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Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 11:49:02 AM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline 		DISCLAIMER: It's along one folks, so bear with me...

Oh goodness, where do I begin?

I suppose I could just get right to it... my mother has kicked me out of our house because of my relationship with my Dom.

While I was out of town this past weekend, my mother got into my email and read some of the correspondence between him and me (how much of it I don't know...) and was in complete hysterics. Later that night, she called my Dom and cussed him out. She then had my father call my Dom (my mother and father divorced like 18 years ago and he lives in Chicago while we're in Austin) and they had words. She avoided my calls like bubonic plague all weekend. My father kept telling me that her and I needed to talk and we needed to talk as soon as I got home. I agreed, but said that in past conversations she shut down on me and refused to continue to the discussion. I told him that I wanted her to initiate the conversation when she was ready. Then I would know for sure she was open. I should've known that wasn't going to happen.

Finally, I got home Monday afternoon and walked around the house for a couple of hours. We didn't speak. I got sick of stompin' around the house waiting for her to talk to me, so I made the first move. I asked her if she wanted to talk and she said "No." She asked me if I did, and I said yes, as we needed to and from what I understood she was really upset. That was apparently a mistake. She went off for me assuming she was upset. She told me that I can't tell her how she feels and she went on and on about that for a good three minutes. She then cut to the chase and she said that me living this lifestyle is a mistake and as long as I'm in Austin (I go to school in San Antonio) and I want to drive my car and live in her house, I can't see him. She asked me if I thought what I was doing was something to be proud of- I told her no, but it wasn't anything to be ashamed of either. She was totally taken aback. Also, I told her that her demands were completely unreasonable and I'm willing to compromise other things, but not that. She told me no again, and said that it was about control and she was going to be controlling. If I live with her, I can't see my Dom (that I love with all my heart).

She kept yelling that I couldn't see him and I asked her to just listen to me and she refused. She said she was getting pissed off and she didn't want to talk about it anymore...she started throwing shit and I got up to go into the living room and she followed me. I told her to back off, and that I was gonna call my father (to which she replied "Fuck your Dad!") and I walked outside to use my cell phone. She slammed the door in my face and locked it. So there I was outside, barefoot, bawling trying to find someone to talk to her. I got in contact with my father, he called her, then called me back to tell me that she had cussed him out as well, because he tried to stand up for me.

Long story (relatively) short, my cousins came to pick me up and I'm currently staying at an aunt's house who hopefully will mediate this and at least get my mother to agree to let me get some clean clothes and etc.

She made it quite clear that this isn't about love, it isn't about her concern for my safety or well-being. It's about controlling my life. She has proven to me that her love and support for me a totally conditional and can be based solely on what I do sexually or the age and race of who I do it with (stuff she wouldn't even know if she wasn't snooping around in my email). She has successfully excluded herself from knowing anything about my future romantic relationships.

So what would you do in my situation? Would you break off the relationship with your partner to ensure you had financial support and backing for your future? Would you break off ties with your mother to delve deeper into the BDSM lifestyle? Would you try to talk to her and get her to understand and compromise? I can tell you, I really don't know what to do I'm at such a loss, but I know I won't break up with my Dom. No fuckin' way.

Discuss away peoples!

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What?
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and I was in your arms, and I knew that I was captured..."
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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 12:08:21 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Like I said in private some- you've got some hard relationship issues with your mom and she IS the one with the authority here.

I lied about my relationship with my first dom to my mother for the 3 years we were together as I was in college and mostly dependent on her when not at school and for personal expenses (I had a full scholarship) as she had already threatened to take away her support.

You have to decide what is priority here, if it really comes to that. Her love isn't conditional- her support is. As sucky as that might be, it's true. Just be sure that you remain with your dom because he is a good relationship for you, and not just to prove something.

IMO she's being very closed minded here, but not wholly unreasonable. Let's face it, lots of yucky people exist in the world and they are all related to SOMEONE. You just happen to have one as your mom.

So you have to look at your situation, now and in the future and decide what you can do. You were actively seeking a job, continue to do so and get one. Perhaps when you have regular employment you can live with a roommate or begin living totally independently. As well, since your dom is close, I don't know why he wouldn't allow you to stay there in the emergency interim.

(in reply to ginger21)
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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 12:16:15 PM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

As well, since your dom is close, I don't know why he wouldn't allow you to stay there in the emergency interim.


He will...it just seems that that would exacerbate the situation with my mom.

_____________________________

My Xanga!
What?
"I looked up,
and I was in your arms, and I knew that I was captured..."

