(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:15:41 AM   
xBullx


Posts: 4206
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Why in the hell would you want to belong to a man that isn't interested in sex?

Bull

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Bull



I'm not an asshole; I'm simply resolute...

"A Republic, If You Can Keep It."

Caution: My humor is a bit skewed.

(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:19:24 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Even if "most do" you need to do whats in your own best interest.  Find out what no sex means as well - many times it means - i won't screw you but you will blow me. 

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:26:38 AM   
sunfleur


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline 		i think what you're looking for is a Play Partner, not a Master.  

(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesn't expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:36:30 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		IMHO most do...not all but most...probally because boobies look so awesome all tied up... all the blood turning them angry red...and tiny beads of sweat making them glisten ever so deliciously

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:39:10 AM   
aurora31


Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline 		I have stated this is another thread just recently.  I am now coming close to the end of my third month serving my Sir in a 24/7 live in capacity, He has never touched me sexually at this point in time. Before I moved to my Sir I was very active in my local community and had a handful of local play partners as well as one who lived a few hours away. I was only involved with one of those play partners on a sexual level. I found that with me especially given that I do play fairly hard and I love to play on the edge that I was in high demand and there was never any expectation of sex in return.

Personally any Dom who demanded sex from me early on in talks and getting to know them was flat out told it was not going to happen until I was involved with them with the intent of the relation eventually leading to a collar. Now that did not always happen, but just like dating in the vanilla world I would wait till it felt right for me for it to become sexual. Please what ever you do do not let someone who says they are a Dom/Master pressure you into sexual contact before you are ready or comfortable with it just because they are Dom and you are sub until you commit to them on more they just a play level you hold all the control as to what does or does not happen in a scene.

Also as someone else mentioned get there definition of sex, to me toys for the most part does not consist as sex, a very good friend of mine considers anything that makes you cum as sex. I have another friend who you can make cum just by pinching her nipples. Is that sex? Not in my book but it is in my first friends book. So you need to decided what your definition of sex is and find out what a potential play partners definition is and makes sure you agree before entering a scene.

aurora

(in reply to velvetears)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 7:42:56 AM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Part of the question here is "What are you looking for in a Master?" Yes many people male and female, dom and sub seek partners who enjoy sex as well as BD/SM with forms of intercourse, masturbation, anal or oral sex being involved. However there are many reasons why someone may not wish this (and personal safety in the age of sexually transmitted diseases is a big one). Also some people with life partners will do BD/SM play but not sexuality in general with people other than their partners.
Some folks seek BD/SM training and experience from skilled friends who do not like sex with folks of that gender, and have respect for each other's limits.
If anyone does NOT respect your limits you need to stay away from playing with them.
It IS possible to find a power exchange connection with someone who wants what you do, but you may need to spend a lot of time searching. You will need to honestly make your needs clear anbd require that your limits be respected.
You are much more likely to find a teacher or an occasional play partner who will agree they can handle your limits than to find a deep loving connection without simple sexuality.
You are also likely to find if you submit (or dom) regularly with a respecting and caring partner that you yourself may end up requesting sex from them. The Magick in a good power exchange connection is very powerful.
I will play with persons other than my partner and she will too, but we do not allow any fluid exchange unless the other person has been tested and STD free for at least 3 months after they agree to join with us. They will not become partners unless fluid bonding is right for all involved.

LOL this certainly does not prevent the new person from having orgasms if they deserve them and are OK with having them.

Potential partners will not work out with myself or my partner unless they are orgasmic and happy about that.

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As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:07:35 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		How ironic, i had just referred to a friend of mine with ED, in another thread,  who would make a perfect partner for someone who does not want sex...but  a BDSM play partner.  Too bad you're not in GA...i'd hook Y'all up.         He's a great guy and a wonderful caring friend.

(in reply to vield)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:09:06 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Yes. For you, finding a Het Male Dom that doesn't might be hard...but they are out there. If you are serving to serve and don't want sex, consider serving someone who is not sexually compatible with you such as a Female Master or Gay Master.

Master Fire


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(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:11:33 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		The guy you were talking with was terribly misinformed not ALL Mistresses are pro's who charge a fee. I am a lifestyle Mistress and I have had my sub for almost 3 years now. So it sounds to me like you were talking to someone who didnt know what he was talking about. That said Yes most Masters are going to expect sex, note the word MOST that does not imply all. I am sure there are some Masters out there who want a service slave you just have to weed through them.

Good Luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:21:37 AM   
somethndif


Posts: 136
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leigha23

I was chatting with a master who I told I was looking for a master for bdsm play at first then maybe a relationship and I told him Im not looking for a mistress.  He tells me most masters expect sex and wont play unless you have sex with them and if I play with a mistress she wont play unless you pay her.  I dont care about the mistresses but do masters usually expect sex from the girl subs?  Thank you all in advance.


Yes, I expect every scene that I do to be sexual.  If I am going to go to the trouble to whip her ass, then I want to fuck her when I'm finished.  *grin*  On some rare occasions, I have not cum during or at the end of a scene. 

But I make my interest in sex very clear, and have been fortunate to find submissives who are, like me, very sexual and very interested in sex.  And with the submissives I have been with, sex/fucking/whatever-you-want-to-call-it usually happens on the first, or second "date."  If it doesn't, there will not likely be a third date!

Dan

(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesn't expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:24:36 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I think over all it's a very personal choice.
Some Doms who've eventually wanted full contact wait a few months before they'll even permit you to touch them, some try and fuck you the first time you show interest, and others do not ever want full contact.
If you do not desire sexual contact make that known up front and eventually someone whit the same views will come into your life.

Really NOTHING specific is a requirement of s M/s D/s TPE relationship.
It's all personal choice and preference.
Find what works for you and stick to things that are emotionally healthy over all and don't worry what's common or uncommon.

suzanne

(in reply to Leigha23)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:29:41 AM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		I know.
he didnt say "All".

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:31:34 AM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: somethndif


Yes, I expect every scene that I do to be sexual.  If I am going to go to the trouble to whip her ass, then I want to fuck her when I'm finished.  *grin* 


are you whipping her ass and going thru that trouble just so you can have sex?  playing the master role as a means to an end sort of like those fake mistresses that are only playing as means to get money?

(in reply to somethndif)
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RE: Can I find a master who doesn't expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:33:23 AM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

IMHO most do...not all but most


 tanks

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RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:35:33 AM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		im sorry, i didnt to generalize before about  all mistresses that ask for money are fake.  i am sure many enjoy what they do and get a bonus of getting money to top it all off like the icing on the cake.

(in reply to mp072004)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Can I find a master who doesnt expect sex? - 4/20/2007 8:37:19 AM   
Leigha23


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xBullx

Why in the hell would you want to belong to a man that isn't interested in sex?

Bull


im just trying to find a master that is a master not a man who can throw a flogger around for the sake of getting laid.  the mind frame of that type im not interested in. 

< Message edited by Leigha23 -- 4/20/2007 8:38:10 AM >

(in reply to xBullx)
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