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RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 2:39:10 PM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrizzlyBear

Any permanent disability or chronic illness that would prevent being useful in my service.

This one is a really touchie subject for me. I understand why one would feel this way. But being one who is fighting what is known as an incurable form of cancer it really strikes home for me. Right now I am realitively healthy and as long as I watch myself and don't try to do to much at once it does not affect my service at all. But some day I will most likely have to under go treatments that will make me very ill and weak. At that point in time it will affect my service.

I consider myself so lucky that my Sir wanted me despite all this. He looked past all of that and only saw my desire/need to serve in what ever capability I can. When I started serious talks with my Sir I had all but given up on ever finding one to serve becuase I found most out there felt this way too.

Please don't take this as an attack as it is not but please understand that there are many beautiful sub/slaves out there with an honest desire to serve who won't get that opertunity to do so becuase someone can't look past their illness.

aurora

(in reply to GrizzlyBear)

Post #: 41

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 2:49:43 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

When I was in a relationship; there were no deal breakers. I agreed to what was laid out and to the initiative of him changing the rules when he saw fit. That's the way it was, and I was quite happy to leave it that way.

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Post #: 42

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 2:51:02 PM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrizzlyBear

Any permanent disability or chronic illness that would prevent being useful in my service.

This one is a really touchie subject for me. I understand why one would feel this way. But being one who is fighting what is known as an incurable form of cancer it really strikes home for me. Right now I am realitively healthy and as long as I watch myself and don't try to do to much at once it does not affect my service at all. But some day I will most likely have to under go treatments that will make me very ill and weak. At that point in time it will affect my service.

I consider myself so lucky that my Sir wanted me despite all this. He looked past all of that and only saw my desire/need to serve in what ever capability I can. When I started serious talks with my Sir I had all but given up on ever finding one to serve becuase I found most out there felt this way too.

Please don't take this as an attack as it is not but please understand that there are many beautiful sub/slaves out there with an honest desire to serve who won't get that opertunity to do so becuase someone can't look past their illness.

aurora

how beautifully stated that was..... and i wish you and your Sir the very best and pray you have many good days ahead of you...for both of you

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 43

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 2:57:05 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Fast Reply:

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I have dealbreakers when looking for another. Conversely, I probably am the embodiment of other's dealbreakers. It's the nature of the beast.

What I have found the last few years is that the 'only' way to figure things out in a timely manner is to forget about 'getting-to-know-you' until you've ferreted out said dealbreakers, on both sides.

If you can survive THAT, you might just have something there. But don't waste time getting 'involved' only to have things go awry later.

Jeff

I really agree with that approach.

_____________________________

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 44

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 2:57:36 PM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

It is hard to guarantee health but I do understand not wanting to get involved with someone that has known health issues. I'd sure rather know of that preference straight up rather than learning later.

OP, I'm having a tough time coming up with something I can really call a dealbreaker.. I guess it would be a dealbreaker if we had totally divergent ideas on something that is a large part of our world. Someone from such a different mindset that it causes an actual struggle to meet in the middle.
That and mouth breathing

.

_____________________________

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~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 45

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 3:05:54 PM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asraii

I really have no huge screamer deal breakers like that. Though I guess the one thing that would make me stop and turn away would be the lack of employment or inconsistant employment.

How interesting! I am the exact opposite, I give first dibs to people who aren't employed by others. So long as they have money coming in, I would take an entrepreneur of any sort above someone who had a boss and a paycheck.

Very interesting discussion we have going here.

(in reply to Asraii)

Post #: 46

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 3:06:24 PM

lovewithoutfear

Posts: 153
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

I don't usually wear makeup. When I do it's very light. I find it inconvenient and uncomfortable as well as time-consuming. Fortunately neither Sir nor most of my other lovers seems to care much if I wear it.

(in reply to m0rgan)

Post #: 47

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 3:08:38 PM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

Smiles...thank you imthatacheyouhav.

aurora

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 48

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 3:09:45 PM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrizzlyBear

Any permanent disability or chronic illness that would prevent being useful in my service.