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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 12:18:01 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		ginger,
The amazing thing regarding your story is the lack of involvement of your "dom". Where is he at in the equation?

Regarding the rest of it, you have to consider the "golden rule". He who has the gold - makes the rules. You apparently have none. It doesn't matter that your mom's rules are regarding this lifestyle issue or the time you have to be in at night. Unless you're paying an equitable rent, meaning rent equivalent of what it would cost for a similar place, you have no option. Your mom has a right to dictate what happens in her home. You may be of age to qualify as an adult, but the only "right" that entities you to is the right to take care of yourself. If you can't do so, or need to rely on your mother then you have one other "right"; to live by her rules or leave with all the consequences associated with leaving. Being "independent" is a double edged sword.

Why do you expect your mom to change her opinion? Why should she have to? She read your email - wrong on the surface, but who is paying for the email account? Who maintains the living quarters? Who purchased the computer? Who's paying the rent? Ownership has rights. You can be 20 or 10, but if you were living in my household you'd be given a choice, my way - or the highway. Seems your mom has given you the same choice opportunity, and your dom isn't in a position to offer an alternative.

Good luck!

(in reply to ginger21)
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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 12:25:43 PM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline 		Her opinion is closed minded and all around fucking stupid. I don't expect her to change it, I expect her to compromise as I am.

She originally told me all she wanted me to do was not be with him "all day" and be home by 2:30am. Why all of a sudden has it turned into this?

It seems to me that you're making this more a financial issue, but what about how I feel? It pains me to have to make a decision like this... if I live with her, sure I get to keep my car, but I can't see the Dom I love intenselyand I hate her.

You know, I saw a bumper sticker that I love and is very fitting here:

Be nice to your kids, they'll pick your nursing home.

_____________________________

My Xanga!
What?
"I looked up,
and I was in your arms, and I knew that I was captured..."

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 12:32:33 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

So what would you do in my situation?

I've got no advice to offer about mom or where to live or any of that. But I would change my password or use encryption like PGP or do something else to get security on my e-mail if you do end up back at mom's.

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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 12:37:38 PM   
Isolde


Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline 		It does seem to be a financial issue for the simple fact that while you are in her house and relying on her for financial support, you do have to abide by her rules. If she's going to be unreasonable about your Dom then while you are living beneath her roof, you'll have to accept that because (from the sound of it) there will be no compromising with her. It's very possible that she believes she's doing what's best for you and no amount of arguing from you will change her mind. That means your choice is suck up her decision on the matter or move out and live as you want to live. It's not right, or fair, but that's the way life goes sometimes. Unfortunately.

(in reply to ginger21)
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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 12:39:17 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

It seems to me that you're making this more a financial issue


If it's not a financial issue why are you living home? You can have all the feelings you like once you can afford them. Feelings are reciprocal. Obviously your mother's feelings are why she made the decision. If you want her respect, you have to give the same to her.

I made my own nursing home decisions long ago. My car's bumper sticker that I live by is:
"Live long enough to spend your children's inheritance."

(in reply to ginger21)
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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 1:26:38 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Of course it sucks, but going around just saying "No fair!" won't help anything.

What's your problem?

My problem was that my mother didn't accept me choosing to be in a relationship with a much older man. I felt she would withdraw financial support if I let her know about it.

What are possible solutions?

I could have become independent, I could have dropped out of school and gotten a job, I could have told her and seen the fall out, I could have ended the relationship

What are your priorities?

At the time my priority was staying in school and keeping things calm.

What are the consequences?

Leaving school would have meant a lot on a lot of levels and was a drastic idea. Telling my mother might have precipitated the worse and since my dom at the time was long distance, the need to be with him all the time was not as intense.

What is possible and what isn't?

What can you do in the next week? Month? Summer? Year?

Your situation is obviously very different from mine, but hopefully these questions can get you going somewhere solid.

Ultimately, that relationship ended shortly after graduation, I eventually went to get a job and live completely independently. While my mom is now aware that I "date" a few people including some much older than me and is not at all comfortable about it, she accepts my position, respects my judgement and ability to take care of myself if things go wrong and I continue to show her that I respect her.

Give it time. My first year in college I was almost totally estranged from my family because of the pressure they put on me in my relationships. Eventually I reached a compromise and felt that lying to my mother was ultimately better for everyone in the long run. Years have allowed both of us to grow a bit and become comfortable with eachother as adults.

(in reply to ginger21)
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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 2:00:39 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ginger21

Her opinion is closed minded and all around fucking stupid. I don't expect her to change it, I expect her to compromise as I am.

She originally told me all she wanted me to do was not be with him "all day" and be home by 2:30am. Why all of a sudden has it turned into this?

