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ORIGINAL: TigressFL

There are many things that I view as Deal Breakers:

1. Illegal Drug Usage of any amount. Alcoholism or any type destructive addiction.
2. Irresponsible Adulthood, which means if they are living with their family and have been for a while without experiencing their own independence for a substantial amount of time. To me he or she must be an independent adult to even have the choice to surrender.
3. Jail time for violent or sexual offenses are not an option and other offenses will be subject to scrutiny and may be possible deal breakers.
4. If I find out they are in any type of committed relationship with someone at anytime while they were talking with me unless their spouse is fully aware and I am fully aware as well.
(Not really an option for Me now as I am wanting a 24/7 slave).
5. A shitty attitude is a deal breaker to me. Which means if they are constantly negative, bratty, whiny, talk shit about people all the time, blame everything that goes wrong in their life on everyone but themselves, have the princess mindset where they expect to be pampered and catered too. Anger management issues. If something bothers them they get nasty about it instead of talking about it in an adult manner. Lie or take advantage of other people and things of that nature. None of which may become totally clear until I have gotten to know he or she a bit better
(Couldn't agree more. Dishonesty will get one dropped faster than I can say the word. I have also dealt with a child in a man's body before and I've no wish to do so again, so tantrums, not following through on their word, not being willing to do the hard yards to effect personal change, brattiness, snooping etc are all major no-no's. I tend to call this an "I want" attitude to submission and it's a big turn-off).
6. There are many mental, emotional and physical issues that I would not want to deal with unless the person came down with it after I was already with them. In which case, I would deal with then.
(For Me, it's a matter of assessing My skills to deal with it as well as My readiness. Major mental/emotional issues are more of a concern to Me than some physical infirmities, as for Me that can raise the issue of unhealthy dependency and the ability to give informed consent. Also whether the person is capable of fulfilling My wants from the relationship eg if I could never indulge in some of My favourite play activities with them, are they right for Me? May not be a total dealbreaker but everything else would have to be SO right to get over that barrier. And maybe they'd have to be totally at ease with My wanting to do that with other subs/play partners, instead of harbouring resentment about it).
7. If they have children that live with them or may possibly live with them in the future. I have no kids and I do not want any including having any of my own.
8. If I find they only want to be a “submissive” to me in the bedroom or in a very limited capacity. This includes having a desire to switch, which is not an option in my household.
(Yes, I am looking for a good all-rounder, one who finds satisfaction in domestic, bedroom and play service. They also need to be smart enough to follow My guidelines and function effectively without requiring micro-management. I want one to make My life easier, not harder! While I wouldn't be quite so hard-line about a switch, given I want a 24/7 slave, a switch would be less likely to apply. However, fortunately Master didn't adhere to His desire to have a total slave and considered M/me!).
9. If a male tells me he is heterosexual and then I find out later that he really wants to have sexual intercourse with a man and would want me to allow it and/or set it up for them. If I know ahead of time that they are bi then that is one thing but not to be lied to only to find out the truth later.
(For Me, it's the dishonesty, but this would cause Master (who is straight) considerable unease also).
10. A male that needs/wants to be feminine the majority of the time rather than never or occasionally. If I want a girl I will get one.
(Too true! Having had one CD, I would be extremely wary of being involved with another as in My experience, it's "all about them" and that's not what I am seeking).

Tigress then gave a list of why She has been ruled out, and I would adapt that for other things My slave would have to be prepared to accept:

3. I am active in the public BDSM scene (real time) and the person wanted behind close doors only
4. I want more authority than some are willing to give anyone.
5. Because I am serious and real time rather being a fantasy player online only. Many run as soon as they realize this fact.
6. Because I engage in things like needle play, fire play, knife play, etc. and the person freaked out when I told them.
(Other than knife play, these all apply to Me, though I also want someone who is capable of being discreet about the relationships in the Household to the general public, family and friends. However, I want to be able to take them to a play party without freaking them out).

8. Because even if I own someone I will “play/scene/session” (or whatever you want to call it) with other people and he or she did not want me to.
(True for Me, I reserve that right to interact with other subs, though I wouldn't add another to the "permanent list" without Family discussion. Obviously they also have to be willing to enter a poly Household and accept Master as its Head).
9. Because relocation was not an option for either of us at the time.
(Relocation is not an option for Master and I as We've just moved 5000km across country! Any slave would have to be willing to relocate to Us, and live nearby during the "courtship" without expecting to immediately move in 24/7.
10. Because I do not use corporal punishment as I enjoy inflicting pain and will not taint my pleasure with punishment. He and/or she thought pain should only come as a result of being punished which is not my mindset on it at all.
(AGREE! In fact I also use impact play as a reward for the sub, a pleasure and space experience and will NEVER use it as punishment. To Me that is something definitely unwanted, such as extra unpleasant tasks, withdrawal of privileges, or of My presence).

Tigress~FL

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ORIGINAL: LadyMorghanna

I learned the hard way to be very careful of divorced men with preteen and teen daughters.

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ORIGINAL: kiyari

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I wouldn't do enlisted either, marines, navy (despite all those hot navy boys in Annapolis, yum!), air force- ANYTHING which had such control over our lives to such an extent they could tell him to go away to dangerous places for months or years.