Please don't take this as an attack as it is not but please understand that there are many beautiful sub/slaves out there with an honest desire to serve who won't get that opertunity to do so becuase someone can't look past their illness.

aurora

Another interesting point!
I've only had two dominant male figures in my life, and both of them were quite seriously disabled, including my current owner -- and he was that way when I met him here on CM. So long as I am able to support the family, disability doesn't figure at all into who I would be interested in. But I also understand that for other people there are considerations on both sides, dom and sub, for those who might not be able to meet daily challenges.

(in reply to aurora31)

Post #: 49

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 3:49:18 PM

TigressFL

Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

There are many things that I view as Deal Breakers:

1. Illegal Drug Usage of any amount. Alcoholism or any type destructive addiction.
2. Irresponsible Adulthood, which means if they are living with their family and have been for a while without experiencing their own independence for a substantial amount of time. To me he or she must be an independent adult to even have the choice to surrender.
3. Jail time for violent or sexual offenses are not an option and other offenses will be subject to scrutiny and may be possible deal breakers.
4. If I find out they are in any type of committed relationship with someone at anytime while they were talking with me unless their spouse is fully aware and I am fully aware as well.
5. A shitty attitude is a deal breaker to me. Which means if they are constantly negative, bratty, whiny, talk shit about people all the time, blame everything that goes wrong in their life on everyone but themselves, have the princess mindset where they expect to be pampered and catered too. Anger management issues. If something bothers them they get nasty about it instead of talking about it in an adult manner. Lie or take advantage of other people and things of that nature. None of which may become totally clear until I have gotten to know he or she a bit better
6. There are many mental, emotional and physical issues that I would not want to deal with unless the person came down with it after I was already with them. In which case, I would deal with then.
7. If they have children that live with them or may possibly live with them in the future. I have no kids and I do not want any including having any of my own.
8. If I find they only want to be a “submissive” to me in the bedroom or in a very limited capacity. This includes having a desire to switch, which is not an option in my household.
9. If a male tells me he is heterosexual and then I find out later that he really wants to have sexual intercourse with a man and would want me to allow it and/or set it up for them. If I know ahead of time that they are bi then that is one thing but not to be lied to only to find out the truth later.
10. A male that needs/wants to be feminine the majority of the time rather than never or occasionally. If I want a girl I will get one.

I know I have been ruled out for the following:

1. I am a smoker
2. I do not want to have kids or have children live with me
3. I am active in the public BDSM scene (real time) and the person wanted behind close doors only
4. I want more authority than some are willing to give anyone.
5. Because I am serious and real time rather being a fantasy player online only. Many run as soon as they realize this fact.
6. Because I engage in things like needle play, fire play, knife play, etc. and the person freaked out when I told them.
7. I have been told that I have too much experience as the person was looking for a newbie to “grow with them”.
8. Because even if I own someone I will “play/scene/session” (or whatever you want to call it) with other people and he or she did not want me to.
9. Because relocation was not an option for either of us at the time.
10. Because I do not use corporal punishment as I enjoy inflicting pain and will not taint my pleasure with punishment. He and/or she thought pain should only come as a result of being punished which is not my mindset on it at all.

Tigress~FL

(in reply to temptressofsouls)

Post #: 50

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 4:48:09 PM

MsCameron

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

While I have a few "dealbreakers", the one that will send me screaming into the streets is:

Bad table manners!

It changes my mind in a split second.

MC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to temptressofsouls)

Post #: 51

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 6:00:37 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Some of my deal breakers are:
1) Smoking. Just really bad for my health, and theirs.
2) Wanting poly. I'm just not wired that way.
3) Illegal drugs
4) Not liking my cat.
5) Not willing to submit to me, and wanting me to just submit to them. I need a switch.

That’s just some of them. And other things that just happen to pop up too.

(in reply to MsCameron)

Post #: 52

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 6:51:52 PM

BondageTopJere

Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline

Dam*, never realuized being prior or active military could be that big of a disadvantage. It all makes sense now!