It seems to me that you're making this more a financial issue, but what about how I feel? It pains me to have to make a decision like this... if I live with her, sure I get to keep my car, but I can't see the Dom I love intenselyand I hate her.

You know, I saw a bumper sticker that I love and is very fitting here:

Be nice to your kids, they'll pick your nursing home.


Sorry, ginger, but it is a financial issue. Until you can be on your own, you have to respect another's rules. your mother does not have to compromise, just because you are willing to compromise. So only you can decide what is top priority.
I made a decision and I moved out on My 18th birthday. That was what was important to Me. What is the most important to you?
And I agree with Merc. In your post, your dom was conspicuous by his absence. It struck Me very strongly.
My bumper sticker? "Spend it, Ma! It's yours. And if you leave enough to cover the cost of burial, I am grateful".


< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 6/7/2005 10:25:27 PM >

_____________________________

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They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 4:02:35 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I had a similar, though not nearly so drastic, situation when I chose to move in with my partner.

My parents in general didn't approve of me living with them.

At the time I was, and still am, partially financially dependant on my dad. (then it was both my dad and my mom)

I thought a lot, and eventually sat them down and told them that while I respected both of them very much, living with him was more cost effective, as we largely shared a household already, and that it was the choice that I had decided on. I continued to say that I knew this wasn't the choice they wanted me to make, and I would completely understand if this choice causes them to cease financial support of me. I chose to make my own decition, even if it wasn't one they could support, and take on the consequences. If it meant I had to become financially independant, well, more work was the price I had to pay to live my life in a way I chose.

We ended up compromising. They pay my tuition and my books. I pay everything else. That way, they don't have to fund a living arangment they don't support, but can still help me get my education.


As I see your situation, it -is- a financial issue, but it's also a personal happyness one. I don't agree with the philosophy that simply because one's parents are supporting one they are entitled to dictate the terms of ones life, hoewver, for better or worse, that's generally how the world opperates.

If I were in your shoes I would do something similar to what I did before. I would get myself in a possition to be independant. It's sucky, and hard, and I hated doing it. It meant adding a nearly full time job onto a full time school schedule. However, in the long run, the tiredness is worth it because I don't feel that my choices are second-guessed by someone who has the power to cut off my livelyhood.

I sound really clear cut. I know it's not. Still, sometimes this is the kind of push we need to get out of the nest so to speak. God knows I'm happier being only partially dependant on myparents, and they're happier in that they don't have to feel that they're indorsing choices they don't believe in.


(as to the invasion of privacy, I think that's wrong no matter what. When a child is younger, I can understand it, but as a child becomes an adult, I think privacy becomes critical to personal growht.)

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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 5:18:06 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		simply stated, as the multitude has posted here, the checkbook has the effect of law............you are fucking busted, end of joke

now as a parent, we all remember you as a little baby...(I am not even gonna get into the black bout this) but.....it is a frustration for the two of you, she prolly doesn't see this as the same as you do. Its kinda the same thing as someone threatening to out you........by god, if you can't afford to be out..when someone talks about something that even fringes on out, stick your finger in your nose, walk away and go duh.......so in the world if my mother was snooping my shit (and paying for everything) and seems to have her whole life.............well; you have to give her pause...........so she is horrified..........prolly don't understand it.....and you have communicated what you spoiled brat? You ain't the boss of me? The hell she aint. You cant hide behind the couch........fix it. If you wanna quit college and move in with master.............and live that way.......AS MANY HAVE DONE HERE BECAUSE IT WAS THAT IMPORTANT................




Otherwise you have failed communication 101.

If this is a lark, cool. If it is not...............then you have to petition on your own behalf for your being. So, whats her side? Don't give me this asswipe of only for control, since she raised you ..........may be the coming of age Ginger.............


Your GrampaontheNet,
Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 8:34:37 PM   
fillepink


Posts: 124
Status: offline 		Ginger, probably by now you've reached a conclusion to your dilemma but maybe some other young girl will read this. i am 49 years old..a submissive..and had no idea BDSM existed until last year. i have a daughter about your age and had i learned about it from her -- as your mom has -- my reaction would NOT have been to educate myself but to do anything in my power to save my kid from the demented world she had stumbled into. in short, i would have reacted pretty much like your mom.

There just is no love like Mommy Love; and no power like Mommy Power. When my kid rouses me to protect her -- and she has very rarely done so -- i am braced to kill if necessary. if i am battling with my kid over what is best for her (o, shades of her high school days) i am determined to win, espcially if i think she's in harm's way. yes, your mom is trying to control you -- but she is acting out of fear for your well-being. Unfounded fear - but she does not know that.