Exactly.

Plus, as temptressofsouls has mentioned, it does change them and in not-good ways.

Perhaps the worst of all:
our military instills and requires their troopers to maintain a wall of NON-COMMUNICATION with any and all outsiders [non-immediate-military], as they must never reveal to others, info which in reality, might be critical to understanding of them.

PTSD for example: if one can not know to any degree the insult that has damaged one's loved one, one's instinct to help them to heal is made the more difficult if not impossible.

Career military are faithful FIRST to their 'siblings' in military before all else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

Very interesting topic, temptressofsouls.
I had quite a long list of deal-breakers, but the one which caused the most noise was that I wouldn't get involved with anyone who had ever been in a military or law enforcement career. The poor man who was informed of this very often reacted as if he'd been spit on, and it sometimes devolved into him screaming at me that I was unpatriotic, that I didn't deserve to live in a free country, etc. etc. All because I personally did not want to have a romantic relationship with this kind of background. Oh well, what can you do? :)

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I have only met one group of people who were that service loyal before......yup, it was the marines

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I just can't imagine why 'past' military would be a deal breaker or why law enforcement would for that matter. Marines? Yes, I say avoid them unless you need help in a bar fight. ANy other the others are just as normal as the rest of us.

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ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

quote:

I have only met one group of people who were that service loyal before......yup, it was the marines

I was involved with a guy who was army/rangers/spec ops/etc and he was extremely service loyal and had that "cold killer" personality. He couldn't show emotion even when he really wanted to. I have never met someone who could be that cold in my whole life.

quote:

I just can't imagine why 'past' military would be a deal breaker or why law enforcement would for that matter. Marines? Yes, I say avoid them unless you need help in a bar fight. ANy other the others are just as normal as the rest of us.

Past military isn't a deal breaker for me. Law Enf. isn't either because of the fact that I myself am in law enf. However, I have to wonder if you know a large number of law enf. people. We are some of the weirdest and strangest people you will ever meet and it makes it very hard to date people from more mundane career paths.

Both my parents are cops, my next door neighbor is cop, his wife is a jailer, all our friends are cops...I pretty much grew up competely surrounded by it. Now I've been doing it myself for over 4yrs and I can't tell you much I changed.

Working in the jail or as a cop opens you to a whole new level of darkness that you can't begin to fathom. You trade pieces of your soul with those inmates in the jail....they rub off on you. The things you see change you. Some people let it affect them more than others, but anyone who does it for a length of time will be changed.

As a human being, you simply cannot immerse yourself in a culture of darkness and violence for 40hrs a week without it affecting the very fiber of your being. At the age of 24 I have seen things that most adults in their 40s have never even heard of, things they couldn't fathom sitting in their cozy little cubicle. You see it day after day...they seem like little things at the time, but they chip away at your humanity just as dripping water shapes a stone..

Each thing you see changes you just one tiny fraction. The first bad suicide attempt where you have to wade through ankle-deep blood to take pics while trying not to vomit...the 10th suicide attempt you see when you laugh and joke about "he should have done it the right way", ..the first cold hearted killer who tells you exactly why he believes harming "ums" is so deliciously fun, the first time you have to fight covered in urine and feces and semen, having a rational conversation with the woman who boiled her newborn, hearing the threats against your own life....every day it takes away just a little more of what makes you human. One day you wake up and your realize you aren't anything at all like normal people...and that you will never be again.

You have taken on the tinge of evil from those around you and you will be soiled by it forever. There's a coldness in you that so  closely resembles that of the criminals you work with that it gives you nightmares....

Nietzsche said it best... Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

I can't blame anyone for not wanting to deal with that darkness in their partner.

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3. Bad musical taste - yep, I really am that shallow.

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ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

quote:

3. Bad musical taste - yep, I really am that shallow.

I don't think musical taste is a shallow deal breaker.

I have a thing about shoes.  I hate to admit it, even to myself, but if I don't like their shoes, it really bugs me.

I could go on and on about the complex reasons why it didn't work out between me and someone else, but sometimes I think it really is about their shoes.  Thats shallow.

• Married, separated, or involved
  
• Not local or relocatable
  
• Under 39 or over 59
  
• Female
  
• Couple
  
• Transgendered or desiring to become so
  
• Not willing to work outside the home (Exceptions possibly being someone who retired early and can contribute to household w/o working, or someone who is able to do paying work from home)
  
• Alcoholic or recreational drug user
  
• Allergic to cats or perfume
  
• Financial deadbeat
  
• Switch
  
• Dominant (including those individuals who have a dominant profile in addition to their submissive profile)
  
• Pushy bottom
  
• "SAM"
  
• Have full-time or primary custory of a child or children
  
• Seeking casual play only
  
• Adult baby seeking "mommy"
  
• Cuckold
  
• Works nights, especially weekend nights
  
• Out of towners here for business, vacation, training class, etc.
  
• Lives outside the U.S.

quote:

ORIGINAL: temptressofsouls

You get along well and have a lot of similar interests, perhaps. But then, during casual conversation, they mention: the DEALBREAKER. Something about them, or something they like, sends you screeching to a halt and high-tailing it in the other direction. What is it, and why?