But seriously, I can understand why that would be said. Being ex-mil myself, It does change a person in a lot of ways and I'm pretty sure I know what they are referring to in what ways. That's a pretty big blanket to throw though. I got out when I did because I couldn't stand it anymore, and I was never a 'good' little sailor when I was in to begin with. Being the only Dem in a roomful of GOP types gets to be... draining after a while.

Decent guys do exist in the military, its just a matter getting the wheat from the chaff. A lot of the attitudes I suspect are the dealbreakers are very prevalent in certain types of military jobs, much less prevalent in others. Its just a matter of knowing which is which, so to speak

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 53

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 8:00:15 PM

BlackWomanSubNJ

Posts: 54
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

I just went through this. I was in 2 months with a Dom. I was very happy though he was very demanding and hard. Then he casually lets drop that I'm one of three subs he has and he expects me to be with him at one of the other sub's house. He refused to come to my house and he "doesn't do bdsm" at his.

This was deal breaker times one million. I mean WTF? These are not things it occurred to me to ask. I can't believe he wouldn't make stuff like that clear up front. I mean, I'm sure that's OK for some but not most. I'm still dealing with having to leave that relationship. I miss him very much but I'm not down with that mess at all.

(in reply to temptressofsouls)

Post #: 54

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 8:03:05 PM

temptressofsouls

Posts: 208
Joined: 3/29/2005
From: Toledo, OH
Status: offline

Its one thing to be one of three...its one thing to be made to believe you're the only one and to find out He has a stable.

(in reply to BlackWomanSubNJ)

Post #: 55

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 8:22:22 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Most of my deal breakers have been relatively easy to spot..of course some of these deal breakers have been developed over years of "huge" mistakes..lol....
Alcoholism, married, unemployed, poly,........Tempting

(in reply to temptressofsouls)

Post #: 56

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 8:25:03 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

While I have a few "dealbreakers", the one that will send me screaming into the streets is:

Bad table manners!

It changes my mind in a split second.

MC

And I could of sworn you had mentioned from a thread in the past that you "loved" ......."see food"...~oops feels a huge burp coming on!~...:0)..Tempting

(in reply to MsCameron)

Post #: 57

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 8:26:48 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings temptressofsouls,

i don't believe i have a "perfect" dom...although He is as perfect as i can imagine. but i don't really look at searching for a partner in that way. usually when i am first getting to know people i look at them as people instead of thinking of them as the "future one" or what have you.

anyway, things that are or could be deal breakers...financial/emotional instability, lack of an ability to plan for the future, dishonesty. smoking and/or excessive alcohol/drug use could be on that list, depending on the person...He smoked when we first got together and He still occasionally drinks in small amounts, and that doesn't bother me so much. but i don't think i'd ever choose to be with someone who smoked or drank heavily in the future.

edited to add: definitely don't have anything against military/law enforcement here...He was in the military before we got together and still works in a very high risk/stressful job in that way.

annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 4/27/2007 8:29:52 PM >

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to temptressofsouls)

Post #: 58

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 8:28:36 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
I think I will also being staying away from Druids...No idea why but just a guideline to go by...

aww, damn, and i was so excited for my turn with the domidong. :(

annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 59

RE: Deal breakers. - 4/27/2007 8:28:56 PM

blackwinterbyrd

Posts: 112
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

Fundamentalism, sexism, drugs except that one...lite one. smokers of nasty cigarettes, cat allergies, problems with my existing relationship(s). Liars, neo-cons, anti-intellectuals, gamers (ag! no more!). Treating service professionals like shit, emotional problems with no chance of therapy or meds, couch potatos (I'm no superhero, but if you've never had an endorphin buzz something's very wrong) inability to communicate...I could go on I'm sure. The deal breaker that usually gets applied online is a physical proposition right out of the gate. "Hi, I'm coming to town lets have some kinky fun" isn't going to go over well.

(in reply to temptressofsouls)

Post #: 60

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