The Dom you are with now is not likely to be your life partner; but the desire to be a submissive comes from a place deep inside and should not be denied. Unfortunately, you have been outed to your parents -- especially to your mom, who i assure you has certain phrases from your email burned into her memory. you have no choice now, whether you are living with her or not, but to address her fears and try to educate her. in short, without meaning to, you aroused the Mommy Power and it is still in high gear...it is your job to reduce her fears and help her return to normal.

One thing i can assure you of is that your mom is suffering terribly over this..not just because you and she are estranged but because she has wild fears for your safety and future. a fearful Mommy is a suffering woman, Ginger.

you must demonstrate skills and compassion beyond your years and reach out to your mom, understanding she is in near panic, and try to begin to educate her about BDSM and your place in it. you must emphasize to her the stringent safety rules laid down and accepted across the board for meeting people in real life, and the rules adhered to between you and your Dom to prevent any harm to you. this will not be one conversation; and your mom will not hear you at first; but you must keep trying. she is in terrible pain and you, my dear, are the only one who can assauge her fears.

Someday you will have children (if you choose) and until they lay that first baby in your arms you will not experience and appreciate Mommy Love -- or Mommy Power. so in the meantime, please consider what i have said and begin to help your poor mom recover from what must have been a terrible shock. if you wish, please feel free to contact me here on collarme by email; i am fillepink; straight; subby; age 49; in Ohio. Ginger; i will add you and your mom to my prayer list. please do not give up on trying to help your mom.




Attachment (1)

< Message edited by fillepink -- 6/7/2005 8:41:36 PM >

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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 8:56:24 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Ginger if my mom was so controlling and thank god she's not, *none of this would ever happen. I'm always welcome no matter what* My mom is willing to learn and to see some scene people and stuff. As long as shedon't have to "play"


BUT if she was, I'd move out. I'm 22 not 10 and I would not tolerate my mom doing that to me. She did tell me once I could tell my partner to go to hell when he upset me, but I didn't.


Your mom's support is not worth trashing your doms relationship. It's not worth the personal sacrifce. I recomend finding your own way, with out her if need be. So what if moving in with your dom angered her, it's none of her buisness. She was in the wrong to tresspass into your private emails. It's not like oppsie it was on I saw....SHE WENT IN.

Get your stuff pack up and go where you're welcome. Don't take any more of this emotional abuse and crap she's slinging your way. Maybe one day she will wake up all alone and realize she ran her daughter off.


I don't think she's going to wanna cool off fillie. unfortuantly

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 6/7/2005 9:14:11 PM >

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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 9:56:18 PM   
Lepidoptera


Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		I was in the same situation. I DID move out. Unfortunately, I was still dependant on her for school, and she chose to withdraw her support. So, a year later, I came back home.

I've been living with her for three weeks now.

The hardest thing for me is that she automatically assumes that any Dom/me is a terrible, horrible, evil person. She believes that I am "sick." She keeps on stinging me with little comments here and there, implying that I was manipulated and used. She believes I was stupid, because the young are always prey to older people.

It's really difficult to listen to someone attack someone you love when you know it's all lies, but no one believes you.

I'm not really sure what advice to give you other than comiserate with you. But I really hope it all works out.

*huggles*

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 11:34:59 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
ginger,
The amazing thing regarding your story is the lack of involvement of your "dom". Where is he at in the equation?

I was wondering the very same thing! He's the awesome human for whom you're willing to sacrifice relationship to mom, he should come rescue you.

quote:

Regarding the rest of it, you have to consider the "golden rule". He who has the gold - makes the rules. You apparently have none. It doesn't matter that your mom's rules are regarding this lifestyle issue or the time you have to be in at night. Unless you're paying an equitable rent, meaning rent equivalent of what it would cost for a similar place, you have no option. Your mom has a right to dictate what happens in her home. You may be of age to qualify as an adult, but the only "right" that entities you to is the right to take care of yourself. If you can't do so, or need to rely on your mother then you have one other "right"; to live by her rules or leave with all the consequences associated with leaving. Being "independent" is a double edged sword.

Hey Merc, I see you're a lil dark; are you sure your momma didn't sneak around and have my father's oldest kid named Merc (you need to take off that cap, so I can assess your racial hair, lol)? You sound a lot like my father used to laying down the law (except for your political views, that you must have gotten from your mother's side of the family, lol).

I'm sorry about all the drama Ginger, I never looked at your profile before to see you were only 20years old... I'm not sure it's fair to assess your mother's love based on her approval of your slavery; see I'm in this lifestyle, and cringed a few weeks back when I saw a black man wanting racial play with a white domina... So it's not a stretch that some mother not the least bit interested in kink would freak at reading your email between you and Master whomever.
For what it's worth, you're going to have to learn to live with your mom and her rules, and she will probably soften a little in time if she sees you are happy; I don't think your relationship has to end, you just can't talk to your mom about it, plus get a harder password for your computer... Or your wonderful master can take true ownership of you and have you live with him.. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 6/8/2005 12:21:42 AM >

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/7/2005 11:41:56 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion
Get your stuff pack up and go where you're welcome. Don't take any more of this emotional abuse and crap she's slinging your way. Maybe one day she will wake up all alone and realize she ran her daughter off.

Feline, I disagree...
Ginger is in school, and that is what she should continue to do. Love does not conquer all, and if for some reason statistics work in her disfavor she will end up without a Dom, without her degree (and a way to earn a living), and bad relationship with the woman who brought her into the world.
There are times when it is okay to end relationships with our parents, but I don't believe this one is at that point yet, because that is a very significant tie to break. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/8/2005 3:24:32 AM   
ginger21


Posts: 173
Joined: 4/28/2005
From: Austin, Texas
Status: offline 		I'd like to thank everyone for commenting...although I disagree with some of you *cough...Mercnbeth...cough* I certainly appreciate your input. ^_^ Here's how it stands as of now:

I'm at home because I agreed to play the game her way, but I feel like the bit of a relationship my mother and I had built over the past year is dashed. I see her now as financial support and that only. She'll never be the friend or confidant I wish she could be, because I now see that how horribly judgemental she is.

You know what her main issues are? That my Master is: 1) white and 2) 51 years old. She is being racist and ageist (is that a word?) and there's nothing more to it. When I presented her with the situation of one of my black male friends who was dating a white girl at the time who's parents didn't approve of their relationship, she got pissed. How dare they discriminate against him simply because of his race! They don't even know him!...yeah, it turns out she's no different from them.

What else gets me is that she knows I'm gonna see him behind her back. I don't understand why I can't be a responsible adult about the situation and tell her where I am, who I'm with, and let her know I'm okay.

Now as far as my Dom coming to my rescue...that wouldn't work out. He's offered me a place to stay and knows of how I can get a car really cheaply, but the fact remains that I need my mother for financial aid purposes (damn you FAFSA). We both agree that if I drop her like I want to and move in with him, I'll be putting my education on hold indefinitely. That's something he's not willing to let me do. Basically, he's there for me and he's willing to weather the torrent of bullshit my mother is putting me through by my side. Hopefully, that'll put an end to those type of questions.

[sarcasm] So, I'm here. I probably won't see him for another week or two, and I all respect and trust I had for my mother is gone. I suppose it's better to use her for what I need, than try to build an honest and trustworthy relationship with her, right? [/sarcasm]

She can count on me not coming home next summer.

EDIT: Sarcasm tags added to prevent any further accusations of being manipulative.

< Message edited by ginger21 -- 6/8/2005 10:51:13 AM >

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What?
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and I was in your arms, and I knew that I was captured..."

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/8/2005 4:54:32 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

So it's not a stretch that some mother not the least bit interested in kink would freak at reading your email between you and Master whomever.

Glad you said this BTF, because I was thinking the same thing but didn't feel I was qualified to comment on that aspect of it. But I can try to imagine what would happen to mom's blood pressure if she came across comments like this that Ginger uses at the bottom of her posts:

quote:

"I adore nigger whores."

I doubt mom cares about or even sees the word "adore" in there -- the rest of it probably makes her head about to explode.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Mommy Dearest... (grr!) - 6/8/2005 5:55:38 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ginger21
So, I'm here. I probably won't see him for another week or two, and I all respect and trust I had for my mother is gone. I suppose it's better to use her for what I need, than try to build an honest and trustworthy relationship with her, right?

She can count on me not coming home next summer.


For now, absolutely.

Try and look at things long term- you have no idea what will happen between now and next summer. You've dealt with the immediate issues, try very very hard not to throw zingers at your mom and throw the issue in her face, simply be the mature person that you are, get your summer job by the end of June at the latest, get started on that earlier next year, and do what you can.

In some ways it will be harder and some ways it will be easier to see your dom now. You know the playing ground you're dealing with.

Right now, you don't have a good relationship with your mother. If she's a very unstable, unhappy, insecure person, you may never want or have one. But it's likely in a decade that things will change remarkably all around. So try and not set in stone today the rest of your life.

(in reply to ginger21)
Profile   Post #: 20
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